Boyfriend never came home from stag

seamus

I think a few people need to double-check the facts here.

The stag was on Saturday. Today is Monday. If today was Sunday, the OP would be way over the top. But he said he'd be home last night and he didn't come home.

That in itself isn't anything "bad", but basic courtesy would dictate that you let the important people know when your plans change. If he won't ring his partner to say, "Oh by the way, we've decided to stay another day and I've told work that I won't be in tomorrow", then clearly he's a 35-year-old child, with zero respect for his girlfriend.

If I was out and lost my phone, or the battery went dead, the very first thing I would do is use someone else's phone to text my gf and let her know that I can't be contacted. Only so she's not climbing the walls in the unlikely event that she did try to contact me.

fits

This happened me once (note it did not happen again). The second night he was out of touch, I could not sleep with worry. I had work the following day and was so out of my mind with tiredness and worry that I made a mistake while driving and had a seriously bad spin in my car and was lucky not to kill myself or someone else. I was livid when he turned up.

All it takes is a text message.

IanCurtis

Well yes he should have rang at some stage over the weekend. That would p1ss me off alright.

But dumping him, ringing his job, ringing the guards....all OTT suggestions

LegacyUser

Well, he wasnt at the house when my sister called.

Still no word for him and phone is off.

I think and suspect that he actually cheated. Something definately went wrong. Probably will stay at my sisters house tonight.

IanCurtis

fits wrote: »

I had work the following day and was so out of my mind with tiredness and worry that I made a mistake while driving and had a seriously bad spin in my car and was lucky not to kill myself or someone else.

I hope you did not blame HIM for that! :eek:

Overheal

To be fair to the OP I've had family members sooner turn up dead of hypothermia in a ditch after a night out.

nevaeh-2die-4

So what if didn’t call you.
He is 35 years of age!!!

Your prob the type of person to say to him.

I don’t mind if you go out & have some drinks with the lads,
but as soon as he suggests he is going out id say he gets the silent treatment,
When he does go on the night out he is probably being bombarded with texts and calls,



You quoted earlier im going top send my sister around to see is he home. `
if she came near me she would get a smack of me jocks.

Gumbyman

Look, the long and the short of it is he was at a stag. Possibly the most notorious pish ups in the World. Anything could have happened. They could have got on a boat this morning and gone to Wales on a drunken whim. He probably doesn't want to cost you money by answering the phone over there. Don't presume the worst. But don't judge. He was seeing his friend off to married life and it is a big occasion. How would you like it if on your hen night all your mates cried off or kept vanishing to ring their boyfriends. I'll wager you wouldn't be impressed. Boys will be boys.

littlefriend

I was with a guy for a while who used to do the same thing. The first time I was literally sick with worry [he had phoned me to say he was just waiting on a cab to arrive and he'd be over in my house in about half an hour - didn't show up]. Eventually a couple of days later [christmas day] he contacted me to say he was sorry, that he'd met some old friends and gone on a total bender with them and his battery was dead so he couldn't ring me. What a load of crap.
A bit of background - my brother died in a motorbike accident on his way home from somewhere and I always get a bit concerned when people are late etc. Anyway, it happened again a couple of months later.. This second time I was more worried because I figured he knew how frightened I had been the first time so there was no way he'd do it again. WRONG. I can't remember his excuse that time.
Happened a couple more times before I left for good. Yes, I know I was stupid to give him all those chances but I wasn't very well at the time and I thought it was partly my fault that he was doing this as he was bored.

Anyway, maybe your boyfriend won't do this again but remember this - when you were sitting up unable to sleep w/ worry he had consciously turned his phone off and was sitting in a bar clinking glasses with the people around him. Total lack of respect. Unfortunately that sort of respect can't be learned - its part of a persons basic character so you are left with the dilemma of what to do about it. Someone suggested that you go and stay elsewhere for a couple of days - not a bad idea but it doesn't really deal with anything.
This might not be any use to you and I'm sorry if I have upset you I'm just making you aware that this incident may be a taster of things to come.
Best of luck

ps I wouldn't ring his work - you'll end up looking like a possesive girlfriend and will probably be the brunt of some jokes.

Abi

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

So what if didn’t call you.
He is 35 years of age!!!

It is not a question of age. Or whoever asked if she thought she was his mother etc.

Those are rediculously defensive comments. If they have been a relationship for a while he would know that she might be a bit worried, considering this wasn't a first for him either.

Women can differ on their opinion on this, but most would be getting a bit anxious by now. If it were me, he would want to come up with something very plausible or he would be getting gate.

LegacyUser

Sorry, but I wouldnt be calling him all the time. Alarm bells were ringing when he didnt call in 36 hours. I live with the person. It is only common courtesy that he would say "hey, im ok, having fun".......

I am going to try and leave work at 4 or so as I am exhausted from thinking. I keep thinking what if he doesnt show up again tonight. As I said, I think I will stay at my sisters, but my stomach is in bits from all the anxiety and smoking.

I do not have phone numbers for these people he is with. He only started a new job a few weeks ago so am not going to ring anyone there. I dont know them.

As for the rest of you who say "ah shur he is on a stag"....read the pain I am going through at the moment. Would you really subject someone you love to making them feel this?

Dellboy2007

Maybe he's playing hide and seek and wants you to find him.

Femelade

I think she has every right to be extremely pissed off him, its not the fact that he was on a stag and probably got really drunk is the issue here, the issue is, he was due home yesterday, and he didntturn up or contact her to say he wasnt coming home. I would be very worried in her situation too!!
How can you guys say that this is acceptable behaviour?? if your girlfriend went awayfor a night and was due back the following day and didnt turn up, would you not be worried about her, and even pissed off that she didnt contact you to let you know she wouldnt be home??

Duiske

Probably won't make the op feels any better, but I'd say its quite likely that ther boyfriend is just waking up on some couch about now, feels like pure crap, and realises that he is in for a right bollicking when he gets home.
I actually have a bit of sympathy for the guy. Totally agree he should have called/texted, but people do stupid things when they are drunk, and stag partys are the worst. Guys who would normally have a bit of sense end up drinking all day at the same pace as the fastest drinker in the group, and end up blotto.

Just hope he has not decided that he may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, and went for a cure with his mates.

I think and suspect that he actually cheated. Something definately went wrong. Probably will stay at my sisters house tonight.

So, in the space of a few hours you have gone from being worried to being angry, and now you decide he has cheated on you ? I'd be very careful of firing that particular accusation at him. Unless you have evidence to the contrary, don't even bring it up.

fits

IanCurtis wrote: »

I hope you did not blame HIM for that! :eek:

Really.. you are barking up the wrong tree with me.

It is common courtesy to let someone know if you are going to be later than expected (especially if by a day or two). Its about respect and not letting people worry unnecessarily.

Quality

.

Lads I am sure when you go out and dont come home your mammys are worried about you...

Same principal..

CountingCrows

He probably woke up this today and realised he should have got in touch earlier, he knows your going to freak out (especially after what happened last time) and he went back to the pub..

Victor

Dellboy2007 wrote: »

Maybe he's playing hide and seek and wants you to find him.

On-topic, constructive posts only please.

Quigs Snr

People can get in a bad way at stags/hens etc... I have been that soldier plenty of times before. But no-one is drunk for what is approaching 48hrs now. Sleep and a hangover must have made an appearance at some point in between the drinking. In todays modern age, phone or no phone there is no excuse not to make contact with your other half. None. It is unacceptable behaviour and a dumping offence. If someone showed me that little respect they would be out on their arse no questions asked. But then again I am big on loyalty and respect, but low on reserves of forgiveness. Each to their own.

IanCurtis

fits wrote: »

Really.. you are barking up the wrong tree with me.

It is common courtesy to let someone know if you are going to be later than expected (especially if by a day or two). Its about respect and not letting people worry unnecessarily.

Yes I agree, but implying that someone crashed their car because their partner didn't phone is ridiculous.

CountingCrows

IanCurtis wrote: »

Yes I agree, but implying that someone crashed their car because their partner didn't phone is ridiculous.

What if they knew the bridge ahead was out!

whiskeyman

Gumbyman wrote: »

He probably doesn't want to cost you money by answering the phone over there.

lol!!
Worst...excuse...ever!

Hope he's ok and makes contact soon OP.

I think a lot of poster have to put themselves in the OPs shoes to feel her pain. I'd be worried sick if my girlfriend did similar.

Abi

fits wrote: »

Its about respect and not letting people worry unnecessarily.

I've got a feeling that there are a few lost on this point..

There has been a couple of occasions where my OH has been off on a stag, and I've never had to lift the phone to him. He rings to tell me that he misses me and the kids, and speaks to them. Sober, semi-sober, drunk.. I stop answering for a while.. then he rings me the next day to ask me what he should take for his head and belly ache :rolleyes:

The word has been a few times in this thread, but it doesnt seem to be ringing home to some. Its not about being pu$$y-whipped. Just a show of respect.

lisaloo

what a bollix, the cheek of him. there seems to be more to this. not home for 2 days and no calls, all very strange

CountingCrows

lisaloo wrote: »

what a bollix, the cheek of him.

WTF?? He didn't go to work either, for all we know he fell and bumped his head

seamus

CountingCrows wrote: »

He probably woke up this today and realised he should have got in touch earlier, he knows your going to freak out (especially after what happened last time) and he went back to the pub..

In that case, he sounds like a keeper.

There is no excuse that can be used to explain two days of silence.

If he was an 18 year old lad on a two-week sun holiday, it'd be fine. But a 35-year-old man with a co-habiting partner who was only out for one night's drinking?

Corkgirl21

I agree with the previous poster.

I also thinks OP's main problem is that she's worried! Not that she's pissed off or being clingy expecting a phone call. If someone doesn't come home and still isn't home the next day it's completely unacceptable to let them worry about what happened. Lots of people seem to be saying cut him some slack and yeah I don't think it's something you'd break up with someone over, but i do think it's a sign of disrespect in a clearly serious relationship.

Hopefully it is a case of him just being inconsiderate. Girls do have a tendency to worry about all the possible things that could've happened (I know I certainly do!)

OP, when he does get back I wouldn't have a go at him straight away. He won't take it in if he's hungover/still drunk. But tomorrow maybe sit down and talk properly about why you're so annoyed and how worried you were. That way he can't turn it on you and say it was a stag etc..

Hope everything turns out ok!

LegacyUser

you guys must be all joking!!! Seriously, this guy hasn't got in contact for 2 days with the person he lives with and you are worrying about him cheating, etc!!!!! At this stage the only thing you should focus on is 100% on his safety!!! Call the guards, call the hospitals, make sure he his okay....then the rest come later!!!! Unreal...

littlebug

ukidding??? wrote: »

you guys must be all joking!!! Seriously, this guy hasn't got in contact for 2 days with the person he lives with and you are worrying about him cheating, etc!!!!! At this stage the only thing you should focus on is 100% on his safety!!! Call the guards, call the hospitals, make sure he his okay....then the rest come later!!!! Unreal...

You missed a bit. page 1, post 12 the OP said that she found out he was drinking last night til the early hours.

fits

IanCurtis wrote: »

Yes I agree, but implying that someone crashed their car because their partner didn't phone is ridiculous.

Oh ffs... this thread is not about that incident, but here goes. He went out Friday, called me at 3 am Friday night to say he was sober and driving home, never arrived home that night, I didnt worry as I just presumed he'd changed his mind, heard nothing all day Saturday, began to worry about 9pm, tried to call, phone off, called his friends, couldnt get through. Really began to worry sick. Could not sleep at all Saturday night, got up Sunday morning to drive to work but still wracked with worry. Was really tired driving, spun the car on a country road (did not crash).

He rang me at 3 pm on the sunday.

If I had gotten a text message, I would have slept, and would not have been so tired and distressed that I made a mistake while driving.

So no, I dont blame him for crashing my car (not least since I didnt), but his actions definitely did not help my state of mind when that happened.

Thoughtlessness has consequences. It is never fair to let someone get into a state of worry like that.

johndoe77ie

Shouldn't this be moved to LOST AND FOUND???

littlefriend

I don't think you should worry about him cheating - he has probably been too busy trying to fit in with these new guys.
If he was seriously hurt then you would know by now.
Also because of the length of time we are talking about, as another poster said, there must have been sleep had at this stage. Which means he has consciously done this. I'd say he knows you are going to kill him so he is avoiding coming home for as long as possible.
Try to get angry rather than continuing to worry.

kmick

Your (ex?)boyfriend is somewhere lying in the dark with a three day hangover knowing he is in deep doodoo. He is 35 and cant really drink anymore so along with the pain, misery and panic attacks he also has a massive dose of guilt. He knows he is in big trouble so he does what any man does - he goes to ground. The normal behaviours are gone instead replacing them are the behaviours of a 5 year old boy who just broke his mothers good china bowl. Hide, keep quiet and hope for the best while fearing the worst. He will be in touch - do what you have to do.

Either that or he is gone drinking again.

Seraphina

i can't actually believe all the guys saying ahhh sure it's grand leave him alone etc.

i could totally understand if the guy was in his 20's and not living with his GF like most of you guys replying probably are, but the guy is 35 and living with his partner.

he's acting like a bloody kid. all she wanted was a text or a quick call for him to let her know he wouldn't be home and that he was safe, she's not pussywhipping him or acting the possessive bitch, she was just worried, and now that she knows there's nothing wrong, she's rightly pissed off that he didn't have the courtesy to let her know he was staying out to drink more!

Overheal

I'd report him missing personally. Like I said, it wouldn't be the first time someone ended up dead. Thats exactly how my Stepmom went.

Hobart

Seraphina wrote: »

he's acting like a bloody kid. all she wanted was a text or a quick call for him to let her know he wouldn't be home and that he was safe, she's not pussywhipping him or acting the possessive bitch, she was just worried, and now that she knows there's nothing wrong, she's rightly pissed off that he didn't have the courtesy to let her know he was staying out to drink more!

Give it a rest FFS. Nobody knows what way he is acting. Yes he was drinking till the early hours of the morning, that's not to say that he is not lying in a hospital bed somewhere.

He could also just be acting the idiot aswell, and off on the bottle, but lets all stop jumping to ridiculous conclusions, until it is established were the guy is. :rolleyes:

gaz wac

Your stepmom died on a stags in Kerry?? sorry to hear that:(

willie joe

How do,
Don't really want to mention this but I think its unavoidable. Drugs.
I'm speaking from experience. I'm in my early thirties and some of my friends would be into the drug scene. I've been there and done that but grew out of that phase long time ago. I think he has gone on a massive bender, with both the D's and he isn't in any shape to talk to you. Don't get me wrong, there Is no excuse for it. Ecstasy can have a big effect on some one who's not used to them.

nevaeh-2die-4

willie joe wrote: »

How do,
Don't really want to mention this but I think its unavoidable. Drugs.
I'm speaking from experience. I'm in my early thirties and some of my friends would be into the drug scene. I've been there and done that but grew out of that phase long time ago. I think he has gone on a massive bender, with both the D's and he isn't in any shape to talk to you. Don't get me wrong, there Is no excuse for it. Ecstasy can have a big effect on some one who's not used to them.

+1

especially if he went to Amsterdam he could have got lost in the red light district

Gumbyman

I have read what the OP said on the previous page and I have reflected on it and I can now see her point. I can feel her pain. It must be horrible. I hope he turns up safe and you give him what for. Whatever what for is. It sounds appropriate. Putting myself in a similar situation I'd be feeling the same. I suppose the main reason I was on his side is that I did something similar to my gf once and got an awful doing. So I can also feel his pain.

As Jinx Lennon might say - get the Jaysus Guards.

Wibbs

johndoe77ie keep this sensible or don't post. Read the charter.

Helix

ukidding??? wrote: »

you guys must be all joking!!! Seriously, this guy hasn't got in contact for 2 days with the person he lives with and you are worrying about him cheating, etc!!!!! At this stage the only thing you should focus on is 100% on his safety!!! Call the guards, call the hospitals, make sure he his okay....then the rest come later!!!! Unreal...

its only 2 bloody days like

the lad went on a session with his mates which turned into a bender and he was probably too drunk/whatever to even think of charging hjs phone if it went dead

youd swear he was gone a month the way some people are going on

luckat

Helix wrote: »

its only 2 bloody days like

!!!

If a 35-year-old goes on a two-day bender, it sounds like serious problems with alcohol.

OP, you know now that he's not lost or missing - he was still drinking last night and hadn't contacted you.

I'm really sorry that things should come to this for you.

Helix

luckat wrote: »

If a 35-year-old goes on a two-day bender, it sounds like serious problems with alcohol.

no it doesnt

it sounds like a bloke whos enjoying whats a symbolic celebration of his last few days/weeks as a single bloke with his mates

Hrududu

it sounds like a bloke whos enjoying whats a symbolic celebration of his last few days/weeks as a single bloke with his mates

I didnt think it was his stag he was going on.

nevaeh-2die-4

Fair play to him!!!!

Helix

Hrududu wrote: »

I didnt think it was his stag he was going on.

well then its still the same thing, hes celebrating with a mate whos soon to be married

i honestly cant believe all the paranoia over 2 days without him getting in touch, its not exactly a long time

St Bill

This man was supposed to be back yesterday. He didn't turn up and he didn't contact the OP. He's done this before. He sounds like too much hassle. I'd tell him to get lost, less hardship in the long run

Helix

St Bill wrote: »

This man was supposed to be back yesterday. He didn't turn up and he didn't contact the OP. He's done this before. He sounds like too much hassle. I'd tell him to get lost, less hardship in the long run

ironically id be thinking the same, but from his POV

your woman is obviously one of these types who needs to know his every move every minute and needs him to be in touch constantly, is it really any wonder that a sniff of freedom and hes enjoying it as much as he can

St Bill

So you never get worried if someone doesn't show up when they're supposed to?