What was the last inanimate object you swore at?

Pighead

And what did you call it?

Pighead went absolutely stone raving bananas with the lawnmower on Saturday afternoon. Its one of those lawnmowers were you pull the cord and the motor roars into action, or doesn't as was the case on Saturday.

Threw a right tantrum at the fcuker and called it every name under the sun, including the C word (apologised to it later on, there was no need to throw out the C word.).

Questioned its parentage and even called it fat and ugly at one stage. Waited a few seconds for a reaction, but nothing, which made Pighead even angrier. Then Mammy Pighead came out, asked what was wrong, pulled on the cord and Mr Smarmypants Lawnmower roared into action. Called Mam a smug bitch and stormed off into the sitting room muttering empty promises about never coming to visit the folks ever again.

So what was the last inaminate object that caused you to go all Basil Fawlty?

geuro

yore ma!

c - 13

The cup that held the coffee that I spilled on my keyboard this morning.

Pighead

geuro wrote: »

yore ma!

geuro you dithering baboon do yourself a favour and look up what inaminate means! You're embarrassing yourself here pal.

JohnnyChimpo

inanimate adj 1 without life; not living • inanimate objects. 2 dull; spiritless

going by definition no.2 seems like a pretty good reason to swear at her!

listermint

My Shoes!!

I was pulling them outta my haversack and it was packed with clothes and managed to bend my nail right back shear bloody pain. dont know how i did it because i bite my nails. They got some fierce abuse!!:D

Pighead

JohnnyChimpo wrote: »

going by definition no.2 seems like a pretty good reason to swear at her!

Listen here JohnnyGimpo, Pigheads mother has more life and spirit than you'll ever have. She's a diamond in the rough, where as you're a lump of dogs poo at the bottom of the garden.

Dudess

My laptop. There's so much wrong with it I wouldn't know where to start. Couldn't be arsed getting it looked at though...

Steve_o

I roared a few profanities at my laptop this morning... stupid wan**r froze 3 times, I had a massive discussion with it about how i would be replacing it if it didn't get its act together... i think it worked!!!

Doctor DooM

I work with computers so I pretty much spend all day swearing at inanimate
objects.

The bastards

Maximilian

A statue of the virgin mary

TeletextPear

the tv, it has this lovely habit of turning itself back off when you turn it on

passive

Shower... The showers in the student Res here are more or less an open pipe, with a button to force the water out (which much be repressed every 30 seconds or so) and for the first 4 minutes of use the water is ice cold so, rather than being a pussy and standing outside heating it up for a while, passive has had to "man up" and deal with it... Unfortunately when one is very sleepy/otherwise in a weakened state, a sudden stream of angry cold water on your chest/back can lead to sudden bursts of ********c***b******b******sonofa*****argh****dammit****cuntcunt****!

geuro

maybe you should have look in the dictionary instead. Then you might spell it correctly the next time.

Dudess

geuro, use the quote function or you'll cause confusion. It looks like you're referring to the comment above.

chuci

cleaning out my wardrobe last night, hit my head off a shelf. think the neighbours heard the profanities. have a really bad bump.

The Bollox

my phone, or more directly, the alarm on my phone

Pighead

geuro wrote: »

maybe you should have look in the dictionary instead. Then you might spell it correctly the next time.

The lad makes a cracking point.

guero Pighead takes back the harsh words he threw at you earlier. You're obviously a much smarter cat than Pighead gave you credit for. Time to correct the error and put this sorry mess behind us.

pickarooney

passive wrote: »

Shower... The showers in the student Res here are more or less an open pipe, with a button to force the water out (which much be repressed every 30 seconds or so) and for the first 4 minutes of use the water is ice cold so, rather than being a pussy and standing outside heating it up for a while, passive has had to "man up" and deal with it... Unfortunately when one is very sleepy/otherwise in a weakened state, a sudden stream of angry cold water on your chest/back can lead to sudden bursts of ********c***b******b******sonofa*****argh****dammit****cuntcunt****!

Not only swearing at inanimate objects, but repressing them into the bargain. That's cold, man

I spent yesterday doing some DIY... a shelf, a wall, a light-fitting, a screw-hook, a hacksaw and a paintbrush felt my wrath. "Prick****er" was my favoured term of endearment.

Sherifu

I can't remember really. Anger management.

Dord

My laptop, I smacked my foot off it when I got out of bed this morning. It was on the floor....

Pighead

The inanimate object which causes the worst reactions of anger and name calling has to be the sinister little pain giver that calls itself a Plug. There is no greater pain.

Doctor DooM

Pighead wrote: »

The inanimate object which causes the worst reactions of anger and name calling has to be the sinister little pain giver that calls itself a Plug. There is no greater pain.

This is why you should leave every plug left in in your house. Sod the enviromentalists.

Iago

Mario Kart Wii, just after getting hit by the 3rd blue shell in a row. I used the full range of my extensive cursing vocabulary...


...and then had to apologise to my son who was sitting there with his mouth wide open in shock

I really shouldn't play computer games when he's in the room.

Pighead

Toasters are cunts as well. If ever you pass Pigheads kitchen and you look in and see him yelling at seemingly nobody you can be damn sure he's giving the thick dopey toaster a dressing down after its burnt yet another innocent piece of bread.

The Artist

i never swear at any thing.
wheresssssssssssss me fukcing!
oh ****,christ god damn it! for fukcs sake my fags!

Defenestrate

My router when it switched itself off mid download.

The Bollox

chair legs are the worst when you catch your baby toe on one. the frustration of knowing it's not possible to cause the chair as much pain as you have been inflicted with, coupled by the knowledge that it's your fault and multiplied by the realisation that you have been swearing non-stop at a piece of wood for the past few minutes

lemon_of_old

The toaster that burnt my toast this morning.
The knife that sliced my finger as I tried to butter said charcoal toast (probably not the best idea to use a steak knife for buttering)
The coffee cup that didn't do its job right by keeping the coffee in the cup, aiming instead for all over me.

ScumLord

TeletextPear wrote: »

the tv, it has this lovely habit of turning itself back off when you turn it on

My lazy bastard of a TV does that too. A good punch will put manners on it. The computer is another one, I can't restart it, if it's turned off it won't turn back on for half an hour. I always blame inanimate object when ever anything goes wrong, stub my toe, doors fault. Over cook me food, ovens fault.

I find it a great way of releasing tension. The only inanimate object I don't give out to is my beloved car. Everyone else on the road gets an earful but me and the car are in it together.

Defenestrate

The Bollox wrote: »

chair legs are the worst when you catch your baby toe on one. the frustration of knowing it's not possible to cause the chair as much pain as you have been inflicted with, coupled by the knowledge that it's your fault and multiplied by the realisation that you have been swearing non-stop at a piece of wood for the past few minutes

Have to agree with that, hurts like mad and everyone else just laughs at you hopping round and cursing like a lunatic.

passive

pickarooney wrote: »

Not only swearing at inanimate objects, but repressing them into the bargain. That's cold, man

I spent yesterday doing some DIY... a shelf, a wall, a light-fitting, a screw-hook, a hacksaw and a paintbrush felt my wrath. "Prick****er" was my favoured term of endearment.

You will be punished for this offence... Connard :P

Pighead

A friend of Pigheads has a fantastic manner with inanimate objects. If he's watching the telly and he's trying to change the telly with the remote but it won't work he doesn't get angry and stressed and threaten the remote with a crushing painful unforgiven death.

No he talks calmly to the remote and lets it know exactly what the current state of play is. He'll say "Now I'm going to take out your batteries, give them a jiggle in my hand, put them back into you, give you a shake and then you are going to work" He says all this with a cool calm reassuring voice whilst petting it softly. AND IT ALWAYS WORKS. Fucker.

Run_to_da_hills

The wireless modem. It has a habit of cutting itself off.

Toto Wolfcastle

My parents' computer which my brother had ruined with World of bloody Warcraft.

Then I shouted at my dad to give me back my laptop, but he's not an inanimate object.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Pighead wrote: »

The inanimate object which causes the worst reactions of anger and name calling has to be the sinister little pain giver that calls itself a Plug. There is no greater pain.

Butt or vaginal?

JIZZLORD

i was swearing at a locker in the gym. i had to get the lady from behind the counter to open it and she got it open with no effort whatsoever

Faith

My weighing scales. You can't put on 2lbs in one day! Piece of shít.

Pighead

JIZZLORD wrote: »

i was swearing at a locker in the gym. i had to get the lady from behind the counter to open it and she got it open with no effort whatsoever

Pighead hopes that when the lady went away you went up to the locker and whispered threateningly at it "If you ever make a fool out of me again in front of a chick I'll rip off your cheap shitty aluminium door and throw it in the lake until it rusts to death"

Mossin

The f*cking cup of tea I was just drinking that decided to leak all down the front of my shirt, 7 minutes before a meeting with my manager :mad:

Dudess

scumlord wrote: »

my Lazy Bastard Of A Tv Does That Too. A Good Punch Will Put Manners On It.

Lol :d

Quality

My telephone in work!:mad::mad:


Why does the cable always have to tangle up underneath my chair? And why does the cord always get tangled up....

A girl has gotta gossip you know!!!

Agent Smith

The Vending machine about 6 mins ago when it wouldnt give me my Orange juice

Abi

Mr Abigayle. And yes, I know what inanimate means.

Pighead

Abigayle wrote: »

Mr Abigayle. And yes, I know what inanimate means.

Does it mean Mr Abigayle is a blow up doll?

Abi

Pighead wrote: »

Does it mean Mr Abigayle is a blow up doll?

Might aswell be.

Dudess

Agent Smith wrote: »

The Vending machine about 6 mins ago when it wouldnt give me my Orange juice

Ooh yes! Nothing incurs my wrath more than one particular brand of vending machine which sometimes doesn't actually drop the item - instead, it gets stuck. But the machine still swallows up your money.

Pighead

Abigayle wrote: »

Might aswell be.

Oh Oh. Hate to be Mr Abigayle right now. Come on Abi tell Uncle Pighead all about it. Whats the doucheball done now? Slept with your sister, lost the kids, got sick on the good rug?

Abi

Pighead wrote: »

Come on Abi tell Uncle Pighead all about it. Whats the doucheball done now?

He just made me some tea and left the sugar out. The thick fuck.

Toto Wolfcastle

Agent Smith wrote: »

The Vending machine about 6 mins ago when it wouldnt give me my Orange juice

That's just depressing. I once spent ages trying to get a bottle of Lucozade out of a vending machine and when I gave up someone came along and stole the bloody thing.

JerryHandbag

my ipod...seriously could they not have come up with an easier method to select songs than that round selection dial thingy cos it ALWAYS goes to the track either before or after the one i want