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John Terry jokes

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  • 23-05-2008 4:00pm
    #1
    Peyton Manning
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,658 ✭✭✭✭


    Hear about the new John Terry vodka? Made in England, Bottled in Russia.

    Heinz Fritzell has today been given the death penalty by Austrian judges. He'll be fine though, John Terry is taking it.

    When asked what the Champions League trophy was like, Man Utd captain Rio Ferdinand compared it to a chocolate orange - "its not Terrys, its mine!".


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    #2
    A Duck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭A Duck


    John Terrys favorite song....Born Slippy


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    #3
    Spud83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,608 ✭✭✭Spud83


    http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055298658


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    #4
    pvt.joker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,985 ✭✭✭pvt.joker


    "Knock knock."

    "Who's there?"

    "John Terry"

    "fúck off you cúnt"


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    #5
    Peyton Manning
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,658 ✭✭✭✭Peyton Manning


    Ah my bad, I checked the other thread titles to see if there was one already, never occured to me that that title was a John Terry thread. Please lock accordingly :)


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    #6
    Spud83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,608 ✭✭✭Spud83


    Archimedes wrote: »
    Ah my bad, I checked the other thread titles to see if there was one already, never occured to me that that title was a John Terry thread. Please lock accordingly :)

    It was more a case of if you or anyone else were looking for more rather than moaning.


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    #7
    castie
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 3,807 ✭✭✭castie


    Police this morning reported to Avram Grant that there had been a break in at the Bridge. Avran said "was there any cups stolen" "no Sir" the policeman replied "They didnt make it to the kitchen"

    Its lashing it down with rain in Moscow, poor old Avram Grant is soaked... mainly from john terry's tears

    Whats big and blue and goes beep, beep beep?
    The Chelsea open top bus reversing back into the garage.

    Did you hear about the new 'Chelsea Bra'? Lots of support but no cups.

    Heard about the John Terry tyre? Excellent durability but not so good in the wet.


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    #8
    kmart6
    Registered Users Posts: 15,172 ✭✭✭✭kmart6


    Best one's so far castie!


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    #9
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,905 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Archimedes wrote:
    When asked what the Champions League trophy was like, Man Utd captain Rio Ferdinand compared it to a chocolate orange - "its not Terrys, its mine!".
    castie wrote: »
    Police this morning reported to Avram Grant that there had been a break in at the Bridge. Avran said "was there any cups stolen" "no Sir" the policeman replied "They didnt make it to the kitchen"

    Did you hear about the new 'Chelsea Bra'? Lots of support but no cups.

    roflmao!


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    #10
    Mossin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭Mossin


    Just when you thought it was over :D


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    #11
    Mossin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭Mossin


    One more for good luck :D


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    #12
    Spud83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,608 ✭✭✭Spud83


    Mossin wrote: »
    Just when you thought it was over :D

    Indiana John. Classic.


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    #13
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭Homer


    Mossin wrote: »
    Just when you thought it was over :D

    Some brilliant ones in there... :D

    But honestly some people have WAY too much time on their hands!!


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    #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    As a proud manutd fan i never get tired of this:D


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    #15
    recyclebin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,510 ✭✭✭recyclebin


    Robbed from soccer thread:

    To the tune of "London Bridge"

    "Mrs Bridge is going down, going down, going down
    Mrs Bridge is going down
    On John Terry"


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    #16
    recyclebin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,510 ✭✭✭recyclebin


    While we're at it:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk-x4kt47w


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    #17
    recyclebin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,510 ✭✭✭recyclebin


    Drogba's reaction:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkhQZNHcxmE


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    #18
    Devastator
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,480 ✭✭✭Devastator


    Fabio Cappelo just rang Wayne Bridge to say "John Terry has lost his captains armband - any chance of you looking under the bed for it ?"




    The England staff and players have all voted for John Terry to keep his place in the England team and join them in South Africa. With Cappelo banning the WAGs from the 2010 WC finals, an un-named source said "Nobody wants that f*cker left behind!"



    Chelsea, Chelsea wherever you may be
    Don't leave your wife with John terry
    His Dad deals coke
    And his Mum steals tea
    He cried when he missed a penalty.

    Chelsea, Chelsea wherever you may be
    Don't leave your wife with John Terry
    He cannot shoot
    And he can't f*cking pass
    But he'll take your missus up the as$


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    #19
    kmart6
    Registered Users Posts: 15,172 ✭✭✭✭kmart6


    Brillaint!!!!


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    #20
    Julez
    Registered Users Posts: 2,845 ✭✭✭Julez


    Ha, hilarious to see that this thread has been resurrected, good man John.


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    #21
    VolvicMinerial
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭VolvicMinerial


    * A Chelsea player is stopped for speeding at 130mph in a 30mph zone. When the police ask him to explain, he says: "I've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."

    * After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

    * Chant heard at Burnley v Wigan: "Same old Terry, always cheating."

    * John Terry has been lined up to star in a new ITV drama. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.

    * What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common? They both should've stayed at Southampton.

    * John Terry is to release a charity single - it's a version of The Cars' My Best Friend's Girl.

    * His follow-up will be Under The Bridge.

    * What has Vanessa Perroncel got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They've both been banged by John Terry...

    * Chant heard at Hull v Chelsea: "Chelsea, Wherever you may be, Don't leave your wife with John Terry. Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, And he'll get your missus up the duff".

    * We all knew John Terry liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is ridiculous.

    * Poor Wayne Bridge - he's not even first choice with his his wife.

    * Wayne Bridge bought Vanessa Perroncel a chocolate willy... but she says she prefers Terry's.

    * John Terry has explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.


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    #22
    honeymonster
    Registered Users Posts: 601 ✭✭✭honeymonster


    recyclebin wrote: »
    While we're at it:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk-x4kt47w

    Class


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    #23
    entropi
    Registered Users Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    Just what i needed to cheer me up, good stuff:)


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    #24
    Tommy_NDX
    Registered Users Posts: 936 ✭✭✭Tommy_NDX


    Someone needs to warn Frank.


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    #25
    JP Liz V1
    Registered Users Posts: 86,749 ✭✭✭✭JP Liz V1


    LOL :D
    https://forumofgames.com/




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    #26
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    I love it :)


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    #27
    recylingbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,001 ✭✭✭recylingbin


    What's black and kills babies?
    JT's wallet.


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    #28
    recyclebin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,510 ✭✭✭recyclebin


    Just to note recyclebin is not the same person as recylingbin. I put up the video's above but not the last joke which could be a bit controversial for this thread/forum


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    #29
    flanzer
    Registered Users Posts: 3,135 ✭✭✭flanzer


    Classic :D:D



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    #30
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    JOHN WAYNE QUOTES ( THE ORIGINAL COWBOY)

    Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.
    Get off your butt and join the Marines!
    Get off your horse and drink your milk.
    If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
    If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.
    Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
    Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.
    Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much.
    Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday.
    “I'm the stuff men are made of”

    and Now !

    WAYNE to JOHN

    Get the hell of my wifes butt and join a proper football club!

    AND A FEW Appropriate song titles

    CHRISTY MOORE to JOHN

    " Ride on " ....CU !


    Sinead O Connor to JOHN

    " I want Your " ( Hands on me) and U2
    " 3 Babies"
    " Am I not your girl"


    Beatles to John

    " Bad Boy"
    "How do you do it " ... John Lennon.


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