Do they treat bi's differently???

Velvet Vocals

ok, so I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this... have you ever been treated differently by a lesbian because you're a bi-sexual woman? and I don't mean in a good way:rolleyes:
I mean, that sometimes I feel like they think I'm not the real deal or something because I like men as well as women. know what I mean??

unreggd

They prob think you too are a lesbian, but still have one foot in the closet, and that they're better than you cos they're SO open about bein a lesbian

losers

Goodshape

Well, to be perfectly honest, being bisexual is different. For one thing, you're attracted to the opposite sex, and they're not. They've probably had to live with that difference their entire lives, sitting awkward and alone while all the other girls were getting off with the boys.... while the perception could easily be that you were having plenty of fun at that yourself but now you kinda just fancy a little bit of girly action to go with it.

I'm not saying that's the right attitude to have but I think encountering opinions like that is just a reality that bisexual people have to deal with. Being gay or lesbian might be the only thing a loose group of friends has in common - and now someone shows up saying "oh, me too!" when that's just not really the case. I think you've got to appreciate that it is different and then work from there.

I know myself, as a gay man, that when I'm talking to or introduced to bisexuals there's often an almost involuntary thought of "ok, so that's one thing we don't have in common.. what's next?".*

That's not to say I'll disrespect the person, or that I'll consider them less worthy of my attention or anything like that... just that there isn't necessarily that instant "oh, snap!" that there might be if I were introduced to another homosexual.


Just my 2c and all that.

* Unless he's good looking and seems into me... in which case, differences schmifferences

Rev Hellfire

Goodshape wrote: »

I know myself, as a gay man, that when I'm talking to or introduced to bisexuals there's often an almost involuntary thought of "ok, so that's one thing we don't have in common.. what's next?".*

That's not to say I'll disrespect the person, or that I'll consider them less worthy of my attention or anything like that... just that there isn't necessarily that instant "oh, snap!" that there might be if I were introduced to another homosexual.


Just my 2c and all that.

* Unless he's good looking and seems into me... in which case, differences schmifferences

What an odd thing to say. I find it hard to imagine that everything you're introduced to a person you look at their differences, ohh look they've brown hair that's something different from me.
Seems to me to be slightly homophobic in an odd way, assuming that is everytime you meet a straight person you don't think the same thoughts.

Goodshape

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

I find it hard to imagine that everything you're introduced to a person you look at their differences, ohh look they've brown hair that's something different from me.

Differences (as well as similarities) are noticed and logged almost subconsciously. I think it's naive to suggest that they're not, tbh.

That's not to say that I concentrate on these differences necessarily, just that they exist and that, at the end of the day and for better or worse, being bisexual is different to being homosexual.

The OP says : "sometimes I feel like they think I'm not the real deal or something" ...the real what? the real homosexual?

Seems to me to be slightly homophobic in an odd way, assuming that is everytime you meet a straight person you don't think the same thoughts.

Well most people are straight so you kind get used to that, but I wouldn't consider that I've got sexuality in common with straight people either.

But sexuality isn't the be all and end all. Most people are far more intricate and interesting than that. Including, most likely, the OP. I think she just has to take the differences on the chin and try to be that more interesting person.

Rev Hellfire

I think perhaps I'm reading too much into your "ok, so that's one thing we don't have in common.. what's next?" comment which on reflection is probably in relation to friends of a less than platonic nature

Velvet Vocals

Goodshape wrote: »

But sexuality isn't the be all and end all. Most people are far more intricate and interesting than that. Including, most likely, the OP. I think she just has to take the differences on the chin and try to be that more interesting person.

Too f**king right I'm a intricate and interesting..... you left out beautiful and amazing!!!! oh and modest!
Actually when I posted up my comment what I was referring to was more about being accepted into groups of friends rather then hooking up with people, I don't have any problems with that really. Its more like there is a slight attitude of "pick a team and stick to it"

Goodshape wrote: »

Well, to be perfectly honest, being bisexual is different. For one thing, you're attracted to the opposite sex, and they're not. They've probably had to live with that difference their entire lives, sitting awkward and alone while all the other girls were getting off with the boys.... while the perception could easily be that you were having plenty of fun at that yourself but now you kinda just fancy a little bit of girly action to go with it.

I have to say.... I was a bit shocked by this statement... do you think that bi-sexuals just decide to have a bit of "girly action" .... you don't think that maybe we've felt different and left out growing up... thinking because I fantised about Kyle when all my friends loved Jason that there was something wrong with me. Or when we watched Lost Boys and all my friends talked about was the guy who played Michael and all I could think about was the girl who played sky... I thought I was freak and I never, never told anyone about that until I was in my mid-twenties.... you don't think that, that's something that I, like many other bi-sexual people have had to live with. And by your terms that it might something we share in common?
Seriously I really think there is a divide among the gay/lesbian and Bi-sexual community and judging from the reply's that you've made I'm not wrong.

Goodshape

Rev Hellfire wrote:

I think perhaps I'm reading too much into your "ok, so that's one thing we don't have in common.. what's next?" comment which on reflection is probably in relation to friends of a less than platonic nature

That might have sounded much harsher than it should have done. All I meant was that there is a difference, not that I'm judging or dismissing the person based on it.

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

Too f**king right I'm a intricate and interesting..... you left out beautiful and amazing!!!! oh and modest!

Actually when I posted up my comment what I was referring to was more about being accepted into groups of friends rather then hooking up with people

Yeah, it was that side of things that I was commenting on.

I have to say.... I was a bit shocked by this statement... do you think that bi-sexuals just decide to have a bit of "girly action" .... you don't think that maybe we've felt different and left out growing up...

Again, sorry if that came across as being unduly judgemental, I'm sort of taking the devils advocate role with that one :-/

I know there are some people who genuinely have a problem accepting bisexuality at face value... thinking that bisexuals are either just fooling themselves or only after a bit of 'experimentation'. I'm not one of them and that wasn't what I was getting at at all. Some people are into really weird sh*t... being attracted to both sexes isn't really that difficult to believe

But your original (brief) post seemed bemused at the fact that anyone would think there's a difference between homosexuals and bisexuals, I'm only trying to say that there is a difference. At the end of the day I'd feel I can relate instantly with a homosexual, whereas I've never been bisexual enough to really know what the story is.

Though as far as I'm concerned, stick around and join in and maybe we'll discover the 100's of things we do have in common (both relating to sexuality and not). Which is what I meant by "...what's next?". Anyone who hears 'bisexual' and instantly looks away or turns their nose up is probably just an arsehole anyway.

And sure there's a divide but there's also undeniable cross-over. Differences can be cool and interesting too sometimes.

Velvet Vocals

Goodshape wrote: »

And sure there's a divide but there's also undeniable cross-over. Differences can be cool and interesting too sometimes.

Its just like an after school special
Thanks for that goodshape....lovin your work!!xxx

Weidii

Ya, I'd be classed as being bisexual too, and I get the exact same reaction from lesbians. I asked one of my lesbian friends about it and she openly admitted that she's less likely to get with a bisexual because she's afraid that they'll compare her to men, and she doesn't want that 'cause she doesn't know what she's up against.

It's strange and awful, and I feel your pain. But meh, just don't introduce yourself as being bi, get to know someone before you reveal that and things will go a bit better. I'm not saying you should hide it, I'm just saying that you should let them see that you're a nice person before you give 'em anything to judge you on.

Velvet Vocals

Weidii wrote: »

Ya, I'd be classed as being bisexual too, and I get the exact same reaction from lesbians. I asked one of my lesbian friends about it and she openly admitted that she's less likely to get with a bisexual because she's afraid that they'll compare her to men, and she doesn't want that 'cause she doesn't know what she's up against.

It's strange and awful, and I feel your pain. But meh, just don't introduce yourself as being bi, get to know someone before you reveal that and things will go a bit better. I'm not saying you should hide it, I'm just saying that you should let them see that you're a nice person before you give 'em anything to judge you on.

Totally! You're so right. Thanks.

Liadan Barry

Im 20, I came out when I was 13, and Im going out with a bisexual (female obviously). I find it hard sometimes, when she gets other girls Im grand cos I know I can compete and where my strengths lie, but with guys, I find that harder cos I dont know what Im up against. but when it's just looking, I dont care bout guys and I get more jealous of girls cos I want me to be the only girl she see's and I cant be the only bloke she see's so it's grand.

when I meet new non-straight girls, I do instantly step back a bit when they say their bi. and tbh it is to do with wheather they are for real or not. cos I came out quite young, I got into alot of trouble and more than a few fights over girls who wanted to make their boyfriends jealous and succeeded and being quite butch the lads went after me.

I try to keep an open mind and failing that, Iv gotten into the habit of askin ppl how gay/bi they are out of curiosity. There are alot of gay friends of mine who would have no problem makin out with guys, but nothing else, whereas I wouldn't notice if the male gender disappeared one night. I think most people aren't 50/50 if bi and 100% if gay or straight.

But tbh, there are so many girls who make out with other girls and say they're straight or girls who say they're bi would never sleep with or go out with a girl that it tends to give bi's a bad name just like alot of lads when they hear lesbian think, oh, I could turn her, she just needs a good f*cking.

's just one of those things that needs to be dealt with head on imho.

p.s. sorry bout the ramble, it's late and past my bed time... :$

iosfra

I'd go with weidii's meh on this, some people have issues with everything. I have heard people saying they didn't believe in bi-sexuality so perhaps you could be their imaginary friend?!

willowthewisp

I think that they take the view that Bi Sexuality is just a male fantasy

Boston

willowthewisp wrote: »

I think that they take the view that Bi Sexuality is just a male fantasy

Why would there be a male involved.

shoegirl

A lot of exclusively gay men and women do feel slightly threatened by bisexuals and prefer the "safety" of exclusive gayness. It doesn't really bother me anymore, but its a comfort thing really. They just feel that you might turn out not to be looking for them, I think.

Personally I don't mind, if somebody is genuinely bisexual and not just exploring different ideals of sexuality as part of a path to an ideal, then fine by me. I've lot of bisexual friends and they are just as well adjusted as any gay person I know. (I am exclusively gay myself).