Quickies

rocky25

There were three women sitting in a doctor's office, a blond, a
brunette, and a red-head.

They were all pregnant.

"I'm having a boy because I was on the bottom," said the brunette.

"Well, I'm having a girl because I was on top," said the red-head.

All of a sudden the blond started crying. They asked her what was
wrong.

"I'm having puppies," exclaimed the blond.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got two Goldfish.

I named them One and Two.

Why?

Well, if One dies, I still got Two left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had lost one of his arms. One day he had enough.
He decided to commit suicide.

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping
along, whistling and kicking up his heels.

He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I
still have one good arm to do things with.

There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk
happy and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught the man with no arms.
He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself.

He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that man could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'




He said, 'I'm NOT happy .... My arse is itchy.'

Mahatma coat

whadda ya call a man with no arms?

ShiittyArse :D:D

Dizzyblonde

How do you ask an armless man what time it is?

'Got the time on ya cock?'

davido

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen
What do you call a woman with no legs? Noleen
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the pool? Bob

Humour my arse.

Xavi6

What do you call a Spanish man with no legs?

Gracias

The Bollox

what do you call a spanish man exiting a hospital?

Manuel

rocky25

A man runs into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and shouts "everyones got 1 minute to get out..."



A Tortoise at the back shouts "you c##t"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was driving home one cold night when the wife asked her
husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the
road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was.

She said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death.

Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "Okay, get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?" she asked.



"Just hold its nose."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do farts smell?



So deaf people can enjoy them too.

rocky25

Sofaspud

Did you hear about the woman with no legs who won a strawberry picking competition?

The jammy cunt!

entropi

I like some of those