To Live Together or Not???

MJOR

My Oh is moving down 18 months before our wedding. We decided that we definately wanted to live together first. Having said that I wouldn't be apprehensive about living together at all.... We get on well very well

dee8839

Its totally up to peoples values and personal preference.

But I did witness one extremely sad case indirectly involving a friend of mine. A guy she is now seeing was going out with his girlfriend for 6 years, from the age of 19 to 25, roughly. They never lived together. They decided to get married. They moved in together after the big day. 6 months later, they had argued so much about everything from bad habits to the past, that they split. 6 years of dating and only 6 months of marriage. He firmly believes it is because they did not know what it would be like to share space with each other that much that it did not work. As a result, he has lost the girl who was his best friend and first love, and my poor friend, who came along after all of this, is named in a nasty divorce simply due to the bad blood the wife holds towards her husband and my friend, his new girl.

Sad. It has made me certain that I'd have to live with my man before marriage. But not for too long!:P

kizzyr

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a few weeks and I'm a bit nervous about it after reading this thread but on the other hand i'm not.
Its more the huge change and the moving process that making me nervous than anything

and the fact I will live with a man

Don't worry about it on foot of this thread. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and we've lived together for 5 of those 9. At the start it was the most fun ever and we were both convinced that no couple could be as happy living together as we were..........that passes because life is life. You have to learn how to live together and what things are worth the fight and what things you have to let pass.
All these years on we are wonderfully happy together and have been through some stressful times having lost people close to us, stressful work times and my (almost completed:D) MSc. We weren't ready to get married when we moved in together but our relationship has grown and deepened and we are both more focused on that now and in the next year or so will get married.

So all I can say is embrace this change in your life, living with a boy is hard, they can be messy and lazy around the house but all the good things outweigh the bad. You'll have lots of fun and it really is great to have someone to snuggle up to every night when you go to bed and for long lazy lie ins (and other things;)) on Sunday mornings.

Flojo

You never know until you try it. Myself and Mr Flojo moved in together after two months of being together, it was because we both moved to Dublin and needed housemates so we dived right in.
It was quite exciting and I loved having him there when I got home from college. At times it can feel like you're breathing down each others necks but that can be sorted with a little alone time. Its been 16 months on and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ruby-J

corcaighcailin9 wrote: »

I moved in with my OH about a year and a half ago. It's feckin hard work sometimes, him being a man and therefore a bit of a lazy git but on the whole it's great - I mean what's not to love about living with your best friend??!! We are mortgaged up to our gills in a new house so the wedding / kids will have to wait a few years til we've saved but I'd rather wait than be living at home saving tbh.

i hear ye!

Ruby-J

JackieO wrote: »

Yes, agreed. But my point was that you can know them well enough without living with them to know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Would you agree?

tbh you don't really know someone well enough until you live with them. as the saying goes "if you want t to know me, come live with me."

Ruby-J

Beruthiel wrote: »

Knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and learning if you can actually live with them, are two very different things.

couldnt have said it better...:)

watna

I moved in with my OH over a year ago and I can honestly say it's the best thing I ever did. I love going home to him after work every eveningl and having someone interested in my day and to talk through things with and I love the fact that we can go do our own things but always come home together.

I haven't found it very difficult at all.... although my OH is very well trained when it comes to housework!

mwarrior

Hubbie and I only moved in together a few weeks before our wedding. Had never lived together before. Spent a lot of time in each others places like other people have said! I absolutely knew what I was getting myself into + was sure he was the one I wanted to marry. You definately can tell these things without having to live with someone. Sure when we had some arguments over stupid stuff at the start but it was all part of the fun + then you fall into a lovely rythm - he's good at gardening and putting out the bins - the dirty work that I hate - + i make better food! he can cook but i'd prefer to as i quite like it! Very happy that we did it all the way we did! Its a nice start to a marriage to be setting into it all together for the first time! Definately extends the honeymoon period:D:D:D

John Mason

well, i have read through all your arguments and there is no man ever moving into my house

The pre moving prep has begun and since my OH hates clutter he has begged me to not leave too much crap around, also the whole us both getting rid of excess stuff too needs to be done

/now me worries the whole me moving in process will just stress the two of us out further and cause conflict
I hate moving
Were getting a new bed in two weeks and fitted wardrobes in 5 weeks (hopefully)
I hope to have everything moved over by then which isn't a lot and then just move over the clothes and dresser then as soon as the wardrobes are done
Hopefully nothing goes wrong

ali.c

Deleted User wrote: »

The pre moving prep has begun and since my OH hates clutter he has begged me to not leave too much crap around, also the whole us both getting rid of excess stuff too needs to be done

/now me worries the whole me moving in process will just stress the two of us out further and cause conflict
I hate moving
Were getting a new bed in two weeks and fitted wardrobes in 5 weeks (hopefully)
I hope to have everything moved over by then which isn't a lot and then just move over the clothes and dresser then as soon as the wardrobes are done
Hopefully nothing goes wrong

Dont worry about it you will find a balance and it honestly wont take that long!

My bf was way tidier than me when we moved in together. Now I am tidier and he is a bit messier but it works!

On the whole if you move in together you'll get married later I think it depends on the relationship and what your priorities are. For me getting married is not something I am necessarily looking for so if it means that we never get married but are still together meh.....

Lilym

definately live together.. it's the only way to find out each other habits etc.. good and bad

watna

Deleted User wrote: »

The pre moving prep has begun and since my OH hates clutter he has begged me to not leave too much crap around, also the whole us both getting rid of excess stuff too needs to be done

/now me worries the whole me moving in process will just stress the two of us out further and cause conflict
I hate moving
Were getting a new bed in two weeks and fitted wardrobes in 5 weeks (hopefully)
I hope to have everything moved over by then which isn't a lot and then just move over the clothes and dresser then as soon as the wardrobes are done
Hopefully nothing goes wrong

The biggest argument my best mate and her bf had after moving in together was about the way hangers went in the wardrobe. She said they were just stressed out and things came to a head and they exploeded at each other over something stupid! She said they haven't fought much since, it was just the stress of moving in!

My top tip for harmonious living it to make sure you buy very girly coloued socks. If you buy black socks or plain coloured socks he WILL steal them and you will never see them again, I now buy the most coloured socks I can find!

The_Conductor

watna wrote: »

My top tip for harmonious living it to make sure you buy very girly coloued socks. If you buy black socks or plain coloured socks he WILL steal them and you will never see them again, I now buy the most coloured socks I can find!

My wife subscribes to the inverse of this. She buys all her (few) socks in Tierack so they are identical to mine. She doesn't make any attempt to try to sort them- and just grabs socks from my underwear cupboard. Tights are of course a different story....... I gave up complaining long ago........:)

watna

smccarrick wrote: »

My wife subscribes to the inverse of this. She buys all her (few) socks in Tierack so they are identical to mine. She doesn't make any attempt to try to sort them- and just grabs socks from my underwear cupboard. Tights are of course a different story....... I gave up complaining long ago........:)

That would also work.

As long as you don't wear each others knickers too!

watna

watna wrote: »

The biggest argument my best mate and her bf had after moving in together was about the way hangers went in the wardrobe. She said they were just stressed out and things came to a head and they exploeded at each other over something stupid! She said they haven't fought much since, it was just the stress of moving in!

My top tip for harmonious living it to make sure you buy very girly coloued socks. If you buy black socks or plain coloured socks he WILL steal them and you will never see them again, I now buy the most coloured socks I can find!

Those are the type of arguments I fear

Yeah I nick his socks as he has a fear of white socks (he just hates them) so I will just continue doing this

Last night we emptied off shelves half full of junk that was in his sitting room
The amount of old equipment( cables, cd player, speakers and a PS2) we are getting rid of just from that alone
More room for my Sex and the city DVD's
We also found a few cards/love letters/pictures (which he voluntarily got rid of) and we had such a laugh at them and he was telling me a few stories, so far so good on the moving and integrating

watna

Deleted User wrote: »

Those are the type of arguments I fear

Yeah I nick his socks as he has a fear of white socks (he just hates them) so I will just continue doing this

Last night we emptied off shelves half full of junk that was in his sitting room
The amount of old equipment( cables, cd player, speakers and a PS2) we are getting rid of just from that alone
More room for my Sex and the city DVD's
We also found a few cards/love letters/pictures (which he voluntarily got rid of) and we had such a laugh at them and he was telling me a few stories, so far so good on the moving and integrating

How funny, I'm actually jealous of you even though I already live with my bf. The excitement of moving and making space for each other is the best!

Don't worry about fights. Sometimes you just have to have them to get things out of your system. I very rarely fight with my OH but sometimes you need to clear the air.

Crumble Froo

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG!!!

as of next monday, me and my fella could actually be, officially, living together!!!

we've technically, as far as the landlord is concerned, not been here, either of us, let alone together (which is no good for visas) for teh last year and a half.

massive clean up this weekend, and landlord visits on monday! weeeee! living together is awesome.

watna

Crumble Froo wrote: »

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG!!!

as of next monday, me and my fella could actually be, officially, living together!!!

we've technically, as far as the landlord is concerned, not been here, either of us, let alone together (which is no good for visas) for teh last year and a half.

massive clean up this weekend, and landlord visits on monday! weeeee! living together is awesome.

Yay, you're getting all organised and putting me to shame with your medicals and leases and the like! btw I have no credit, was off work sick today feeling sorry for myself and don't get paid til Thursday. This explains my lack of texting back...sorry!

No msn tonight... don't have the energy!

Crumble Froo

hahahaahha, man, i was just in a good mood, got drunk, two hours sleep, 8hrs work, and im still buzzing.

just about off to bed now though... and yep, got my police check (FINALLY!), getting my medicals on thursday, assuming all goes well i might even have it all sent out by the 28th (otherwise gotta get a new form, which means more hassle etc)...

this is all starting to get a bit crazy!

blondey2die4

i think it is a neccesity to live with your partner before marriage. you learn alot about someone when you live together, but it is exciting when you dont live with the persone you love when you do visit them it is alot more exciting than if you see them every second of the day,

That is what i will kinda miss, I think the excitement of thinking

"God I only left him and i won't see him till Friday night but i will really miss him but i'm gonna be so excited to see him"

but I think my relationship will be better for it

MJOR

Deleted User wrote: »

That is what i will kinda miss, I think the excitement of thinking

"God I only left him and i won't see him till Friday night but i will really miss him but i'm gonna be so excited to see him"

but I think my relationship will be better for it

Good luck!!!!! That is great!