parents over protective

daiixi

kelle wrote: »

Now, now, Thaedydal, I asked him first!

:eek: hold on there kelle. I'm a HER.

<-- look - She Ra!

One thing I'm picking up from this thread is that (some) people don't always mean it when they say they have "noone" to look after their kids. What they're saying is that they sometimes choose not to ask someone to look after their kids for various reasons or it's just not (in their opinion) a feasible option. Which makes much more sense.

Nevyn

kelle wrote: »

Now, now, Thaedydal, I asked him first!

I have first dibs and she has meet my brats, oddly enough didn't run screaming

With children now seen as the sole responsibility of the parents rather then the wider family it can be hard to want to bother family who have their own busy life's and ask them to babysit.

My sibling used to baby sit for me but well they are grown up, married, moved away and started to have kids of their own. I do hope that I will be able to repay thier kindness in kind by minding thier brats, that is if they will let mad aunty Thaed mind them

kelle

daiixi wrote: »

:eek: hold on there kelle. I'm a HER.

<-- look - She Ra!

.

Oops, sorry Daiixi:o! I was assuming your username was taken from David or Daithi! My sincerest apologies.

kelle

Femmy wrote: »

I think people can be very over protective with their kids, i think it is a bit unhealthy for a child to be so attached to one parent..i understand that some kids are just like that..but i hear people making excuses why they cant leave their kids with other family members..and thats all they are..excuses...maybe its the parents that are too attached to their kids and not the other way around..

Maybe it's inconvenient to leave them with some family members, that's the point we who are not as lucky as you are trying to make! Maybe some family members would not take proper care of a toddler and the toddler could end up seriously injured or dead (I've made that point before). That's not an excuse, it's a fact.

daiixi

Thaedydal wrote: »

I have first dibs and she has meet my brats, oddly enough didn't run screaming

They were lovely! And I learned a very good lesson about the benefits of wide open spaces and good running shoes.


p.s. don't worry kelle .. my nick is pronounced "daisy" - don't ask!

metrovelvet

There are a number of reasons why people dont have help with their children.

1. Immigration - they are separated from their support networks

2. Money - they cant afford to hire someone to babysit

3. People are putting of having children later and later which means the grandparents, may be ill, dead or incapable of minding a child.

4. Depending on the child, he or she may not be used to being cared for by strangers or neighbors, and may not be able for it.

5. Grandmothers and grandfathers are still out working, pushing retirement.

Femelade

kelle wrote: »

Maybe it's inconvenient to leave them with some family members, that's the point we who are not as lucky as you are trying to make! Maybe some family members would not take proper care of a toddler and the toddler could end up seriously injured or dead (I've made that point before). That's not an excuse, it's a fact.

seriously, unless you leave a child with a complete retard then yea, i'd be worried about my child getting hurt or injured, but you say you have brothers? why would they be unable to mind your kids for a day and a night? unless they live far away which is understandable...

metrovelvet wrote: »

There are a number of reasons why people dont have help with their children.

1. Immigration - they are separated from their support networks
.

When people move away from their support networks,is that it? they not make new friends, do they keep to themselves from then on? Seriously, if people immigrate, surely they should build up their own support networks? Make friends with new neighbours who have kids, offer to mind their kids if they need, and they would do they same in return...

Ickle Magoo

Seriously, there are some very romantic notions of how easy it is to get babysitters when you are not near friends & family, lol!

We moved here nearly four years ago & I'd say it's only been in the past 6 months or so that we've become close enough to people to entrust them with our children. Sure, there were workmates & neighbours we'd wave to but it takes a while to build up the kind of relationship & trust from being strangers to leaving your child with them, even so, it would be for a night out or special occasion - it wouldn't be overnight or over a weekend.

Apart from not necessarily having family close by, some of us have family that aren't very willing. I asked my Mum to babysit once & she told me she "didn't do babies"...:(

Edited to add:

Sorry, I didn't answer the OP which was my original intention! I think your friend should ask what is really the issue. Four people turning you down for bridesmaid must be really horrible but even knowing their reasons, I don't suppose she'd want them if they made no effort to try & be bridesmaids. If it were my friend, my husband would stay home with the kids & I'd go to the wedding myself.

bored and tired

op, your friend should ask her prospective bridesmaids if they expect their children to still be clingy when the wedding comes around. If so can their oh not take them outside the church for the ceremony? or is that asking too much, I understand if you were bfreeding or expecting, but to be honest, it is a privilege to be asked to be someones bridesmaid especially when you are not family. They cant all have no one to babysit their children, if theres 4 bridesmaids with children /pregnant then there is 4 men who surely between them could manage to change a nappy and be happy that their mrs best friend is getting married and the mrs is bridesmaid,

As for it being selfish asking grandparents to babysit, people are having children later and later, and snubbing younger women for getting pregnant in the early 20's and late teens, well hang on a moment, my mother and my grandmother are both able to babysit my daughter, and if i asked they would be delighted. in fact my mother is planning on taking ds on summer holiday this year. thats not down to me being selfish and wanting to have time on my own its down to the fact that my grandmother got married at 18 and my mother at 21. This was the norm 30 years ago and not frowned upon. In fact my ds greatgrandmother is still getting used to enjoying her free travel card. it is my firm opinion that as a nation we are getting more and more selfish in leaving it later and later to start having a family. I know that it is not black and white, but i am talking generally,
but by waiting till we are 35-40 to start a family. and then your children wait till they in turn are 35-40, then your grandchildren are only starting to be born when you are in the age group 70-80, well we are depriving a nation of children of there grandparents and greatgrandparents, and with that we are also reducing our support network of family because yes our parents are too old in many cases to look after a toddler. Of course its just my opinion.

TequilaMockingBird

I personally am quiet willing to give over 10 years of my life to my young child, if I want to decline a social engagement because I want to be with my child, I will.

I think its fairly obvious that the OPs friend has something else going on here, maybe the "friends" just don't like her that much. Perhaps these girls just don't want to be bridesmaids, they want a day to relax and have fun, rather than hours of stress and hanging round, followed by hours of hanging round waiting for photographs, followed by best behaviour at the top table - and doing all of this while anxious to be having fun with their own family at the wedding.

As for Grandparents, they've done their job. They are more active now than ever before, they have their own social lives, or as the case may be, are simply too old.

An awful lot of people don't live in communities anymore, as a poster said above, being on nodding terms with a neighbour for years isn't uncommon now.

So if someone is uncomfortable leaving their child with someone they don't know very well, or is uncomfortable just asking someone, I don't think they should be called over-protective. Just responsible.

barbiegirl

sueme, I'm afraid I take exception to that remark. My mate is extremely good mates with these girls. I have met them and they ALL like her. As to not wanting the hassle, you know something maybe she didn't either when she did it for them, including traipsing half way around the country for bridesmaid fittings etc. She was happy to do it because they ARE her friends and she isn't selfish.
Personally I think giving 10 years totally over to a child and forgetting your friends and life apart from the kids leads to its own problems for other forums.
I had not intended contributing to this thread again as my question had been answered but your post just made my blood boil.

TequilaMockingBird

barbiegirl wrote: »

I had not intended contributing to this thread again as my question had been answered but your post just made my blood boil.

I was just the same as you, many of the posts here made my blood boil. So I posted my point of view.

People are different, and have different priorities, because they are not the same as yours, doesn't mean they are wrong.