The "wrong hole" girl... and other rumours which turned out to be false

skinner2x

melekalikimaka wrote: »

i heard it was a fourth year engineer student in ucd, met a traveller from the camp in sandyford industrial estate in club 92, went back to her van and she lay on on the bed and said 'none of your fancy sh1t, just lob it in there boss'

and the final piece of this, heard that half way through she yelled 'Fcuk the bladder 'ah me'. ....uuggghhhh:eek:

phenomenon

Anybody hear the one about the pantless guy stuck in the lady's toilets on a college night out?

Apparently some bird took a fella into one of the cubicles after meeting him on the dancefloor and promised to give him a blojob. She then took off his jeans completely and fled.

The poor bastard was stuck in the cubicle for half an hour before he plucked up the courage to come out. He couldn't ring/txt his mates for help bcos he wasn't able to get reception in the club, as you know yourself.

Apparently he just walked out the door and hopped into a taxi...pantless. There was supposed to be camera phone evidence of this doing the rounds at campuses around Dublin a few months ago but I've yet to come across it.

Joe Cool

but I've yet to come across it.

Each to there own, I guess


:cool:

jcrowbar

phenomenon wrote: »

Anybody hear the one about the pantless guy stuck in the lady's toilets on a college night out?

Apparently some bird took a fella into one of the cubicles after meeting him on the dancefloor and promised to give him a blojob. She then took off his jeans completely and fled.

The poor bastard was stuck in the cubicle for half an hour before he plucked up the courage to come out. He couldn't ring/txt his mates for help bcos he wasn't able to get reception in the club, as you know yourself.

Apparently he just walked out the door and hopped into a taxi...pantless. There was supposed to be camera phone evidence of this doing the rounds at campuses around Dublin a few months ago but I've yet to come across it.

Didn't that happen to Chandler in an episode of Friends?

JBoyle4eva

NorfolkEnchants wrote: »

Quality thread, some of the funniest posts ever.

This story kinda links in with another thread on stupid Americans, but here goes, pretty certain this one is for real anyway...

Group of Irish lads in America on the Californian side of things, San Diego, got chatting to a group of American girls. One of the lads is getting on really well with one of them and she asks him (as stupid Americans tend to) "Can you speak any Gaelic?"

So the guy is there giving his best with all the lines he can remember from national school - "Is maith liom caca milis", "Is aobhinn liom mo Mhamai" etc etc

They're getting on great, then yer man heads for the TK Maxx to drain the spuds. The American girl follows him in and drags him into a cubicle. They're there kissing away, things getting heavy, and she starts kissing him down his chest whilst opening his shirt down to the top of his jeans, opens his jeans, takes his c*ck out and looks up at him and says "Give me some more of that Gaelic"

Yer man panics, has already given everything he knows and can't think of anything but doesn't want to pass up a bj, so he closes his eyes tight, and says:

"Ar n-athair, ata ar Neamh..."

Reckons he'll never go to Mass again!!

That's brilliant:D

Pride Fighter

I have a stupid one I heard when I was a lot younger. A 14 year old is having a w4nk and to spice it up he puts his ma's tights on. Apparently the ma comes home and he takes off the tights just in time and hides. She puts the tights on (without any underwear) and gets pregnant with her sons son.
A stupid urban myth but it wasnt posted previously.

Joe Cool

Don't remember the whole story but I remember hearing one about a guy ending up with a lady of rather large proportions.

In the course of the night they retired to the bedroom, a fair amount of alcohol had been consumed and the two proceeded to shed their clothes.

The lights were out and the bloke started for the woman's more than amble bosom. He gets his mouth around a nipple and starts sucking on it.
All of a sudden he gets a blast of sour tasting fluid in his mouth. Having never tasted breast milk (not since he was an infant anyway) he questions the girl as to whether she has 'recently had kids.' the woman angrily replies 'No!'.

He thinks nothing of it and continues with the activities of the night.
Next morning, in the cold light of day, he sees what he has done.
The woman stirs beside him and the bed sheets expose a breast.
On the side of her tit is what can only be described as the withered remains of a giant boil.
The bloke remembers that sour taste and runs into the bathroom and pukes violently.


:cool:

brianthebard

Lolz at pride fighter and vomz at joe cool!Thats worse than the beastiality stories!

ibFoxer

There a few years ago when i was doin the leavin cert i was out sick for a few weeks and a rumour went around that i was gone off to do an audition for Your A Star and i was down to the final 20 or somethin......

Some achievement considering i cant and wont sing!!

Red Alert

Years ago the Ents officer in UCD had sex with a girl in one of the big lecture theatres.... anyway next morning the prof turns on the overhead-projector, and what's there only the full condom!

Joe Cool

Years ago the Ents officer in UCD had sex with a girl in one of the big lecture theatres.... anyway next morning the prof turns on the overhead-projector, and what's there only the full condom!

Sherry, you old dog you.


:cool:

ByrdsFan

One I heard years back was about a stag night up in Cork. The groom was absolutely wasted & his mates took off his trousers & tied him to a pole. When they came back a few hours later, they found he had been gang raped. Wedding had to be called off as he spent the next year in a mental institution.
Total BS

kryogen

Kold wrote: »

There was one doing the rounds about a year ago in Cork. A few lads apparently got a few mushies and after eating 'em they didn't get much of a trip off 'em so went to bed. They got up to find that one of the lads had been tripping balls. He said that he'd had a crazy night and had found some goblin. Him and the goblin supposedly stayed up for ages dancing then he claimed that the goblin started getting aggresive so he'd locked him in the cupboard. Supposedly then they found a kid with down syndrome in the cupboard that he'd kidnapped from an all night Tesco.

/QUOTE]


i have actually heard that story myself, long time ago though! cant remember if its exactly the same but its really familiar

lafors

An email sent from a mates account

Have you ever AC Slatered though?
"Guys this is probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC SLatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tommorow. I am so embarassed and I hope my gf doesnt blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out."

Cato

can i ask you why taking a **** backwards was a god idea?

Phlann

Every group of friends everywhere has one guy who claims that while riding a skanger bird she said: "Lob it into me boss! Balls 'n' all!"

I don't think it's ever happened.

Futurecrook

Not ones that have done the rounds but while we're talking about people being gullible...

Me and my mates convinced a friend of ours that Croke Park folds down at night and that it's on wheels so it can be moved. Haven't a clue how she believed it but she did.

On a school trip to Paris we were in a restaurant one night, carvery/buffet type deal so we all went up with our plates and got a bit of everything that looked edible. One of my friends comes back with what she thought were onion rings. After chewing on one for a second she goes, this isn't onion and proceeds to go ask the guy serving the food what it is. She comes back and goes "He said its callamar... something" Obviously it was callamare (fried squid) but for the laugh I said, did he say callamare or callamaro? She looked worried and asked why and i said, oh because callamaros are bull testicles. She freaked out thinking thats what he'd said and spent the rest of the holiday thinking she'd eaten bull testicles. Kinda cruel, but funny.

MJOR

the guy that was climbing over a barb wire fence and tore his sack and his ball fell out.. now called mickeyoneball

MJOR

Phlann wrote: »

Every group of friends everywhere has one guy who claims that while riding a skanger bird she said: "Lob it into me boss! Balls 'n' all!"

I don't think it's ever happened.

I heard it was never mind of your fancy sh!t boss just lob it into me lol!!!

JohnCleary

MJOR wrote: »

the guy that was climbing over a barb wire fence and tore his sack and his ball fell out.. now called mickeyoneball

:eek::eek::eek:

Quazzie

The local one in out school was a guy that went on holliers to Spain and when he was there pulled a girl and went back to her room. whilst getting down to it she asked him if he wanted to have the best orgasm ever to which he replied a very horny 'YES' she then handed him a tampon and told him to put it up his ass, as he was horny he did, and she continued riding him telling him to let her know just before he was ready to shoot, which he did. As he shot she pulled the tampon and his total bowel contents emptied on the bed.

Apparently it was a true story but we never believed because he was a ginger c*nt and he'd never pull a woman.

Mr. Incognito

I've heard this story, or at least a version of it. The best friend of a guy I know from Cork brought a girl back to his place. They were doing all the usual horizontal dance moves when she suggested something "different". Basically, she got a towel, poured hot water on it and slipped it up his back passage, pulled it out at his moment of glory and sent dirty stuff all over his bed.

Of course he did a runner and left her (in his own room!) when she started rubbing herself with the towel.

Sick if true

This................... This was me, well not really but something similar. The fact that it's doing the rounds in Cork is enough to convince me that the same story has been incorporated.

What happened was I pulled a bird in a nightclub in Cork and headed back to the student villages. I had to get up early for work and was having my morning smoke waitng for the cab, had to go for a dump and when I was finished noticed there was no toilet paper.
In a panic, I had a wee look about and there was a conveniently placed crusty towel in the corner so I said- right so, use that and drop it in a bin outside. what actually happened was as I was making myself coffee after the cab beeped outside and I shot out the door. I was halfway to work before I realised I had left the towel neatly folded on the draining board.

I ran into the same girl a few weeks later. You wouldn't believe the dirty looks.

Anyway, here's a most crazy story that happened to a mate of mine from Limerick in the last few weeks- she was on a hen in Amsterdam and was scoring this Adonis of a chap, she was aplogising to the girls for being with him at a hen but they were like- he's gorgwous, go for it. At the end of the night after she had agreed to go home with him, she had a change of heart and decided she couldn't leave the girls on a hen, he got a bit upset and that convinced her that her instincts were right so she told him to take a hike.
Anyway, she arrives back in Ireland and starts getting a rash about her mouth, thinks it herpes or the like and off to the doctor. He has a look, pulls her aside as starts questioning her about who she has been with recently. Turns out she's a bacteriall infection of a particular strain that feasts on dead flesh and can only be transfered to living flesh by close contact with the dead.
The doctor has to report it to the cops, they get in touch with Interpol and turns out the guy is a serial killer has three dead young ones in his apartment that he's been belting into for a while.
She was THIS close to going home with the guy. Unreal.

i_love_toast

cant believe no one mentioned this one yet!
a guy has a cold soar on his face,he's with his bird one night and giving her a lick out downstairs.all goes well except a few weeks later he notices the cold soar is getting bigger and bigger so he decided to go to the doctor.the doctor examines it and notices that its moving....he slices it open and a load of crabs burst out!haha

total rumour but ya never know!!

MJOR

i_love_toast wrote: »

cant believe no one mentioned this one yet!
a guy has a cold soar on his face,he's with his bird one night and giving her a lick out downstairs.all goes well except a few weeks later he notices the cold soar is getting bigger and bigger so he decided to go to the doctor.the doctor examines it and notices that its moving....he slices it open and a load of crabs burst out!haha

total rumour but ya never know!!

I heard that too!

AnonoBoy

SetantaL wrote: »

Anyway, here's a most crazy story that happened to a mate of mine from Limerick in the last few weeks-

No it didn't. :P

helimachoptor

A lad in school a few years behind me got caught having a w*nk in class by a female teacher. He got suspended then when he came back at morning and lunch break he went in a knocked one of each time!

Another one I heard was similar to a few above..
I knew this girl who was just a filthy beast of a woman in both her sexual appetite and her hygiene. anyway she gets some lad to let her sit on his face and proceeds to empty her period into his mouth:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
must be a rumour

Same girl with another lad ask for it up the ass, turns around to him and tells him his co*ck is too small and to use his arm so he goes for it, he's elbow deep in her rectum and then she proceeds to try and take a dump...

Normally i wouldn't believe this stuff but if you knew this girl...

Kold

helimachoptor wrote: »

I knew this girl who was just a filthy beast of a woman in both her sexual appetite and her hygiene. anyway she gets some lad to let her sit on his face and proceeds to empty her period into his mouth:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
must be a rumour

Same girl with another lad ask for it up the ass, turns around to him and tells him his co*ck is too small and to use his arm so he goes for it, he's elbow deep in her rectum and then she proceeds to try and take a dump...

Normally i wouldn't believe this stuff but if you knew this girl...

... Pics or you're making it up >_<

helimachoptor

Kold wrote: »

... Pics or you're making it up >_<

Its been a while since I seen her, but at one stage she had set her sights on me, she came up to me in a nightclub when i was younger handed me a condom which was not in a packet and may have been 2nd hand and asked me to ride her on one of the couches... and yes she was serious and no I didnt do it!

Creature

SetantaL wrote: »

Anyway, here's a most crazy story that happened to a mate of mine from Limerick in the last few weeks- she was on a hen in Amsterdam and was scoring this Adonis of a chap, she was aplogising to the girls for being with him at a hen but they were like- he's gorgwous, go for it. At the end of the night after she had agreed to go home with him, she had a change of heart and decided she couldn't leave the girls on a hen, he got a bit upset and that convinced her that her instincts were right so she told him to take a hike.
Anyway, she arrives back in Ireland and starts getting a rash about her mouth, thinks it herpes or the like and off to the doctor. He has a look, pulls her aside as starts questioning her about who she has been with recently. Turns out she's a bacteriall infection of a particular strain that feasts on dead flesh and can only be transfered to living flesh by close contact with the dead.
The doctor has to report it to the cops, they get in touch with Interpol and turns out the guy is a serial killer has three dead young ones in his apartment that he's been belting into for a while.
She was THIS close to going home with the guy. Unreal.

Lol.

zuroph

SetantaL wrote: »

I ran into the same girl a few weeks later. You wouldn't believe the dirty looks.

Anyway, here's a most crazy story that happened to a mate of mine from Limerick in the last few weeks- she was on a hen in Amsterdam and was scoring this Adonis of a chap, she was aplogising to the girls for being with him at a hen but they were like- he's gorgwous, go for it. At the end of the night after she had agreed to go home with him, she had a change of heart and decided she couldn't leave the girls on a hen, he got a bit upset and that convinced her that her instincts were right so she told him to take a hike.
Anyway, she arrives back in Ireland and starts getting a rash about her mouth, thinks it herpes or the like and off to the doctor. He has a look, pulls her aside as starts questioning her about who she has been with recently. Turns out she's a bacteriall infection of a particular strain that feasts on dead flesh and can only be transfered to living flesh by close contact with the dead.
The doctor has to report it to the cops, they get in touch with Interpol and turns out the guy is a serial killer has three dead young ones in his apartment that he's been belting into for a while.
She was THIS close to going home with the guy. Unreal.

shenanigans, that story is as old as the hills

RoadSweeper

I heard a story from a mate, not sure if anyone posted it already, ture or not, i found it funny regardless.

A girl (friend of my mate), went back to some lads house after a night out and spent the night with him. Thy had a great night and had know friends of friend etc...
In the morning he said he had to slip out to college but she could lie on in the bed, just be sure the door closed safely once she left, and the toilet was broken.

Anyway, when she woke she went to the toilet and took a dump, she was horrified when she remember what the fella had said before leaving. She went and got a plastic bag grabbed the deuce from the bowl (Like a butcher handling meat) and was probably relieved to some extent. She went into the kitchen before leaving to leave her number for yer man and left on her way, making sure the door was closed safely.

When she got to the street to find a bin to put the bag of sh*t in, she was horrified when she realised that she left the plastic bag down beside the piece of paper she wrote her number on.

Flamed Diving

The classic 'girl who shagged/sucked off a dog'.

The guy who shagged a toy doll and got his willy stuck.

STUBBORNGIRL

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Round about third year a rumour went round that a guy in our class got head and when he was returning the favour she let her monthly discharge flow over his face. Accidentally.
Obviously it was ****e. He obviously bragged to a mate that he got head and the other details got added as the Chinese whispers progressed

I know a guy who is referred to as sunday bloody sunday for that very reason:) (happened on a sunday night)

STUBBORNGIRL

i_love_toast wrote: »

cant believe no one mentioned this one yet!
a guy has a cold soar on his face,he's with his bird one night and giving her a lick out downstairs.all goes well except a few weeks later he notices the cold soar is getting bigger and bigger so he decided to go to the doctor.the doctor examines it and notices that its moving....he slices it open and a load of crabs burst out!haha

total rumour but ya never know!!

I heard similar story but it was a girl that brought a lobster into the bath with her and inserted the tail up there and then lit the face on fire and it made the lobster go mad thus giving her a great orgasm - few weeks later she noticed something growing on her vagina and so went to the doctor and when he opened it a load of lobster eggs came out! Apparently she was lucky cause if they had grown insider her she could have died - ha ha what a joke and imagine the idiot that believed that story

Flamed Diving

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

I know a guy who is referred to as sunday bloody sunday for that very reason:) (happened on a sunday night)

Similar thing happened to me, I was disgusted!

thelordofcheese

i_love_toast wrote: »

cant believe no one mentioned this one yet!
a guy has a cold soar on his face,he's with his bird one night and giving her a lick out downstairs.all goes well except a few weeks later he notices the cold soar is getting bigger and bigger so he decided to go to the doctor.the doctor examines it and notices that its moving....he slices it open and a load of crabs burst out!haha

total rumour but ya never know!!

Biology does not work that way.

brianthebard

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

I heard similar story but it was a girl that brought a lobster into the bath with her and inserted the tail up there and then lit the face on fire and it made the lobster go mad thus giving her a great orgasm - few weeks later she noticed something growing on her vagina and so went to the doctor and when he opened it a load of lobster eggs came out! Apparently she was lucky cause if they had grown insider her she could have died - ha ha what a joke and imagine the idiot that believed that story

animal cruelty AND uber-twisted female orgasms...If only it were true.

dr.bollocko

brianthebard wrote: »

animal cruelty AND uber-twisted female orgasms...If only it were true.

I know.
The lobster didnt go crazy at all.
He just pinched me so I dropped him.

Long and short of this beautiful tale is never ask to borrow my mobile phone.

zuroph

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

I heard similar story but it was a girl that brought a lobster into the bath with her and inserted the tail up there and then lit the face on fire and it made the lobster go mad thus giving her a great orgasm - few weeks later she noticed something growing on her vagina and so went to the doctor and when he opened it a load of lobster eggs came out! Apparently she was lucky cause if they had grown insider her she could have died - ha ha what a joke and imagine the idiot that believed that story

lol, the version i heard she did die, and it left me wondering "how did they know she did that?!". if i had believed it obviously.

milmo

A friend of a friend allegedly had a romantic encounter with a young lady who asked that he take her up the ass.

When he withdrew there was a small piece of sweetcorn stuck in his japs eye:eek:

From there on he was was known as "corn on the knob".


Allegedly.

Joe Cool

milmo wrote: »

A friend of a friend allegedly had a romantic encounter with a young lady who asked that he take her up the ass.

When he withdrew there was a small piece of sweetcorn stuck in his japs eye:eek:

From there on he was was known as "corn on the knob".


Allegedly.

Heard a similar one about two gay (am I saying that right, gay?) lads in a hospital. One of them has a serious burning irritation on his knob. Doctor examines him and finds a small hot chili seed lodged up his urethra.

Turns out his partner had a case of the sh*ts after a spicy dinner.

Story could work just as well with a girl as the partner but its just the way I heard it.

hussey

Dunno if it has been posted but the old Richard gere Hamster story must be high on the list

EL_Loco

read the whole thread to make sure this one hasn't been posted, so now I'm starting to think it might be true, allow me to share:

As you may be aware medical students get to practice on the cadavers of those people who donate their bodies to science. So anyways, one chap with access to the bodies decides to have a bit of fun and removes the meat and 2 veg off some poor dead chap and away he goes.

Cue the gents toilets at lunch time (when it's usually at it's busiest) this fella standing at the urinal starts to frantically shake his lad, starts to make some exclaimations and generally starts to cause a scene. The other gents in the vacinity look over to see what the comotion is, at which point he pulls the cadaver penis out of his cax in his hand saying "OMG it's come off!!!". Mayhem ensues, and if I'm to believe the story an onlooker faints amongst the general madness.

made me laugh at the time.

Prof.Badass

Yeah i heard a variation of that story on "QI".

Speaking of wrong holes, here's a nice little story.

Guy (17 or 18) commits buggery with his girlfriend (same age) while his parents are away.

They unexpectedly come back early just as he's finishing. He quickly dresses himself and goes downstairs to greet them.

They keep him talking to them for ages. Finally he gets back up to his bedroom and the girl has shat all over his bed!!!

She escapes, but his parents find the sh!t-covered sheets.

He has no time to think so he blames it on the dog he's had since he was a kid (it helps if you imagine he really loves the dog, which i've heard he did)

Anyway on hearing this his parents decide to put the dog down.

He really doesn't want this to happen, but he has no other reasonable explainations.

He's completely torn between the 2 options and eventually chickens out and stays silent.

Dog gets put down, he lives with the guilt for the rest of his life.

my friend claims this actually happened to a guy he knows. lol

thefinalstage

vinylmesh wrote: »

Yeah i heard a variation of that story on "QI".

Speaking of wrong holes, here's a nice little story.

Guy (17 or 18) commits buggery with his girlfriend (same age) while his parents are away.

They unexpectedly come back early just as he's finishing. He quickly dresses himself and goes downstairs to greet them.

They keep him talking to them for ages. Finally he gets back up to his bedroom and the girl has shat all over his bed!!!

She escapes, but his parents find the sh!t-covered sheets.

He has no time to think so he blames it on the dog he's had since he was a kid (it helps if you imagine he really loves the dog, which i've heard he did)

Anyway on hearing this his parents decide to put the dog down.

He really doesn't want this to happen, but he has no other reasonable explainations.

He's completely torn between the 2 options and eventually chickens out and stays silent.

Dog gets put down, he lives with the guilt for the rest of his life.

my friend claims this actually happened to a guy he knows. lol

Cowardly mother ****er.

GreeBo

The **** covered girl escapes how exactly?

ExoduS 18.11

heard a similar story while in sec school that a couple had tried anal, and just as the dude was about to spew, a piece of sweet corn got jammed down his jap-eye. the obvious result was that his meat and two veg expanded and he could not pull out. An embarrassing trip to hospital followed. Expanding cocks?

Also heard a rumour that two scummers from an estate in my town used emtpy crisp bag as a method of contraception. turned out to be true. "Salt and vinegar or cheese and onion?"

tribulus

Must be lots of scumbags using junkfood wrappers for condoms.

It was Mars bar wrappers where I am and of course the joke was " ye didn't use the kingsize one, aaaaaaaaahhhahaha".

There was also a guy called Sock supposedly for the same idea, though I'd believe mars and crisp wrappers before that.

AnonoBoy

vinylmesh wrote: »

Yeah i heard a variation of that story on "QI".

Speaking of wrong holes, here's a nice little story.

Guy (17 or 18) commits buggery with his girlfriend (same age) while his parents are away.

They unexpectedly come back early just as he's finishing. He quickly dresses himself and goes downstairs to greet them.

They keep him talking to them for ages. Finally he gets back up to his bedroom and the girl has shat all over his bed!!!

She escapes, but his parents find the sh!t-covered sheets.

He has no time to think so he blames it on the dog he's had since he was a kid (it helps if you imagine he really loves the dog, which i've heard he did)

Anyway on hearing this his parents decide to put the dog down.

He really doesn't want this to happen, but he has no other reasonable explainations.

He's completely torn between the 2 options and eventually chickens out and stays silent.

Dog gets put down, he lives with the guilt for the rest of his life.

my friend claims this actually happened to a guy he knows. lol

Yeah I read that on snopes.com too.

Overflow

In a housing estate where i used to live many years ago there was this notorious crazy family, they were all nuts, especially the son and the mother. Well one day the son let loads of the lads from around the estate into his gaff for some reason. They discovered a ton naked paintings that the mother did of her two daughters. Later that day i came home only to see naked pictures of the two daughter strung up on lamp posts and stuck in bushes all around the estate. Shocking but true!