feel so alone and sad

LegacyUser

Hi, I have had the most loved relationship over the past 4 years with my g/f. Neither of us are out and living a double life is so hard sometimes and thats the reason why she has ended it. She can no longer cope, she is afraid that people will find out. We both really love one another and I know she's the one. I am not into the whole lesbo thing at all but its different with her. I love and care for her so much I want to be with her forever, she says she loves me as much as I love her but I don't know if that is true now??? If you really loved someone you would do anything to be with that person? I never asked her to come out and I don't know myself if I could come out either. I just want to carry in the way we have been over the past number of years. I feel so lonely and lost- I feel as if someone has died I just feel empty.

Any suggestions on what I can do?

lushballs

You sound very isolated. Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings of loss etc?
Check out www.dublinlesbianline.com for support services.
Hang in there!

4red

Sorry to hear you feel so bad. You've suffered a break-up and for whatever reason, that will always be traumatic.

The difficult issue here is whether your girlfriend broke up with you purely because she's afraid your relationship will be discovered by others.

If that's the case, then it is truly sad.

I'd have to question why you two are so terrified of being out. Ireland has really moved on, the Govt. yesterday took steps to ensure Gay Civil Partnership, and neither I nor my long-time girlfriend have never received any negative reaction whatsoever.

But you say you're not into the 'lesbo thing'. Maybe you're not into the word, and you don't have to be, but factually if you love and have been in a relationship with this woman, then it's a lesbian relationship.

You could be brave, be honest about your sexuality to yourself and to others, move on and find a woman who loves you and is proud to be with you.

Or you could try and do all that with your ex if you both truly love each other.

Either step requires you to be brave. Are you?

LegacyUser

Hey ya and thanks for yer comments and suggestions. You see thats the thing, I don't think I am brave enough. I do have people (friends that know about me) but she doesn't. She came to visit me last night and it broke my heart, she said she needs time to see if she can go ahead with the whole thing. She says she loves me and wants to be with me but she needs time to deal with issues herself. (i.e - she might come back to me) but I guess she's at a crossroads considering the fact that she could be gay/bi. It is such crap situation.

I don't have any control over the situation, I am respecting her decision and not texting her or calling her, I am just giving her time to think and hopefully fingers crossed we get back together and she will still want me.

I have not dealt with my own sexuality either, I could not imagine coming out to my family, you see my family are in the 1950’s they would go mad. I would be disowned and I know that for a fact. Thanks for the offer of the helpline number but I think posting a message here and getting peoples opinions is cool. I am going to kill myself or anything.



Cupcake_Crisis

trying to deal with ur sexuality whilst in a lesbian relationship is probably not the best way to go about things! i know its really hard coz u love her but maybe u shud take some time too and sort things out in your own head! once u both know where u are mentally, and sexually, it will be much easier to figure out if u wanna go ahead and be in a fully fledged relationship. 4 years is an awfully long time to be keeping a secret like that.

Redscrapbook

I feel for you and your former girlfriend...its so sad and its a pity to end a relationship like the way you did esp you two love each other?

I was in a similar situation not so long ago but I didn't break up with my girlfriend or anything...we always talked if I'm in doubt or she in doubt to get it off my chest. Telling just one of my friend did me a big favour to get a huge weight off my shoulder so I've someone to talk to. None of my family knows about me neither my girlfriend and I'm not even thinking about it now...but, I'm taking one step at a time.

You didn't mention if you've any gay friends? I'd suggest make friends with gay people and it good to talk. If you don't want to make friends with gay people face to face...do you know www.sapphicireland.com is a woman-only forum? You could post your thread there?

Don't deal with it on your own and your former girlfriend as well. I'd suggest get help for you both? Don't be afriad.

Daisy B

my girlfriend needed time to tell her family and friends, as she needed time to come to terms with being gay herself.I found it hard sometimes, but I love her, and I knew she just needed time.
While you're not happy with who you are, you're never going to be happy with each other.
You have to be true to yourself.

xenya

tell her you want to go public. it sucks keeping relationships secret anyway.

JupiterKid

I feel sorry for the OP's situation - but living a lie and having a secretive, deeply closeted relationship is self-destructive and will only end in a negative way. Be open with yourself and others. I would urge the OP to come out - I did many years ago and it transformed my life for the better.

Your family, if they truly matter - will get over your being gay. Mine did. If they can't accept it in the year 2008, that is utterly sad and pathetic and is THEIR, not your, problem. It makes me very, very angry that some people in this counrty are so backward, bigoted and closed minded. They should take a good, long look at their shrivelled, stunted and blackened hearts.

You might have heard the saying "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.

Hope you get things sorted out.

SebastianDB

Hi, well, u are not the only one! 2nd I will say go meet people, do things, keep uself and ur partner busy!

Daisy B

Hey Op, just wondering how your situation is now? have you and your girlf sorted things out?