Accepting Drinks

GuanYin

What are the ideas here about accepting drinks?

I hang out with some pretty extrovert guys, in particular, my brother usually gets talking to drunk guys in bars (not as many drunk girls as he'd like).

Because of the whole Irish thing, drinks usually ensue, usually car bombs or whisky and I always end up with a really strong drink of something that I can neither handle nor like.

This comes with the added issue of the person who bought the drink, or his friend, wanting to talk to me for the rest of the night.

Its pretty much a taboo here, to refuse a drink, but even though it doesn't mean anything, its almost a free invitation to invade company.

So what do people here do? Has anyone refused a drink? How do they do it? Politely? With a put down?

Does anyone really buy a drink without motive?

Zee Deveel

Don't think people tend to buy drinks without motives, but some people just happen to have money and be in a good mood, and couldn't imagine others being in a pub and happy unless they have a drink, so it's their good turn!

Otherwise, yeah, I have no problem turning drinks down. I know what I like and usually know what I can handle, and don't like feeling 'forced' to drink something that is contrary to the above. Usually just a 'No thanks. No really, no thanks.' Say it firmly with a smile, usually works for me.

Nevyn

There is a difference between here and america, guys here will ask can they buy you a drink instead sending one over to you.

Loomis

It's a taboo? Fairly sad really. If you don't like or want something why should you be made do so to please others? Especially a person you don't know. Just refuse it. Do you really care what a random stranger will think if you do?

Wibbs

I reckon Zee Deveel has it right. I would turn down a drink no problem, but it may be easier for me as a bloke to do that?

I would very rarely if ever buy a drink for a woman unless we were already in conversation or I knew her. Smacks too much of a bribe to me to do so for a stranger.

Nevyn

Funny how we all learn to say No! really clearly and mean it when we are about two, ok it takes until about 3 before most get to no thanks but yet so many people seem to unlearn this skill as they get older.

MsFifers

I was out recently with a bunch of women from work and a guy we were sitting near got chatting to us all (he was v. pleasant and not at all drunk) and he offers to buy everyone drinks - a few rounds.

I was the only one who bought him one back - because I would have felt "under obligation" otherwise. None of the rest of them did though - they were perfectly happy to have him buy 3 rounds of drink for 5 or 6 women and not feel a) that they were taking advantage or b) under any obligation.

I found it a bit weird. Or am I weird?

The rest of them are a bit older than me, maybe they are from that generation where the men pay for everything...

Cathmandooo

MsFifers wrote: »

I was out recently with a bunch of women from work and a guy we were sitting near got chatting to us all (he was v. pleasant and not at all drunk) and he offers to buy everyone drinks - a few rounds.

I was the only one who bought him one back - because I would have felt "under obligation" otherwise. None of the rest of them did though - they were perfectly happy to have him buy 3 rounds of drink for 5 or 6 women and not feel a) that they were taking advantage or b) under any obligation.

I found it a bit weird. Or am I weird?

The rest of them are a bit older than me, maybe they are from that generation where the men pay for everything...

I'd be totally mortified if my gang did that. If a guy buys a drink, particularly a round I'd expect everyone to buy him a drink back. It's common courtesy, no one should be taken advantage of like that.

I've said no to plenty of drinks, saying I'm in a round usually puts them off considering how expensive drink is here. If I was bought one I'd feel obliged to buy one back and that's it.

GuanYin

Just to clarify, I usually buy a drink for anyone who buys me one. I earn enough not to need to be a gold digger.

I don't always drink what is bought either, but sometimes its hard to do without insulting the buyee.

WindSock

I hate that custom. Buying me a drink=buying into my company=hopefully will end in sexy time. Wouldn't it be easier just to pay for sex?
If someone buys me a drink, I always get them one back. I understand that some people like to buy others drinks not just for sex though.

justsomebloke

cause sometimes the lessons of the past need to be relearned

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCLs0jv_Efk

watna

I'm not a big fan of excepting drinks from men. I always make it clear I haev a bf when I think men are chatting me up (not that it happens very often!). If they seem genuine enough and are just friendly wanting a chat then I don't see a problem with it. I'll buy them a drink back if I get the chance, fair is fair after all. I was in Marbella last summer and was out with the girls, we all have bfs so weren't on the pull. We met a nice bunch of lads from Scotland and they walked to the club downstairs with us. One of them wanted to buy me a drink. However, if you've ever been to clubs in Marbella you'll know drinks are about €15 - beer is €10. I couldn't let him buy me a €15 drink. I do think he was just being friendly but I would have felt so guilty that he's paid €15 just for me to say bye and go off dancing with the girls!

Men have asked to buy me drinks in Irealnd too and sometimes, I dunno, there's just a feeling you get that it's more than a friendly can I buy you a drink, like they'll expect something. I always refuse these. I don't know how I judge if a guy is just being nice or expecting something it's just a gut feeling.

As for a night out when people keep buying you drinks you don't ask for (e.g. your birthday). I just give them away to people. Otherwise I'd be in an alcoholic coma!

John Mason

I was out in town with a friend one night mid week and a gentle sent over a bottle of champers, we knocked it back delighted with ourselves, we had no idea who sent it over and they came over to us either.

I used to live beside the Gresham and would go to Toddys a lot mid week for a drink, we were always getting drinks sent over, never had a problem accepting them or had any issues with it.

yeah for free drinks but if it is something i dont like i just wouldnt drink it

Star Lord

If you don't want it, simply say "No thanks!" and be insistant on it!

Reku

Unfortunately I think this is somewhat fuelled by girls who go out to blag their way to a go night and expect to be bought drinks by men.

But things to keep in mind:
1. As Thaedydal has raised as a very good comparison you're taught as a child not to accept gifts from strangers, how does this change when the gift is an alcoholic drink? If they get thick headed about it then at least you're seeing just how much of an a-hole they are without having to waste more than a half minute in their company.
2. Even should you accept a drink offered by a guy, just as with the whole "but I bought you dinner" BS some guys give, you have promised absolutely nothing in return and are perfectly entitled to knock back the drink in one go and walk out + get a cab home alone. It would be nice to assume that it was simply out of generousity that he was willing to pay, if nothing else you're doing him a favour of teaching him that buying a drink doesn't mean a thing.

SarahSassy

MsFifers wrote: »

I was out recently with a bunch of women from work and a guy we were sitting near got chatting to us all (he was v. pleasant and not at all drunk) and he offers to buy everyone drinks - a few rounds.

I was the only one who bought him one back - because I would have felt "under obligation" otherwise. None of the rest of them did though - they were perfectly happy to have him buy 3 rounds of drink for 5 or 6 women and not feel a) that they were taking advantage or b) under any obligation.

I found it a bit weird. Or am I weird?

The rest of them are a bit older than me, maybe they are from that generation where the men pay for everything...

Nope, they were users...

I would have no qualms about refusing a drink and if they by it anyway for you after you refused i would have no problem not drinking it...

This whole 'rounds' thing is another issue. I dont really agree with big round of 5 /6 upwards people. Its not about meanness its just that there tends to be way too much drink on the go and its does get expensive....

ChewChew

I hate it when girls go out and expect the fella to pay for their drinks all night. It's so irritating. I like to pay my way, I'll treat you tonight you treat me the next night, or I buy the first drink you get the next. I hate a dirty scrounge. drives me MENTAL!!!

And the amount of girls that go out for the free drinks is scandalous. An old friend of mine used to hang around the bar in clubs and randomly chattin to guys to get drinks out of them, I used to be away on the dance floor doin my thang but she'd always make sure she got herself a drink, and a drink for me too. She never got with any of the blokes, she literally just used them for the drinkages. Crazy or what!! needless to say, she no longer be ma buddy!!!

Sangre

i remember one night a guy tried to chat me up, I made it pretty clear from the start I wasn't gay, of course I still let him buy me some drinks. although that night did end with him following me to another club and offering me 1000e for a blowjob...*shudder*

ChewChew

Sangre wrote: »

i remember one night a guy tried to chat me up, I made it pretty clear from the start I wasn't gay, of course I still let him buy me some drinks. although that night did end with him following me to another club and offering me 1000e for a blowjob...*shudder*

and you didnt accept?? hahaha. oh that is nasty. damm prostitution. hahaha. you poor lad. (I'm sorry, but I cant stop laughing at that) hahaha

Joanne87

Nope I never accept drinks from randomers in a pub. Especially if they just brought it over without asking, call me cynical if you must but you never know what's in it! And I'm not referring to some weird and unusual cocktail either. Lot of weirdos out there....

I often do rounds with friends though, but we make sure it's all fair and nobody is left buying more than their share.

Water Sprite

I don't accept drinks from people I don't know at a bar either. I will admit, however, to sometimes drinking those that have been sent to me via the bartender. It's already been poured/mixed and one shouldn't be wasteful.

I'm perfectly capable of buying my own drinks, and I don't like the feeling that I'm obligated to talk to someone just because they bought me a drink. If I make conversation with someone, it has to be because I want to.

That's like the pay for dinner and have expectations question.

If a man takes a woman out to a nice place for dinner - say, first or second date - do men feel that it somehow obligates the date to ante up at some level....a kiss, hug, sex?

Do women feel some obligation to ante up somehow...a kiss, hug, sex, saying yes to a second date, even if you're not really interested?

You wouldn't think people would have still those kinds of expectations, but I know someone who recently went out with a man who expected "at least" a hug after dinner because he paid.

Dragan

Hmmmm, i could write on of those big long step by step "if yes/if no" pics for this one i think.

I'll summarise.

1) If someone offers you a drink then accept if you want to. Don't if you don't.

2) If someone gets pushy about getting you a drink a nice cutting comment normally does the trick. Might sound rude but the second someone harshes my mellow through that **** i have no interest in them anyway.

3) Any guy who thinks a girl saying yes to a drink = laid is a ****tard and should be dealt with as such.

LouOB

I hate people buying me drink tbh
It feels like I owe them one - particularly when I would only have enough cash on me for myself
Even if it was an 'innocent' drink ie friends bf gets drink in or boss- makes me feel uncomfortable

Babette08

I prefer to buy my own drinks tbh - unless it’s a guy I like or a guy I’m on a date with or going out with. And if so then I’ll do my best to buy one back assuming they allow me

You do feel obliged to chat to someone when they buy you a drink but in fairness on men I do think they use it more as an ice breaker than a vodka & cranberry = in like flin equation So for me personally it’s just easier to say I’m grand when they ask.


Most girls could easily do the whole free drinks for the night thing...not my idea of a good night though. Might be out of pocket €100 to €150 but at least I've my self respect in tact

Rob_l

Tis always funny when canvassed women always say no I never accept drinks, yet when Im out in bars I have on numerous occasions been asked by random women to buy them a drink, when im finished laughing they usually understand the situation.

I dont buy drinks I do think both men and women feel it is an attempt to buy affection not a guarantee of sex but definitely an opening

Ive been asked by girls Ive literally jsut met to buy them a drink and I always laugh in their face and say "buy your own drink". To ask for it is plain cheeky. Now if Im buyin one, and you're hangin out with me and it would be cool to do a shot together or something then cool but thats all it is. I have on occasion been bought drinks by girls, and I never felt any obligations or debt towards them but I will usually buy them one later in the evening if we're hangin out a lot cos I usually do that anyway even with mates, ie if Im buyin a jager or somethin I may buy 2 so Im not drinkin alone. Thats about it. Buying a drink does not mean you're in there, anyone who thinks it does is just deluded!

RedXIV

*sigh* i wish i was as sensible as most of ye. When i go for a night out, i'm grand at the start, sure i'll buy a drink for anyone that's out with me or if i see a mate of mine but when the drink starts to hit me......ooo bad times. I went home once after buying EVERYONE drinks, something like a 250 euro round and then everyone F**ked off :eek: I wasn't interested in anyone i just can't stop buying drinks when i'm twisted

ChewChew

RedXIV wrote: »

*sigh* i wish i was as sensible as most of ye. When i go for a night out, i'm grand at the start, sure i'll buy a drink for anyone that's out with me or if i see a mate of mine but when the drink starts to hit me......ooo bad times. I went home once after buying EVERYONE drinks, something like a 250 euro round and then everyone F**ked off :eek: I wasn't interested in anyone i just can't stop buying drinks when i'm twisted

your not my best mate by any chance are ya??? lols. she ALWAYS does this. so we have to get her on the side and tell her not to buy anyone a drink, or we tell her we'll get her drinks and mind her purse. madness.

I do accept drinks, but its only when appropriate and under the mental condition that I buy one back. If I felt there was sexual innuendo behind the drink bought for me, I wouldnt accept it, unless there was something more to it and was someone I knew and was interested in.

nomorebadtown

Deleted User wrote: »

Ive been asked by girls Ive literally jsut met to buy them a drink and I always laugh in their face and say "buy your own drink". To ask for it is plain cheeky.

yep, has happened to me a good few times. Queing at the bar and some girl comes up "hey, wanna by me a drink?" all the while twirling the hair and batting the eye lids, thinking they are **** hot - total cock tease looking for a free drink planning then to **** off once it in her hand, or else to milk the poor eejit for all the free vodka and limes he's worth. I usually just tell them i'm flattered but i'm not into drag queens or something to make them piss off in a huff.

ChewChew

nomorebadtown wrote: »

yep, has happened to me a good few times. Queing at the bar and some girl comes up "hey, wanna by me a drink?" all the while twirling the hair and batting the eye lids, thinking they are **** hot - total cock tease looking for a free drink planning then to **** off once it in her hand, or else to milk the poor eejit for all the free vodka and limes he's worth. I usually just tell them i'm flattered but i'm not into drag queens or something to make them piss off in a huff.

Girls STILL do this?? bloody hell thats rediculous. I hope there arent too many gullable feckers out there

RedXIV

ChewChew wrote: »

Girls STILL do this?? bloody hell thats rediculous. I hope there arent too many gullable feckers out there

I'm WORKING ON IT!!!!

ah what can i say, if i was talking to someone for more than 10 mins i'd offer em a drink. i'm a sucker for trying to makes a good impression