Australian Outback ETIQUETTE

Capt'n Midnight

Australian Outback ETIQUETTE

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take the trailer to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centre piece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as it detracts from a woman's jewellery and alters the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Your first line at a B&S Ball shouldn't be: "So hows about a root then?"

THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded and the Roo's in sight.
2. When approaching a round-about, the vehicle with the largest tyres doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer as well

Mahatma coat

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Australian Outback ETIQUETTE

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. who'd a thunk it
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them. corpses do less wrigglin
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church. Lies
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. Vacuum???
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take the trailer to the funeral home. yer UTE should suffice, a trailer would be Greedy alright

DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the wine. Dentist chair FTW
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand. bonus marks if you have a stubby cooler that fits

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centre piece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. engine parts however are well cool
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
ah now I've met some charmin dogs, often better manners than the Human hosts

PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys. OK yeah thats true, use yer own keys
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money. yep the Sheeps appreciate the effort
3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days. how many days tho??
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as it detracts from a woman's jewellery and alters the taste of finger foods. adds flavour Mate

DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. she can gut it herself tho
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago." Smoothe
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. true
4. Your first line at a B&S Ball shouldn't be: "So hows about a root then?" Seriously!!! guessin the Author's never been to a B & S

THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends. hopefully by the parents
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. you sure

WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift. nothin says I love you like a her of cattle
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot. true
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance. OMG you were at that wedding too!
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion. Black Thongs will suffice for most formal occasions

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded and the Roo's in sight. fvck em, and if they think they're takin my Roo
2. When approaching a round-about, the vehicle with the largest tyres doesn't always have the right of way. ah Mate, IT DOES
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. there is nothin on earth that Duct tape cant fix
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer as wellWimmins claim to be able to multi task, Prove it Bitch

felt some of them need correction

SoundWave

Mahatma coat wrote: »

felt some of them need correction

aah get a feckin life.... :P

Pal