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Helping your kids be more aware!

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  • 04-06-2008 7:28pm
    #1
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭


    Research shows that 1 in 4 Irish children will experience sexual abuse.

    I have a 9 year old daughter, Sometimes I find it difficult to talk to her about this, I try to be straight and factual with her, with regards to sexual intimacy not being suitable for anybody her age and not to be afraid to tell her Mammy ANYTHING, but i dont want to go to far and ruin her innocence either.



    Any suggestions on how to broach the subject without terrifying her?

    Does the government run any programs in the schools to make kids more aware?


    On another note Childline recently visited my daughters school, All the kids were sent home with the website address and phone no. I think this is a positive thing.


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    #2
    Helix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,661 ✭✭✭✭Helix


    Quality wrote: »
    Research shows that 1 in 4 Irish children will experience sexual abuse.

    theres no way thats true


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    #3
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Please note that the statics of 1 in 4 irish children applies to those under the age of consent and those who are 'sexually abused' by thier peers or older 'children' not just adults.

    If your daughter is 9 then she should have started the stay safe program in schools.
    It falls under the Social, Personal and Health Education section of the primary schools circulum. Your childs school should be able to give you a copy.

    It deals with good secrets and bad secrets, fosters telling adults they can trust about thing that make them feel uncomfortable and explains that there are private parts of thier body which are those coved by thier swims suits.

    The best thing you can do is foster good communitcation with your child so she will talk to you about anything, make her aware there are other adults too she can talk to,
    aunties/uncles, grandparents ect and give her confidance and self assurance so that she can say 'No" clearly and to anyone who tries to make her do somthing she feels is not right.


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    #4
    BJC
    Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭BJC


    That has to be grossly innacurate, Ive three brothers and Im fairly sure we're all abuse-free. I knowit'd not as literal as that but surely it's not as much as 1 in 4?!


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    #5
    Helix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,661 ✭✭✭✭Helix


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Please note that the statics of 1 in 4 irish children applies to those under the age of consent and those who are 'sexually abused' by thier peers or older 'children' not just adults.

    so technically anyone underage whos sexually active?


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    #6
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Any child/teen that has been touched in a sexual manner with out thier consent has been sexually assualted/abused.

    ie a 13 year old boy/girl that gets thier ass grabbed by anyone or a child/teen that has had someone expose themselves at them.


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    #7
    BJC
    Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭BJC


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Any child/teen that has been touched in a sexual manner with out thier consent has been sexually assualted/abused.

    ie a 13 year old boy/girl that gets thier ass grabbed by anyone or a child/teen that has had someone expose themselves at them.

    Ive been sexually abused hundreds of times so..my brothers were always very..revealing in their youth.:p


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    #8
    Helix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,661 ✭✭✭✭Helix


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    ie a 13 year old boy/girl that gets thier ass grabbed by anyone or a child/teen that has had someone expose themselves at them.

    right, so basically its a case of "lets present this headline in a way to creates mass hysteria and conjures up all sorts of shocking images of child molestation" then?


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    #9
    JC 2K3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,794 ✭✭✭JC 2K3


    Heh, I remember the stay safe programme. They used to show us videos, tell us about "Yes feelings" and "No feelings", "good secrets" and "bad secrets" etc.

    I remember being utterly perplexed at the time as to what the hell they were on about....


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    #10
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Look that statistic comes from here,
    http://www.oneinfour.org/about/savi/

    Do your digging on thier research sample and how it was done and you can rebut it there in a new thread or in humanities.

    Can we get back on to the topic about how we can keep our children safe and keep them innocent.


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    #11
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    Helix wrote: »
    right, so basically its a case of "lets present this headline in a way to creates mass hysteria and conjures up all sorts of shocking images of child molestation" then?


    Helix, I dont see what your problem is. Maybe you and your family have been lucky enough not to have been affected by sexual abuse. But plenty of other families have been.

    This thread was posted in order to find out the best ways to make your kids more aware.

    It is not a debate on statistics for child molestation. However if you must persist you can find the statistics in the following link. I am sure it will be very informative for you.
    http://www.oneinfour.org/about/savi/


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    #12
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    JC 2K3 wrote: »
    I remember being utterly perplexed at the time as to what the hell they were on about....


    Thats the part that I dont like about when I am talking to my daughter, The "what the hell are you on about Mam" look!


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    #13
    BJC
    Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭BJC


    Well my parents were very forward with it when I was a wee-un. My Mother was the one who dealt with it mainly. I think rather then have a "talk" about it, have it institutionalised into daily life. Make it so your daughter would not feel bold talking about it. I remember once my mother saying: "If anyone ever tries to touch you in a way that you know is not right or asks you to take off some clothes you know you shouldn't then leave immediatley, no matter where you are." there was no room for error and I had been brought up to know right from wrong and appropriate from inappropriate (to a point).
    I suppose half the battle is doing your best to make sure your daughter never ends up in a situation where that can happen.


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    #14
    JC 2K3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,794 ✭✭✭JC 2K3


    Quality wrote: »
    Thats the part that I dont like about when I am talking to my daughter, The "what the hell are you on about Mam" look!
    I think telling them simply not to talk to strangers, never to answer the door to strangers and to tell them to tell you of any contact they've had with strangers is enough really.


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    #15
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    JC 2K3 wrote: »
    I think telling them simply not to talk to strangers, never to answer the door to strangers and to tell them to tell you of any contact they've had with strangers is enough really.


    I dont think it is the strangers you have to worry about in fairness, In most cases of sexual abuse, It is someone known to the victim, a relative or family friend. Someone trusted.


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    #16
    JC 2K3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,794 ✭✭✭JC 2K3


    Yeah, that's true actually...


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    #17
    TequilaMockingBird
    Registered Users Posts: 4,392 ✭✭✭TequilaMockingBird


    I agree with the OP. Its a minefield.


    "Say thank you to the helpfull man/never talk to strange men"

    "Nobody is allowed touch your "swimsuit" areas/Let the doctor listen to your chest"

    "Don't answer the door/Don't be rude to people at the door"

    "Never take sweets or money from strangers/Say thank you to the nice person giving you a euro"



    I have found the solution, on Wednes...doh..., Saturday I'm going to win the Lotto and buy an island, a very isolated island, untill she's about 32, then she can head off into the world.


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    #18
    quickbeam
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 16,287 Mod ✭✭✭✭quickbeam


    We live in a culture where being a "snitch" or a "grass" is considered a bad thing and therefore makes it easier for abusers to convince victims not to say anything. All children should be taught that no matter the circumstances, if somebody does something wrong they shouldn't be afraid to tell somebody about it.

    The fear of being considered a snitch is what keeps a lot of children (and adults, come to that) quiet about inappropriate behaviour.


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    #19
    Loopy
    Registered Users Posts: 12,220 ✭✭✭✭Loopy


    I'm in a similiar situation with my little girl. I don't want to frighten the hell out of her but want to ensure she is aware what goes on and would tell me if 'anyone' ever touched her and she wasn't comfortable with it.

    My dad was in a pub not so long ago and a young boy came flying into the loo. My dad was having a pee and the little fella was desperately trying to get his trousers down but the zip was stuck. He asked my Dad to help and without thinking my Dad bent down to give him a hand and stopped himself just in time to realise what he was doing. The poor little fella pee'd his pants. His Dad walked in seconds later so thank god he didn't help him.

    My Dad said he actually felt quite sad after this happened, the fact that this is the way society is now - he couldn't help a little boy without being thought of as a pervert.

    Im not sure how to broach it with my child - think i will send her to the island with Sueme's little one until she can handle herself..


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