G/F Troubles :(

flibbertyjibbet

IMO I don't think the no contact has worked yet (although I think its a good idea and you should stick with it).
When she asked you to go out you told her you'd "check what you were doing and let her no tomorrow" but by the next day she is asking you what you're going to see. You don't mention that you'd told her you were free - she has just assumed you've nothing on and assumed you're going out with her now - taking it for granted...she's still sounding selfish and disrespectful to me. I'm kind of agreeing with a previous poster - seems like she's texting you when she has nothing else on

Dampsquid

It's obvious that you are totally in love with her. she knows this and she is controlling the relationship. You have to play her game and make her think that your not a doormat, and you won't be waiting around for her to call. You have to make her think that she could loose you. Let her do the chasing for once.

If she doesn't chase, then she ain't worth it.

TURRICAN

Mick K wrote: »

The saga continues......
Right so I hadnt contacted her since wednesday night....
She calls me last night really nice on the phone and chatty and asks to go to see a movie tonight....
I say yeah I'll check what Im doing and let you know tomorrow and today comes and she has txt me to see what we're going to see......


Maybe the space thing is workin but now Im thinking like WTF?

exactly what happened with me mick.but now im back in square 1 again.
dont know whats going on.
if ya want pm me and we can talk about it im in the same boat as you man,i feel your pain.try help each other and see what happens

MagicMarker

Tbh, i would just ask her what her intentions are with this trip to the cinema...

Either that or she's playing like a fool, does she or does she not want space? Does she still want space or has she had enough? The only way to find out is to ask her.

STUBBORNGIRL

flibbertyjibbet wrote: »

IMO I don't think the no contact has worked yet (although I think its a good idea and you should stick with it).
When she asked you to go out you told her you'd "check what you were doing and let her no tomorrow" but by the next day she is asking you what you're going to see. You don't mention that you'd told her you were free - she has just assumed you've nothing on and assumed you're going out with her now - taking it for granted...she's still sounding selfish and disrespectful to me. I'm kind of agreeing with a previous poster - seems like she's texting you when she has nothing else on

Totally agree - i know so many people like that!!!! using people when they have nothing else to do!!!

For the love of God please be busy on Wednesday night - i dont care if you have nothing on - make it up!!!! you are not to go to the cinema with her on Wednesday night! tell her you might be free on Thursday night if she hasnt got any other plans! usually i would be against any sort of game playing but this is the exception to my rule!! do not play into her hands because it is quite possible she is trying to fill up free time and is using you!! TEST her by giving her an alternative date! and the fact that you actually have something to do on Wed night she may just realise that life hasnt stopped for you and this will get her thinking!(God he really is just getting on with it ) This will make her want you more and it may just be the eye opener that she needs!

Ah dying to know the outcome already! Please please keep us updated!

Mick K

Right,
Saturday Night went well from my side anyway,
She was the one putting in all the effort with chat and stuff while I just put on a distant act taking out the phone and replying to txts while playing it very cool,Didnt ask anything about the relationship at all,Never questioned her about anything,tbh never even showed much interest.
So I dropped her home and she leaned over to kiss me and I just gave her my cheek and said good bye.....
So yesterday came and I had a family thing on which she would normally be at but I brought a mate instead whos GF had spent the day with my GF,
Apparently she was asking my mates GF questions about the day and asking her to txt her BF all day to get info as to who I was talking to,wearing,drinking etc.....
My mates Gf reckons Im starting to have an effect on her by ignoring her.....



thoughts?




EDIT#
Just to ad my mates GF would be very straight up with me and wouldnt tell me any bull

RedXIV

Mick K wrote: »

Right,
Saturday Night went well from my side anyway,
She was the one putting in all the effort with chat and stuff while I just put on a distant act taking out the phone and replying to txts while playing it very cool,Didnt ask anything about the relationship at all,Never questioned her about anything,tbh never even showed much interest.
So I dropped her home and she leaned over to kiss me and I just gave her my cheek and said good bye.....
So yesterday came and I had a family thing on which she would normally be at but I brought a mate instead whos GF had spent the day with my GF,
Apparently she was asking my mates GF questions about the day and asking her to txt her BF all day to get info as to who I was talking to,wearing,drinking etc.....
My mates Gf reckons Im starting to have an effect on her by ignoring her.....



thoughts?




EDIT#
Just to ad my mates GF would be very straight up with me and wouldnt tell me any bull

What do you need our thoughts for, you can see its working . If she decides to cave in, be ready for a conversation which will determine all your boundries etc.

Glad to see something going right for ya mate

Red

silvine

Sounds good dude. +1 on the above comment though.

Wibbs

Yep it seems to be working alright. Now don't play games. At the moment you are as that is a strategy you need to learn for the future when self confidence and non controlling behaviour are natural to you.

A relationship should be equal. Both should do the "running" in it.

Don't put her on a pedestal. It's not comfortable for anyone.

Don't buy her affection with grand romantic gestures. Never bribe a woman with that, reward her for her affection and what she brings to the relationship yes, not bribe. There's a difference. Too many men do that and wonder why the woman leaves or isn't interested in the first place. Again that should be a natural thing born of your own self worth.

Discover your boundaries and stick to them.

Avoid over emotional outbursts, particularly ones born of anger or resentment. Major turnoff. This does not mean you cant be happy or upset or emotionally demonstrative, just avoid the unhealthy emotions. Never use emtional blackmail.

Be clear in your dealings with her, even if she's not being clear in her dealings with you.

Mick K

RedXIV wrote: »

What do you need our thoughts for, you can see its working . If she decides to cave in, be ready for a conversation which will determine all your boundries etc.

Glad to see something going right for ya mate

Red

Very hard to judge the girl......
Its all very up in the air for me still

Mick K

Little update.
Im going to not contact her until at least thursday,Chances are I might hear from her in between times if I do I'll be playing it very cool....
Im not playing games just taking a step back to see how it runs,I refuse to let myself build my mind up for a massive fall

RedXIV

Mick K wrote: »

Little update.
Im going to not contact her until at least thursday,Chances are I might hear from her in between times if I do I'll be playing it very cool....
Im not playing games just taking a step back to see how it runs,I refuse to let myself build my mind up for a massive fall

You're thinking about it a tad too much mate. while i agree with the idea that you shouldn't be immedately available to her, the best way to do this is to ACTUALLY make plans with other people. go out and have fun mate. You'll enjoy yourself more, it WILL come across in your encounters that your happier and more importantly, when you're asked if your free, you're not lying, you genuinely do have plans

do you love it?

do you really think that this will last, like if you have to ignore her to get her attention, its obviously not working, relationships arent meant to be based on winning each other through mind games, you know?
id be careful.
i also think you just gave the girl too much, like we all love presents now and then but when you get them constantly, they stop being special, and then you expect them. you cant use presents, money, dinners, trips away or cars to keep her interested. if she wants to be with you, she should be with you for the person that you are and not the material things that you give her.
im sorry if that sounded all a bit harsh, but you need to stop getting walked all over. its better for you in the long run, trust me.

dee8839

Any update on this situation? I really feel for you OP. I'm female, and I broke up with my BF of 2 years a while back for being the opposite of you. He was a good guy, a loving BF. But the whole concept of showing me he loved me was foreign to him. He took it for granted that I knew. I never once so much as got a drink bought for me, he used to suggest that there was no need for swopping birthday gifts (said just before my birthday, I note, not his!) and the idea of bringing me to the cinema, or if he managed to do this (at my request) paying for it never occurred to him. Now, I'm not saying this was the reason for our break-up, I'm not that materialistic, but I think the feeling of being unappreciated did contribute.

But you know what? I don't think I'd have stayed with him as long as I did if he had been more like you. I don't mean to sound harsh. I mean to show that there's a delicate balance in how you should treat the other person in a relationship. Don't treat her like she's an infallible princess. She'll feel suffocated and irritated. She won't respect you. But do show that you respect and appreciate her. A well timed, unexpected gift or date occasionally will make a far better impression that a constant desperate flow of gifts, etc.

My advice, I suppose, is to keep it cool so that she realises you're not suffocating her, but don't turn into an a-hole. There is a happy medium. Good luck!

Mick K

Little update....



Im a better person than what I was when I first wrote this thread.....

I dumped her.
Im far better than her and dont need that hassle in my life anymore,Im looking after myself now and thats the way I'll keep it.

do you love it?

good for you!!!

Mick K

I wont lie,I do miss the friendship but theres a woman out there for everybody and It seems that she defo wasnt the one for me,I wasnt going to chase her for life.
TBH when I wrote that my confidence was prob quite low and after the last weekend out I realise there really wasnt any need for it,Im a great guy that will meet somebody eventually that wants me as much as i want them.
I do have to stop spoiling women tho.....I know that doesnt work

Wibbs

Fair play to you.

Mick K wrote: »

I wont lie,I do miss the friendship

The way I look at it, true friends don't pull crap on you. Friendship is an equal relationship with tooing and froing and compromise and acceptance.

but theres a woman out there for everybody

In a world this big there are several. I would say several thousand or more in fact.

I wasnt going to chase her for life.

Dead right too. It's terribly wearing for one thing.

TBH when I wrote that my confidence was prob quite low and after the last weekend out I realise there really wasnt any need for it,Im a great guy that will meet somebody eventually that wants me as much as i want them.

Fair play + 2

I do have to stop spoiling women tho.....I know that doesnt work

That's a hard one. We're told as men from a very early age, by the media, by romantic notions, by society and indeed women themselves that being "nice" to women is the way to go. We also feel that treating somoen above and beyond the call of duty will make them love you more(women do this one too).

What I found refreshing are the women that posted here who gave their honest opinion of overly "nice" guys(fair play to them too). Basically it turns them off. I've actually heard some women say that "I lose interest in a guy when I find out he wants me more than I want him".

Some of that could be simply that a woman naturally wants a man who knows that he is a "good catch" and other women would find him attractive and that he has options, but he has chosen to be with her. It means that he is a good catch basically, has the emotional intelligence to see that in himself and will express that with his boundaries. .

A guy who tells a woman that she is the only possible woman for him and treats her like a princess is going to make her feel uncomfortable. She may not even put it into concrete words, but she'll feel it and no amount of obvious logic will sway.

It's nothing to do with obvious attractive features in guys either. I've seen women leave men who were wealthy, attractive and overly devoted to them. I've seen them go to obviously less attractive men who were dirt poor. Why? Because either they were going through the bad boy phase or the guy they went to, looks or money aside were more sure of themselves.

I think what I wrote before just about covers it. Treat a woman like an equal, not a superior. Very imprtant. If the hopeless romantics don't believe that the look at the guys who (stupidly) treat a woman like an inferior. They're generally more successful than the guys treating her like a superior. It's successful but equally wrong.

Treat her well and do good and loving things for her, only if she is doing the same for you. Basically reward good actions and emotions with good actions and emotions, as she should do for you. Don't bribe her to get good actions or emotions.

Love, relationships and friendships are based on a two way street with traffic divided equally. Yes there will be times when traffic may go one way rather than the other, but the general gist should be equal.