So you're on the toilet

GLaDOS

And bam! Zombies! They're outside the door, caught by surprise, you dont have your favourite weapon with you

What do you do?

Personally I'd go for the towel rack, and beat my way out.

Pity I don't smoke or I could make a flamethrower outta aerosols

CerebralCortex

Ah! Hallo!!?? The the lid of the cistern?!?!

Doctor DooM

CerebralCortex wrote: »

Ah! Hallo!!?? The the lid of the cistern?!?!

With you on this one, could also prob fashion some kind of mace or nunchuck with the tubing for the shower...

Holsten

Big flaw in your plan... never use fire on zombies... NEVAR!

Are they outside the house door, or in your house outside the bathroom?

Pyr0

I agree, a walking fireball is hardly gonna make having a sh1t anymore enjoyable tbh, it might help it come out quicker though !

Ruu_Old

Point them out to the 'In use' latch on the door and close door with look of disdain.

Doctor DooM

Pyr0 wrote: »

I agree, a walking fireball is hardly gonna make having a sh1t anymore enjoyable tbh, it might help it come out quicker though !

Ironic post, considering your user name.

Mr. Presentable

Domestos. Kills 99% of all known...oh, germs. But they're bacteria powered, so..

Pyr0

SDooM wrote: »

Ironic post, considering your user name.

Indeed it is ! I may like things going up in flames, but not when its trying to eat me ! :pac:

Martron

well i suppose you want something heavy cistern great idea.!!!! sink equally good. you could pull the power cable from the light shock them. how about a wet towel throw it over them would temporarily blind them to allow your escape.

Martron

nipplenuts wrote: »

Domestos. Kills 99% of all known...oh, germs. But they're bacteria powered, so..

was always worried about the 1% of germs it left behind. they must be some hardy germs to survive domestos....... and if they survive that i reckon they are the ones you want to kill

irish_boy90

he knows there is a time for fire and a zombie attack is not one of them.

wouldn't really have much to fight them myself.
maybe use the toilet brush to fend them off till I get the my attic

Roen

I'd just finish what I was doing, when they get the smell they'll think I'm dead and amble off.

Martron

Roen wrote: »

I'd just finish what I was doing, when they get the smell they'll think I'm dead and amble off.

Nice!!!

Kimbot

The smell of mine would make them disentegrate(sp)...
I currently have 3 bathrooms in the house and one of them is for my cr@ps only they are that bad!!

zero19

Break the window, get out of said window, then tool up before getting the fook out of there

Martron

what if it was the toilet under the stairs?
The guy with the stinky craps would be in serious trouble then ha ha

Roen

To be honest an awful lot of crappers these days don't have windows. All the ones in work just have fans that come on when you enter them. The cisterns are recessed too.

You'd basically be left with the option of trying to fend them off with the jacks brush.

Martron

well have you ever had a look at the jacks brush....... even zombies would not want to touch them

KTRIC

Could you not just tell them you're busy and leave them waiting while you sneak out the window ???

Sod'o swords

I'f you're prepared this well never happen.
This is where the weak start to trail off......

LovelyTom

I'd tear the toilet from the floor and spend as long as i have trying to pull out some sort of pipe to beat off the zombies till I can make my way to the shed.

Duff

Depends how many are outside the door, If only one- No problemo. Open door and greet it with the towl rack..If more then one. Rip radiator off the wall and use it as a barrier and bardge through the bastids and then run like your late for mass.

c - 13

Okay, so i've been thinking on this one -

Work Scenario
If you look to the ceiling of your office most have those crappy tile structure ceiling slabs that you can lift right up. Your best bet in this scenario is to use the oilet and cistern for a boost into the crawlspace above these and let yourself down somewhere there are no (or less) zombies.

Home Scenario
Well, in my own home theres a large window that opens out onto the yard that one could escape to, from the yard, a jump and pulling yourself up will get you onto the houses lower roof.

Now if none of these options were viable at the time and I had to choose a makeshift weapon -

Cistern Cover
Heavy but shatters very easily

Towel Rack
Very light metal bends easily, not very good to cause damage

Aerosol Flamethrower
Flaming zombies, NOOOOOO !

Laundry basket
If single zombie attacker, ram this over them and kick as hard as possible before running

Necronomicon

I'd definitely fashion a makeshift ladder up to my attic and pull it up with me. It's hard enough for humans to get up to the bloody thing, I doubt zombies could. Then just wait it out for a while.

srdb20

I would grab a towel, twist that mother ****$r like crazy then towel whip all there asses........ obviously while still sitting upon the throne:D

Martron

c - 13 wrote: »

Okay, so i've been thinking on this one -

Work Scenario
If you look to the ceiling of your office most have those crappy tile structure ceiling slabs that you can lift right up. Your best bet in this scenario is to use the oilet and cistern for a boost into the crawlspace above these and let yourself down somewhere there are no (or less) zombies.

that wont work unless you are john mac claine. that "suspended" ceiling as its known by in the trade barely supports itself let alone someone else. chances are you would fall through it injuring yourself and landing in middle of zombies.

Martron

going back to the work scenario. you could pull the bog roll dispenser of the wall. remove all bog roll. then fashion a helmet out of it to protect your sweet sweet BBBBBBBRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSS.

then using sh1tty ol jacks brush you could resemble a musketeer fending off the zombie hoards with your rapier of stink.

Doctor DooM

I think the lesson to be learned here is we need to start keeping weapons in our toilets/ about our persons at all times.

Martron

What do you mean?? are you trying to tell me your fists are not registered weapons? Shame on you!!!

c - 13

Martron wrote: »

that wont work unless you are john mac claine. that "suspended" ceiling as its known by in the trade barely supports itself let alone someone else. chances are you would fall through it injuring yourself and landing in middle of zombies.

Bollocks. Well i'll just have to hope theres some cable tray or something up there that can support me.

oneweb

LovelyTom wrote: »

I'd tear the toilet from the floor and spend as long as i have trying to pull out some sort of pipe to beat off the zombies till I can make my way to the shed.

Surely you'd flush it first?

I'd probably wipe the broken toilet seat and throw it bond-villain-(and mythbuster-like) at said zombies. Oh wait, does decapitation work?

Martron

c - 13 wrote: »

Bollocks. Well i'll just have to hope theres some cable tray or something up there that can support me.

was not giving out just pointing out a minor flaw. but you have given me an idea.
knock over the jacks let the floor get covered with water. then find these cable trays
pull the cable from the light fixture and drop it to the water covered ground. when all the zombies are suitably stunned / smoking. remove said cable from the ground jump to safety.

Doctor DooM

Martron wrote: »

What do you mean?? are you trying to tell me your fists are not registered weapons? Shame on you!!!

Oh, yes, I am in fact trained by the Batman. However, coming into physical contact with Zombies = bad.

Martron

true. true.

zero19

Hmmmm how bout you break off a tap, wrap it in a towel and bludgeon those suckers?

Martron

nice!!!
Just use the pube infested soap. ha ha full metal jacket style

Galvasean

nipplenuts wrote: »

Domestos. Kills 99% of all known...oh, germs. But they're bacteria powered, so..

Ever wonder which bacterium was the 'other' percent?

Martron

thats what i said further up. i would be worried about that 1% that survives. i reckon there the dangerous germs. THE Z GERMS!!!

KingLoser

Just wait on the other side of the door until they get very close.

Quickly open and close the door, using it to knock back / crush them against the wall. Wait for a break (ha! like that's going to happen..) and then run.

It's the best I could come up with that wasn't mentioned already...

Martron

well maybe the groaning of trying to push out a guinness blacksnake might make them think there is a zombie in there already

Doctor DooM

zero19 wrote: »

Hmmmm how bout you break off a tap, wrap it in a towel and bludgeon those suckers?

the ol brick in a sock improvised gambit. What a good idea!

Prufrock

At home there's a window out to my roof. Jump from the roof (not high enough to hurt you)to the garden below. Get to the shed. Get loads of weapons available there. Get to a safe house.

bantee

If there happens to be bath there, use every available tool to try to rip it out, and use it as a shell to encase you, open the door, and batter-ram your way to safety!

Pyr0

A lot of people are saying "Just rip XXXX off the wall" or "Break this *insert sturdy object here* and use that" How on earth can you just rip a tap off a wall in a situation like that, with your bare hands ?! If I could rip metal objects off the wall with my bare hands I wouldn't need a weapon tbh.

Doctor DooM

Pyr0 wrote: »

A lot of people are saying "Just rip XXXX off the wall" or "Break this *insert sturdy object here* and use that" How on earth can you just rip a tap off a wall in a situation like that, with your bare hands ?! If I could rip metal objects off the wall with my bare hands I wouldn't need a weapon tbh.

Because "unscrew the fosset so you can remove the tap" doesn't sound so manly.

Mr. Presentable

I work in an Italian restaurant - there's always a .38 behind the cistern!

Dr_MaSoN

use my trusty plunger!

Duff

Dr_MaSoN wrote: »

use my trusty plunger!

Mario?

Doctor DooM

Duff wrote: »

Mario?

Nah, he'd jump on their heads.

Somnus

Well, I'd have the bathroom door securely locked as I'm on the toilet (dont want people coming in when you're dropping some logs) So I'd just hop out the bathroom window onto the roof.

In my downstairs toliet the windows a bit small... Smack them with the cistern lid and try to escape....



Probably be fooked though...