To Live Together or Not???

JackieO

Ok, so reading another thread and just wanted to ask all you ladies what you think about living together as a couple.

Is it absolutely necessary?

In my opinion, I just think I would rather not live with my OH before we get married. I like the idea of the novelty of moving in together after the wedding. Also, I don't believe its absolutely necessary to live with someone before you decide whether or not to spend the rest of your life with them.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that many couples who are living together end up taking much longer to get married. May be guys get the "why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free" syndrome.

What do people think?

corcaighcailin9

I moved in with my OH about a year and a half ago. It's feckin hard work sometimes, him being a man and therefore a bit of a lazy git but on the whole it's great - I mean what's not to love about living with your best friend??!! We are mortgaged up to our gills in a new house so the wedding / kids will have to wait a few years til we've saved but I'd rather wait than be living at home saving tbh.

John Mason

No, its not necessary.

Sure if you live together whats the point in getting married except maybe for the extra tax credits.

Beruthiel

You only ever get to truly know someone when you've lived with them for x amount of time.

JackieO

Beruthiel wrote: »

You only ever get to truly know someone when you've lived with them for x amount of time.

Yes, agreed. But my point was that you can know them well enough without living with them to know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Would you agree?

Beruthiel

JackieO wrote: »

Yes, agreed. But my point was that you can know them well enough without living with them to know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Would you agree?

Knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and learning if you can actually live with them, are two very different things.

Clink

As my mother is always saying to me "if you want to know me, come live with me", she's always saying she wouldn't let any of us get married without living with the bloke first.

They're so many things you only get to see if you live together first, like the other persons attitude to finances and ability to stay out of debt. Or if they've a tendency to be a lazy git around the house. These are things that over the years could drive you bonkers.

Wibbs

I agree with Beruthiel. I've known quite a number of couples that appeared great together until they lived together. Now living together and marriage are subtly different. There is the sense that you can leave more easily if you're not married for a start which does skew things, but not finding out if you can actually get along on a day to day basis is very important.

I even know one couple who were together for a good while, tried living together and it went badly. They split but then got back together(, but not living together) a year later as they were pretty compatible except for the obvious. Dunno how they'll work it out down the line.

ash_18x

i would live with someone first, as most have said 'to get to know someone go live with them'! its really true, at least that way if things arent working out liveing together you can leave alot easier!

hunnymonster

Beruthiel wrote: »

Knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and learning if you can actually live with them, are two very different things.

+1

I was trying to say the same thing but it was taking me a lot more words.

Sugar Drunk

Id never marry someone unless id lived with them first. Id like to know what they are like and if theres any unpleasant or unexpected surprises id like to know before we were married! goign out and living together are two different things and I don't think you really know anyone until you live together.
Im living with my OH 2 years now and love it.

sharkie2008

i have to agree, i think i would have to live with someone before i married them, at least if you live with them you know how its going to be when youre married. ive never lived with a boyfriend before and we are planning on moving in with each other in a few months. i think it will be different but at least we'll know if we can really get on

kelly1979

I don't see anything wrong with a couple not living together before they get married.
But it's really true, you don't truly know someone until you live with them.
Living with my bf and love it, but getting into a routine at the start was soooooo hard, he's a morning person, i'm a night bird, so it's nice to have all these issues ironed out so dont have the stress of that after a wedding.


just my 2cents:D

Whispered

Hm times like this I wish I hadn't used my real name

I moved in with my bf when we together 3 years. It went great for about 4 months, then got very difficult. We both felt a bit "stuck". We got on each others nerves etc. we sorted it out, realising it was the end of the honeymoon period and we were just adjusting to sharing personal space.

If we had of gotten married before living together, I wonder if we would feel now, that we were just together because we "have to be" due to our vows. Obviously it's easier to walk away from a relationship than from a marraige. The fact we had an easy way out and stuck with it makes a huge difference to us and how secure we feel in the relationship. We stayed together because we love each other, not because we were married.

We got engaged a month ago

aye

corcaighcailin9 wrote: »

him being a man and therefore a bit of a lazy git .

:eek:

hmmm, funny that, i'm a bloke, i live with another guy and two girls. me and the other guy are the only ones who hoover, clean and dry the dishes, clean the bathroom etc.
the girls tend to leave stuff just lying around, and like to clog the shower sink with their hair.

if i thought like the above i could conclude that all women are gross, but i dont.

OP personally i would try living together first. I think a trial run is a good idea.

Zulu

You wouldn't buy a car without taking a test drive.

Why in the name of god wouldn't you move in first? I spent long enough living with other people to know, that some people, simply put, can not live with each other.
Why go to the trouble of getting married only to find that out? It's irresponsible if you ask me.
I wouldn't consider proposing to a woman unless I was living with her for at least 3 years. Why? Because I want to get married once if I can help it, and live happily ever after.

JackieO

I actually am not in a situation to be even considering it at the moment (due to logistics) - I just wonder if there are any couples any more that DON'T live together.............obviously not!

How Strange

JackieO wrote: »

I actually am not in a situation to be even considering it at the moment (due to logistics) - I just wonder if there are any couples any more that DON'T live together.............obviously not!

I'm sure some still live apart until they get married but they would be a minority. For me it was a natural progression. Living with himself almost 2 years and it's been great for the most part.

However you don't know someone until you're living with them 24/7 with all the farting, toe nail clippings, dirty washing etc that comes along with it. If you're still in love after a year of that then you're doing ok but have to say the farting still bugs me.

Walls

Strictly speaking I don't live with the OH, but he's practically living with me, and he will be moving in by the end of the year. I would absolutely recommend living together first. Couples need to learn to communicate about the mundane, but necessary, parts of a relationship; finances, housework, etc. A lot of couples fall down on those points even years into a marriage, so it is best to get working on them now and realise it is not going to be romance all the way.

May be guys get the "why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free" syndrome

Am I the only one who hates that saying?

Clink

No I hate it too!

corcaighcailin9

aye wrote: »

:eek:

hmmm, funny that, i'm a bloke, i live with another guy and two girls. me and the other guy are the only ones who hoover, clean and dry the dishes, clean the bathroom etc.
the girls tend to leave stuff just lying around, and like to clog the shower sink with their hair.

if i thought like the above i could conclude that all women are gross, but i dont.

OP personally i would try living together first. I think a trial run is a good idea.

I didn't mean to sound as if I thought it was a gender thing. I lived with a few girls in college and they were incredible slobs. I only meant my fella is a lazy git but I know plenty guys who aren't half as lazy as he is, he's just unique

mollybird

ya im hoping to do a trial run with my fella for five weeks when im on work experience for 5 weeks next year in college. gave him a warning that it could happen. to give him time to think about it. we together nearly 2 years and once i finish college next year ill be moving back to dub so he may as well see what it feels like to live together. only thing he can't get a spare key to his place as they are special doors made.

geminilady

i think when i do meet my fella i'll think i would like to wait till were married to live together.

bills

jackieO,

yea there are some people that are not living with their OHs, i didnt for 6 years! and one of my friends is with her boyfriend over 7 years & they dont live together. I think when you live together you dont spend as much quality time together. Its cooking, washing etc.. which isnt that much fun but hey thats real life. I moved in with my boyf last year & cant say i really learned anything new about him but then i knew him pretty well already after 6 years & he spent most of his time staying at mine anyway. I think people should live together before marriage just to see what its really like though just for a month or so. I dont think you should feel pressure to live together though & if you dont want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

Peared

Own room/wing if living together ftw.

tinkerbell

I definitely think you should live together before getting married. Like so many other posters said - what happens if you get married and find out that your husband / wife's living habits drive you absolutely insane and you can't compromise? You'll be heading to the divorce courts before you can say "honey it's our one month anniversary".

I'm living with my guy for 2.5 yrs now and it is hard at the start getting used to living in each other's pockets and not having your own space but I love it now. I wouldn't like to get married and then the first few month's of marriage be hard work, get it out of the way now and then you can enjoy living together and getting married.

Plus, like everybody else said - you really don't know someone til you get live together. It's too much of a romantic notion now to live together after getting married, it's just not really practical in this day and age

Oh and definitely make sure that you have enough space wherever you live, e.g. get a 2 bed apt or something.

buzzybee

i moved in with my b/f 4 months ago, i was fairly hesitant about doing it to be honest but he was keen on doing on doing it so i said what the hell go for it..... it's very difficult but makes our relationship stronger i think. it's definately something that one should do before getting married as i feel you truly get to know someone when living together...the lack of effort with regards to picking things up off the floor etc. oh my god it drives me crazy :eek::eek: but i still love him

Pythia

We moved in together as we spent every day together and it was beginning to annoy everyone that he was around all the time. It also seemed right because as I mentioned we spent literally all our time together.
It's worked out really well. Too young to get married so certainly won't be doing that for a few years.

b3t4

Under, absolutely, no circumstances would I sign away the rest of my life to someone without living with them first. I'm unwilling to add further, unneccesary, risk to my potential marriage status. I honestly can't see how marriage can be viewed as a solution to the problems that may arise once you live with your partner. Marriage is a nice idea alright but it certainly can't 'fix' anything, apart from the legalilities. As Beruthiel and a few others said you don't know someone unless you live with them.

A

Whispered

b3t4 wrote: »

I honestly can't see how marriage can be viewed as a solution to the problems that may arise once you live with your partner.A

+1

The only time I don't see him is tuesday and thursday nights and thats usually only for a rest to see my mates and to get a couple of gym sessions in other than that we spend all our time together. We both practically live together anyway as I have a lot of stuff in his. I have tried to still keep my own time for myself but even when I'm not with him I'm taking to him on the phone or emailing him

I currently rent and he owns, so in the future we have discussed moving in together.
At the moment I am saving a chunk of what I earn every month and he is doing his place up. We have also discussed renting somewhere together and him renting his place out to try out living together before we would buy some where but I'm not along for a free ride so I want to have a good bit of a lump sum there to do anything with first.

We know at the moment its all in the cards for it all to happen anyway so at our own pace.
No rush really... My mates have been calling me married since before xmas because whenever I got out now I always get ready from his and go back to his whereas before it was always back to mine after the pub.