Quickies

rocky25

Sex in the Dark.

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent pig,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years?

You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.

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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.'

'Perfect,' her husband said.' I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin.

You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you

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A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting
Pregnant.

He phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try
Artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop Standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the
Conclusion That artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep Himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the
Woods, Has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive Them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon Returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
Out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the Sheep are lying in the grass.

'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is Beeping the horn.'
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Two newly weds arrive at the reception of a posh hotel to check into the honeymoon suite.

The reception asks the Bride... "Do you have reservations"

The Bride thinks for a few seconds & replies...
"Err well.... I'm not too keen on taking it up the arse"