Break Up Etiquette...

Cmol

Ok, without making this long winded, how long after a break up would you consider it ok to start dating someone else (purely out of respect for the other party in the break up)
Surely if its been an amicable enough break up i.e. no cheating or any other nasties there will always be a degree of respect there, I mean at one stage the other person in the relationship was a massive part of your life!

I know circumstances will come into this alot but rough guesstimates will do!!

And, before you ask, yes I have just gone through a break up and no, im not the one moving on... curious to see what other people - wimmins and blokes! Have to say about this...

Hope ive explained this ok!

AckwelFoley

The next day?


To be honest i dont think there is an answer to this. I know i started into the whole dating thing about 6 weeks after the break up of a longterm relationship and it felt right at the time and had a few after that again, but it just wasnt right for me, and i think it had a bad effect on me. It took me months to try and get over it.

Its been nearly a year.. alas, i dont think im ready... i still love her.

Cmol

Heh, i know, its a tricky one...

Loopy

I don't think there really is a right or wrong time. Obviously depends on the situation.

If you socialise in similiar circles it's a different ball game. You don't want to rub it in the persons face.

Personally, I would need to get my head together after a break regardless of who ended it, and I would probably leave it a couple of months before I even started seeing someone else. Some of my mates are different and have the attitude the best way to go over someone is to get under someone else. Some people can't be alone and jump straight into something else, mainly due to lonliness.

AckwelFoley

looptheloop wrote: »

You don't want to rub it in the persons face.

.

Yea. Unless of course you ended on bad terms

Every person and break up is different. Whenever you feel it is right for you is the answer.

I'm six months post break-up and I still don't particularly have an interest in the opposite sex. I am horrified by the amount of people trying to set me up with lame duck friends of friends.
I guess they might leave me alone if I got a grove on myself.
I wouldn't say no to a daliance with a Polish builder type actually .

I would say 2 months assuming your ex would find out if you did

Ickle Magoo

Whenever you/they feel ready, I think. I wouldn't advocate leaving a period of mourning out of respect for an ex, they are your ex now & you get on with your life however you see fit - ex's stop having a say in my life the day they become my ex. On the other hand, jumping out of one relationship & into another very rarely works but if it's your ex we're talking about, then that's their problem.

Ginny

I'm 6 months single now (Christ:eek:) and I haven't "dated" at all yet.
I'm not adverse to meeting some, but it just hasn't happened yet.
In the past I have met someone serious 2 months after a break-up, but tbh it's up to each individual and the circumstances. I know with my first ex our relationship was well over before it was actually over and so it didn't take me too long to get to the place where I wanted to meet someone else.

daiixi

I'd say that you can start dating someone else when you find someone else you want to date. Your ex may not like it so if you're trying to maintain a level of friendship then it's best that you tell them so they don't find out from a third party. You've broken up, why should you turn down possibly the "love of your life" just because your ex might be hurt? There's one simple rule to relationships and friendship - HONESTY!

Latchy

There no real rules as to when you start seeing anybody after the breakup of a relationship .Most women i have known in that situation after a breakup say they dont wish to meet up with or date anybody for a few months or in some cases at not at all .The latter is usualy after a bad break up after putting up with all kinds of crap for a long time ie , being mistreated by a man .

But some ladies are quite happy to jump right back in there asap with not a second thought to the previous guy .

Cmol

Thanks guys, like I said, its not actually me moving on...
Most of you have said what I was thinking which is cool... makes me feel like less of a mental case :P

WindSock

Best to wait before the dust settles first. You don't want to be using someone to rebound off of and flaunt in front of your ex.

Nevyn

I would say it depends on when the emotional break up happened.

Some people break up emotionally from thier bf/gf before the actual break up and hence get over them quicker where as for some the emotional break happens some time after the break up; so it depends on the situation.

cornbb

Thaedydal wrote: »

I would say it depends on when the emotional break up happened.

Some people break up emotionally from thier bf/gf before the actual break up and hence get over them quicker where as for some the emotional break happens some time after the break up; so it depends on the situation.

Thats an excellent observation.

Coming out of a recent breakup myself, I would say that the time is right whenever you feel your head is clear and capable enough to take on a new relationship without the worry of the baggage of the last one bogging you down. I know everyone is different, but I think that in general hopping from one relationship to another too quickly is unhealthy for both you and a new potential partner. I think a cleansing of the emotional palate, so to speak, is in order first.

pinkmonkey

Well the last 3 girls I have been with all cheated on me, lied to me and treated me like dirt. I have lost trust in girls (Sorry if it sounds like I'm bashing girls, I'm not, I know there are some really nice ones out there I just have not ended up with the right ones. Most of my friends are female and they are really nice).

The first girl slept with a guy who I kind of knew and I walked in on them.

The second girl was seeing someone behind my back and lied to me numerous times. When she dumped me she claimed that she had lieukemia and that she didn't want me to have to see her suffer (I found out this was a lie and what is worse is that my Uncle died from it so it was not a nice thing to make up).

The third girl treated me badly and talked about me behind my back and said she cared about me but didn't. She dumped me by text and gave me no reason.

Now I don't want to be with anyone and if an ex of mine finds someone else then I take it as a slap in the face. If people can simply move on and find other people then screw them as far as I'm concerned.

In fact all 3 dumped me by text (cowards!!!)

Let me just say again 90% of my friends are female and there are nice girls out there I just haven't been lucky enough to find one. I have given up at this stage and now I don't tend to go out for fear of meeting a girl who might treat me like those 3 did..
I'm not looking for sympathy don't worry just adding to the thread!

So to the people who dump someone think about the other persons feelings!
To the person who got dumped - I feel so sorry for you and just remember that it's a fact of a life that nasty people exist.

Don1

I waited less than a week before I tried to move on and was with an "old friend". It f*cked my head right up I'll tell you. Good now though.

pinkmonkey

pinkmonkey wrote: »

So to the people who dump someone think about the other persons feelings!
To the person who got dumped - I feel so sorry for you and just remember that it's a fact of a life that nasty people exist.

+1 because we niceies are powerless victims in the face of nasty mates and completely unable to dump bastards.

Papillon87

As someone who was recently dumped (well.......5 weeks tomorrow but feels like yesterday), and is still very much in love.......I can honestly say I have no desire to talk to let alone kiss or go out with anyone except my ex.

He, on the other hand, is over me, assuming he was every actuall into me.

Papillon87

Papillon87 wrote: »

As someone who was recently dumped (well.......5 weeks tomorrow but feels like yesterday), and is still very much in love.......I can honestly say I have no desire to talk to let alone kiss or go out with anyone except my ex.

He, on the other hand, is over me, assuming he was every actuall into me.

In five years time you'll be look at the arsehole and wondering what you ever saw in him.
Honest!

Papillon87

Thanks Moonbaby...I'm not in a very good state atm! He was my best friend beforehand, and now is completely burning me and has cut me off.......not even a thanks or acknowledgement of the GTA4 pre order I bought him for his bday sniff!! The thought of him being with someone else...uh my stomach.

Anyways sorry to have hijacked the thread! Continue on!

Latchy

It's all swings and roundabouts and somtime you have to go round and round many times to learn some cruel lessons before you find your feet again .

Creachadóir

Papillon87 wrote: »

As someone who was recently dumped (well.......5 weeks tomorrow but feels like yesterday), and is still very much in love.......I can honestly say I have no desire to talk to let alone kiss or go out with anyone except my ex.

He, on the other hand, is over me, assuming he was every actuall into me.

Men are strange. I've been broken up with my ex 5 weeks too. The day before we broke up he was still sending i love you texts, the night we broke up he didn't even text to see if I was ok. We were going out 3 years. I can't understand how guys can switch off like that.

I don't think I'll be able to move on for a few months, I'm still so down about the situation. We were friends beforehand too for a few years, and he was always the one chasing me before we went out.

I don't think he'll go out with anyone for a good while, but I'm sure he's probably out and about doing what guys do!! I know that my friends ex started dating someone a fortnight after they broke up and they'd been together nearly 5 years. She was as hurt about that as the break-up because whe was friends with the girl involved.

Break-ups are tough. It's very hard when the person is your best friend. It seems like they know everything about you and still reject you. But I guess to answer the OP, you start dating/seeing someone when the right person comes along regardless of time...but you'll only want to do that when you're ready. That is unless you're trying to make your ex jealous or other mindgames of that nature.

Wibbs

cornbb wrote:

Thats an excellent observation.

Coming out of a recent breakup myself, I would say that the time is right whenever you feel your head is clear and capable enough to take on a new relationship without the worry of the baggage of the last one bogging you down. I know everyone is different, but I think that in general hopping from one relationship to another too quickly is unhealthy for both you and a new potential partner. I think a cleansing of the emotional palate, so to speak, is in order first.

Nail on the head. Going from one to the next without leaving the past behind and more importantly learning from it is a recipe for disaster.

pinkmonkey wrote: »

Well the last 3 girls I have been with all cheated on me, lied to me and treated me like dirt. I have lost trust in girls (Sorry if it sounds like I'm bashing girls, I'm not, I know there are some really nice ones out there I just have not ended up with the right ones. Most of my friends are female and they are really nice).

In fairness that and how they handled it would wreck anyone's head. OK you're right, not all women are eejits(same with guys) and not all of them will act the same with each guy(though that's more likely). Nows the chance to sort yourself out for the next time. It takes two to tango in a relationship, both the keep it and even in a lot of cases to split it up. Ask yourself why this happens to you. Once or even twice and you can chalk it up to shít happens, but when it's a pattern you have to ask yourself why. Are you acting a certain way that causes these people to react a certain way? This doesn't excuse them BTW, just maybe explains the kick off point. Are you picking the kind of personalities that are more likely to stray? Now it still very likely that it's still in the realm of shít happens, but if it happens again then you may be playing into it.

So to the people who dump someone think about the other persons feelings!

The harsh reality is that at the time they make that decision they're thinking of their own feelings. You may get lucky and get someone who does regard your feelings in the matter too, but really they're the ones making the decision and anything else is an albeit welcome addition.

To the person who got dumped - I feel so sorry for you and just remember that it's a fact of a life that nasty people exist.

I'm not so sure about nasty. While that's an easy out to think that, it's possible that they were just wrong for you and you for them. It's better to find that out now rather than later too.

Breakups and the loss of love is a very traumatic thing, but it's also an opportunity for growth if you take it and it also means that you have the capacity for love in the first place. If you're open to it, you'll find someone who will see that and return it.

Creachad&#243 wrote: »

Men are strange. I've been broken up with my ex 5 weeks too. The day before we broke up he was still sending i love you texts, the night we broke up he didn't even text to see if I was ok. We were going out 3 years. I can't understand how guys can switch off like that.

People are strange full stop. I had one ex that ... ok. Relationship going good(I thought), futures being talked about and all that stuff. I'm staying over in her gaff. Love was made, I love you's were exchanged etc. She has to meet a mate of hers(female), so we arrange to meet later to go out. I hear nothing. Can't contact her(days before moby's ). Next day she rings me to tell me that she's met someone else and she thinks he's the "one". :eek: Colour me gobsmacked. She met him with her female friend and decided this after two hours of meeting him(I knew her mate so I got the story). It's over stuff. Needless to say she came back two months later telling me she really loved me. My answer was along the lines of "they let you out on day release?".:D

Another bloke I knew was with his girlfriend for 4 years. Engaged with wedding planned. Him, her and their respective families were on holiday together. He goes up to bed early leaving her with the families. No sign of her later. Him in panic. Finally she shows up in the morning and informs him that it's over. She met and talked with the barman and thinks she's in love.....

That's just two of about four I can think of.

So I'll see your strange men and raise you batshít women.

I know that my friends ex started dating someone a fortnight after they broke up and they'd been together nearly 5 years

9 times outa ten that was planned well in advance.

Clare Bear

There's no time frame. It depends on you, them, your feelings, how it ended etc. After my most recent break up I started seeing someone 2 weeks later. After a previous ex it took me over 2 years (yes, 2 long painful years!) to even look at another guy so it all depends on a lot of things.

Never fun seeing an ex move on first though, no matter how much you think you're over them.:(