Who and where is my Daddy?

ninibutts

:confused: hey people, I have wondered for many years on whether or not it is a good idea to look for my birth father or not. I have come to the decision that maybe it is! Part of me wishes that its goin to be easy to find him, but to my dismay its goin to be difficult, with only a first name, an area, a previous job (which is no longer in business) and a very unhelpful mother it almost sounds immpossible....
If anyone could help me, I would greatly appreciate it..

Was born 1986 and my mam was brought to Besborogh, Blackrock after having me in St Finbarrs Hosp. Fathers first name Finbarr, location believed to be Dublin Hill, Cork (has wife and family, I think), used to work in a butchers on North Main Street, Cork which no longer exists.....???

I dont want to upset anybody or jump into a loving father/daughter relationship, but what i do want is to find out family history, whether or not i look like him or his other kids, and basically who, what and where I came from........:eek:

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

username123

Do you really think its a good idea?

Think it right through before you do it - he may not be happy to see you and that might hurt you a lot.

Ive a friend who contacted her birth mother and was very disappointed and upset - and this was arranged through an adoption agency and they had counsellers on hand etc....Her birth mother didnt really want to know her, she had gone on and married and had other kids and never told about the child she'd given up, so she didnt want her life upset with a secret from the past. They made a couple of letter exchanges and it just petered out. The girl then decided not to go ahead and find her father as he hadnt even known about the pregnancy so she felt it wouldnt go down well. She was sorry she had done it.

You hear about the happy endings and it seems like a good idea - but if its not a happy ending it could end up hurting you. He might not be interested in having you in his life in any capacity.

Good luck to you if you do go searching - but be careful, you may not get what you want out of it.

kelly1979

hi, sorry cant' help with your search, but would just like to wish you luck with finding him, i admire your courage.

ninibutts

username123 wrote: »

Do you really think its a good idea?

Think it right through before you do it - he may not be happy to see you and that might hurt you a lot.

I have been contemplating it for years, I fully understand where u are coming from and believe me, I have measured up all the pros and cons of this "search"..However, I have come to teach myself that, if it where the case that he didnt want to know me or anything about me, then that would be fine too. I would simply ask for a few details and leave it at that..I mean I have lived my whole life without knowing him so it wouldnt affect me that much if I wer to be "rejected" and had to carry on not knowing.
This "search" really has got to do more with curiosity rather than a relationship, if one should develope from it then great, but if not, then no prob at all.
I have grown up through many difficult situations such as being fostered and many other things and from these experiences I believe myself to be very strong mentaly..

So thank you for your input and concern, but Ill be fine

deRanged

have a look at the adoption forum. They have lots of good links (like advice on tracing your birth family ) and could probably help a lot.
best of luck!

username123

ninibutts wrote: »

I have been contemplating it for years, I fully understand where u are coming from and believe me, I have measured up all the pros and cons of this "search"..However, I have come to teach myself that, if it where the case that he didnt want to know me or anything about me, then that would be fine too. I would simply ask for a few details and leave it at that..I mean I have lived my whole life without knowing him so it wouldnt affect me that much if I wer to be "rejected" and had to carry on not knowing.
This "search" really has got to do more with curiosity rather than a relationship, if one should develope from it then great, but if not, then no prob at all.
I have grown up through many difficult situations such as being fostered and many other things and from these experiences I believe myself to be very strong mentaly..

So thank you for your input and concern, but Ill be fine

Sounds like youre emotionally ready for it no matter the outcome so best of luck to you on it. I agree with the other poster who said to ask around other businesses in the area to see can you get clues linking back to people he may have worked with.

Id be curious too if I were you - so long as you are aware of a possible negative outcome and have the tools to deal with that (which is seems like you do) then go for it.

You never know - he might be delighted to hear from you!

chuci

if you go to some of the businesses on north main street that have been there for awhile like roman house and maybe ask about the butchers that was there and if they new of a guy called finbarr. thats all the help im afraid i can give you. posting tin the adoption forum is your best bet. your the same age as me and i would hate not knowing who my real parents were and would want to know despite the outcome. i wish you the best of luck though.

RoundyMooney

Fair play guys.

OP, best of luck with your search. Check out the adoption forum as mentioned, those folks know what they're talking about.

kathy finn

like you i was born in st finbarrs hospital and was adopted from the sacred heart mother and baby home in bessbrough, i was adopted to dublin through an agency their. i found my birthfather last year with the help of the adoption agency. if i was to give you any advice i would say go for it, i could,nt believe how much i looked like my birthfather and things are going great we don,t live in each others pockets but talk on the phone often and meet up once in a while. so don,t stop trying, cork is not that big of a place im sure someone remembers him and remember everyone has the right to know where they came from:D:D kathy

razorblunt

kathy finn wrote: »

like you i was born in st finbarrs hospital and was adopted from the sacred heart mother and baby home in bessbrough, i was adopted to dublin through an agency their. i found my birthfather last year with the help of the adoption agency. if i was to give you any advice i would say go for it, i could,nt believe how much i looked like my birthfather and things are going great we don,t live in each others pockets but talk on the phone often and meet up once in a while. so don,t stop trying, cork is not that big of a place im sure someone remembers him and remember everyone has the right to know where they came from:D:D kathy

Was it the butchers down by Raven, next to the newsagents?

Maybe see who owned the lease for the butchers and look for managers name and what have ya.

corkgal1981

Hi, I live in Cork too but my father was from England. My mum moved to Ireland while she was pregnant. I've thought abouot looking for him but I always think if he was interested in knowing me wouldnt he have looked for me?