New Suth Effrican Deekshunry

Capt'n Midnight

Officials of the New South African government have come to realise that the current status of having 11 official languages in the New South Africa is impractical. A new language was thus introduced. This is the English as it is now spoken on television and radio. The recently published New Suth Effrican Deekshunry defines these new weds. Here are some extracts and examples of their usage in the official New Suth Effrican
lungwich:

Bad - you sleep on it in the badroom

Beds - mossies, doves, etc

Beg - container, as in shopping beg, hand-beg, tog-beg

Ben - to set alight

Chealdren - our future is in their hands

Chetz - where worshippers go on Sundays

Cuds - you can play poker or rummy with them

Cut - a small donkey-drawn vehicle

Debben - city in KZN

Deekshunry - where you find weds

Detty - opposite of clean

Die'llas - as in drug die'llas or wee-pon die'llas

Driva - holds the steering wheel of a teksi

Duck - very duck at night when the lights are all off

Ebben - you get ebben erriors and rural erriors

Effrican - from the continent of Africa

Erriors - districts, e.g. ebbon erriors

Ewways - eg. SAA, Comair

Fems - companies, e.g., Anglo-American

Fest - the one before second and third

Fok - used with nifes

Fum - you can fum with ship or kettle

Fumma - he owns the fum

Guddin - where you grow kebbijees

Geave - you MUST geave, I WILL take

Get - a hinged device in a fence

Hair - as opposed to heem

Heppi - state of elatement, e.g. I'm so heppi - I just voted

Hiss - masculine form of hairs

Hubba - where sheeps dock

Itch - as in itch and avairy pesson

Jems - little bugs that give you the flu

Kah - what you drive around in

Kennel - ummy officer

Kebbijees - vegetable

Keptown - some think parliament doesn't belong there

Kettegry - in a system of classification

Kipper - one who kips, as in goal kipper

Kleenix - where nesses weck

Kot - where the judges sit

Len - to acquire knowledge

Leeda - as in Arwa Leeda, the president

Lungwich - weds what are spokkin

Mick - those that will inherit the eth

Miening - what is the miening of this attack?

Nesses - they weck in kleenix and hospitals

Pee pull - powa to da pee pull

Peppa - one way to get the news

Pesson - one of pee pull

Phlegm - the benning top of a kendal

Pees - symbolised by white dove

Pees-Tox - between IRA and John Major

Reeva - e.g. Limpopo, Vaal, Orange

Regime - anything to describe pre-1994

Ree kwest - replaced by dee mands

Rent - N/A - word obsolete

Scotched Eth - guerilla tactic

Sheep - big boat

Shex - houses in squatter camps

Ship - provider of wool

shít of Peppa - something to write on

Shuck-attak - if the shuck-net is brokkin

Shuck-nets - at Debben, for safety of sweamas

Spitch - what politicians make at a relly

Suth - opposite of North

Sweamas - compete in a sweaming pul

Teps - solvent to thin enamel paint

Teck - see geave

Teksi - kah for hire - sometimes parrot teksi

Tenning point - the "top" of a parabola

Thest - ice cold Coke will relieve it on a hot day

Tipic ally - characteristic

Tocks - negotiations

Ufrican - pertaining to Ufrica

Ummy - military force

Wee men - ladies

We pon - a gun

Wean-dow - with glus, for throwing bricks through

Weaned - Gone with the Weaned

Weaner - the one with the most votes

Weckliss - the unemployed pee-pull

Weds - what the dictionary is made up of

Wekkas - do the weck

Weld - the eth

Wems - small crawly creatures

biko

I can like to be wearing a jean pants