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Vent about odd male comment on PI

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    #32
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    cch wrote: »
    There was a thread about a month ago in the Personal Issues forum (can't find it!) and on about the third page of replies there was a comment that has stuck in my head ever since, it was from a guy who said he wouldn't live with a woman unless there was a baby involved. I wanted to reply but couldn't come up with a response that didn't sound prudish or boring or something (it would have been along the lines of he doesn't know what he's missing out on, being part of a mature adult relationship is great, etc etc)
    link
    Guess I've just never encountered that attitude before, have been living with partner for over 11 years now, we're getting married soon and planning family after that so I suppose my situation is totally the opposite to that which he described!

    He was probably just an idiotic, immature 20 year old who lives for beer and football, has a stereotypical view of women as killjoys and has a warped sense of priorities, or something...

    Anybody else ever encountered anyone who thought like that? Or am I the old-fashioned, unworldly (but lucky!) one?
    Idiotic and immature for not wanting to live with someone? Women as killjoys and warped priorities? Rather melodramatic imo. What should his priorities be?

    You seem to be angry at him for wanting to live alone. His side of things seems to me that he wants to live alone unless he and his partner get pregnant where he will live as a family with the family.

    Not necessarily the average guy but I don't know why he's getting such a ribbing, especially when women seem to have the same view also.


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    #33
    Simplicity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 318 ✭✭Simplicity


    Gordon wrote: »
    link

    Idiotic and immature for not wanting to live with someone? Women as killjoys and warped priorities? Rather melodramatic imo. What should his priorities be?

    You seem to be angry at him for wanting to live alone. His side of things seems to me that he wants to live alone unless he and his partner get pregnant where he will live as a family with the family.

    Not necessarily the average guy but I don't know why he's getting such a ribbing, especially when women seem to have the same view also.

    Well said Gordon. I take heart from people who have defined and know what they want. I find that a more mature outlook.


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    #34
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    He never said he wanted to live alone, just that he would jump straight into a family setup if required, which as discussed in this thread is hardly ideal.
    It just struck me as a lack of respect for women as equal partners...


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    #35
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Some people, both male and female, just have no desire to inhabit a home with anyone else.

    It happens, doesn't mean they are broken somehow.

    It just means they deviate from the norm a little bit.

    This thread just smacks me of the "I can't believe you wouldn't want what we want" theory.


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    #36
    Mikel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 863 ✭✭✭Mikel


    He was probably just an idiotic, immature 20 year old who lives for beer and football, has a stereotypical view of women......

    Pot. Kettle.


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    #37
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    cch wrote: »
    He was probably just an idiotic, immature 20 year old who lives for beer and football, has a stereotypical view of women as killjoys and has a warped sense of priorities, or something...

    Or maybe he is a deeply, spiritual religious man who doesn't believe in living 'in sin'. However, he is mature and pragmatic enough to realise if a baby was had outside wedlock he would need to move in for all their sakes.

    Or maybe he just likes living alone.

    Or maybe he is sick of women who constantly generalise about men and then bitch about all men's stereotypical view of women.


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    #38
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    I didn't say all men are a, b and c; I just said I reckoned this particular guy was x, y and z.

    Fine, just call me smug married.


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    #39
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    cch wrote: »
    I didn't say all men are a, b and c; I just said I reckoned this particular guy was x, y and z.

    Fine, just call me smug married.

    Yeah but why him? Because he has no real desire to live with someone but realises should he ever have a child he wants to provide that child with a stable family home?


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    #40
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    Fine, I'll say it, again.
    It doesn't strike me as a attitude that respects a woman as an equal partner. That women are ok to sleep with or be mothers of their children, but not half of a couple.


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    #41
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    cch wrote: »
    Fine, I'll say it, again.
    It doesn't strike me as a attitude that respects a woman as an equal partner.
    what would you know, you're a woman.


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    #42
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    Sangre wrote: »
    what would you know, you're a woman.

    ??? :confused:


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    #43
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    cch wrote: »
    Fine, I'll say it, again.
    It doesn't strike me as a attitude that respects a woman as an equal partner. That women are ok to sleep with or be mothers of their children, but not half of a couple.
    And i'm still not seeing the point.

    Your applying your standards of a relationship to this guys life. Maybe he just doesn't like living with people, and when he's answering the question about your ideal partner that gets bandied about he would say "a woman who understands that i simply don't like living with other people"?

    It doesn't mean he disrespects his partners, it just means he needs a more understanding one.

    Obviously you wouldn't be that person, but somebody else could be. Would you prefer he unhappily lived with someone because you think he should?

    To be honest i think the only reason this is an issue is that it was a man said. Even the title of the thread highlights that it was a "male" comment. Not just a comment.

    It's not a thread about not a thread about someone not wanting to live with someone, it's a thread about your opinion, as a woman, or a man who would feel that way.


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    #44
    Frisbee
    Registered Users Posts: 23,567 ✭✭✭✭Frisbee


    cch wrote: »
    He was probably just an idiotic, immature 20 year old who lives for beer and football, has a stereotypical view of women

    Not saying I disagree with you but its not like you've taken a stereotypical view of anything here at all..... :rolleyes:


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    #45
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    Dragan wrote: »
    Would you prefer he unhappily lived with someone because you think he should?

    No, but as he thinks he would have to live with someone he got pregnant then the likelihood of it being "unhappily" is very high, and not good for anybody concerned.


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    #46
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    cch wrote: »
    No, but as he thinks he would have to live with someone he got pregnant then the likelihood of it being "unhappily" is very high, and not good for anybody concerned.
    From what i can see the guy said "unless there was a baby involved."

    Why the assumption that this is , for him, something that would happen outside of a relationship? Maybe this guy see's having a child with a lass as being the ultimate goal of his own conception of love. To get that close and that comfortable with someone that you want to bring a new life into this world.

    Then again, he's a dude.....lets assume he was talking about knocking up some casual ride.

    The funniest thing is, under different circumstances you would be slating him for running away from his responsibilites.

    Catch 22, no?


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    #47
    Slutmonkey57b
    Registered Users Posts: 5,560 ✭✭✭Slutmonkey57b


    Dragan, you're making a dangerous attempt to make sense in a thread that the OP clearly doesn't want to involve any kind of logic.

    OP: you're right, anyone who doesn't want to live in the same house as their gf is a brainless, mysoginistic creep who's not capable of sustaining a relationship with anyone and would make a terrible father.


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