He's just not that into you

MIN2511

Why is it that we women don’t want to face facts? We call ourselves strong, independent, career focused women and yet we find it difficult to understand men… they are not difficult I swear to you…
Yesterday I was discussing with 3 of my best friends about a guy I really liked and that he hasn’t rang me(still hasn’t) and how I liked him and maybe he’s busy e.t.c. I was making excuses for him and one of the girls goes “he’s just not that into you” I was quite upset at her response and then she made me look the book online, read reviews and I bought one yesterday. So far reading the book has made me see things differently, we tend to hold on to nothing in hope that something would come out of it…
To all the single ladies out there that need guidance, buy the book
To all the attached ladies that are not so sure about their relation, buy the book
To all the men who lurk here, read the book! We now know those signals

Most threads on boards (PI and LL) are about relationships PI especially, i now regret the time I spent drooling over a bloke because he never rang me back or text me back e.t.c.
We all want that somebody who adores us, we don’t need to settle for less. Believe me there is life after a relationship, being single is not the end of the world (not everyone is meant to be committed) and never settle for less than you actually deserve.


I dunno where that came from… no rant I promise just something to enlighten everyone…

Crazy Catlady

I dunno about buying a book, but lots of ladies can make a multitude of excuses for men out of hope/desperation/optimisim.
I tend to agree tho. Chances are, he's just not that into you. So why waste your time?
Whats worse tho, is often we know it in our heart hearts, but we let our friends reinforce our excuses. Would you be thanked for pointing it out to someone?
Maybe we should take that approach in future. Friend obsessing? Remind her.... He's just not that into you! Sooner or later it'll catch on!

I started a thread two years ago on this.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054894138

Clare Bear

I was bought that book at Christmas by a male friend as a piss take (was with someone at the time who I knew wasn't that in to me but still was an eejit over him) and I thought it was really good. Told me all the things I already knew but was a really entertaining and interesting read. There's nothing in there you won't already know yourself deep down but it's a good read all the same. Plus when you do bag yourself someone great that is in to you you can read those signs too Actually when the Author was on Oprah he was rather cute too

ANYWAY, yeah good book, recommend it even just for a laugh.

Be afraid boys

MIN2511

Deleted User wrote: »

I started a thread two years ago on this.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054894138

Ah never saw that.. I have just made a few friends buy the book... Every situation is different but i believe there are tell tale signs that should make things easier for us

aye

what book?

ntlbell

aye wrote: »

what book?

He's just not that into you

shot in the dark

MIN2511

I got mine in Chapters for 1.99 in the second hand shop.

Dragan

MIN2511 wrote: »

To all the men who lurk here, read the book! We now know those signals

Why? When i meet someone or go on a date with them i am always upfront and honest.

Last week i met a very nice lass for a date on Tuesday night and we decided to meet again on Wednesday. Wednesday was a longer affair and i found myself distracted by things while on our date so at the end i simply said to her that as lovely as she was i just simply wasn't feeling it and felt no real point in leading her on.

She was more in to me than i was in to her but she appreciated my honesty and we still chat away via text.

Another girl might have thought it was a bit rude. Nothing i can do except say what i am feeling.

To be honest i don't really buy in to books like that, some people will get the contents and some won't.

Clare Bear

Dragan wrote: »

Why? When i meet someone or go on a date with them i am always upfront and honest.

Last week i met a very nice lass for a date on Tuesday night and we decided to meet again on Wednesday. Wednesday was a longer affair and i found myself distracted by things while on our date so at the end i simply said to her that as lovely as she was i just simply wasn't feeling it and felt no real point in leading her on.

She was more in to me than i was in to her but she appreciated my honesty and we still chat away via text.

Another girl might have thought it was a bit rude. Nothing i can do except say what i am feeling.

To be honest i don't really buy in to books like that, some people will get the contents and some won't.

Well unfortunately not all guys are like you.

ntlbell

Clare Bear wrote: »

Well unfortunately not all guys are like you.

But not all women will apreciate him for being such a nice guy.

and a round in circles we go.

hence the book was written.

g'em

Dragan wrote: »

She was more in to me than i was in to her but she appreciated my honesty and we still chat away via text.

Sounds like you need to buy her the book.

Dragan

g'em wrote: »

Sounds like you need to buy her the book.

lmao! Not sure if she would appreciate a present saying "look, get over me!"

Puddleduck

its hardly rocket science though..isnt it fairly obvious if someone isnt in to you? Ive come across a few guys that seem keen and then arent, so I just ask straight out are you intersted or arent you? Just hate it when they go 'of course I am..' but clearly arent.

St Bill

I think it's down to different ways of thinking....men have clear cut views of the world, while women look at the world in a more complicated way. Women notice detail more than men, which is a blessing sometimes but a curse when you're analysing what 'he' meant when 'he' said that your dress was 'ok'. Why just ok, why didn't he say it was gorgeous....etc etc.
It's better to take what most men say at face value because there really is nothing else (good, bad or otherwise) behind it! Hence if he says nothing, doesn't ring etc, he's just not interested....no more to it than that.

ntlbell

Puddleduck wrote: »

its hardly rocket science though..isnt it fairly obvious if someone isnt in to you? Ive come across a few guys that seem keen and then arent, so I just ask straight out are you intersted or arent you? Just hate it when they go 'of course I am..' but clearly arent.

if they clearly were not then why ask them?

jellie

a friend of mine recommended that book to me. during a bad patch with my bf. now while i understand she was probably didnt mean to be insulting, to tell me my bf of a year & a half is "just not that into me" because we were having a sh*tty couple of weeks i found highly insulting!

but it did help her cop the f*ck on about a guy shed been obsessing over for nearly 2 yrs that wasnt going anywhere & was never going to.

but theres a bit of a difference between obsessing over someone & having a relationship with someone :mad:

MIN2511

sar84 wrote: »

a friend of mine recommended that book to me. during a bad patch with my bf. now while i understand she was probably didnt mean to be insulting, to tell me my bf of a year & a half is "just not that into me" because we were having a sh*tty couple of weeks i found highly insulting!

but it did help her cop the f*ck on about a guy shed been obsessing over for nearly 2 yrs that wasnt going anywhere & was never going to.

but theres a bit of a difference between obsessing over someone & having a relationship with someone :mad:

It's not about obsessing, the world we live in people start and end relationships every day. Some people are in stagnant relationships that have no heads or tails, why do we want to progress in our career e.t.c. and not want to progress in our relationships?
Some men need a kick in the butts to cop on but why would you want to remind you to be with you... he shouldn't be reminded!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh i am going through self realisation and have asked a few friends and we seem to all be in the same vicious circle(never really know if they are not into us) i hate losing control of my life so i ask upfront(yes forward i know, but i rather know than waste my time)
No one is saying read the book word for word but we should be alert about situations like that..
No point crying over spilt milk when you could have avoided the spill

Creachadóir

Well, I was going out with a guy for 3 years, and I just flicked through this book cos it was on my friend's coffee table and she was on the phone. There were one or two things niggling me about the other half at the time, and the book kinda made me see some things that I hadn't wanted to see. Then again, if I hadn't read the book maybe I wouldn't have confronted him and we'd have got over the bad patch that had only lasted a short time...but anyway we broke up! I have since flicked through the same authors book about getting over a break-up

cuckoo

Dragan wrote: »

Why? When i meet someone or go on a date with them i am always upfront and honest.

Last week i met a very nice lass for a date on Tuesday night and we decided to meet again on Wednesday. Wednesday was a longer affair and i found myself distracted by things while on our date so at the end i simply said to her that as lovely as she was i just simply wasn't feeling it and felt no real point in leading her on.

She was more in to me than i was in to her but she appreciated my honesty and we still chat away via text.

Another girl might have thought it was a bit rude. Nothing i can do except say what i am feeling.

To be honest i don't really buy in to books like that, some people will get the contents and some won't.

Considering the other thread that's on here at the moment - was it her looks or personality?

But, seriously, fair play on being upfront. It's something that i know i would have appreciated in the past from some ppl I was in confusion about.

Puddleduck

ntlbell wrote: »

if they clearly were not then why ask them?

To be certain, and the when they go 'actually...' I can go thats grand, see ya.

New motto in life....any male who doesn't cherish me as much as my Daddy does can GTFO.

Black Swan

This isn't another one of those "10 steps to understand men" paperback books that sell at the market checkout beside the Red Tops?

Someone once told me that the most important things to understand about men were immediately above and below their belts.;)

Wibbs

Men are pretty simple in general. Not just a stereotype either, but we simply don't put as much thought and energy into this stuff. In a lot of cases we should I'll admit, but we're pretty clear and less obviously complex by comparison. It's not a disadvantage or an advantage, it's just a difference. The difference makes it interesting.

Obviously it varies with individuals. EG I would put more thought into this than a lot of guys I'd know. Hell the first boards beers I went to, quite a few people were going :eek: you're a guy! Even so I'd still be fairly stereotypical.


BTW can you imagine the reaction if a guy said, "any female who doesn't cherish me as much as my Mammy does can GTFO"? hohooo. He would rightfully be pilloried. In any case "irish daddy" can be just as much a bad influence on women and their expectations as "irish mammy" is on men. Both bad and good. I've been in relationships where I was picking up the pieces after "daddy" as much as being grateful to him.

jellie

MIN2511 wrote: »

It's not about obsessing, the world we live in people start and end relationships every day. Some people are in stagnant relationships that have no heads or tails, why do we want to progress in our career e.t.c. and not want to progress in our relationships?
Some men need a kick in the butts to cop on but why would you want to remind you to be with you... he shouldn't be reminded!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh i am going through self realisation and have asked a few friends and we seem to all be in the same vicious circle(never really know if they are not into us) i hate losing control of my life so i ask upfront(yes forward i know, but i rather know than waste my time)
No one is saying read the book word for word but we should be alert about situations like that..
No point crying over spilt milk when you could have avoided the spill

my point about obsessing wasnt a generalisation, it was specific to my friend. she was obsessed. i was simply saying that i found it insulting that she compared her obsession with my relationship & that because it helped her get over her obsession it would help me "get over" my relationship when it was simply a bad patch.

MIN2511

sar84 wrote: »

my point about obsessing wasnt a generalisation, it was specific to my friend. she was obsessed. i was simply saying that i found it insulting that she compared her obsession with my relationship & that because it helped her get over her obsession it would help me "get over" my relationship when it was simply a bad patch.

My apologies then..

jellie

MIN2511 wrote: »

My apologies then..

no dont be silly, i was just having a slightly off topic rant

didnt mean to say the book was for obsessed people, just that this girl was obsessed!

topper75

Can't believe there is such a book. Why?

I am extremely straightforward in my intentions with a girl and would contend that the vast majority of other boys are too. I certainly have no motive to leave girls hanging. That is tantamount to torture.

If in doubt - put it straight to your fella. You in or out?

This is the language we speak.

Or maybe it is just me cos I work in IT! :-)

jellie

topper75 wrote: »

Can't believe there is such a book. Why?

I am extremely straightforward in my intentions with a girl and would contend that the vast majority of other boys are too. I certainly have no motive to leave girls hanging. That is tantamount to torture.

If in doubt - put it straight to your fella. You in or out?

This is the language we speak.

Or maybe it is just me cos I work in IT! :-)

Theres a certain amount of "players" out there. some men seem to enjoy f*cking with girls heads (& theres an equal about of girls who do the same)

ntlbell

Wibbs wrote: »

Men are pretty simple in general. Not just a stereotype either, but we simply don't put as much thought and energy into this stuff. In a lot of cases we should I'll admit, but we're pretty clear and less obviously complex by comparison. It's not a disadvantage or an advantage, it's just a difference. The difference makes it interesting.

Indeed. It's womens complexity/over analyzing that makes it hard for them to understand how simple we are.

Just stop trying to work men out and you'll work men out it's THAT easy.

Dragan

cuckoo wrote: »

Considering the other thread that's on here at the moment - was it her looks or personality?

I guess i would have to say her personality? I mean, she is a cracking looking lass and a lovely person but just didn't have whatever i need to keep me truly interested in her I guess.