Feeling 'weird' when an ex gets married

pow wow

Do you ladies think it's normal to feel weird when you find out an ex has gotten married? I can't describe the feeling, it's not jealousy as in I want him for myself, more like sad that he has got someone and I haven't...I think

Abi

I understand what you mean. Not quite jealousy, perhaps its because they've moved on without you. Wondering when it will be your turn etc., and the fact that you knew them as intimately as their now partner does.

Because you are not at their stage at the moment, is why you seem to be focusing on the ex. It will pass.

What is for you, will never pass you.

pow wow

It's an awful hollow feeling, so bizarre. Curses to facebook and its search function! We went out years ago so it's not like it's raw or anything, it just feels very very weird.

Chinafoot

I understand 100% what you mean. We broke up years ago and it wasn't exactly amicable and I found out afterwards that he was cheating on me with a girl we knew. I had my suspicions towards the end of the relationship. He still denies it but I know he was.

Anyway, 2 years or so later I found out from some former friends (who you know just happened to be passing where I worked and thought they'd drop in :rolleyes:) that himself and this girl were engaged. It was the weirdest feeling. I was well and truly over him and realised just how badly he'd treated me at the end, but I still felt....weird.

There recently there was little announcement in the local paper about himself and herself "welcoming a baby boy" (or girl, can't remember) and I felt that weirdness too. It wasn't as bad as the initial "he's getting married" weirdness though.

But yeah, ramblings aside, I know exactly what you mean and it is strange. You don't want them at all but there is a little bit of "oh, he's well and truly moved on with his life". I guess there's a teeeny, tiny part of us that kinda hoped they'd still be pining away for us

Clare Bear

Totally know what you mean. I found out a few weeks ago that my first boyfriend got engaged. Was happy for him but just felt sad. Even though I'm madly in love and wouldn't want to be with him anyway but it's just a strange feeling isn't it....

Not as bad as when I came across another ex's Bebo though and saw all the photos of him and his girlfriend. Wasn't over him at the time and it hurt like a biatch. Yet again another reason why these Facebook/Bebo etc sites are evil.

I think even if you've moved on, are with someone else and wouldn't want to be with them anyway, it's still a weird feeling because you were once so close to that person.

Creachadóir

I guess sometimes it depends who did the breaking up.

My boyfriend from college got married last year, and I felt good for him even though we're not friends anymore. He was always going to get married young though...and it was me that put a halt to our relationship.

My ex from after that broke up with me, it hurt for a long time..at least a year. I saw pics of him with his new girlfriend on bebo recently and just thought cool for him. Don't think I'd mind if he was married. I guess when I saw them I was all loved up myself and it just didn't hurt anymore.

However I know I'll be devastated when I find my latest ex of 3 years gets into a new relationship (if he does...) I thought he was my "the one".

Doctor DooM

I went to an exes wedding with my new improved model( at the time ). We're all friends... It was a little weird, but alot of her family are my friends so its all good.

cuckoo

Clare Bear wrote: »

I think even if you've moved on, are with someone else and wouldn't want to be with them anyway, it's still a weird feeling because you were once so close to that person.

I find any big steps in an ex's life a little strange - moving house/buying a place/ new job/marriage/babies. Like Clare Bear said, I used to practically know what the person was thinking of having for breakfast, then the relationship ends and they make big changes in their life and i find out afterwards.

Rationally i of course don't expect my exes to be consulting me about their lives - but, emotionally it feels a little odd as my heart was trained to care deeply about that person and the muscle memory takes a long time to fade.

Clare Bear

cuckoo wrote: »

I find any big steps in an ex's life a little strange - moving house/buying a place/ new job/marriage/babies. Like Clare Bear said, I used to practically know what the person was thinking of having for breakfast, then the relationship ends and they make big changes in their life and i find out afterwards.

Rationally i of course don't expect my exes to be consulting me about their lives - but, emotionally it feels a little odd as my heart was trained to care deeply about that person and the muscle memory takes a long time to fade.

Exactly. That's life and relationships I guess...

Weidii

The first time I broke up with someone I was intimately involved with I absolutely couldn't wait for him to find someone else. I guess I thought that it wouldn't be ok for me to move on until he did.

Turns out I got involved with someone else first and from then on he hated my guts :pac:

My ex won't be looking outside of his gene pool again, so no worrys for me about him getting married.

Clare Bear

Moonbaby wrote: »

My ex won't be looking outside of his gene pool again, so no worrys for me about him getting married.

Ha ha

topper75

This happened me with a few ex-girlfriends. Very human feeling. You needn't say 'weird'.

It is not quite jealousy. It is down to evolution and your inner desire to pass on your genes etc. Read a cool book about this at the weekend, called Plan and Purpose in Nature by George C Williams.

Probably lots of super-cool stuff happening in your life though. Focus on that. Hey right now it's sunny out. Good weather for checking out hot guys (I should know - I'm one ).

Femelade

I went to my ex's wedding,
I knew him and his wife fairly well, we all lived locally and all socailised together. He had been going out with her before we went out and got back with her about a yr later. After we broke up, he was a bit upset and had a go at me one night when we were all out, and upset me and it was his now wife that consoled me. But we are all still friends, its all good, and was delighted for them both at their wedding,even though i was desperately single, but i even had a dance with the groom.