Prostitution & Boyfriend

Susannahmia

irish_bob wrote: »

i think its important to keep in mind that men are in a more difficult position than women when it comes to being desperete for sex
a woman can choose to bring someone home for sex whenever they feel like it
a man may be simply too ugly to get a woman and thus be left with no choice but to pay for it

i know this isnt relative to the OP,s situation but i think in general its important to see the broader picture

Thats bs, an ugly man is as well able to bring home a minger as any ugly woman. I dont get the whole desperate for sex thing either, I would rather go without rather than lowering my standards, its about self respect.

Anyway, back on topic, to the op I hope things work out, whatever choice you decide to make. It is a really horrible situation to be in.

How Strange

irish_bob wrote: »

i think its important to keep in mind that men are in a more difficult position than women when it comes to being desperete for sex
a woman can choose to bring someone home for sex whenever they feel like it
a man may be simply too ugly to get a woman and thus be left with no choice but to pay for it

i know this isnt relative to the OP,s situation but i think in general its important to see the broader picture

FFS, that's the lamest argument I've ever heard. 'Oh, I'm ugly, that's why I pay prostitutes for sex.' :rolleyes:

OP, I think someone said this already but this is is down to you. Do you consider it a deal breaker? If so then it's curtains for your relationship.
However, give yourself a little time to think it over.

cowzerp

Women can get sex on tap if they want it, men cant, fact.
unless they pay for it!
He paid for it when he wanted some, now he is with the op and i assume does not need to pay for it anymore, what is the problem??
Is he a bad boyfriend

papillon66

Sickandsad wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I posted earlier on about this situation but it must’ve gotten deleted. I’m very upset about it so I’ll keep it brief.
My boyfriend of 6 months who I’m really crazy about last night after dinner mentioned that he’s been with a few
Prostitutes. We were talking about traveling and swapping holiday stories when he said, really casually that the
Red light district in Paris is way less seedy than any other one he’s been too. He was in Paris with all his mates
For the rugby just before he met me. He said Amsterdam is by far the sleaziest. I just sat there in shock. I had no
Idea that he’d been to a prostitute before never mind several!!

I know it’s technically none of my business as it was before he met me but I feel cut up over this and don’t want him
Anywhere near me. I keep picturing him banging some girl in a seedy red room then regailing his frinds with all the
Sordid details in the pub later on….yeah lads, I did this to her and that to her..

Please help me deal with this, girls would this bother you? Whether it’s right to let it affect me or wrong, the fact is it’s
Tearing me apart so any kind words will be appreciated. I asked my friend in work and he said I’d be hard pushed to find
A guy who hasn’t or wouldn’t sh*g a prostitute so I really should just suck it up kinda thing. This did not help. Thanks.

WEll let see it this way-

1-He told you about it... so he trusts you enough to share his experiences with you...which means you are his friend and that is really good-He sees you not only like a gf but also as a friend...I believe it's something important for him-

2-At least he did it before he met you...the fact that he told you it's maybe his way to say I had my experiences I'm not ashamed of them and I want to share it with you...Can be also that he went to those places but didn't do a thing but just talks as he did-Kinda release the fantaisy-

3-He was in a trip abroad,went to those famous places that everybody is talking about(men obviously:D)...He's a cool guy!
I'm sure many guys don't say anything if they went(or go) to have good time in they're hometown but are they angels because they don't tell you they went to prostitute instead? Not sure.

Jimmy Bottlehead

How Strange wrote: »

FFS, that's the lamest argument I've ever heard. 'Oh, I'm ugly, that's why I pay prostitutes for sex.' :rolleyes:

In fairness, its a very very valid argument. I know of one guy (don't like the chap, and he IS terribly ugly, and don't bother correcting me on it) who did just that... no-one would sleep with him so he paid for it. Its sad, and slightly pathetic, but it happens and its a large part of the reason prostitution exists.

echosound

I'd agree with most of what seraphina said, so no point repeating her points. I'd have an adverse reaction if someone I was with told me that they had paid prostitutes for sex a number of times in their past too - while previous partners, particularly slutty ex-girlfriends or even one-night-stands wouldn't bother me at all, the idea of using prostitutes is a step too far for me for a number of reasons.

I'd be viewing that person in a completely different light, ie their outlook on life would be too different from mine for us to work as a couple, IYKWIM? I'd lose respect for anyone who told me they had used a prostitute. A) that they had to pay for sex in the first place and that they hold that view of women that they are a commodity to be bought and sold and used.

And FWIW I know plenty of guys who have never and would never consider using a prostitute, and that's not me being naieve - I have chatted with a good few fellas over the years about sexual history in the course of general citchat and conversations, and while there are some that would not be fazed by using prostitutes, most wouldn't consider it for a number of reasons, so it's not just "part of growing up".

OP if you really can't get your head around this (and personally speaking I doubt I would either) it might be time to think about moving on. I know it's all "in the past" but to me it would cast a pall on his character, which I wouldn't be comfortable with.

the GALL

A bloke goes out with his mate's on a piss up weekend and gets himself a brazzer so what he wasn't with you at the time. Im sure if you digged a little deeper you'd find other thing's he's done that you wouldn't agree with. It's not about been ugly, it's no string sex, the only thing he's guilty of is been a f**kin eejit for admiting to it in the first place.
I wonder if you told him about your first sexual encounter would he have the same reaction.

uoluol

I must be in the minority - but I honestly would have no problem if my boyfriend told me he had in the past had safe sex with prostitutes. To me, it's just sex with payment. No different than having a few ex girlfriends. I would be more upset if he was currently using prostitutes.

But, you are obviously upset by this revelation, and it would be a good idea to talk it over with him. You need to clear the air.

Bendihorse

If i ever found out a man i was seeing had slept with a hooker it would be a sackable offence straight off. Its not about disrespecting wimmen or anything like that but something about paying for sex does not sit well with me and makes me think less of any man. I would be hesitant of seeing a guy that ever shagged the 'town bike' too. I would hope that any guy i would date or see would have higher standards for himself than that because it just reeks of desperation imo. Not to mention the thoughts of diseases etc...

newestUser

I'd also agree with what Seraphina says.

I don't think that it's necessarily a deal-breaker, lots of people have done things in the past that would make them potentially unattractive (ie drug habit, jail, whatever). You just have to weigh things up and see if the good in the guy balances out the bad.

I would suspect that he told you this because he feels a bit guilty about it, and wants to be upfront about it. I think he's an idiot for telling you. He should have done the std tests, vowed never to do something stupid like that again, and let it rest.

I don't buy the argument that it's easier for women to get sex than men, so men are entitled to pay for it, so don't criticise me woman because you don't feel my pain blahblahblah. If you have a brass neck and a willingness to face rejection over and over and over and over again, you could get your hole in some meat market quick enough. If you were prepared to do the online thing, you could put a bit of time into trying to get your bit off a string of women at once (as cynical as that is). Going to a prostitute is just lazy. Yeah, it's easier for women to get laid than men. Doesn't justify potentially paying a pimp to rape someone, as Seraphina says.

therecklessone

Sickandsad wrote: »

Please help me deal with this

What do you expect from this thread?

It sounds like you want people to tell you its alright to feel the way you do, but at the end of the day that hardly matters, does it? The fact is you're not comfortable with the fact he's been with a hooker, nothing is going to change that. It also sounds like he doesn't see what he's done as "wrong", so you need to ask yourself is it worth continuing on with the relationship.

cowzerp

I agree, you either are in to him regardless of his past or your not.

therecklessone

Seraphina wrote: »

especially anywhere prostitution is illegal (everywhere except amsterdam i think?)

You need to get out more.

Hungary
Germany
Czech Republic
New Zealand
Holland
Australia (some states)
US (some states)
Japan (some sex acts)
Turkey
Hong Kong

All allow legal prostitution in some form. I imagine that's not an exhaustive list.

Pub07

therecklessone wrote: »

You need to get out more.

Hungary
Germany
Czech Republic
New Zealand
Holland
Australia (some states)
US (some states)
Japan (some sex acts)
Turkey
Hong Kong

All allow legal prostitution in some form. I imagine that's not an exhaustive list.

Well now I know what countries to hit on my next round the world trip, cheers.

Mazeire

What is the problem here exactly? Is it a moral objection like that he is using women? Or do you just have the opinion that all prostitutes are sub human disease ridden whores and now your boyfriend is lower is your estimation for having slept with them?

Realistically its just another woman that he had sex with he just paid her for it. I really do not know why he told you though. I mean he surely knows you well enough after 8 months to know what will and what will not upset you, and would have known this would get to you. So you have either been playing a good game for the last month or he wants to upset you.

red_ice

Before i start i would like to say i am impartial on the matter of prostitution. I wouldnt touch a hooker myself, but i think its alright for the more socially challenged people out there. You need to ask yourself would you prefare he rode some random slapper in paris/amsterdam and told you or would you prefare he told you about what he did with his ex girlfriends or other one night stand girls? Why?

Ive been told by some of my mates that its actually a very clean environment that they 'work' in. Showers after every 'job' and you have to use barrier contraception or its not going to happen. There are plastic mats under the sheets, both of which get changed every session also. So think about it. Most girls are on the pill or have the implant etc. The chances of getting an STD imo are greater with a random slapper you met in a bar and took home for a swift one.

Is the random one night stand scenario more acceptable to you? Prostitutes undergo tests for STDs on a regular basis. Its a law of the game in the legal areas afaik.

Again, i am impartial on the subject of prostitution but fair play to yer man for telling you about it.

LegacyUser

a lot of my friends and even my family have used prostitutes when on holidays so itys nce that he told you and not that big a deal

on the otherhand i completely understand where you are coming from its a bit gross
but that seems to be our old frashioned values

Redpunto

DId you see yourself long-term with this guy? If you did then I think you need to find a way past it. Do you have a problem with prostitution as a moral issue even if your bf had not gone to one? Myself Id be gutted if my bf told me this but becuase we will be together till one of us pops off the planet then I think id have to get over it.

rick_fantastic

personally, ive never felt the need to pay for sex outright! i go to amsterdam about 4 times a year with my mates for a smoke up and have never once had sex with a hooker. all of my mates have, sure some of them have done the same hooker at the same time!! some of my mates get hookers in town after a night out if they dont score in the clubs...

but in all fairness, in nearly 99.99% of cases, males end up paying for sex in one form or the other!

for example -

taxi to restaurant - 15euro
dinner for two with one bottle of wine - 55euro
pub for a drink - 20euro
taxi home - 15euro

total cost of getting sex IF YOUR LUCKY = 105euro

sure you can get 2 hookers in amsterdam for that kind of money and none of the hassle of small talk blah blah blah....

every girl ive gone out with when the conversation came up were the same - id never touch you again if you had been with a hooker.

lesson to learn guys - women dont find this amusing or attractive - keep your mouth shut!

to the OP - if your worried about your other half comparing you to a prostitute, was she better etc etc - yeah she probably was.... its her job!

Wagon

I'm lazy so i flew over the last 4 pages pretty quickly, apologies if I'm repeating people.

1. Whether you like it or not, it WAS in the past and as many have pointed out he didn't know you then. Maybe you expected him to look into the future to see how it upset you?

2. I know quite a few lads who have done it with a prostitute so while I'm not making excuses, it's not uncommon and is something you might have to get used to.

3. I've been with girls who've slept around in the past and who've had one night stands with quite a few guys. Is that any different? The only difference is that they got it for free and were drunk in the process. I certainly don't like that fact of life but it is one.

4. Nobody's past is clean. Especially in this day and age things are more acceptable and available. Can you honestly look at yourself and say "I've done nothing shameful?" If you can, then you're a saint or a liar (both turn offs )

5. He TOLD you. Bloody hell, would you rather he kept this from you? Would you rather that he was that afraid to tell you of this? He obviously (and i mean this) thinks you're open minded enough to accept this.

I can see where your coming from. It's never a nice thought to imagine your other half with someone else (be it a prostitute, ex girlfriend, family dog etc...) But unfortunately, we all have too look past this in the people we love and accept that they are also human, have the same human urges and have obtained them is less desirable ways. This isn't his problem, this is yours and no amount of fighting and bitching at the chap will solve it.

Gummy Panda

When i was younger i was in the same situation as the OP in regards to thinking of partners previous love life. TBH, i think it was because i got too attached and put her on a pedestal that i didn't like it when something from her past disrupted that image. Maybe i felt betrayed for some silly reason.

How did i get over it? I just moved past it and stopped thinking that way. I was young so maybe i grew up a little more or just stopped caring. I accepted that was in her past and shaped the person she is today.

At the end of the day everyone has a past but that past might have made them into the type of person you love.

sprinkles

It doesn't seem to be the paying for sex part that's bothering you more the fact he was with other women. You're picturing him with them and worndering if they were better than you etc. You have to learn to accept his past - everyone has a sexual history. Fact is he's now with you and he seems pretty honest in fairness.

WindSock

Get over it, to be honest. Why does it shock you that a guy paid for sex, because he could?

PeakOutput

i would never pay for sex or evena lapdance but i do believe that prostitution should be legal so i dont really have a major problem with other people paying if they really want to

Bottle_of_Smoke

if it's bothering you this much you should probably just finish it

I personally wouldn't, not because I have respect for women or have moral objections, just I don't have herpes & would like to keep it that way!

milod

Sickandsad wrote: »

Yeah but girls don't really pay for sex, they don't have to and probably wouldn't anyway. Girls go on holiday and have fun and maybe score or even sleep with men but they don't go to a specific district to leer at men and pay them. It really is different.

I have nothing against prostitution per-se, just the image of my bf with one makes me sick.

OP, tbh, you sound like you have more than a few hang-ups and a total double standard around sex. Look at what you said above!

"Yeah but girls don't really pay for sex, they don't have to and probably wouldn't anyway"

Simple free market rules here - guys want sex and can separate that activity from love quite easily - Guys want sex more and therefore, sometimes, choose to pay - judge as you will but that's life. As you say, girls simply don't have to pay, unless they're ugly/middle aged and choose to 'use' a gigolo. But of course nobody bats an eyelid, cos guys never feel used, right?

"Girls go on holiday and have fun and maybe score or even sleep with men"

Right... so this is morally superior to guys paying for it? Ever watched a bunch of pissed-up Irish girls in action in Lanzarote? Not pretty, and in no way morally superior, I can assure you. I've been groped on more than once occasion there! but of course guys can't be sexually harassed, they enjoy it don't they?

"but they don't go to a specific district to leer at men and pay them"

What do you call bars then? All women just go out wearing their best f**k-me-boots just to chat to other girls, yeah?

"I have nothing against prostitution per-se, just the image of my bf with one makes me sick"

Class - this is the best line of all! So it's ok for other guys, just not your boyfriend.

OP, you have plenty of growing up to do before you get to judge others so harshly. Of course prostitution brings many moral issues with it, but is it so different from an average guy plying a girl with alcohol all evening in the hope of shagging her senseless at the end of the evening? At least prostitution is an honest transaction that isn't going to lead on to an 'affair'.

easyontheeye

milod wrote: »

OP, tbh, you sound like you have more than a few hang-ups and a total double standard around sex. Look at what you said above!

"Yeah but girls don't really pay for sex, they don't have to and probably wouldn't anyway"

Simple free market rules here - guys want sex and can separate that activity from love quite easily - Guys want sex more and therefore, sometimes, choose to pay - judge as you will but that's life. As you say, girls simply don't have to pay, unless they're ugly/middle aged and choose to 'use' a gigolo. But of course nobody bats an eyelid, cos guys never feel used, right?

"Girls go on holiday and have fun and maybe score or even sleep with men"

Right... so this is morally superior to guys paying for it? Ever watched a bunch of pissed-up Irish girls in action in Lanzarote? Not pretty, and in no way morally superior, I can assure you. I've been groped on more than once occasion there! but of course guys can't be sexually harassed, they enjoy it don't they?

"but they don't go to a specific district to leer at men and pay them"

What do you call bars then? All women just go out wearing their best f**k-me-boots just to chat to other girls, yeah?

"I have nothing against prostitution per-se, just the image of my bf with one makes me sick"

Class - this is the best line of all! So it's ok for other guys, just not your boyfriend.

OP, you have plenty of growing up to do before you get to judge others so harshly. Of course prostitution brings many moral issues with it, but is it so different from an average guy plying a girl with alcohol all evening in the hope of shagging her senseless at the end of the evening? At least prostitution is an honest transaction that isn't going to lead on to an 'affair'.

+1 (well said, good post)

The Sweeper

OP, from the tone and content of your posts, this is more about your own sense of self esteem than your disgust at your boyfriend.

What was she wearing?
What did he do with her?
Was she better than you are?

It sounds to me like you'd probably be just as freaked out by him telling you about ex-girlfriends, except that relations with prostitutes are more definitely, in-your-face, purely about sex.

Marksie

MAJD has it right and the answers to the questions are probably very simple:

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

What was she wearing?.

The stuff to make her stand out from the one in the next window, not aimed at anyione in particular

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

What did he do with her? .

What ever the monetary transaction allowed

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Was she better than you are?
.

Extremely unlikely, when reduced to a montary exchange for services. It is just that, services. To be completed and finished. Next customer please

Irishcrx

I've been to Amsterdam 4 times and spent loads of time in the red light district, all the lads I went with got about 2-3 prostitutes while there, I didn't because...well I think sex is the one great thing in life that we actually don't have to pay for and I'd prefer to go out and talk to some girl ect than bang some girl who's been done by a 90 year old man 5 mins before, but on average this kind of thing happens with guy's just most of them won't talk to their girlfriends about it...