To all the lonely people out there ....

BubbleWrap85

As there seems to be an increasing number of lonely people on here, I have just a small bit of advice. Whilst it is wrong to generalise and everyone is different, so different circumstances, but it still boils down to the same thing.

Join a club or something. Sounds cliché but it works!

Go to charity functions, go to table quizzes. By God it's much easier for a man to go to the pub and the likes on his own than it is for a woman, but I don't see the problem. These boardsies meetings seem like great fun. I haven't been to any but some people on here seem to be real characters and I'd say many laughs [and pints!] are to be had.

DON'T LIVE ON YOUR OWN. Now I've heard some horror stories also about housemates and the likes, but for the most part, it can only be a good experience. I moved in with 2 people I never knew before, and we get along fantastically. Through them I've gained more friends. Make the effort.

People from work can become good friends too. Make sure you have their number and text them to meet up sometimes. Ask them how their weekend went. Become familiar with their lives. On a Friday ask them if they have any plans for the weekend. Inevitably they'll ask you if you have any, say ah no not really. Might head out. They'll probably say "Sure give me a text if you're heading out and we can meet up for a pint or 2". Well this is what happens in my experience anyway! Go to as many social outings as you can. You'll meet people that way. Friends of friends.

Sports is a great way too. Not necessarily in a competitive way, but there's often indoor soccer things and the likes on. I'm always envious because in Dublin there's a lot more activities and events to go to. Have pity on us culchies who don't have the same opportunities!!

Don't know what more I can say. Loneliness is a terrible thing to feel. I feel lonely sometimes as I don't have a boyfriend and sometimes I'm in the mindset that I need a boyfriend to be happy. Yes I'm pathetic and yes I cry myself to sleep sometimes. but that's because of self esteem issues, nothing a boyfriend can fix either! You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to be happy. And again, it may sound clichéd but I really believe you can't love anyone else, or expect them to love you, until you love yourself. Chin up xx

decies

Good thoughts there and nice ones as well,i will just say that it aint much easier to socialise when your a man than when your a woman,most chaps wont go out on their own on a sat night or go to cinema on their own,i think trying to look at the broader picture people are getting very selfish these days you get a partner and forget about your single friends dont text them or if they text you dont answer.If somebody goes to the effort to text you dont ignore them people ,ok.

monkeyfudge

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

go to table quizzes.

[plug]boards.ie table quiz next Monday[/plug]

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055283651

BubbleWrap85

You are totally right. I mean, is a partner more important than a best friend, or does your partner become your new best friend?? I'm confused. To me, I don't think any guy would ever be MORE important than my friends, particularly my closest friends. Granted, they would of course be of EQUAL importance but I dont believe I would ever stop going out at weekends to stay in with himself. One of my friends is "friends with this other girl". Constantly texting her to ask her to come out. Between college exams and no money and not being around for the weekend, she never did. Then this excuse bet them all: Kieran has a cold. I MEAN WHAT?! So ****ing what, he has a cold, and that stops you going out because........?! People ARE selfish. I've heard relationships are hard work, that goes for friendships too because people are so busy with their own lives they dont' bother to keep in touch. I left college last year and my friends are spread out over the country. But beween birthdays and reunions and the likes, I've kept in touch with the important ones. It's hard to be in constant contact, which is where bebo is great for the occasional message

monkeyfudge

If you are truly compatible with your partner then it should be easy.

Can't say I've found that yet though... any relationships I've been in have grown tiresome very quickly...

BubbleWrap85

Haven't had a proper relationship myself. Was chatting to someone online and they said "What?! Wow!" I'm like yeah yeah, thanks for that LoL I'm 22 by the way. And yes, not had a proper proper boyfriend. My problem is that I can't settle for 2nd best!!!

Dudess

That person probably didn't mean any harm and they're more than likely your age or younger. To a person who's older it's absolutely no big deal to have never had a relationship by 22. It's extremely young still. Anyway, what difference does your past relationship history make? Those relationships are over.

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

I feel lonely sometimes as I don't have a boyfriend and sometimes I'm in the mindset that I need a boyfriend to be happy. Yes I'm pathetic and yes I cry myself to sleep sometimes.

Aw hun, you're only 22. I know that's no reason to not want a boyfriend but as you say yourself:

that's because of self esteem issues, nothing a boyfriend can fix either! You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to be happy. And again, it may sound clichéd but I really believe you can't love anyone else, or expect them to love you, until you love yourself.

Spot on. But I know it's not always easy to apply sensible advice to yourself. I'm a disaster for that. I'm able to give advice - often it's considered quite good - but not so able to practise what I preach. However that's human nature - it's far easier to give advice when you're on the outside looking in and you have objectivity and perspective. None of those apply though when it's your own head. As we've seen on the Sopranos, shrinks need shrinks . Commentary on popular television series aside though, it makes perfect sense.
I agree though. Do work on your self esteem and train yourself to believe in yourself more. That definitely draws people - potential friends and partners. Would you give counselling a go? It's seen as something which is purely for those with exceptionally severe mental illnesses or who have been through trauma, but it doesn't necessarily have to be the case. In this country we have inherited a culture of "get on with things" which is what leads to counselling being considered an extreme measure. But it's all well and good for people of older generations to just advise folk to "get on with things" when a lot of that generation "got on with things" by turning to alcohol.
There are other countries where it's considered strange to not go for counselling, even if your problems aren't that huge in the great scheme of things. Thankfully though, Ireland seems to be heading that way bit by bit. Of course you can't be relying on someone else to help you every time you've a bit of a crisis but a helping hand can only be a good thing. The important thing though, is how you use the advice given by counsellors. I've heard people saying "it didn't work" but you have to be prepared to put in some work yourself.

But anyway, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. You can make yourself happy - but you need to be able to believe in yourself to do that. You seem like a lovely person, you deserve happiness and eventually a great guy. Don't ever think that's not the case. There's nothing that makes you any less deserving of these things. Enjoy this time of your life being single too - it's great fun. I was single from 23 to 28 and had a blast!

BubbleWrap85

Thank you. I'm actually quite emotional right now and your post brought me to tears, but I blame it on the hormones I don't need a boyfriend. I'd like one, but feck it, they're trouble anyhow I can have fun this way. In 2 years I'm hoping to go to Australia. Plenty of time for boyfriends then And I wouldn't ever consider a counsellor. My problem is that I'm quite.... stubborn. I don't like to let on that there is something wrong. I don't like to admit that I'm weak I suppose. But hey, this isn't about me. It's about loneliness. Boo to loneliness I shall work on my self esteem issues; at the moment I feel like I'm not worth anyone's attention, but this stems into when I was younger and growing up. However, I will conquer it, eventually But thank you for your concern. Funny how you believe that those closest to you don't care, and that strangers do. If only we believed that it's not that the ones closest to us don't care, it's just that they care a million times more

Dudess

Aw babes, you poor thing! Based on what you told me, you have little if any reason to feel so sad and unworthy - you're doing it to yourself! Stop punishing yourself and keep telling yourself you deserve happiness and love until you believe it. Put your past experiences aside - of course that's a valid explanation but there comes a point when we have to forget things that happened in our pasts and stop, in a way, using them as excuses/reasons for the way we are now (that is not meant harshly by the way). We have to stop letting past experiences control us and start to take control ourselves.

BubbleWrap85

I knows, but it's okay. This isn't about me. It's about offering advice or help to the others on here who are despairing and feeling lonely But thank you. Let's just hope my advice is of some use to someone!

Dudess

You're welcome. Remember: life can be damn fukking hard at times, but it can also be good - even great. Try to be positive. I used to be appallingly negative but I trained myself to embrace positivity and I'm not 100% there yet but I've made massive inroads. You can train yourself to think differently...

Best wishes

Pherekydes

I'd just like to point out that you can be lonely in a house full of people, too.

I think it's time I started my own PI thread.

BubbleWrap85

True, but I don't see why you should be. Like I said, there are some horror stories but if you befriend them you shouldn't be lonely. Can fill some sort of a hole anyway

I'd just like to point out that you can be lonely in a house full of people, too.

That's true. Sometimes you feel worse when the others all seem to get along and leave you out, or go out with their friends and not think to ask if you're heading out....... there's lots of ways living with flatmates can suck as well. My worst, loneliest times were when I lived in halls in college and I'd sometimes be in on a Saturday night and everyone else seemed to be having fun but me - at least if you're in a house on your own you don't see all that. I do agree in general though that living alone isn't good for introverts.

Latchy

Well put OP , it's knowing the difference between being alone and being lonley .Some people adapt to their own company better than others not because they are anti social far from it, but circumstances puts them in that position . Doesnt matter who you are, what social circle or class you come from, everybody can and does expierence lonliness at some time in there life .Some of the lonliest people on the planet are to also be found amoung the rich and famous .

kind regards. x

monkeyfudge

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

Haven't had a proper relationship myself. Was chatting to someone online and they said "What?! Wow!" I'm like yeah yeah, thanks for that LoL I'm 22 by the way. And yes, not had a proper proper boyfriend. My problem is that I can't settle for 2nd best!!!

And I'm thirty... thanks for the reminder there, Dudess.

I'm fairly idiosyncratic..and for a long term relationship I need to find a partner in crime really. Usually relationships leave me utterly exhausted as I tend to have to be pretend I'm something I'm not.. the longest I manged to pull that off for was 2 years..

I'm off now to shower the sweat of yet another meanlingless one night stand now... And I hate one night stands as I'm turned on by the cerebral nature of people which you don't get to know in one night.

Overheal

I think its just the weather at the moment. Its making everyone relatively crazy (to me: normal). Chronically Horny people + no parter = sadnessness. Hence the sudden crop up of so many wolf howls in PI over the usual.

Creamy Goodness

yup

RedXIV

Well i'm just gonna throw out my help here then. Not sure how or who it applies to BUT anyone who's around Dublin and has the lonely blues, send me a PM and i'll bring ya out and about with a series of nice groups of people until ya find one ya like. I love meeting new people so don't be shy be ya male or female, any age, race or hair colour!

BubbleWrap85

^^^^ Fantastic offer right there

RedXIV

AND it'll only cost ya a pint

Marksie

Not really a personal PI so i will move to AH.

Defenestrate

RedXIV wrote: »

Well i'm just gonna throw out my help here then. Not sure how or who it applies to BUT anyone who's around Dublin and has the lonely blues, send me a PM and i'll bring ya out and about with a series of nice groups of people until ya find one ya like. I love meeting new people so don't be shy be ya male or female, any age, race or hair colour!

Boards.ie's very own pimp!

RedXIV

Defenestrate wrote: »

Boards.ie's very own pimp!

I take pride in that title. Beats "Boards.ie's worst existance of humanity" that was posted by a not so understanding individual

Sherifu

Matchmaking makes a comeback.

Defenestrate

RedXIV wrote: »

I take pride in that title. Beats "Boards.ie's worst existance of humanity" that was posted by a not so understanding individual

You're not an old grey man who goes to Tamagoes are you? Im just (weather)checking.

cornbb

Sherifu wrote: »

Matchmaking makes a comeback.

Matchmaking kicks ass, I think its the best way to meet people. I've never met a girl I didn't like through friends. Consider it a pre-screening process.

BubbleWrap85

Ah yes, thanks for moving that Marksie. I was trying to help people with loneliness, which is a PI but instead you've moved it to AH where jokes will be made. Ah yes. Damn this do gooder element in me.................

RedXIV

Defenestrate wrote: »

You're not an old grey man who goes to Tamagoes are you? Im just (weather)checking.

You know my secret!!!!!!:eek:

cornbb

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

Ah yes, thanks for moving that Marksie. I was trying to help people with loneliness, which is a PI but instead you've moved it to AH where jokes will be made. Ah yes. Damn this do gooder element in me.................

PI isn't generally the place for starting optimistic threads (only joking)

Fair play OP, its nice to hear words of encouragement and optimism.

RedXIV

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

Ah yes, thanks for moving that Marksie. I was trying to help people with loneliness, which is a PI but instead you've moved it to AH where jokes will be made. Ah yes. Damn this do gooder element in me.................

Well lets be fair BubbleWrap85, We've posted advice, I've offered help any way i can and so far all jokes have been directed at me = water off a ducks back. Unless you plan on making my matchmaking services a sticky, there's not alot else we can do

BubbleWrap85

Well I thought I may be the first to put an optimistic thread in PI, instead of all the depressing **** you usually see. Wait, am I allowed to say ****? If not, I apologise. Substitute the i with an !

BubbleWrap85

Oi Red, are ya single?

RedXIV

Course i am, who in the name of god could keep up with me?

well thats what i keep telling myself anyway. also, sh1t comes up as **** in case ya missed it cheers for optimism though

BubbleWrap85

So I see. Not allowed to say **** after all Oh well. Cmon all the lonely people. Let my post be an inspiration this weekend. Woop woop.

RedXIV

hmmm i can't do this weekend BUT if anyone who has expressed a desire to get out and meet new people i will be out next weekend and everyone and anyone is welcome to join me

Defenestrate

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

Oi Red, are ya single?

RedXIV wrote: »

Course i am, who in the name of god could keep up with me?

I might have a crazy idea...

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

I was trying to help people with loneliness, which is a PI but instead you've moved it to AH where jokes will be made.

I'm sorry, I'm just so very lonely you see and craving attention. Will you be my friend?

.. where do they all belong?

BubbleWrap85

Defenestrate wrote: »

I might have a crazy idea...



I'm sorry, I'm just so very lonely you see and craving attention. Will you be my friend?

I will if you pay me...... per hour.

Defenestrate

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

I will if you pay me...... per hour.

I take it Red takes a cut?

BubbleWrap85

Why, do you want to be his friend too? I'd have to converse with him over the matter before any decision would be made. Obviously.

RedXIV

Defenestrate wrote: »

I take it Red takes a cut?

I accept PINTS! also, various foodstuffs but only after several of the previous PINTS!

BubbleWrap85

What, you can only eat when you've drank pints? That must be fun for breakfast time......

Defenestrate

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

Why, do you want to be his friend too?

Absolutely, he apparently has access to many single wimmins. How do you think I can make him like me?

RedXIV wrote: »

I accept PINTS! also, various foodstuffs but only after several of the previous PINTS!

Ah never mind I found out how, hmm full fat or semi skimmed I wonder..?

RedXIV

no i only accept food off other people when i've had a few pints.

mind you i've done the beer for breakfast thing before. it's not actually as bad as it sounds. depends on the pint of course

RedXIV

Defenestrate wrote: »

Absolutely, he apparently has access to many single wimmins. How do you think I can make him like me?

How did you know that???? it's kinda true but i'm using boards to co-ordinate single men and wimmens

Defenestrate

RedXIV wrote: »

send me a PM and i'll bring ya out and about with a series of nice groups of people until ya find one ya like. I love meeting new people so don't be shy be ya male or female, any age, race or hair colour!

Oh, a little birdie told me...

RedXIV

Defenestrate wrote: »

Oh, a little birdie told me...

..............man my short term memory is crap

Defenestrate

RedXIV wrote: »

..............man my short term memory is crap

You do still remember promising to hook me up with a Jennifer Alba lookalike don't you?

RedXIV

Defenestrate wrote: »

You do still remember promising to hook me up with a Jennifer Alba lookalike don't you?

uhhhh yeah! course!.........she's pregnent now right?

BubbleWrap85

Bah. I'm hotter than her. [when you have drank 10 hundred million pints and you have one eye closed and squint through the other!]