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couple of funnies

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  • 10-05-2008 10:24pm
    #1
    Tea drinker
    Registered Users Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭


    *******************************************
    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
    First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

    'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
    'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

    *******************************************
    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I
    must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
    'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay.

    *******************************************

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL!
    Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'


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    #2
    ollielaroo
    Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭ollielaroo


    I love this one..


    Dear Abbey,

    I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now my wife has been cheating on me.

    The usual signs...phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them. "I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my BMW R1150 GS motor cycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

    It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike, I noticed the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?


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