age difference: how old is too old or does it really matter??

1_in_1,000,000

I suppose it deepends what he looks like. I know a 40 yo guy thats pretty hot and i totally would but mostly if their 15 or twenty years older their like your da :eek:

05D

Hi There!
I am 24 going out with a guy who is 46. We will be together 2 yrs in sept. I am absolutely crazy in love with him and he's my best friend. But lately the age difference is starting to bother him. It doesn't bother me at all. I need to find a way to reassure him but I don't know how.

Any ideas?

Crumble Froo

well, on what grounds is it bugging him? i find the age things bothers me(19 year difference) a little every now and then, but that's probably as much his personality etc as anything.

05D

Thanks crumble Foo. He has just started shutting me out completely. Told me he wants to be on his own for a while but told his sister its the age difference. He can't even look and me or talk to me. So I can't even express how I feel. How long are you with your partner?

Crumble Froo

friends since summer 2005, couple since feb 2006, complicated crap for a while, moved in together october /december 2007.

when we first started out, he felt a lot of guilt that he was 'holding me back' on life. but he got over that, and things are ok now. admittedly, im minutes away from strangling him tonight, but that's an exception.

can't give you anything on your fella though... i guess just trying to get him to sit down and talk with you, and just talk things out, tell him how you really feel, and let him tell you how he feels.

05D

Crumble Froo wrote: »

friends since summer 2005, couple since feb 2006, complicated crap for a while, moved in together october /december 2007.

when we first started out, he felt a lot of guilt that he was 'holding me back' on life. but he got over that, and things are ok now. admittedly, im minutes away from strangling him tonight, but that's an exception.

can't give you anything on your fella though... i guess just trying to get him to sit down and talk with you, and just talk things out, tell him how you really feel, and let him tell you how he feels.

Yeah he has often said that he is holding me back. I don't feel like that though. I went through all this at the start of out relationship and have to come to terms. Now he's going through it. So frustrating, I feel like i'm losing my best friend and my life.

tobiesheba

I personally don't believe that actual age plays a huge role. I prefer to think of life stages.

E.g. a 17 year old female college student going out with a male 27 year old college student is OK. They're both at similar places in their lives, probably have lots of things in common. The girl will possibly be mature for her age if she has left home and started third level at a young age. The guy isn't tied to a job and understands the spontanity and to a certain extent of the unpredictability of student life.

However a 17 year old female still in school going out with a 27 year old engineer is completely different. She's still in school with a lot of living to be done before she would consider settling. Whereas he on the other hand has college time, perhaps even travelling behind him and has entered a professional life. Where the norm isn't to sit up drinking cheap beer watching the box set of McGyver 'til 8 in the morning.

So I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that age is irrelevant as long as you're both on the same page.

I find it interesting that it seems to be a lot of the guys who have problems with age difference. When I was 19 I had at best described as a fling with a guy 11 years older than me. I thought he was great. I never had a problem with his age. However he did, I think he always felt like a dirty old man.

Also my friends thought it was obscene and spent their time telling me that at his age he wanted to get married and have babies but he wasn't that kind of guy at all.

Also I know guy friends of mine always think that older women don't want to go near them if they know what age they are, which I think is all in thier heads but just goes to show how much age matters to guys.

Up until recently I couldn't stand the idea of being with guys who were younger than me but in the past 18 months (25 now) it doesn't bother me as much. Maybe it's because to a certain extent I'm a pretty young 25 and that a lot of guys older than me are now at the settling down stage and I'm nowhere near there yet. But I remember falling for a guy that's just a few months younger than me and actually being astonished with myself!

Crumble Froo

05D wrote: »

Yeah he has often said that he is holding me back. I don't feel like that though. I went through all this at the start of out relationship and have to come to terms. Now he's going through it. So frustrating, I feel like i'm losing my best friend and my life.

all you can do is try talk to him and sort it out at this point, i think. best of luck. if it wasnt for a complete chance-throw away comment type thing, me and my fella wouldnt have gotten back together after a rough spot, and i remember the few days spent, feeling like i'd lost my best friend, and the best thing that had ever happened to me, just everything... i hope you manage to sort things out, *positive thoughts*

05D

Crumble Froo wrote: »

all you can do is try talk to him and sort it out at this point, i think. best of luck. if it wasnt for a complete chance-throw away comment type thing, me and my fella wouldnt have gotten back together after a rough spot, and i remember the few days spent, feeling like i'd lost my best friend, and the best thing that had ever happened to me, just everything... i hope you manage to sort things out, *positive thoughts*

Thanks Crumble foo! I went and got hypnotherapy last friday to try and improve my mental attitude! It really is a horrible feeling - that knot in my stomach.

Do you mind me asking what age you are?

Crumble Froo

im 20, he's 39. our birthdays are within a month of each other though (lol, his big 40th, followed by my 21st... party central at ours! ).

ah, hynotherapy, how i miss thee. always a great one for relaxing me, that was. some nice benefits, but i never did practise myself, i regret that one now.

05D

Some happy times ahead for you now!!

Has he any kids or has he been married before? Sorry for being so nosy!!

Crumble Froo

well, he's in new zealand, so being together has required me emigrating and coming to new zealand. am currently working myself up into panic attacks with visas and shit. so not quite plain sailing yet.

and he has an almost 16 year old son, who stays with us every second weekend,and school holidays... which is basically every fortnight or so in nz, im convinced.

05D

Wow. Fair play to you. I really admire you for sticking with it.

I though I had a long distance relationship from Dublin to Carlow (an hour drive) !!

Do you get on with his son?

Crumble Froo

yeah, we disagree on points like dragonforce being crap once the singer starts going, and that yes, paramore have a hot singer, but that means that you should buy their posters and not their actual music :P

after that, we get on pretty well, ive managed to intro him to some decent music, and he's put me onto a few bands. he tells me how he's doing in school and funny things that've happended, and about the latest girlfriend and stuff.

your fella got a kid/s?

Crumble Froo

anyway, im knackered, and got a 6am start, a 2hr commute, and a 9hr day to look forward to, so im off to bed now... best of luck, but sure ill probably be around tomorrow after work anyway.

05D

Yeah a 24 yr old son, who lives a few doors up the road from him and an 18 yr daughter who lives with her mother.

I get on with his son and his girlfriend and their kids. Don't get on as well with her daughter though. We used to get on when we first started going out. Then she just stopped talking to me!!

Wish I know what to say to snap him out of this humour!

lostinnappies

when it gets to the stage that you cant enjoy yourself cos he is in a geriatric ward then i think that might be too old .... but otherwise go nuts

05D

Cheers Lost Nappies!!

Just take it as it comes!! although he's mad for the craic, I'll be racing him around the ward in his comode!

Crumble Froo

make sure it's cleaned out first

you gotten to talk to him yet?

05D

Haha.

Well he txt me yesterday at 3 pm asking if I was ok and he put as kiss after it. So I ignored it and didn't write back. But then around 8 the little voices in my head told me to txt him so I just said I'm ok and hope you're well with no kiss. He rang me then after and was cool with me, I was being a bit stand offish. So I just said I'm going to bed and said good nite. Then about 20 mins later he txt me - nite pet, do you want to come down 2 moro nite? x

So I left it a while to txt him back, I said - Do you want me to come down? so he said yes x so I said ok nite.

He rang me then at 7.30 this morning, seeing how I was and that he'll see me later........

Should be interesting now this evening! Hope he's not just bring me down to his house to dump me once and for all!

Crumble Froo

:S

best of luck! doesnt sound to me like he's prepping for dumpin ya... best of luck!

05D

Cheers.

Do feel a lot better today! Definately ignore him for that while had some effect.

Crumble Froo

sometiems you just need that space, i guess, figure everything out. best of luck with talkign to him in person.

05D

Thanks crumble Foo!

You've been great!

Star Lord

05D wrote: »

...So I ignored it and didn't write back...
...So I left it a while to txt him back...

Sounds like you're not past the stage of playing silly games. This may becausing some tension in the relationship for him.

05D

I'm a very upfront person, I was just doing back to him what he was doing to me. Let him have a feel of what it is like.

Anyway the air is clear now TG!

Yay!

Crumble Froo

awewsome! great to hear!

I have to say the main guys in my life have always been 8 years older than me
its always been that number , and i havent a clue why!!! My boyfriend now looks about 26 so I dont really care

Lately as I've told relations/friends thats were moving in together the first thing they asked was how old is he and how long we've been together and this has been when he is right there with me..... ffs have some manners people, my mother went mad at one of her friends for the reactions of her over the age difference omg jaw drop ....who gives a ****!

Bijoux

I think it all really depends on the person.....like anyone can be shockingly immature or mature, regardless of their age....every person is different, age doesnt really come into it....unless it's a case where they're in the geriatric ward :rolleyes:

Personally I would have no problem with seeing a guy whos 35, and I'm 19...but sure I dont have that much experience in this area so what do I know!

But you really cant generalise, everyone is different....if you click, you click, and age shouldnt come into it

Tragedy

If you meet someone you really like/click with/are attracted to, chances are everything you think about age will go out the window

Or else you'll end up regretting it *sigh*