How to tell the kids their pet dog is going to a new home?

thebossofme

OK, I'm having a really rough time of it with my conscience and am hoping people can offer some advice — more about kids than about dogs, I guess! But maybe some people who have both can sympathise.

To cut a long story short, we have to let our family pet, an 18-month-old labrador cross, go to a new home. We have three young kids who are fiercely fond of him but who can't safely be relied on to walk him often/long enough, and the missus and I can't manage it either, following a change in health/work circumstances. We live in a city suburb with a postage-stamp sized garden, and this dog just has endless energy and needs to be out in the open and walked 10 miles a day. We've tried our best to cope, but I have had to face up to the fact that taking him on (as a puppy) was a well-intentioned mistake.

After much searching, I think I've managed to find a suitable new home for him, a couple with one child and another dog (a young Collie bitch), a big garden and time to walk him and play with him daily to the extent he needs. I'll be sorry to see him go, but I'm happy that he'll have a better life with them.

But how the HELL do I break it to the kids? :eek: I feel guilty as hell already, but how do I minimise their upset? Should I let them know in advance? Present them with a fait accompli? Tell the whole truth, or make up a lie about him going to the Great Playground in the Sky?

Any advice (as opposed to righteous finger-wagging) would be greatly appreciated...

kerrysgold

Can you really not spare an hour or so a day and a couple of hours on the weekend to walk him? you could always hire a dog walker to take him out during the day and then walk him yourself for an hour or so in the evening.

not trying to be "righteous" but this is exactly why people should make sure they are aware of the time and commitment a dog needs before they make the decision to get one. You would have been better off with a quieter dog like a retired greyhound or an older dog of any breed.

hadook

I don't have kids so I don't know how good my advice will be. When I was a kid though my parents sold my pony because I'd outgrown him and my siblings weren't interested. I was distraught, but I do remember that my parents stressed that he was going to a stud farm to live with a herd of mares just like him (he was a miniature Shetland stallion). Looking back, I think that helped.

I think, no matter what you say, your kids are going to be upset and you'll just have to live through that. I guess you could tell them that the dog is going to live with someone who has another dog because he needs the company of his own species as well? Tell them about the lovely garden he'll have and how he'll get to have exciting walks and go on adventures. Maybe the dog (ie you) could send postcards or something after he's rehomed telling them that he's happy and thinking of them etc?

There's a parenting section on boards - maybe they'd be able to help too?

Sometimes, when your circumstances change, you have to make a hard decision and fair play to you for putting your dogs wellbeing first.

brian plank

Just get rid of the dog and if they notice and start asking where he is just say what dog, we never had a dog.

Then call them crazy fools in a Mr T voice and they'll find that so funny the dog will be the last thing on their minds.

angelface2008

Hi,Im not sure what age your kids are but a few years ago when my kids were 4 and 6 I had to rehome our cat,I told them that he had run away with his girlfriend to live on a farm and have lots of kittens,they were happy enough with that explanation although there were a few tears.Maybe try to get a pet that fits in better with your situation,a hampster or something? We got a leopard gecko,its just something for them to love..good luck with it

miss no stars

kerrysgold wrote: »

Can you really not spare an hour or so a day and a couple of hours on the weekend to walk him? you could always hire a dog walker to take him out during the day and then walk him yourself for an hour or so in the evening.

not trying to be "righteous" but this is exactly why people should make sure they are aware of the time and commitment a dog needs before they make the decision to get one. You would have been better off with a quieter dog like a retired greyhound or an older dog of any breed.

Cos that helps! The OP has already admitted his mistake and more credit to him for having the courage to do so instead of subjecting the dog to a life of misery.


OP it depends on what type of kids you have. I know an animal mad 7 year old who regularly spots his gerbils that he released into the wild while out walking (male and female pets mated despite best efforts of human parents). It also depends in the age of your kids.

You know your kids best. All I can say is well done for recognising that despite all the best intentions and all the love in the world, you did make a mistake and the dog is better off elsewhere. It takes a lot more courage to do that than to let the dog live on a postage stamp without enough exercise. The latter is what happened in my family and I'm not proud of it. Our dog actually had a big garden but not enough exercise. Anything with Lab in it is very demanding so well done on taking this very difficult step.


Just a thought but perhaps you could have a sit down with your kids and even show them articles on how much exercise and space dogs need. Then go into how you don't have enough space there and how these other nice people have a lot of space and another dog to keep your precious pet company. Make sure the tone you use lets them know that this is not open for debate and that you are treating them like grown ups because you think they are very responsible and mature people. You're less likely to get objections and heart wrenching dramas that way. As another poster suggested, postcards from the dog might be nice, depending on the age of your children. Generally honesty is the best policy. I'm sure as a parent you've already noted that kids will reject a "Because I said so" argument in favour of a "this is why.." argument. They're people too. Take time and have patience and just explain why you can't keep the dog. Maybe offer to let them come and help the dog settle into its new home and then go to pick out a smaller, easier to care for pet like a gerbil.

gottaluvlabs

honesty is the best policy if older kids I reckon too!

If very young maybe the idea of a family that needed him more, a Lassie type story if you will!

I think it very honest of you to admit though that he is too much for you, a lot of people dont and just leave their pets out in the garden to rot inside and turn bad.

Thank you for your bravery and good heart to look for a better home!

Sigma Force

Yep honesty is best, if you spun them a yarn instead when they are older if they were loved the dog they would be rather peeved if you lied. At least you aren't 'sending the dog off to live on a farm'. If you could get the new new owners to send one or two photos for a while and a little note to say how the dog is getting on that may help.

I wouldn't get any other pets just for now, small pets can take up more time than you would think.

cmurph

ooh tell them the truth that ye don't have enough time to take proper care of him and that he will have a good time with his new family...that he will always remember them but its better for him to have a family with extra free time to walk him and play..

a friend of mine told their kids aged 5 and 7 that their dog ran away and they still ask maybe once a month or so if there is any sign of rusty and i odn't think that is fair at all....

so bite the bullet and just be honest with the kids , there probably will be tears and they may get annoyed with you but it will pass and they will be ok....

best of luck

Run_to_da_hills

Get something else to compromise like a cat or a gerbil of similar colour. If the kids are very young enough you could try to convince them that the fairies changed the dog into one of these because it was not getting enough exercise.

Leeby

thebossofme wrote: »

the missus and I can't manage it either, following a change in health/work circumstances.

After much searching, I think I've managed to find a suitable new home for him, a couple with one child and another dog (a young Collie bitch), a big garden and time to walk him and play with him daily to the extent he needs. I'll be sorry to see him go, but I'm happy that he'll have a better life with them.


Any advice (as opposed to righteous finger-wagging) would be greatly appreciated...

kerrysgold wrote: »

not trying to be "righteous" but this is exactly why people should make sure they are aware of the time and commitment a dog needs before they make the decision to get one. You would have been better off with a quieter dog like a retired greyhound or an older dog of any breed.

Really unhelpful. No use saying "you would have been better off" with something else at this stage.
The post clearly states there was a change in the OPs circumstances, not that they didn't realise the care the dog needs. He's sought out a good home, not just throwing the dog in a pound/shelter.


OP, I'd say the truth is your best bet. They'll be upset, but they're going to be upset no matter what at losing their dog, so not much point in lying to them. Not sure, but as the issue lies with the children more than with the dog, you might be better off asking in the parenting forum.

thebossofme

Thanks for all the comments, folks, and for confirming my instinct about being straight with the kids. You're right, too — the older ones would have smelt a rat straight away, in any case.

Btw, when I mentioned "a change in health/work circumstances" I was leaving quite a bit unsaid — we really had no way of foreseeing the situation we find ourselves in. I'm trying to take some comfort in knowing that the dog will be better off, so I guess the best I can do is to try and get the kids to do the same.

All of this presuming that the arrangement doesn't fall through — after thinking I'd found the ideal solution, I got some kinda mixed messages today from the proposed/supposed new owners! But I will keep looking as long as I have to; I ain't sending him to no pound...

[Edit: P.S. Here he is, if anyone knows of any other suitable potential owners?]

~Thalia~

thebossofme wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments, folks, and for confirming my instinct about being straight with the kids. You're right, too — the older ones would have smelt a rat straight away, in any case.

Btw, when I mentioned "a change in health/work circumstances" I was leaving quite a bit unsaid — we really had no way of foreseeing the situation we find ourselves in. I'm trying to take some comfort in knowing that the dog will be better off, so I guess the best I can do is to try and get the kids to do the same.

All of this presuming that the arrangement doesn't fall through — after thinking I'd found the ideal solution, I got some kinda mixed messages today from the proposed/supposed new owners! But I will keep looking as long as I have to; I ain't sending him to no pound...

[Edit: P.S. Here he is, if anyone knows of any other suitable potential owners?]

Hi TheBossofMe,
I see you are in Limerick, have you thought about giving Limerick Animal Welfare a shout? They are always very helpful in re-homing dogs and they may have someone just waiting for a doggy like your boy? Would defo be worth a try.

gottaluvlabs

Can I send his picture round work to see if we can find him a home, I am in Limerick!

Have 2 of my own so cant take him, sorry.

thebossofme

@~Thalia~: Yes, I've tried their number a few times but it doesn't seem to be attended anymore; there's just a mobile no. given for "emergencies", which this is not really. I guess they're swamped at the moment?

@gottaluvlabs: Sure, by all means, thanks! There are some more recent ones of him here, too.

~Thalia~

thebossofme wrote: »

@~Thalia~: Yes, I've tried their number a few times but it doesn't seem to be attended anymore; there's just a mobile no. given for "emergencies", which this is not really. I guess they're swamped at the moment?

@gottaluvlabs: Sure, by all means, thanks! There are some more recent ones of him here, too.

He is BEAUTIFUL! What number are you trying? There should be someone answering the phones.

thebossofme

Yeah, he's a handsome fella all right!

I've been trying the number given on their website, 061-336740, and there's a recorded message saying to contact 087-2744896 "in case of emergencies". But I've just emailed them the details, too, asking them to ring me if they can help and linking to that post over on the petsireland forum. Maybe I should try and drop a printed notice into the shop? Except it's a bit awkward for me to get there during working hours.

I might try the mobile no. a little later; I can't call it from work...

michelle66

thebossofme wrote: »

OK, I'm having a really rough time of it with my conscience and am hoping people can offer some advice — more about kids than about dogs, I guess! But maybe some people who have both can sympathise.

To cut a long story short, we have to let our family pet, an 18-month-old labrador cross, go to a new home. We have three young kids who are fiercely fond of him but who can't safely be relied on to walk him often/long enough, and the missus and I can't manage it either, following a change in health/work circumstances. We live in a city suburb with a postage-stamp sized garden, and this dog just has endless energy and needs to be out in the open and walked 10 miles a day. We've tried our best to cope, but I have had to face up to the fact that taking him on (as a puppy) was a well-intentioned mistake.

After much searching, I think I've managed to find a suitable new home for him, a couple with one child and another dog (a young Collie bitch), a big garden and time to walk him and play with him daily to the extent he needs. I'll be sorry to see him go, but I'm happy that he'll have a better life with them.

But how the HELL do I break it to the kids? :eek: I feel guilty as hell already, but how do I minimise their upset? Should I let them know in advance? Present them with a fait accompli? Tell the whole truth, or make up a lie about him going to the Great Playground in the Sky?

Any advice (as opposed to righteous finger-wagging) would be greatly appreciated...

This happened to me a good few years ago, but I was the child! The dog "belonged" to me and my little sister who is seven years younger than me. My parents nor my sister and I realised the responsibility that is needed when owning a dog. Walking, feeding, playing, etc... My parents worked and my sister and I went to school. I was also at that age where I just wanted to be out with my friends all the time. There was absolutely no doubt that we loved our dog to bits, but we really couldn't afford the time to spend walking him etc... My parents came to the decision to find him a new home, they had ponies and stables and a farm, big animal lovers! We cried our eyes out and fought with our parents but soon came to realise that what they had done was for the best.
(It still brings a tear to my eye thinking of him )

Simply tell your children the truth, they will probably be upset and angry but keep reassuring them that the dog's new home will be much bigger and better, etc...

Good luck!!

And in future, do what I am going to do. Wait til you have the time and space for an animal!

Semele

Yes, definitely tell the kids the truth. There may be tears but at least they should be able to see your point. I wouldn't bring them when you hand the dog over but maybe you could arrange with the new owners to call by with the kids after the dog has settled into his new home so they can see how much better off he is.

Whatever you do, don't tell them he ran away! My mother did this to me as a child because she thought it would be easier on me than saying they rehomed my dog. On the contrary I spent days searching for him and was so distraught at the idea of him being lost somewhere that the truth had to come out!

boomerang

Re: the LAW numbers - 061 336740 is unattended at the moment as the volunteer who answers it is away for the next few weeks - you'll get an answer from Ann, another one of the volunteers, if you ring 087 2744896.

The other main contact number for LAW is 087 6371044. Ring that or the sanctuary landline 063 91110 Monday to Saturday between 9am and 5pm, you should get an answer. If it doesn't answer, it's because the staff are busy with the dogs, so just ring again later. They are always so up the walls during the day, it's difficult to return every call.

The emails are also answered by volunteers in their spare time, so please be patient in waiting for a response.

Explain your predicament honestly, stress that he's neutered and vaccinated, lead trained and has a good personality both with kids and with other dogs, and if the sanctuary is full, they may be able to put you on a waiting list to take your doggy in as soon as a space becomes available - you do sound very sincere.

Have you tried advertising your dog on the homes needed listings on Irish Animals? (www.irishanimals.ie)

gottaluvlabs

Done!

Just sent on the link too!

thebossofme

Thanks again, everyone.

@boomerang, yes, I've sent the same ad as on the petsireland forum to www.irishanimals.ie, so hopefully that will be up soon, too. I'll ring the sanctuary and ask them to put him on their list, and in the meantime give the ads a bit of time and see if I get any contact from potential owners. I reckon it'd be it a lot easier on/with the kids — and probably myself! — if I could say "look, here's where he's gone to live, he'll have doggie X for company", etc. instead of packing him off to the sanctuary (where I guess they have lots of more needy/urgent cases on their hands, too...).

I'll keep you posted — and thanks again!

gottaluvlabs

I pm'd you of someone who may be interested!

Good Luck!

luckat

Sorry to hear about this thebossofme.

Maybe you might do a deal with the person who takes the dog to allow your kids to visit with you and take the dog for a walk every now and then? That way, they'll know that their pet is well cared for.

It's a sad decision, but the kids will at least learn that sometimes someone else's welfare - in this case, their dog's - is more important than your own desires.

thebossofme

gottaluvlabs wrote: »

I pm'd you of someone who may be interested!

Good Luck!

Thanks a million; I'll get on to it!

Zulu

I'd say dress it up a little for them. Start with stressing how important it is that the dog needs loads and loads of space. That the garden is like a prison cell; that the dog has grown so big because you (the kids) are soo good to it. Ask them would they like to live in a prison cell - get them to make the decision that it's for the dogs best interests to go to a bigger home.
Perhaps the other family will allow your kids to visit the dog?

gottaluvlabs

Any update for us?