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Where to go from here?

  • 26-04-2008 4:24pm
    #1
    Confused!!!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    I don’t feel like I can talk to anybody about this, so any insight would be much appreciated. I suppose I should give you some background to begin with. I am an adopted person in my mid 20s. I had a really great upbringing and get on very well with my adopted family, no issues there. Almost two years ago I decided to trace my birth parents. It was really easy, I just sent a letter to the agency and a couple of months later I found myself in there.


    I was told that my birth parents had stayed together, got married and had children. This was a big shock initially, and it took me a few weeks to get my head around it as I had never thought about that happening until it was announced to me in the agency. I think they handled it pretty badly actually. Anyway, the standard procedure with letters exchanged etc etc happened over the next six months and eventually I met my birth mother.
    We got on really well, she is really nice. I met my birth father a few months later and the rest of the family a few months later than that. I see them every couple of months and it always goes very well but I am really confused as to where I fit in and where to go from here.


    In a way I am relieved that it all worked out, that they are all really nice people, that my adoptive parents (who have not met them yet) took it really well. But on the other hand, I have opened a really big can of worms and I don’t know what to do. Recently I have been making excuses not to meet them because I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about them. They are my family but they are not my family. What makes matters worse is that one of my adoptive parents has recently been diagnosed with a very serious illness and I am finding it really hard to deal with it all. I just don’t know what to do. Has anybody been in this situation before?


Comments

  • #2
    Kelly O'Malley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 147 ✭✭Kelly O'Malley


    Think of your 'blood relations' as just that.Emotionally they're not your parents and siblings.Think of them as distant relatives you've only just met.Family ties take time to grow,and you haven't known these people that long.
    It's great that they've turned out to be good people,there's your reassurance about you genetic background right there.
    The can of worms is for you emotionally,not the people around you.
    I'm appalled that it was dumped on you like this,the support adoptees are supposed to get is clearly lacking.
    Perhaps you might explain to your birth mother what is going on and ask for time and space to deal with both your own confusion and what is happening with your adoptive family.I'd strongly advise actively seeking counselling too.
    Us adoptees have some heavy emotional issues poorly understood by all (including ourselves!) but they can be resolved with good professional help.
    Prayers for the ill parent.xxKelly


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