Which would you rather hear?

Weidii

Ok, say you're persuing someone and they want to blow you off, which would you rather hear;

a) "I thought I was attracted to you, but it was just a physical thing - you're hot but I don't find you interesting"

b) "I thought I was attracted to you, but it was just a friendly thing - you're nice, but I don't find you physically attractive"

So basically, would you rather if someone found fault in your looks, or in your personality?

(feel free to take it from the other perspective too, if you were blowing someone off, which approach would you take)

edit: mm, misread
Physical then

jellie

hmmmm. because id be more insecure about my looks it would probably hurt me more if someone said youve a great personality but youre not hot. basically im more secure about my personality, & id probably find it easier to accept that our personalities just arent compatible than someone just didnt fancy me.

which is weird because i would have that id be more insulted if someone told me i had a sh*t personality than just looked sh*t. but like i said, im secure enough in my personality, have lots of friends etc., so i know its not totally awful. but i DONT have lots of men queuing up for me cause im so amazingly stunning

hmm weird.

Clare Bear

Yeah would be more upset if he dissed my looks too. In fact he'd get a proper slap in the face!

Papillon87

Either would hurt me a lot, to be honest, as I'm a verrrry sensitive person, don't have much self confidence and take things very much to heart. However, I already know I ain't the Mae West in the looks department, and I've never garnered much male attention, but I always feel a surge of happiness when people say I'm a kind/sweet/funny/kooky girl, so I think I can be honest enough in saying I'd be more crushed if they faulted my personality.


Of course if they out and out called me ugly,that's a different matter!

TerrorFirmer

Your poll is in reverse to the question posed, so I'm sure it won't accurately reflect opinion as people will vote for the wrong thing by mistake.

metaoblivia

I'd be more hurt if he didn't like my looks, I think. I accepted a long time ago that certain personalities just don't mix. I would never tell someone that I thought they were uninteresting or had a sh*t personality - I would phrase it a bit more kindly, and say that I didn't feel our personalities mixed well or there was just a lack of chemistry.
Basically, when letting someone down, since you're already giving them a blow to their ego, unless they've done something awful to you or been a right prat, I don't see the point in further insulting them, either physically or personality-wise.

Weidii

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Your poll is in reverse to the question posed, so I'm sure it won't accurately reflect opinion as people will vote for the wrong thing by mistake.

I'm gunna go out on a limb and presume that everyone here can read. We should be ok :P

Weidii

metaoblivia wrote: »

I would phrase it a bit more kindly, and say that I didn't feel our personalities mixed well or there was just a lack of chemistry.
Basically, when letting someone down, since you're already giving them a blow to their ego, unless they've done something awful to you or been a right prat, I don't see the point in further insulting them, either physically or personality-wise.

Oh yeah, I totally understand. I'm really just wondering which would be worse to hear, taking into consideration they phrased it as kindly as possible (alot less bluntly than I did in the original post )

Loopy

I would also say looks, at least we can work on our personality's but there's fuck all you can do if you look like a bag of cats, apart from surgery.

I suppose personality because I'm likely to have invested time in someone if they feel that they can comment on that.

Lots of people aren't into my look, they don't worry nearly as much as the fanboys. I don't think things proceed far enough for someone to take offense. If one or the other person isn't into the looks.
Unless of course you have built up a self esteem issue about it.

Creachadóir

I guess looks...cos you can work on your personality, intelligence etc. One of my ex's dumped me because of my intelligence. I was always under the impression that I was very smart, so that hurt. However, it did lead to me starting to read more again. I realised that I had stopped trying to be smart. So I guess both can hurt. If you're confident about one aspect of yourself, looks or personality, it'll probably hurt more if that aspect is attacked as you were previously confident about that part of yourself. So maybe it's best if guys stick to the "it's not you, it's me" line because clearly telling us the truth leads to self-loathing;)

itchyend

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Your poll is in reverse to the question posed, so I'm sure it won't accurately reflect opinion as people will vote for the wrong thing by mistake.

Wow an online poll with questionable accuracy,, must be a first:p

cuckoo

For me it would be more unpleasant to hear someone didn't like my personality.

My looks (aside from wardrobe/hair/diet choices) are an accident of birth, a hodge podge of genes. My personality however is me. The way i run all my words together when i get excited, my love of coffee, the tears that i'll cry when tv characters die, the books that i read, the music that i sing along to, the way i like when my friends hug me 'hello' and 'goodbye' - those are all things that are me.

Also, what if someone liked my just for my looks ('cos i'm that gorgeous, btw :rolleyes:), would they have to end the relationship if my looks changed for what they considered the worst?

Bottle_of_Smoke

cuckoo wrote: »

For me it would be more unpleasant to hear someone didn't like my personality.

My looks (aside from wardrobe/hair/diet choices) are an accident of birth, a hodge podge of genes. My personality however is me. The way i run all my words together when i get excited, my love of coffee, the tears that i'll cry when tv characters die, the books that i read, the music that i sing along to, the way i like when my friends hug me 'hello' and 'goodbye' - those are all things that are me.

Also, what if someone liked my just for my looks ('cos i'm that gorgeous, btw :rolleyes:), would they have to end the relationship if my looks changed for what they considered the worst?

Then you'd be horrified to know how much of your personality is a hodge podge of genes.

Weidii

cuckoo wrote: »

My looks (aside from wardrobe/hair/diet choices) are an accident of birth, a hodge podge of genes. My personality however is me. The way i run all my words together when i get excited, my love of coffee, the tears that i'll cry when tv characters die, the books that i read, the music that i sing along to, the way i like when my friends hug me 'hello' and 'goodbye' - those are all things that are me.

I hear ya. Well at least you know that if they don't like "you" then you probably won't like their personality either.

Some people are saying "wellat least you can change your personality" but I really wouldn't want to. People change how they look when they go out every night anyway, makeup etc, but changing your personality is really changing who you are.

TerrorFirmer

Weidii wrote: »

I'm gunna go out on a limb and presume that everyone here can read. We should be ok :P

Yeah, but when you ask 'Which would you prefer' and start a poll with 'Which is worse'.....bad idea! There were 5 people voted for prefer to have my personality insulted despite several people having posted saying the opposite...including me, who took the poll assuming it to be asking the same question as the title!

Ickle Magoo

I voted I'd be more upset if they insult my personality...

I can change my look, my weight, my hair colour, my clothes, even get dental work or plastic surgery etc - my personality is my default settings, I can change aspects of it & learn new skills, I can't really change my actual honest personality so if someone I really want to be with thinks it stinks then I'm in trouble...not that I'd go to those kind of extremes to change my looks, I just mean they are really quite superficial.

rain on

I'd rather someone insulted my personality, probably because you can chalk that kind of thing down to incompatibility and suchlike, but insults to your looks are marginally harder to brush off. Even though opinions on appearance are as subjective as those on personality.

I voted for the wrong thing btw. My own fault for skimming though!

mollybird

id be very upset if someone dised my personality. well someone actually did and i just didnt' giave a **** as for my looks i think im just average looking but i know i can look pretty good at times.

MIN2511

I was going to start a thread about “he’s just not that into you” and then saw this.. it’s amazing how we waste our time drooling and think of the what if’s and nots of a relationship.
I stand by this no one is never too busy to text/ring you… if he doesn’t he’s just not that into you!
I would respect a guy more if he had the balls to tell me that rather than behave like a kid and ignore me…especially when we have passed the first date
Ladies and Gentlemen feel free to read the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo “he’s just not that into you” I reckon it would save the average person years off…

And to the question OP asked it doesn't matter what reply, they would both hurt... It's all about different scenarios, personalities e.t.c.

Wibbs

MIN2511 wrote: »

I stand by this no one is never too busy to text/ring you… if he doesn’t he’s just not that into you!

Very very true.

Dragan

You need a "I wouldn't care option".

By the sounds of it you are applying the scenario specifically to when you first meet someone. Well, i have only met them so am not going to get too hung up on what they think.

I mean, we will not get along with everyone and not everyone will be attracted to us. I see no point in worrying about such things. Then again, maybe that is why i can chat people up in the oddest of places?

Weidii

Dragan wrote: »

You need a "I wouldn't care option".

By the sounds of it you are applying the scenario specifically to when you first meet someone. Well, i have only met them so am not going to get too hung up on what they think.

Good point.

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Yeah, but when you ask 'Which would you prefer' and start a poll with 'Which is worse'.....bad idea! There were 5 people voted for prefer to have my personality insulted despite several people having posted saying the opposite...including me, who took the poll assuming it to be asking the same question as the title!

Ok, I get you. I don't think I can change the poll, but if there's any mod out there watching, would you delete it? (Shoulda thought it out better before I posted it)

Jemmy

Obviously noone wud like to heard either a simple its not working wud be fine!
But if he told me "you're hot but I don't find you interesting" Id say well **** you!
Id rather be told he doesnt find me physically attractive, But that im still a nice person!
But thats never happened!

Dragan

Jemmy wrote: »

Id rather be told he doesnt find me physically attractive, But that im still a nice person!
But thats never happened!

So does that make you a very hot but boring person then? :pac:

Jemmy

Dragan wrote: »

So does that make you a very hot but boring person then? :pac:

:pac: Ok fair play i asked for that!

badolepuddytat

Moonbaby wrote: »

Lots of people aren't into my look, they don't worry nearly as much as the fanboys. I don't think things proceed far enough for someone to take offense. If one or the other person isn't into the looks.
Unless of course you have built up a self esteem issue about it.

+1 I'm confident about my appearance and get that different guys (like girls) are into different body-types or looks. I'd be more upset if things did get that far with someone I liked that my personality is the issue. If I did have hang-ups about my looks it could be different though and physical chemistry is so important (to me) that if that mutual attraction wasn't there it'd be putting me off him even if I thought he was hot.

Star Lord

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Your poll is in reverse to the question posed, so I'm sure it won't accurately reflect opinion as people will vote for the wrong thing by mistake.

I voted the wrong way as I expected the question in the poll part to reflect the question posed in the OP.

Weidii

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

I voted the wrong way as I expected the question in the poll part to reflect the question posed in the OP.

Ok, some mod would you mind please deleting the Poll? Don't need a new one here, I think the OP is enough food for discussion.

Black Swan

Weidii wrote: »

So basically, would you rather if someone found fault in your looks, or in your personality?

(c) neither of the above

Although my hair could be a lot longer (which I am growing out), I am content with my looks and personality. So if someone tried to put me down, I would consider it their problem and not mine.