Quickies

rocky25

A Texas redneck was stopped by a Game Warden in East Texas recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The Game Warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my Pet Fish."

"Pet Fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim' round for a while.

Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a Bunch of Balls! Fish can't do that!"

The redneck looked at the Game Warden for a moment and then said,

"It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the Game Warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What FISH?"

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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly,

'You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.'

Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea,

but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was.'

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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out.

I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home.

He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'

I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'

She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.'

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'

She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. '

I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'




She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out,



'Watch that wall!'
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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,

''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'

Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?'

She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.

Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'