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So...coming out

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  • 26-06-2008 12:08am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    17 year old bi. I'm a bit anxious about my situation; I want to just let my friends and family know about me but something's holding me back.

    Has anyone ever had major problems with coming out? People's attitudes changing towards you or anything like that?

    I know it's not exactly urgent, especially as I'm bi, so I'm not really struggling against myself or anything seeing as I'm pretty happy with girls, but it'd be nice if I didn't have to worry about letting something slip or whatever. When watching a movie with a couple of my mates the other day I almost commented on a fairly fit man on screen, I couldn't believe I'd almost said something!

    I suppose the main reason I'm worried is the reaction I saw a year or two ago to a guy in my year who came out. He's really cool and popular, but suddenly he became a bit of a joke with a lot of people. It surprised me, and makes me kind of hesitant.

    Anyway, if anyone could give me some advice that's be great, thanks.


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    #2
    jaffa20
    Registered Users Posts: 4,531 ✭✭✭jaffa20


    ScubaSteve wrote: »
    17 year old bi. I'm a bit anxious about my situation; I want to just let my friends and family know about me but something's holding me back.

    Has anyone ever had major problems with coming out? People's attitudes changing towards you or anything like that?

    I know it's not exactly urgent, especially as I'm bi, so I'm not really struggling against myself or anything seeing as I'm pretty happy with girls, but it'd be nice if I didn't have to worry about letting something slip or whatever. When watching a movie with a couple of my mates the other day I almost commented on a fairly fit man on screen, I couldn't believe I'd almost said something!

    I suppose the main reason I'm worried is the reaction I saw a year or two ago to a guy in my year who came out. He's really cool and popular, but suddenly he became a bit of a joke with a lot of people. It surprised me, and makes me kind of hesitant.

    Anyway, if anyone could give me some advice that's be great, thanks.


    Well you only have to tell your close friends if you really have to. The whole school doesn't have to know. Good luck!


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    #3
    crotalus667
    Registered Users Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭crotalus667


    jaffa20 wrote: »
    Well you only have to tell your close friends if you really have to. The whole school doesn't have to know. Good luck!


    +1

    Dont make a big deal out of it , just tell one or two people and the other's will find out threw the normal gossiping


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    #4
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    you'll probably find that ur friends wont even care! when i came out to my friends most of them were like......sweetie....we all aleady knew!! but if its something thats really bugging u, ur just gonna have to tell the ppl that are important, u wont feel right until you do!


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    #5
    Redscrapbook
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭Redscrapbook


    If I was you...I'd wait until I'm couple of years older especially if you're bi and you could swing both ways. People won't forget that easily if you told them if your gay, if you're are? If you realised that you're straight all along after telling your folks that you're bi when you're 17 years of age, it wouldn't be fair on your family...until you're very sure of yourself. I don't see the need to tell your folks now...if you're still in doubt? Friends is easier to tell just one or two is enough and at least you've someone to talk to. You need to be comfortable with yourself on who you are and have the confidence within yourself, be comfortable with your skin. I'd make friends with gay people and learn about your situation? Talk to the the right crowd and I'm sure you'll discover more within yourself.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey mate,

    In all honesty I'd wait a couple of years. You'll find that at 17 alot of people are still quite afraid of thinking for themselves, and that in a few years people will find it alot easier to accept. No need to go broadcasting it to the world at any age anyway (unless you want to of course!) If it slips, then it slips, but I'd keep it to yourself til you're in your early 20's, as people will be much cooler with it all then.


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    #7
    conqueror90
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭conqueror90


    Well I'm in a similar situation to you, being 17 and bi-ish (generally more gay than anything else), so I probably won't be able to offer much help, but I'll try. :)

    I'd agree with others, and say the best advice really is to just not make a big deal out of it. "Letting something slip" may not be a bad idea after all. Rather than doing the whole dramatic "I've got something to tell you...", just casually commenting on some guy's attractiveness, and letting people work things out for themselves, might be easier. Generally, the less of a big deal you make out of it, the less other people will be inclined to.

    As for people's reactions, obviously it's impossible to know for sure until you tell them, but if you stick to your close friends, especially any who you know to be supportive of LGBT folk, you should be ok. I wouldn't let your age hold you back (I told a few people at 14, although havn't told many since), although coming out in secondary school could indeed be a bit dodgy. While just telling a few close friends may be the ideal situation, once you start telling people, you'd have to be prepared for the possibility of more finding out.

    I hope some of that helps. Overall, just try not to worry too much about it, and remember the good old Dr. Seuss quote:
    "“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”"
    :cool:


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    #8
    tin_can_ted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭tin_can_ted


    I remember trying to lie to myself and pretending to be straight to my friends at the very start. I was unhappy and I never felt 100% comfortable around them. I came out to them and I've never looked back. None of them cared and it was realy nice not to lose any of them. I told them about 2 years ago and they are still my best friends after 1 year of being in different colleges.

    I was 17 when I told my friends and it was the best decision for me. I think that you should tell 1 of your best friends. If he really is your friend, he shouldn't care and he should also respect you enough not to tell any one else - even your other friends. See how he takes it and if you don't have the strength to tell the others maybe get him to drop a few hints to them or something.

    Best of luck to you anyway and make sure to keep us updated.


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