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age difference: how old is too old or does it really matter??

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    #92
    Acoshla
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,729 ✭✭✭Acoshla


    my dad is 50 and his girlfriend is 22, a year younger than me, how they have anything in common is beyond me


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    #93
    05D
    Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Spadina,

    Do they get on together? Do you get on with her?


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    #94
    Karen_*
    Registered Users Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    People can go out with whom they choose. But age is more than just a number. It does matter when thinking of the latter years or being widowed young or having children. It does!!


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    #95
    Tragedy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,056 ✭✭✭Tragedy


    Having kids is nothing to do with age, nor is really college/career these days.

    People can have kids at 23 or 33, people can be in a fulltime career leaving not much social time at 23 or 33, so age is just a number. Where you are in life stops having anything to do with age as soon as you finish 6th year.


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    #96
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Tragedy wrote: »
    Having kids is nothing to do with age, nor is really college/career these days.

    People can have kids at 23 or 33, people can be in a fulltime career leaving not much social time at 23 or 33, so age is just a number. Where you are in life stops having anything to do with age as soon as you finish 6th year.

    If you make it past 33 your in for a big ass shock.


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    #97
    Tragedy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,056 ✭✭✭Tragedy


    I'm aiming to live forever :)

    Actually, my sister's 32 and I go out with her and her friends quite a lot, all of whom are 29-35 and single. The only difference between me and them is they're a tiny little bit more jaded!


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    #98
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    Tragedy wrote: »
    Having kids is nothing to do with age, nor is really college/career these days.

    People can have kids at 23 or 33, people can be in a fulltime career leaving not much social time at 23 or 33, so age is just a number. Where you are in life stops having anything to do with age as soon as you finish 6th year.

    yeah, but if you're 33, and your partner is 59... do you really wanna bring a kid up, knowing he's just too old to be going through the whole fatherhood thing, and that the kid will likely experience the death of dad before fully grown?

    (and yes, the thinking there is quite specific to my own relationship, but still...)


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    #99
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Crumble Froo wrote: »
    yeah, but if you're 33, and your partner is 59... do you really wanna bring a kid up, knowing he's just too old to be going through the whole fatherhood thing, and that the kid will likely experience the death of dad before fully grown?

    (and yes, the thinking there is quite specific to my own relationship, but still...)

    There is 26 years between the two of you? :eek:


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    #100
    Tragedy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,056 ✭✭✭Tragedy


    Crumble Froo wrote: »
    yeah, but if you're 33, and your partner is 59... do you really wanna bring a kid up, knowing he's just too old to be going through the whole fatherhood thing, and that the kid will likely experience the death of dad before fully grown?

    (and yes, the thinking there is quite specific to my own relationship, but still...)
    That's about as extreme/rare as a 14 year old going out with a 26 year old to be fair.

    Every relationship has sacrifices.


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    #101
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    oh crap, i did maths bad. if i was 33, he'd be... 52? *pulls out calculator*

    yeah. 52. sorry, it's late and im tired.


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    #102
    queen B
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭queen B


    age is just a number...no age should not be an issue,my husband is ten yrs older than me,the only thing is he may die before me lol


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    #103
    Karen_*
    Registered Users Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    Age is an indicator of how long you have left to live. Average age of death is 72 for a man, 80 for a woman. If i was to meet someone twenty years older than me I most certainly would care that by law of averages I'd have around 18 years with them. No point having kids really as I'd be probably rearing them alone especially if some years of illness occured for the other half.


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    #104
    Tragedy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,056 ✭✭✭Tragedy


    So guys should go out with girls 8 years younger than them? :)

    Anyone who worries about how much time you'll have to spend together(aside from extreme cases) probably isnt that pushed on the other person anyway, imho.


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    #105
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Tragedy wrote: »
    So guys should go out with girls 8 years younger than them? :)

    I thought you were studying towards a Phd?


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    #106
    Tragedy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,056 ✭✭✭Tragedy


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    I thought you were studying towards a Phd?
    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!


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    #107
    Karen_*
    Registered Users Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    Tragedy wrote: »
    So guys should go out with girls 8 years younger than them? :)

    Anyone who worries about how much time you'll have to spend together(aside from extreme cases) probably isnt that pushed on the other person anyway, imho.


    Well when someone is way way older then it IS an extreme case:p


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    #108
    North&South
    Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭North&South


    Well, I'm gonna stick my 2pennorth in...... :D

    I'm a 47 yr old mum - my youngest is 18 & lives with her boyfriend of just over 3 years. Before me & hubby moved to Ireland, he lived next door & that's how we all knew him in the beginning. We all knew his kids - and his sort of 'step-kids', and we'd met his brothers & some of his mates.

    Anyhow, daughter got into a 'thing' with him - and because she was so open & honest about it, we stood by her - she was 15 at the time, he was 29.

    Well, they have since moved in together to a neat & tidy 3 bed semi, where he works & supports her thru college. She is a part time 'step-mum' to his own 2 kids (5yrs old & 12 yrs old) as well as his step-kid twins of 14 yrs old!

    And does it work? Yes, it does - how? I really don't know, but what I DO know as her Mum, is that she's happy - he makes her happy & that's all I can ask for in a guy for any of my daughters.

    Age difference? Who cares? As long as the 2 people involved are cool with it, it should be no-one elses business.
    Julie.


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    #109
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Wow. So your 18 yo daughter is a pseudo stepmom to two 14 year olds? Jaysus, that is one crazy story. Good on ya for being so cool with it.


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    #110
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    I'm glad things are working out for your daughter, and I've no problem with a 14 year age gap, but I do have a problem with this:
    North&South wrote: »
    she was 15 at the time, he was 29

    I don't have kids, but if I did I'd be very concerned about my 15 year old daughter having a relationship with a 29 year old man. Call me old-fashioned, but there's something seriously wrong with that.


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    #111
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Zaph wrote: »
    I don't have kids, but if I did I'd be very concerned about my 15 year old daughter having a relationship with a 29 year old man. Call me old-fashioned, but there's something seriously wrong with that.

    I hear that. I'd be really concerned about the unequal power dynamic. I know that I, at 15, didn't know enough about the world to be able to hold my own against a 29 year old. That seems like it could be a very, very bad situation. But one would think her mom would know best whether or not she's happy.


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    #112
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    PillyPen wrote: »
    I hear that. I'd be really concerned about the unequal power dynamic. I know that I, at 15, didn't know enough about the world to be able to hold my own against a 29 year old. That seems like it could be a very, very bad situation. But one would think her mom would know best whether or not she's happy.

    True, but as age of consent here is 17 there are also legal issues involved. But even apart from that, speaking as a man imo there's nothing right about a guy older than about 17 pursuing, or being pursued by, a 15 year old girl.


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    #113
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Zaph wrote: »
    True, but as age of consent here is 17 there are also legal issues involved. But even apart from that, speaking as a man imo there's nothing right about a guy older than about 17 pursuing, or being pursued by, a 15 year old girl.

    I completely agree. Imo, he sounds like a freaking pervert, or someone with control issues at the very least. If it were my daughter I'd probably have his ass thrown in jail. There's no way in hell I'd be ok with my 18yo playing Mommy to some perv's nearly-grown children. BUT if her mom seems ok with it, then I don't feel right judging, because she certainly knows more about the situation.


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    #114
    North&South
    Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭North&South


    Yep, I hear you all.....

    And at the time I was also hearing from family & friends too - but to be honest, the only thing I was interested in was HER wellbeing. Some might argue that letting her be with someone double her age was completely the wrong thing - maybe. But we did know her boyfriend & hubby had spoken to him about the situation & together we decided that we would leave well alone.

    I've never been a forbidding mum to any of my 3 girls - they've pretty much done as they liked - the only thing I've ever asked from is honesty & on the whole I've gotten it.
    What's the alternative? Scream at them & be controlling to the point where they rebel anyway & do as they like behind your back where you can't monitor the situations? No. My mum was like that & it never did her any good - it made me a bloody good liar though!
    Problem was, if she'd slacked off a bit, she would have seen that I wanted to confide in her - I wanted advice, not rules & so that's what I based my parenting skills on.

    And now I'm 47, I can honestly say that I have 3 girls, 26, 25 & 18, & they're all well informed, respectful young women - and when they do have a problem, it's us they come to first - and for that I'm grateful.
    Julie.
    (Age of consent in UK is 16)


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    #115
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    I think you've probably taken the only reasonable action. You're right in that you can't scream and yell because it doesn't do any good, and your daughter is ultimately going to do what she wants to do. I was with a 26 year old when I was 18 that ended up being a very bad situation, and my family tried to reason with me, but all it did was alienate me. You sound pretty wise, tbh, and I hope your daughter doesn't have any regrets.


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    #116
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    I understand, and I'm sure it must have been a very difficult situation for you and your husband, and one I'm sure very few people would like to find themselves in. I appreciate that laying down the law may have caused your daughter to do things behind your back, and so being open about everything could well have been the best way to handle the situation, I'm just not so sure I could do it myself if it came to it. At least you did know him quite well beforehand, which would have alleviated some of the concerns.
    North&South wrote: »
    (Age of consent in UK is 16)

    Sorry, missed that it wasn't here, but she was still below it and therefore laws may have been broken.


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    #117
    estebancambias
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭estebancambias


    Me and a few of my mates once egged this late 20 somethin losers house after we heard he had a thing going with a 15 year old in the estate.


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    #118
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    estebancambias wrote: »
    Me and a few of my mates once egged this late 20 somethin losers house after we heard he had a thing going with a 15 year old in the estate.

    This discussion is a little more mature than swapping stories about egging people's houses. If that's all you have to contribute I suggest you take your tales of youthful high jinks elsewhere.


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    #119
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Zaph wrote: »
    This discussion is a little more mature than swapping stories about egging people's houses. If that's all you have to contribute I suggest you take your tales of youthful high jinks elsewhere.

    Haha, I thought the levity was welcome.


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    #120
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Haha, I thought the levity was welcome.

    I've no problem with levity, and there are plenty of threads in TLL that are suitably silly, but when there's a serious thread I'll tend to come down swiftly on anyone who threatens to derail it.


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    #121
    North&South
    Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭North&South


    Zaph wrote: »
    Sorry, missed that it wasn't here, but she was still below it and therefore laws may have been broken.


    As did I when I was 14....... but I wasn't so lucky & my Mum 'dealt' with the situation. :(
    When she started at 14 & No1 daughter started at 15, I whizzed them straight to the docs, to make sure they were safe & informed.

    No2 daughter left things until she was 18..... and now is probably the most... umm... erratic in that department! New b/f every 2 weeks, or so it seems!

    Still, if you get into a conversation with the youngest, she always says things like... "WHEN we break up, I'm going to do... x, y, z...."
    If she's asked if this relationship is a forever thing, she's quite indignant, & says "oh, I'm only 18 - how could I stay with him FOREVER???"

    I guess you have to be there, to hear how it sounds....

    All I know is that I'm her Mum & if it works, then that's ok - like I said, as long as they're happy - if it doesn't work out, then I'm still her Mum & will be there to pick up the pieces.

    Sometimes, I think that being a parent one way works for some & not for others & if someone thinks they have it right for their family - then carry on & best of luck! :)
    Julie


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