About to be rejected by girl: How do I respond?

MIN2511

Sinfonia wrote: »

Way back on page 1 I was in agreement with this.
You flip everything this way, either she says "Ok, we won't go out so", which would've happened anyway, or she decides that she wants you, and you gain the control, have things on your terms, gain the "upper hand" (see Seinfeld episode "The Pez Dispenser")

However, having read through the rest of the thread, she really seems like an attention seeking psycho biatch, and probably isn't actually worth your time.
Wibbs' long post (including translations - nice btw:D) on page 3 is perfect.
OP, you should print it and stick it on your desk. In fact, we probably all should.

OP hasn't logged on, so no new news atm but i think this is the week she "decides" if she wants to date him or not.

It would be interesting to see the outcome; sounds like she has him wrapped

takola

Hopefully he'll get back to us with an update. I want to know what happened in the end

Occidental

I've seen something like this played out with one of my mates many years ago. Was led and followed the girl around for 6 months + and I'm not sure if he ever even got a kiss. He finally copped on when she shagged another lad in the company who treated her like dirt. Crushed him for a while, but at least he took her down from the pedastel he'd built in his head.

Rosso

Anyway, I guess its time to lay this to rest. Been waiting for a few weeks to before I post any updates because I want to see where its going.

Anyway it all ended in tears (no shock to 100% of people who were following this post)

Anyway, to pick up from where I left off a few weeks back, when she was on holidays, when she said she needed to think abuot things. We didn't text for a few days, and finally I got a text from her, saying that she's decided to go out with me. I was glad to hear that, but still suspicious, thats why I didn't refrained from posting. We've decided to go out once we stopped working together, which was fine by me as it was only a week away then.

We've arranged a first date on the last weekend we stop being colleagues. She kept telling me how she was looking forward to it. Then on the Sunday we were supposed to go on our first day, she cancelled (I was somehow expecting it), saying her aunt was sick, and couldnt make it. I was understanding, as I know she was very close to her aunt. But I was pissed off as she had no problem going on a night out with her friends that same night, when our 'date' (just short coffee)and her dinner appointments with her friends were only 2 hours apart. We had a big arguement. She thought I was going to call it off and was almost in tears. I said I had no intention to call it off. I asked her if she still wanted to go out, and she said yes.

Anyway, the week after, we are no more colleagues. She moved to another work place 100km away, in another town for about 6 months. Again we arranged to meet up that weekend, but she cancelled again, saying she was scheduled to work the weekend shift. I said okay, after all, I knew it was a crazy busy job. We made plans to meet this weekend. Then she cancelled again, saying her brother was coming over, so she's gotta meet him.

Thats when I go pissed off. Here's how the text when today, after telling me that her brother is coming over and she was sorry.

Me: Just to check, are you still serious about going out or not. I mean, I need to know if you're not interested anymore, or change your mind. I've seen you only for a total of 2 weeks for the past 7 weeks and that sucks.

Her: Thats what I mean, I'm not sure its gonna work when I am here.

Me: Well, you knew all along that you were moving away from the begining.

Her: I just thought about it now.

Me: Well, you knew you were going to (that place) all along. If you were serious about going out in the first place, or really liked me, 2 hours drive is not gonna stop you. You said you were only just thinking abuot it now, but you knew this for some time.

Her: You're being unfair and unreasonable

Me: In what way.? Explain. Its been almost 3 months since I asked you out, and you told me you liked me, or at least you convinced me. I was patient enough. My friends are laughing at me because they are convinced that I am being strung along, yet I dont believe them

Her: When you asked me out 3 months ago, I said no, not while we're working together.(Despite saying that we will go out, when she was in holidays, and again last week when we had our arguement) Don't try and make me feel guilty

Me: I never told my friends that we're going out, just whats really happening,.. the waiting period...etc. They told me to run like the wind from day one because it was obvious to them you were stringing me along. I didn't believe them. Besides, you said we would go out once we stopped working, while u were in holidays. And now you were making out that nothing was happening in the first place.

Her: I'm not saying that. I do like you, but I am never gonna leave Ireland (She keeps thinking I am gonnna leave for my home country, although thats still up in the air) and there's just no future. and I've gotten to know you since and you have a temper which I have experience in the past (I can be moody, but never violent, besides it was only twice at work..who hasn't been moody at work before). It just wouldn't work out. Plus, I learned a lot from a recent chat with someone who shall remain nameless (I dont know who is it, or what she's 'learned', I mean, only 2-3 ppl knows me well and none of them knows her, or is living in the same town)

Me: Well, you know you're never gonna leave Ireland all along. You also think I have a 'temper', which you have learned ages ago, although I disagree. It seems I'm never allowed to be pissed off at anything. And you said you learned a lot after chatting with someone. What can you learn from chatting with someone who doesn't know me at all ?

Her: Leave me alone

Me: When were you planning on telling me that its not gonna work out? If I didn't broach this subject its just gonna go on and on. I could only make another appointment date next week only for you to cancel it again. I mean, your issues with you not ever leaving Ireland, my supposed 'temper', and whatever you've learned from whomever you've been speaking to, although I doubt its accurasy as only 2-3 ppl really knows me well over here, I am sure you didn't learn all this yesterday. Last week I have you the chance of calling all this off (when we had the arguement) but you still wanted to go out then. Tell me how can I not feel that I was being strung along. Or am I just the backup guy in case someone else comes along. IF you dont want to go out with me in the first place its a disappointment I can handle, but dont you think I deserve some honesty and not be kept in the dark ?

Her: Thats why I'm being honest now. You deserve the truth and I have not intentionally 'strung you along'.


Me: Please understand that I am not angry because you wont go out with me. I am angry because you've made up your mind it wasn't going to work in the fist place, but didn't want to tell me. If I didn't broach the subject today, when were you planning on to tell me? Keep cancelling until I get the hint.? On the subject of honesty, is there another person involved?

Me again: Funny thing is everyone told me (friends and the board here) to run like the wind in the first place. Tell me the first date is never gonna happen. Keeps taking the piss everytime you cancel. But I thought I knew you better. Put yourself in my position. Imgaine you being in me for the past 3 months. Can you honestly say that I am being unreasonable because I am angry.

After about 15 mins..


Her: I am a bitch

Me: Explain, or rather, elaborate


No answer

Me: Was I the plan 'b' guy, the reserve. Just in case someone else comes along. At least I deserve an honest answer on that one.

Her: No, u werent;

Me: So did someone else comes along

No answer

Me: No answer means yes?

Her: Maybe, Not sure. Havent gone on a date yet.

Me: Thought so, someone you met there, or has this been going on for some time

Her: Someone I met here (she's only been there for 7 days!). Dont insult me and say its been going on for some time.

Me: That explains you sudden change in behaviour. After so much 'honesty' over the past 3 months can you really blame me for being suspicious. Btw, you obviously discovered my 'temper' ages ago, and that we've no future, when did you plan to come clean with me? If i didn't bring this up today we would still be in the dark. What were you waiting for? In case it didn't work out with this guy ? Any finally, is your brother really coming down this weekend or is it clashing with your first date? I guess what ppl tell me must be true..I am the back up guy.

Her: Dont play that game with me

Me: THe only person playing games over the past 3 months wasn't me. My intentions have only been honest and sincere, and you know that. I think I deserve the same. Well?....

No reply since. This all happened today btw.


****************************************************

I have a mixture of feelings in me at the moment. Disappointment, naturally, because I really did like the girl and she's found someone else. Angry is the predominant feeling, firstly at her because despite what she said, she was stringing me all along. She was there only for 7 days and have decided she likes someone else. Also at myself, because I was so blind and let this go on for so long.

I mean, this is the 2nd time I've been strung along, although this is the worst case of those 2. 2nd time since I came to Ireland. From the previous post, people say its because I'm 'too nice'. Is that really a weakness? I mean, I dont think I am a pushover. I am laid back, what ever goes, sort of person because I am not a picky or anal sort of person in many things.I managed to climb to a pretty high up position in my job, and you dont get there by being a weakling. Also I have been brought up believing that you must always be kind and consiencious to others. I dont turn the other cheek everytime ppl treat me badly, but I always give ppl the benefit of the doubt. I've been told I always look for the good in people, whomever I meet.

Is dating in Ireland really different from other countries.? Are Irish women really that different.? I've been a reader on this site for years and I always get the impression that there's always this 'merry dance', this 'game' when it comes to courtship. PLay hard to get. Keep some guy in reserve. Dont play all your cards at once. Maybe there really is a cultural clash when it comes to dating. Back home, being 'nice' and 'considerate' is a BIG plus. There is never a game, that 'merry dance'. Its all straight forward. 'I like you. You like me. Lets go out'. No bull****.Or maybe I've just been so unlucky in the people I've met

I reliase, and maybe you readers might have already noticed, that she never once did answer all of my questions regarding when she was planning to tell me what its not gonna work out, and how long she was planning to keep me in the dark.

I know I have been stubborn. You guys have been nothing but great in giving me such great advice but I chose to ignore them, thinking I would know her better than you guys.

I feel sad, on the verge of tears. What have I done do deserve being treated like this? Its okay to say you dont like me, dont want to go out with me. That I can handle. . But I cant see why some ppl want to string you along like that for so long. I am not some arsehole who deserved to be punished.

I am already 30. A successful career. Earn more $$$ that I need. But when it comes to relationships I am still a ****ing loser. I am not ugly. I've been approach my many girls, Irish and from other countries before, but they just dont interest me. Yet, I always nip it in the bud and never strung them along.

I feel very down. I feel extremely lonely now. For 3 months I've been buildng this up. Now I feel like i've been hit by a truck. Maybe I will be that someone who will spend his life alone. Someone who has everything, career, health, money, but will never find someone to love, someone to dote and care for.

I JUST FEEL LIKE CRAP! I want to cry but can't. Moreover, I feel like an absolute moron, never been so embarressed.

Any advice/word of consolation would be welcome, although maybe you guys should hold on the ' i told you so ' remarks for a while because I feel like a moron already

MagicMarker

Don't worry dude... We all learn from our mistakes.

Don't stop being a nice guy, but don't put too much faith in other people.

As for her, she's a complete bitch tbh.. And i would have no qualms in telling her so.

Latchy

I am afraid OP there seemed only one outcome to come from this and you got it .She was leading you on and the more you persisted in the chase the more she got a kick from it ,sorry to say .

Move on and away from her as quickly as possible .

Gyalist

Does she have any hot friends. One that she is jealous of? The only way to reverse this is to hit on her hottest friend, but from your posts I can tell that you don't have any game so I guess that's moot.

Rosso

Gyalist wrote: »

Does she have any hot friends. One that she is jealous of? The only way to reverse this is to hit on her hottest friend, but from your posts I can tell that you don't have any game so I guess that's moot.

Thats not what I intend to do. I'm already 30. I want a mature and serious relationship. Thats not gonna help. Like I said before, I absolutely HATE games. All I want was just a bit of honesty and sincerity, being straight forward, and from what I've learned in teh Irish dating scene, thats a rarity.

Rosso

Again what pisses me off is these sort of people, who string people along, who uses people without regard for feelings of others, are the ones mostly likely to end up in a happy or long term relationship. People like me are the one who's always ended up being 'the nice guy', the one people keep saying 'how great he is', but never wanted to date.

Fysh

I'll be honest with you OP, the level of game-playing in the "dating scene" depends on where you look. You have to admit that looking back over this thread almost everyone was telling you that this girl wasn't on the level, that you were going to be let down...there comes a certain point where "being nice" becomes "being a doormat" and that gets exploited by people who are emotionally immature or who don't know what they want. And to be honest if you don't recognize this until after it bites you on the ass, it sounds like you're also emotionally immature in some way.

It's not your fault that this girl was playing silly games, but it is your fault that, after being fed a very suspicious line like "I can't decide for 8 weeks" you still pursued her. Plenty of people advised that she should be able to give a yes or no answer and you should have pushed her for one, but you kept after her. Lots of us have done it in the past; take it for the lesson it is and try to learn not to do it next time.

At the end of the day, if you don't think you deserve better than someone who'll string you along and mess you about, why should anyone else think so?

Schnooks

Welcome to Ireland Rosso and the Irish dating game

Sorry to hear about your experience, she sounds like a complete waste of space and TBH any Irishman would have had her number after 10 mins.

She made a fool of you yes, but she is going to be the loser in the long run, cos she lost a chance of a genuine relationship with someone who would have treated her well.

It's a funny old game in this country, very roundabout ways of expressing feelings, almost repressed really, and only surfacing when there is loads of booze on board.

Hang in there pal, chalk it down to experience and maybe next time, don't be so nice and accepting. In my experience (for want of a better word), when I like someone, they get 2 chances or offers. If the 2nd one isn't taken up, then it's ---> nice to be talking to you, I would still like to be friends, but I will never approach you in "that" way again.

This can somethimes be a shock to the lady in question, to the point that they sometimes approach me down the line.

But I am rambling, hope this helps, PLENTY more fish in the sea, don't be down about this - nobody died and she honestly doesn't sound like she is worth getting upset about. Take care pal and don't think that all irishwomen are like her, cos their not

chalad07

You need to move on buddy. What i can see happening - she's going to contact you in a week or two, saying she made a mistake, she likes you after all. But once you begin to show interest again, the whole cycle is going to start over. I could understand you being tempted at this point, because she's telling you what you want to hear. You really need to cut all contact with her,

Do you really want to end up with a girl that would do all that?

Gyalist

I've just re-read this thread and your previous thread and it is painful. Unfortunately, you've done everything wrong. It reads like a how-to manual of how NOT to generate attraction in the opposite sex. It's nothing to do with your ethnicity, or the Irish dating scene but everything to do with you. You have to disabuse yourself of the "nice guy" romantic notions that you hold. They may work in the movies but not in the real world.

Latchy

Rosso wrote: »

Again what pisses me off is these sort of people, who string people along, who uses people without regard for feelings of others, are the ones mostly likely to end up in a happy or long term relationship. People like me are the one who's always ended up being 'the nice guy', the one people keep saying 'how great he is', but never wanted to date.

Have you heard of the expressions ' hard to get ' or ' presently unatainable ' ? .The first one is somthing some irish women do very well and the second one is something you could have used to avoid yourself going into freefall .I think italian /latin men in general do the full on thing with women better , i am not sure .

Your not italian are you ?

* this is to cheer you up *

Schnooks

I disagree with Gyalist. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy.

Being a fool or a weakling or a complete pussy are very different to being a nice guy.

It is possible to be a nice guy and still be able to stand up for yourself and not be made a fool of i.e. be a nice guy to a woman that deserves a nice guy. Be an asshole to a woman that doesn't.

That's the way I've always operated, not that it's got me far ha ha :D

towel401

dublindude wrote: »

someone else on the side.

more than likely. most women are on the look out for someone better (with more money) all the time.

Schnooks

towel401 wrote: »

more than likely. most women are on the look out for someone better (with more money) all the time.

That is the most cynical thing I have ever heard.

I don't believe that at all ---> they may drive me crazy, and I've been f**ked over more times than I can remember (including having been married), but never bitter or cynical, cos there's another great relationship round the corner always. And if that doesn't work out, well then, there's another too......:D

Rosso

chalad07 wrote: »

You need to move on buddy. What i can see happening - she's going to contact you in a week or two, saying she made a mistake, she likes you after all. But once you begin to show interest again, the whole cycle is going to start over. I could understand you being tempted at this point, because she's telling you what you want to hear. You really need to cut all contact with her,

Do you really want to end up with a girl that would do all that?

She's not going to contact me in a week or two. She's already interested in someone. But one thing for sure, I will not show any interest in her. I WON'T be tempted. I have seen the light. Being strung a long for few months is enough. In fact, I would want to tell her to **** off, but that would only make me look bad amd immature.

Pub07

By agreeing to wait for a few months for an answer on will she go out with you, you lost basically all credibility in her eyes - absolutely reeks of desperation that you'd be willing to wait that long which is very unnattractive. She's looking for a man, not doormat. Even if you are desperate don't let it show so obviously lol - be confident - fake it till you make it if you have to.

When you asked her out in the first place and she told you she'd give in answer a couple of months down the line you shoulda laughed and said something like "nevermind so, couldn't be arsed waiting for a week nevermind a few months so let's forget about it". Believe it or not, you would've ended up much more likely to get her in the end if you had've used this approach because I think you killed all chances of a relationship with her when you agreed to her terms.

Schnooks

When you asked her out in the first place and she told you she'd give in answer a couple of months down the line you shoulda laughed and said something like "nevermind so, couldn't be arsed waiting for a week nevermind a few months so let's forget about it". Believe it or not, you would've ended up much more likely to get her in the end if you had've used this approach because I think you killed all chances of a relationship with her when you agreed to her terms.


There's your answer Rosso, that's how it works in Ireland What WERE you thinking? :eek:

Rosso

Schnooks wrote: »

When you asked her out in the first place and she told you she'd give in answer a couple of months down the line you shoulda laughed and said something like "nevermind so, couldn't be arsed waiting for a week nevermind a few months so let's forget about it". Believe it or not, you would've ended up much more likely to get her in the end if you had've used this approach because I think you killed all chances of a relationship with her when you agreed to her terms.


There's your answer Rosso, that's how it works in Ireland What WERE you thinking? :eek:

Maybe it was my mistake. From where I come from, honesty and straightforwardness actually means something. Maybe that means nothing here. Dont get me wrong, there is no verbal contract, but the intentions are almost always sincere and honest. No games. Guess I have to be a bit of a cunning bastard when wooing an Irish gal the next time.

The Mighty Ken

Rosso wrote: »

Maybe it was my mistake. From where I come from, honesty and straightforwardness actually means something. Maybe that means nothing here. Dont get me wrong, there is no verbal contract, but the intentions are almost always sincere and honest. No games. Guess I have to be a bit of a cunning bastard when wooing an Irish gal the next time.

Look, it's not Irish women that are the problem in all of this. It's you and it's her that are the problem. You're too naive and allowed yourself to be treated like a doormat. She's emotionally immature and, sorry to say it, a complete bitch who only ever wanted to string you along and humiliate you to satisfy her own ego.

Don't get me wrong, you have my deepest sympathies. It's just that reading this thread was like watching a car crash in slow motion. Only she has walked away unscathed and you've been horribly mangled.

What should have happened is this - You tell her you like her and ask her if she'll go out with you. She says 'wait 8 weeks and I'll give you an answer'. You say 'Thanks but I'm not prepared to wait that long'.

End of f**king story.

faceman

Rosso, there was some really good advice given on this thread about how to deal with your unfortunate issue yet you failed to take heed of it. If you were to take a step back and it was someone else in the same position, you would be giving the same advice as you received here.

The whole "nice guys finish last" argument doesnt wash with me. I know plenty of "nice guys" who are in relationships. Im a nice guy too! Its more to do with attitude and attraction (not just physically but personality) that will determine how you pull.

although we all share the same opinion on this girl, you also need to take responsibility for your actions in this case. You are as much to blame yourself. With all due respect the way you have acted does reek of desperation and is very unattractive to most women. If a relationship is meant to be, then its meant to be.

Im not trying to sound negative, I do sympathise with you. I do hope you have learnt from this experience. Take step back in future. You will find someone that will make you happy.

WilmaRidesAgain

Hi Rosso,

Sorry for your trouble there.

However, on the bright side your texts to her clearly showed her you saw through her game (eventually)

There are two types of girls/women in this word, ones like this, who unfortunately subscribe to the sort of insincere "showing off to friends"...look how I can string him along to fan my ego, fook him hes "only" a man, "me me me" mentality that you describe, most of the men who supported you here have been stung once by this type of vain bull$hit artist once and never again. The signs were clearly there, she was a textbook case, you fell for her amatuer game, well lesson learned...
The best way to deal with these kinds of beyatches is to glide on by...
They do my head in (Im a woman) because they give other women a bad name.

The other type of woman is normal, shes been through it herself, fallen for the patter, been strung along, done a bit herself in her young days maybe, but learnt and grown from it and can see, in order to be treated well you have got to be a decent person yourself.
She can paddle her own canoe and is not a user in any way, however will not suffer fools gladly.

You have got to develop a bull$hit detector in this world fella, or you're food.

Rosso

faceman wrote: »

Rosso, there was some really good advice given on this thread about how to deal with your unfortunate issue yet you failed to take heed of it. If you were to take a step back and it was someone else in the same position, you would be giving the same advice as you received here.

The whole "nice guys finish last" argument doesnt wash with me. I know plenty of "nice guys" who are in relationships. Im a nice guy too! Its more to do with attitude and attraction (not just physically but personality) that will determine how you pull.

although we all share the same opinion on this girl, you also need to take responsibility for your actions in this case. You are as much to blame yourself. With all due respect the way you have acted does reek of desperation and is very unattractive to most women. If a relationship is meant to be, then its meant to be.

Im not trying to sound negative, I do sympathise with you. I do hope you have learnt from this experience. Take step back in future. You will find someone that will make you happy.

I understand where you're coming from. But I disagree that my actions are an act of 'desperation'. I've been single for about 3 years before this. By choice. I have had girls ask me out before but I've turned them because of various reasons. My friends keep telling me 'so-and-so' likes you and why dont you go out with her, shes pretty etc etc, but I wasn't ready yet. If I was 'desperate', as you said, why would I turn all those ppl down?

I'm am an all or nothing person. I guess thats my problem. Black and white. I feel ready for a relationship now. I see a girl I like. Therefore, I want to go out with her. I like her. Nobody else. I am not the type of go out of the 'dating scene' and see whats next on the market. I'm not into the 'cant get this girlfriend, so lets see who's available next' sort of person. I am not desperate for a girlfriend. I just saw a girl I really like. Whom I thought is a good person, whom I can trust, who just turned out to be a very conceited person in the end.

Maybe the courtship/dating culture here IS different. You tell a girl you like her, and would wait, and remain loyal in the process..that equals desperation. I dont understand it over here. It sounds to me that a girl will only go out with someone when she thinks that the guy likes her, but will have no problems moving on to the next girl on the conveyer belt if she is not interested. It really is different, with Irish courtship and the ones back home. Girls back home plays games too. All women do. But back home, when women makes a man wait (and its a popular 'game' back home), and if they remain loyal, they seem to have 'passed' the test and is considered a 'keeper'. Over here, you're considered moronic and desperate. Maybe on the future I should just adjust my courtship strategy depending on whoever I want to date.

MIN2511

Hello....

Read through the whole lot again

First; you were warned! It's always easy to give advice and difficult to take advice, the % of the relationship working out was very slim. She had issues with your nationality and her family(sister) advised her otherwis, how you still liked her i don't understand.

Personally i think she has played with your emotions, enjoyed the attention and toyed with you. And all you did was participate, it's not Irish women it's women in general. You got emotionally involved and let your "heart" do the talking...

Unfortunately it has come to this, i suggest you suck it all up and look at it as experience!

Goodluck... cheer up! Come out for drinks with us today if you want... We are heading to the Church @ 8pm

nice bunch of us

Rosso

MIN2511 wrote: »

Hello....

Read through the whole lot again

First; you were warned! It's always easy to give advice and difficult to take advice, the % of the relationship working out was very slim. She had issues with your nationality and her family(sister) advised her otherwis, how you still liked her i don't understand.

Personally i think she has played with your emotions, enjoyed the attention and toyed with you. And all you did was participate, it's not Irish women it's women in general. You got emotionally involved and let your "heart" do the talking...

Unfortunately it has come to this, i suggest you suck it all up and look at it as experience!

Goodluck... cheer up! Come out for drinks with us today if you want... We are heading to the Church @ 8pm

nice bunch of us

Thanks MIN, not only for your invitation but for all your advice for the past 2 months. Unfortunately I am not from Dublin so I dont know where this 'Church' place is.

Wagon

Jesus man, tough one. What a lousy bitch. (I'll probably be lynched for this metaphorically speaking) but be careful in Ireland, there's a lot of them about and it works for both sexes, so there's plenty of nice birds out there looking for a bloke like yourself. As Wilma said, you need a bull**** detector.

I can only give you real general advice and say be a little more cautious in future. Don't waste your time like that again. If you like someone and they say "give me a few months to think about it", give up and move on. Sorry to see how this has worked out, I could also see it coming a mile off. It's easy for us to all say that though as because most of us are natives we're so used to playing these games that we find shortcuts and can bypass some/most/all the hard parts.

Rosso

WilmaRidesAgain wrote: »

Hi Rosso,

Sorry for your trouble there.

However, on the bright side your texts to her clearly showed her you saw through her game (eventually)

There are two types of girls/women in this word, ones like this, who unfortunately subscribe to the sort of insincere "showing off to friends"...look how I can string him along to fan my ego, fook him hes "only" a man, "me me me" mentality that you describe, most of the men who supported you here have been stung once by this type of vain bull$hit artist once and never again. The signs were clearly there, she was a textbook case, you fell for her amatuer game, well lesson learned...
The best way to deal with these kinds of beyatches is to glide on by...
They do my head in (Im a woman) because they give other women a bad name.

The other type of woman is normal, shes been through it herself, fallen for the patter, been strung along, done a bit herself in her young days maybe, but learnt and grown from it and can see, in order to be treated well you have got to be a decent person yourself.
She can paddle her own canoe and is not a user in any way, however will not suffer fools gladly.

You have got to develop a bull$hit detector in this world fella, or you're food.

This is what I think so, in retrospect. I am the leader of the team we were working in..the boss, so to speak. I guess, in retrospect she just likes everyone to know what she has the attention of her boss, someone her senior, showing off to other workmates.

It just so unfair. She's this manipulative conceited person with complete disregard of the feeling of others and now she's found someone else to date, leaving me, someone with nothing but the most honest and sincere of intetions to pick up the pieces.

And I still get no closure. She still evades the question of why didn't she call it off when she had 2 opportunities too. As I said before, she knew she would never leave Ireland from the begining, and she knew about my 'temper' months ago, but had 2 chances to call it off but wouldn't. Said she still wanted to go out, even on the last day we were working together. She wouldn't answer how long she intends to keep me in the dark, even when she already had someone in mind. If was only the fact that I broach the subject that she finally opened up yesterday.

I guess all I want to do is for her to admit that she has been stringing me along all this while, that I am the 'reserve' guy, which seems true, but obviously that would never happen. I KNOW that is the case, but maybe it would make me feel better if she would just admit it.

Sugar Drunk

Deep breath** ok I am going to be honest and please dont take it the wrong way I am trying to help.

You asked for this. From the very start this was a total joke and it was obvious that she had no interest in you other then delighting in the fact that you were so into her. Not entirely your fault - you seem lie a very nice guy BUT -So many different people on here advised you that this was a disaster waiting to happen but you persisted anyway. lets face it - any girl that tells a man she needs a few weeks to consider going out with him is taking the p*ss.

What worries me a lot now though is the fact that after all this time you are still obsessed with her! I do feel that she is a waste of space and an attention seeker but I think you are also coming across as a bit emotionally immature. It is not healthy for a 30 year old man to be so obsessed with a girl that you do not know that well, have never had a proper relationship, let alone a physical relationship with and who has now stood you up three times after stringing you along for weeks. Unless shes a hotter version of Angeline Jolie and has a penchant for walking around naked, but lets face it, shes not.

Please grow a pair, delete her number and go out and find a girl who will want to go out with you. No doubt there will be loads. Shes 100km away - thats a good thing makes it easier to forget about her

I think you are a little bit worried about your ethnicity believe me for most girls this would not be an issue at all. I know you are upset and disappointed but please stop assuming all irish girls are like this - trust me we are not. I would be embarrassed to act as badly as she does!!

Rosso

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

Deep breath** ok I am going to be honest and please dont take it the wrong way I am trying to help.

You asked for this. From the very start this was a total joke and it was obvious that she had no interest in you other then delighting in the fact that you were so into her. Not entirely your fault - you seem lie a very nice guy BUT -So many different people on here advised you that this was a disaster waiting to happen but you persisted anyway. lets face it - any girl that tells a man she needs a few weeks to consider going out with him is taking the p*ss.

What worries me a lot now though is the fact that after all this time you are still obsessed with her! I do feel that she is a waste of space and an attention seeker but I think you are also coming across as a bit emotionally immature. It is not healthy for a 30 year old man to be so obsessed with a girl that you do not know that well, have never had a proper relationship, let alone a physical relationship with and who has now stood you up three times after stringing you along for weeks. Unless shes a hotter version of Angeline Jolie and has a penchant for walking around naked, but lets face it, shes not.

Please grow a pair, delete her number and go out and find a girl who will want to go out with you. No doubt there will be loads. Shes 100km away - thats a good thing makes it easier to forget about her

I think you are a little bit worried about your ethnicity believe me for most girls this would not be an issue at all. I know you are upset and disappointed but please stop assuming all irish girls are like this - trust me we are not. I would be embarrassed to act as badly as she does!!

Not trying to argue with you, and I appreaciate your honest opinion. But you think I am obsessed with her NOW? I mean, if she would call now and says she wants to go out again, I can honestly tell you when my reply will be filled with nothing but expletives. I've also deleted her phone number.

I am VERY angry at her. I've never been treated so badly before in my life. Just because I am so angry does that mean I am still obsessed? Surely its not somthing I can snap out of in 2 seconds!

Fiii

I haven't read the whole thread, but read your initial post (about inter-racial relationships) the first post in this new thread, and your latest update, and just HAD to respond.

I know it is all very upsetting for you at the moment, and you are intitled to a period of anger/ confusion, but when you come out of that and look at this with some perspective, I think you will see that you have in fact had a very close call, and be glad it never went further than it did.

Firstly, let me set something straight. This is NOT Irish women, nor women in general. It is people (women AND men), it is immaturity and it is selfishness.
The women of Ireland get tarnished with this 'they're all crap and ugly' brush far too much on these here forums for my liking. I assure you, it is not all of us. It is, as it is everywhere else, the select few that give us all a bad name.
I promise you there are some wonderful women out there in this country, and I do hope you find one that makes you happy. You are clearly a nice guy, if not a little naive

How old is this girl may I ask? (I don't think you have mentioned it before, apologies if you have)
Her actions whack of immaturity to me quite frankly. You were doomed from the start! She was/ is not ready for a relationship, with you or anyone else, as she obviously is not mature enough to stop thinking of herself long enough to consider another person for 5mins! NO relationship can survive that.

Do you really need her to admit she was stringing you along? You know that she was, you know that SHE knows that she was, and you also know that she is too self absorbed to admit it.
It is obvious she thinks too highly of herself, and does not think of you at all. Is that really the type of person you want in your life?

She is immature, plain and simple. She will (hopefully) look back on this in years to come and feel horrid for how she treated you.
You really have had a lucky escape my friend. If she was this high maintenance before the relationship even began, imagine what kind of mess you could have gotten yourself into had you actually started a relationship!

Chalk it up to experience, walk away with you head held high, and don't let it effect your future dealings with Irish women...just maybe tweak your bull-poop radar a little though, yeah?

Oh, and one more thing - karma, it gets us all in the end! Just put out what you hope to get back, thats what I say!

I wish you luck!

F

WilmaRidesAgain

<<And I still get no closure>>

You are not going to get any "closure" buddy, why would she give you closure, what would she have to gain out of that. Remember for this woman her needs are paramount, you are only I am sorrry to say an ego fluffer to her.

<<She still evades the question of why didn't she call it off when she had 2 opportunities too.>>

Of course she does, what is she gonna say "I didn't call it off because I enjoy playing with you, plus I may need you as a backup to make the real actual fella I am interested in jealous someday"

<<She wouldn't answer how long she intends to keep me in the dark, even when she already had someone in mind.>>

Again, why would she?
She is not interested in your needs only her own.

<<guess all I want to do is for her to admit that she has been stringing me along all this while, that I am the 'reserve' guy, which seems true, but obviously that would never happen.>>

She is never going to admit this, obviously.

<<I KNOW that is the case, but maybe it would make me feel better if she would just admit it.>>

Whats gonna make you feel better is to stop obsessing and give it up as a bad job, get back in the saddle and for f**ks sake learn to read between the lines, its what people DO not what they SAY that matters.

If a woman is interested in you she will show it in her actions, forget about this one, she was never into you from the start man.

Rosso

Fiii wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread, but read your initial post (about inter-racial relationships) the first post in this new thread, and your latest update, and just HAD to respond.

I know it is all very upsetting for you at the moment, and you are intitled to a period of anger/ confusion, but when you come out of that and look at this with some perspective, I think you will see that you have in fact had a very close call, and be glad it never went further than it did.

Firstly, let me set something straight. This is NOT Irish women, nor women in general. It is people (women AND men), it is immaturity and it is selfishness.
The women of Ireland get tarnished with this 'they're all crap and ugly' brush far too much on these here forums for my liking. I assure you, it is not all of us. It is, as it is everywhere else, the select few that give us all a bad name.
I promise you there are some wonderful women out there in this country, and I do hope you find one that makes you happy. You are clearly a nice guy, if not a little naive

How old is this girl may I ask? (I don't think you have mentioned it before, apologies if you have)
Her actions whack of immaturity to me quite frankly. You were doomed from the start! She was/ is not ready for a relationship, with you or anyone else, as she obviously is not mature enough to stop thinking of herself long enough to consider another person for 5mins! NO relationship can survive that.

Do you really need her to admit she was stringing you along? You know that she was, you know that SHE knows that she was, and you also know that she is too self absorbed to admit it.
It is obvious she thinks too highly of herself, and does not think of you at all. Is that really the type of person you want in your life?

She is immature, plain and simple. She will (hopefully) look back on this in years to come and feel horrid for how she treated you.
You really have had a lucky escape my friend. If she was this high maintenance before the relationship even began, imagine what kind of mess you could have gotten yourself into had you actually started a relationship!

Chalk it up to experience, walk away with you head held high, and don't let it effect your future dealings with Irish women...just maybe tweak your bull-poop radar a little though, yeah?

Oh, and one more thing - karma, it gets us all in the end! Just put out what you hope to get back, thats what I say!

I wish you luck!

F

She's just turned 24. And yes, she is immature. That I noticed about her from day one. Didn't stop me from liking her though. Just didn't think that she would bring her immaturity into the way she treats other men.

eveie

Rosso you are the only one thats making an effort. im beginigng to think that you have very low self confidence in yourself.....whay would you waste your time on someone like her??? is she really that special. you deserve to be treated the way you treat others.
forget about her there are plenty more fantastic single honest sensitive women available, she is not worth your time or your thoughts.
imagine if you did end up going out with her how could you trust her, she has and will continue to lead you on, dont let her.....cut your ties

Rosso

eveie wrote: »

Rosso you are the only one thats making an effort. im beginigng to think that you have very low self confidence in yourself.....whay would you waste your time on someone like her??? is she really that special. you deserve to be treated the way you treat others.
forget about her there are plenty more fantastic single honest sensitive women available, she is not worth your time or your thoughts.
imagine if you did end up going out with her how could you trust her, she has and will continue to lead you on, dont let her.....cut your ties

Thanks for your advice. I have already decided too. Will not text her. And will try to resist any form for abusive expletives if she ever texts me.

One thing though...she will be back working in the same place in 6 months time, although not in the same team. I dont know how angry I would feel about her then, but how do you guys think I should react. At the moment I dont think I can even look at her without getting my blood boiling. I plan to just ignore her, when meeting her on corridors etc etc..not acknowledging her at all. Do you think its fair ?

And you say that I deserve to be treated the way I treat others. Well, I agree too. But so far, in all my years over here, I've only been taken for granted. So even though I 'deserve' it, doesn't mean that I'm gonna find it.

Pub07

Rosso wrote: »

Maybe the courtship/dating culture here IS different. You tell a girl you like her, and would wait, and remain loyal in the process..that equals desperation. I dont understand it over here. It sounds to me that a girl will only go out with someone when she thinks that the guy likes her, but will have no problems moving on to the next girl on the conveyer belt if she is not interested. It really is different, with Irish courtship and the ones back home. Girls back home plays games too. All women do. But back home, when women makes a man wait (and its a popular 'game' back home), and if they remain loyal, they seem to have 'passed' the test and is considered a 'keeper'. Over here, you're considered moronic and desperate. Maybe on the future I should just adjust my courtship strategy depending on whoever I want to date.

Well it must be different over here so as "You tell a girl you like her, and would wait, and remain loyal in the process..that equals desperation" is spot-on. Over here they like it when you act like you don't care what happens either way. A girl I was knocking off a few months ago all started when I was chatting to her in a nightclub and she seemed fairly disinterested, so I just said "right so, good luck" and left in the middle of talking to her to go looking for another piece - she came looking for me then and brought me back to her place within 5 minutes lol. I also know a guy who replied with the immortal words and I quote "I just couldn't be arsed" when he was asked by a girl why didn't he want to go on a second date (he was unimpressed that she didn't put out on the first night)...lo and behold she was well up for it then.

Oftentimes the less they think you care about what happens the more they want it...at the beginning of a relationship anyway.

DiscoHugh

Oh Lordie Lordie it played out just as EVERYBODY here said it would.
You didn't take anybody's advice then, would you PLEASE consider taking some now????

- Thou shall delete her number AND any messages between the two of you (as then you will still have her number)

-If she texts you THOU SHALL NOT text back. dont even read the message.
the last textual convo you posted was so cringe-worthy that I was blushing just reading them

-THOU SHALL NOT have contact UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES with her for at least 6 months. Even when she gets back why should you be her friend? you know the type of person she is, would you want to be friends with somebody like that? Even if she comes looking for a big dramatic Dawson's Creek convo don't give in to her, just say "you know why" and be done with it.

-Thou shall not, ask for or expect closure. WE gave you closure several pages back.

Judging by your past actions and your responses here since it wall went to **** I'd seriously doubt you're going to take any of this on board but oh well, at least we tried

Finally don't beat yourself up too much over this. Do you know why we were all so clearly able to see through your story and predict the outcome so perfectly?

Beacause we've all been there, done that and bought the tshirt! We suffered so that you wouldn't have to. But you learned the hard way

Sugar Drunk

Hi mate, I know you are not obsessed by wanting to go out with her which is good but you are still obsessed with her. You have been spending the last few weeks posting long and detailed posts about her. Now, you are no longer with her and nor do you want to be with her but you are still posting about her a lot. Its not something you will snap out of in two seconds but at the same time how upset and for how long can you be about a girl that you barely know who you never actually went out with?:eek:
I just think its unhealthy to be wasting so much time one this girl, first wanting to get her to go out with you and now angry over how she treated you. Yes, she treated you badly but my allowing her to occupy your thoughts all the time shes still getting what she wants, attention!. No one expects you not to be angry with her but the best way to get back at her is to stop thinking about her and go out and find a new girlfriend who treats you right. it will be the kick up teh @rse she deserves if she comes back to the office in 6 months and sees you happy with someone else

WilmaRidesAgain

<<One thing though...she will be back working in the same place in 6 months time, although not in the same team. I dont know how angry I would feel about her then, but how do you guys think I should react. At the moment I dont think I can even look at her without getting my blood boiling. I plan to just ignore her, when meeting her on corridors etc etc..not acknowledging her at all. Do you think its fair ?>>

Oh FFS OP, it doesn't MATTER! Thats trivia, she doesnt care about you, whether you blank her or not in the corridor in 6 months is IRRELEVANT.

Its 6 months down the line, do you think she gives a flying f**k, even now, sure what makes you think she will even come back, she seems a whimsical sort?

You need to start replacing every waking thought being about her to something else much more productive.

This episode was only valuable if you have learned from it. Its a lesson thats come a little bit late, but if you keep on with your "one more thing" and whinging about "closure" you are never getting then you are putting your hand out to be slapped imho....

Come on now, Im being cruel to be kind, get over it and FORGET IT, you are embarassing yourself !!

eveie

Rosso if you truly believe that you deserve beeter then you will find someone who treats you right. the power of possitive thinking. i think everyone has experienced what your experiencing at the moment in one form or another. maybe you should consintrate so much on finding someone and let them find you instead. i know how you feel.....you have "everything" but dont have that special someone, well thats the thing that person has to be special not some fool who'l treat you like a twat! no one deserves to be treated that way or taken for granted

Rosso

I am going to die alone.

LegacyUser

Rosso wrote: »

I am going to die alone.

Oh stop being so melodramatic :rolleyes:

Act your age. This whole series of events was so juvenile in character.
You're a big boy now, so get back up, dust yourself off and get on with your life

SnowMonkey

Rosso wrote: »

I am going to die alone.

find yur balls and stop being sucha needy man serously... My lifes at an end I cant be with the girl i want Oh no feeling sorry for you aint going to make it any better... GROW UP. what because one girl doesnt like you that's it end all be all.

serously If your going to feel sorry for your self and expect every one to flower you with nice coment and oh im so sorry to hear that.. blah blah blah.

No not going to happen..

what i will say is.

theres a lesson to be learned

Dont put all your eggs in one basket...

good luck

Admin sorry if this post is slightly more forward.

Rosso

DiscoHugh wrote: »

Oh Lordie Lordie it played out just as EVERYBODY here said it would.
You didn't take anybody's advice then, would you PLEASE consider taking some now????

- Thou shall delete her number AND any messages between the two of you (as then you will still have her number)

Done. Deleted everything. Msg history. EVERYTHING. There is no way for me to contact her now.

-If she texts you THOU SHALL NOT text back. dont even read the message.
the last textual convo you posted was so cringe-worthy that I was blushing just reading them

She hasn't text ...yet. We parted (by text) pretty acrimoniously and I doubht she will ever text again...and I can't text her, for reasons above.

-THOU SHALL NOT have contact UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES with her for at least 6 months. Even when she gets back why should you be her friend? you know the type of person she is, would you want to be friends with somebody like that? Even if she comes looking for a big dramatic Dawson's Creek convo don't give in to her, just say "you know why" and be done with it.

She is 100km away for 6 months. I have no means of contacting her.And trust me..friendship is the last thing I would want with her. I'd rather be friends with Robert Mugabe.

-Thou shall not, ask for or expect closure. WE gave you closure several pages back.

I did already. Before you warned me not too. 7 times to be exact. She just said ' I didn't bother because you wont believe me anyway'. Whatever that means. Just evading the truth. and we all know the truth.

Judging by your past actions and your responses here since it wall went to **** I'd seriously doubt you're going to take any of this on board but oh well, at least we tried

I know I have ignored everything you guys said from day one, and I have to hold up my hands and say, ' YOU ARE ALL RIGHT'. But at least see if from my prespective. I know everyone of you here gave me nothing but honest and sincere advice for my own good. But Imagine your me. You like this girl. You've been single for years of various issues and suddenly you see a girl you think is a good person (okay, I was wrong there in the end) You work with this girl 5 days a week for 6 months. Surely you must at least listen to your own heart a bit, and trust your instinct rather than forget everyting your heart and brain tells you and do whatever 40 people you met online who don't know you or her tells you do to. Don't get me wrong. I am not belittling your advice. You turned out to be right, after all. But please understand why I decided to follow me instincts in the first place (Okay, my instincts was wrong! lol)

Finally don't beat yourself up too much over this. Do you know why we were all so clearly able to see through your story and predict the outcome so perfectly?

Beacause we've all been there, done that and bought the tshirt! We suffered so that you wouldn't have to. But you learned the hard way

.

chalad07

Rosso wrote: »

I am going to die alone.

I'll really hope your messing with this one buddy. Come on now, if this thing has taught you anything, it should be that you should be your own person and not need someone else to give you happiness

Cop On with that attitude, feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere. Forget about her and move on. Maybe easier said than done granted, but it's what you have to do,

Rosso

chalad07 wrote: »

I'll really hope your messing with this one buddy. Come on now, if this thing has taught you anything, it should be that you should be your own person and not need someone else to give you happiness,

Cop On with that attitude, feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere. Forget about her and move on. Maybe easier said than done granted, but it's what you have to do,

Just grovelling thats all. Not really serious about it. But sometimes you do wonder if that person will come along. I mean, I've only met 2 ppl that I want to ask out in the past 4 years.
Trust me, finding my own country-women who has something in common with me is hard enough, more so since I've been in Ireland for the past 10 years. PRactically Irish in my mentality. Finding Irish girls who have anything in common with a foreigner like me is just as difficult, especially since i am currently living in a rural town that disguises it self as the second biggest city in the R.O Ireland. And even if you find them, oriental men aren't exactly the type Irish ladies would go for.

4Xcut

Rosso wrote: »

I mean, I've only met 2 ppl that I want to ask out in the past 4 years.

Man, there's havin' standards and then there's takin' the fcukin' p1ss. Now, i'm not suggesting that you come up to Dublin and straight to coppers but, 2 in 4 years that you would go out with, that's rediculous

Rosso

4Xcut wrote: »

Man, there's havin' standards and then there's takin' the fcukin' p1ss. Now, i'm not suggesting that you come up to Dublin and straight to coppers but, 2 in 4 years that you would go out with, that's rediculous

Whats so ridiculousa bout that? I was in a relationship for 5 years before that, and a bad bad one indeed. Wrecked my head. Took me a cpl of years to straighten my head out. Then there was career. I didn't get where I am now working only 9-5 everyday.

Yeah, I have standards. But I am not asking for Angelina Jolie. The reason I asked these 2 girls out is because I like them, and I thought they liked me (one did, but decided to like someone else, and the other is the cause of my problem now), and because I thought I could see myself being comfortable with them, long term. And there was actually chemistry between the both of us. It might be easy for you to find a girl with something in common and have some sort of chemistry in your own turf, but imagine transplanting yourself to, lets say, central africa, and I'm sure you'll get what i mean.

Dark Artist

I wish I saw this sooner!
I don't know what the story is right now with this girl, but what I would have told you is to not bother texting her at all. You would have saved face, and there would even have been the chance of her wondering why you stopped all of a sudden, and that would have aroused her interest somewhat. Maybe there's still a chance for that, so if you're still texting her, stop right now. If she's at all interested she'll get back to you.