HELP!. I'm so worried....

Feelgood · 27-06-2008 12:55pm

Soss wrote: »

"Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk..."

WTF!?!? Are you kidding? This has nothing to do with the OP's situation. Genital warts is a sexually transmitted disease, not just a result of poor hygeine, and I really can't understand what point you're trying to make with the above comment.

Apologies, yes I know it has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's situation. I've been listening to certain females of the species harping on about how the OP's boyfriend wasn't honest and put her health at risk.

While my above statement may seem very crude, its unfortunately very true. It's well known that the direction a female wipes carries germs from one area of the body to the other if you catch my meaning, which in turn leads to a whole host of infections. Particularly cystitis.

These infections can then be passed on by intercourse or oral sex, which obviously can have a detrimental effect on a guys / girls health.

Seen that every here is screaming about honesty and consideration for other peoples health, my question was that if all the females all so sexual health aware have they taken the time to assure their lovers of which way they wipe or have they spoken about it with them?.

MJOR · 27-06-2008 1:01pm

Feelgood wrote: »

Apologies, yes I know it has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's situation. I've been listening to certain females of the species harping on about how the OP's boyfriend wasn't honest and put her health at risk.

While my above statement may seem very crude, its unfortunately very true. It's well known that the direction a female wipes carries germs from one area of the body to the other if you catch my meaning, which in turn leads to a whole host of infections. Particularly cystitis.

These infections can then be passed on by intercourse or oral sex, which obviously can have a detrimental effect on a guys / girls health.

Seen that every here is screaming about honesty and consideration for other peoples health, my question was that if all the females all so sexual health aware have they taken the time to assure their lovers of which way they wipe or have they spoken about it with them?.

It's a total different scenario thinking that because of how you wipe your a$$ you might or could pass on germs.......

When you KNOW and your partner ASKS you should be honest plain and simple .......

humanji · 27-06-2008 1:36pm

People seem to be missing a very important part of the original post and condemning the OP's boyfriend because of it. Here is is in it's simplistic form:

Guy contracts genital warts.
Warts disappear, guy assumes that they're gone for good.
Guy meets OP
Guy tells OP that he's STD free and says that he's never had an STD.

Now with the last part, the guy thought he was STD free. He should of done his research, but 20/20 hindsight and all that, isn't going to change the past. You now have to think about why he lied to her. It's most likely the embarrasement of the genital warts and, since he assumed they were no longer an issue, he felt there was no need to humiliate himself in front of his girlfriend.

I'm 100% of the opinion that he's an idiot for not realising the gravity of his situation and for not telling her before hand, but too many people here seem to be condemning him as some sort of monster who went out to purposefully infect the OP. He f*cked up, plain and simple, but it's hardly a malicious act.

OP, as others have said, between the vitriolic spasms, get yourself tested ASAP and get your boyfriend tested, too. Then sit down and talk to your BF. Find out the full reason why he lied to you, and let him know how you feel about it (and how stupid it was). Once you do that, then it's time for you to decide if you want to forgive him and move on, or leave him.

SarahSassy · 27-06-2008 1:54pm

humanji wrote: »

Guy tells OP that he's STD free and says that he's never had an STD.

And above is the moral crux of the matter. I dont think anyone thinks he is a monster but stupidity is no excuse - for me anyway.

I think the lady posters are taking it more personally here because we feel it could be any one of us....

Feelgood · 27-06-2008 1:56pm

humanji wrote: »

People seem to be missing a very important part of the original post and condemning the OP's boyfriend because of it. Here is is in it's simplistic form:

Guy contracts genital warts.
Warts disappear, guy assumes that they're gone for good.
Guy meets OP
Guy tells OP that he's STD free and says that he's never had an STD.

Now with the last part, the guy thought he was STD free. He should of done his research, but 20/20 hindsight and all that, isn't going to change the past. You now have to think about why he lied to her. It's most likely the embarrasement of the genital warts and, since he assumed they were no longer an issue, he felt there was no need to humiliate himself in front of his girlfriend.

I'm 100% of the opinion that he's an idiot for not realising the gravity of his situation and for not telling her before hand, but too many people here seem to be condemning him as some sort of monster who went out to purposefully infect the OP. He f*cked up, plain and simple, but it's hardly a malicious act.

OP, as others have said, between the vitriolic spasms, get yourself tested ASAP and get your boyfriend tested, too. Then sit down and talk to your BF. Find out the full reason why he lied to you, and let him know how you feel about it (and how stupid it was). Once you do that, then it's time for you to decide if you want to forgive him and move on, or leave him.

Alleluia, some sense at long last...

MJOR · 27-06-2008 2:00pm

They never go the virus stays FOREVER, you may never get symtoms but its never gonna leave the system

humanji · 27-06-2008 2:03pm

SarahSassy wrote: »

And above is the moral crux of the matter. I dont think anyone thinks he is a monster but stupidity is no excuse - for me anyway.

I think the lady posters are taking it more personally here because we feel it could be any one of us....

But the thing is, he didn't know any better. He thought it wasn't an issue, so there was no need to mention it. I'm sure he also didn't tell her about every sickness he'd ever had, in case one of them could still be in his system. It's still sheer stupidity on his part, but that's still no reason for the lynch mob.

SarahSassy · 27-06-2008 2:05pm

humanji wrote: »

But the thing is, he didn't know any better. He thought it wasn't an issue, so there was no need to mention it. I'm sure he also didn't tell her about every sickness he'd ever had, in case one of them could still be in his system. It's still sheer stupidity on his part, but that's still no reason for the lynch mob.

He said he NEVER had a STD. What about this sensence do people not understand???????

Wibbs · 27-06-2008 2:06pm

Apparently not quite.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genital_wart

Viral load drops to such a point where it's not measurable. So after 3 years and a normal immune response he should be fine. Plus having the virus doesn't always mean you're infectious. You probably have the chicken pox virus(Herpes zoster) in your system, yet you're not spreading chicken pox. Indeed you'll never know you have unless you get an attack of shingles down the line.

Now he didn't know that so my issues with him not saying anything still stand.

Wibbs · 27-06-2008 2:08pm

SarahSassy wrote: »

He said he NEVER had a STD. What about this sensence do people not understand???????

Yep. Bingo. Now I do take Feelgood and humanji's points on board and actually agree with some of their angles, but this fact knocks it on the head. He clearly told her he never had one. I know, I know, embarrassment etc and he didn't have a clue about disease etc, but he should have got himself sorted at the time and he should have told her, or come up with some excuse and used a condom.

Feelgood · 27-06-2008 2:09pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Apparently not quite.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genital_wart

Viral load drops to such a point where it's not measurable. So after 3 years and a normal immune response he should be fine. Plus having the virus doesn't always mean you're infectious. You probably have the chicken pox virus(Herpes zoster) in your system, yet you're not spreading chicken pox. Indeed you'll never know you have unless you get an attack of shingles down the line.

Now he didn't know that so my issues with him not saying anything still stand.

Which was the point I was trying to make about the body and its way of healing and the immune system etc.

SarahSassy · 27-06-2008 2:10pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep. Bingo. Now I do take Feelgood and humanji's points on board and actually agree with some of their angles, but this fact knocks it on the head. He clearly told her he never had one. I know, I know, embarrassment etc and he didn't have a clue about disease etc, but he should have got himself sorted at the time and he should have told her, or come up with some excuse and used a condom.

Amen, sense at last !!!

Embarrassment my arse - how 'embarrassing' for her if she gets cervical cancer because of him. Its easy knowing men cant get cervical cancer - if it were possible there would be a different attitude from some of the posters here. Its alright as long as its not directly likely to affect them and of course the poor lad was just being silly by not telling her. Imagine if it were your sister - what would your attitude to her being put in a position of risk be???

I also do agree with some of their points but I dont agree its her fault.... He obviously got treatment at the time and could he really have taken the treatment and not asked the question about how long he would be infected for or if he could infect someone else???

Feelgood · 27-06-2008 2:12pm

Now can we all just be friends???

SarahSassy · 27-06-2008 2:16pm

Feelgood wrote: »

Now can we all just be friends???

Sure

MJOR · 27-06-2008 2:17pm

Feelgood wrote: »

Now can we all just be friends???

of course.. nothing like lively debate... How else would we get thru the workday

Hope you have made that appointment OP

humanji · 27-06-2008 2:29pm

SarahSassy wrote: »

He said he NEVER had a STD. What about this sensence do people not understand???????

So you've never told a lie in your life? You never withheld information that was of no importance to anyone else, in order to save yourself a bit of embarrasement?

You're problem is that you're not coming from this from the BF's perspective. You're coming from the perspective of someone who knows the consequences. But think of it (pretend you're an idiot

): The BF didn't think it would have any bearing on the relationship. He felt it would only make him feel uncomfortable and maybe he'd think she'd laugh at him. He felt that by not telling her, there could be no possible ill effects.

From that perspective it's perfectly understandable that he'd keep it to himself. But once you know more about STD's you can see that he's a gobsh*te.

SarahSassy wrote: »

Amen, sense at last !!!

Embarrassment my arse - how 'embarrassing' for her if she gets cervical cancer because of him.

This would be an issue if he knew this was a consequence. He didn't, so it isn't.

SarahSassy wrote: »

Its easy knowing men cant get cervical cancer - if it were possible there would be a different attitude from some of the posters here. Its alright as long as its not directly likely to affect them and of course the poor lad was just being silly by not telling her. Imagine if it were your sister - what would your attitude to her being put in a position of risk be???

If it was my sister, I'd be of the same opinion, that he's an idiot for not finding out about STD's.

SarahSassy wrote: »

I also do agree with some of their points but I dont agree its her fault.... He obviously got treatment at the time and could he really have taken the treatment and not asked the question about how long he would be infected for or if he could infect someone else???

I think it is quite possible. He may of not been paying attention, or been handed a pamphlet he threw away. If he's of the mind set that once gone an STD is nothing to worry about, then it's safe to assume he wouldn't of taken on board any advice he was given.

humanji · 27-06-2008 2:30pm

Feelgood wrote: »

Now can we all just be friends???

Never, I'm on a quest to have this be the first PI thread taken to the Thunderdome!

Feelgood · 27-06-2008 2:43pm

humanji wrote: »

Never, I'm on a quest to have this be the first PI thread taken to the Thunderdome!

I already have one in there for using the word penis in the property forum believe it or not!!.

EDIT: Looks like its been deleted...

Wibbs · 27-06-2008 2:55pm

OK folks and folkesses lets get back on topic. Focus on the thread and all that.

SarahSassy · 27-06-2008 3:28pm

humanji wrote: »

So you've never told a lie in your life? You never withheld information that was of no importance to anyone else, in order to save yourself a bit of embarrasement?

You're problem is that you're not coming from this from the BF's perspective. You're coming from the perspective of someone who knows the consequences. But think of it (pretend you're an idiot ): The BF didn't think it would have any bearing on the relationship. He felt it would only make him feel uncomfortable and maybe he'd think she'd laugh at him. He felt that by not telling her, there could be no possible ill effects.

From that perspective it's perfectly understandable that he'd keep it to himself. But once you know more about STD's you can see that he's a gobsh*te.

This would be an issue if he knew this was a consequence. He didn't, so it isn't.

If it was my sister, I'd be of the same opinion, that he's an idiot for not finding out about STD's.

I think it is quite possible. He may of not been paying attention, or been handed a pamphlet he threw away. If he's of the mind set that once gone an STD is nothing to worry about, then it's safe to assume he wouldn't of taken on board any advice he was given.

I think I am going to have a heat attack with frustrations from reading your comments.... How can you stand up for this idiot on any level???????? Anyway, I have said all I have to say on this topic. OP, hope you make the right decision for you and best of luck.

humanji · 27-06-2008 3:38pm

Since you've moved on, this is for the OP who might think the same. It's a very, very simple concept. The BF didn't know that there could be a problem. In his mind, the STD was a thing of the past, had no bearing on his future and therefore was a non event. He believed that it was gone from his system and that it bore no danger to the OP. Because of this, he spared himself a little humiliation. That, in his mind, is all he was doing.

Is that really that bad? Think about it. If anyone here had some embarrassing ailment, you wouldn't go shouting about it. If you believed (whether right or wrong) that it was a thing of the past and need never be mentioned again, would you feel the need to tell someone? I can't for the life of me understand why this concept can't be grasped.

johnnyq · 27-06-2008 4:06pm

humanji wrote:

Is that really that bad? Think about it. If anyone here had some embarrassing ailment, you wouldn't go shouting about it. If you believed (whether right or wrong) that it was a thing of the past and need never be mentioned again, would you feel the need to tell someone? I can't for the life of me understand why this concept can't be grasped.

Right, is your Gf okay with your standards of honesty humanji?

Because, really when someone asks you your sexual history and you claim never to have had an STD and you DID, regardless of whether it's cured, no symptoms didn't feel it was important... etc... this is wrong.

I could not be in a relationship with someone who deceived me like this.

Embarrasment is absolutely no excuse. Even if he was *healed* he still deceived her and yes it really is that bad. If he was that ignorant he shouldn't be having sex. Rights come with responsibilities you know.

I wish you all the best OP.

outspann · 27-06-2008 4:12pm

Hmm.

But if it wasn't an issue for him, and he was SO SURE that he was fine, then why did he mention it six months later?

Do you think he was reading through an old diary and spotted it - "Jebus, that's right! I used to have an STD! I'd better tell the girlfriend!"

No - let's call it like it is. When she asked him, he knew what he was saying, he was embarrassed, and so he lied. Now, he could have lied and said he wanted to use a condom. Or he could have lied and then gone and got himself checked out before having sex with her. Either of these scenarios would be mitigating circumstances in my book.

But instead he lied and he slept with her anyway - because that was the easy thing to do. Yet all the time there was that nagging voice in the back of his head saying "I should really tell her that I had an STD, but it's just too darn embarrassing!"

Wibbs · 27-06-2008 4:15pm

That distills the crux of it for me.

maryjmul · 27-06-2008 4:59pm

I almost feel sorry for you Feelgood but your last post has somewhat redeemed you,some of your advice was good but what kind of bothers me is that after 6 months he finds the urge to come clean,could he be harboring any doubts about his condition ,any way he deserves no prizes for his so called honesty he has been a very stupid man and how could she trust him again

Bottle_of_Smoke · 28-06-2008 11:25am

SarahSassy wrote: »

Amen, sense at last !!!

Embarrassment my arse - how 'embarrassing' for her if she gets cervical cancer because of him. Its easy knowing men cant get cervical cancer - if it were possible there would be a different attitude from some of the posters here. Its alright as long as its not directly likely to affect them and of course the poor lad was just being silly by not telling her. Imagine if it were your sister - what would your attitude to her being put in a position of risk be???

Actually men can get cancer of the penis which is caused by another strain of HPV. Also remember the strain that causes warts doesnt cause cervical cancer.

Hopefully harney will hurry up and authorise the vaccination against HPV so this wont be an issue in the future

I dont mean to freak the op out but i dont understand why he told her after they had sex? did he possibly have a recurrence? I also think its worrying he told her the infection only affected men. Im not a doctor but as its a skin infection I cant see this being possible. did he just say this to make his not telling her more palletable. Its also possible the sex just made him realy guilty of course.

pookie82 · 29-06-2008 4:09pm

Jesus I can't believe what I'm reading here. Am I correct in getting the vibe off some guys on here that ya, STDs are crap but they're too HUMILIATING to talk about first thing so we ASSUME we're out of the danger zone and no danger to anyone else, LIE about ever being infected to save face, NEGLECT to wear a condom to top it all off, and then come up with some BULLSH*T excuse that it "doesn't effect women anyway". As Wibbs said, where did he get it then?????

This is unbelievable. I often wondered why people can't just cop on to safe sex but here it is, proof positive that there are still neanderthals out there who place embarrassment avoidance over actual HEALTH. But hey, if you own up six months later when the damage may have been well and truly done then you da man!!!! Slap on the back!!!

If you're beginning a realtionship you might not tell someone you had a crush on Jessica Fletcher for years, or that you were born with a webbed foot, or that you cheated on your last partner. All of these things may lead to shame or embarrassment but they're not going to seriously endanger someone's physical wellbeing. Having an STD that you're obviously uneducated about ("it can't be passed to girls") and lying about it to avoid embarrassment beofre proceeding to have unsafe sex is NOT acceptable on any level nor is it excusable with the old "well it's a bit embarrassing guys, give him a break...". If that attitiude continues - "tell someone you've had/got an STD UNLESS it's too embarrassing.... then you're exempt from owning up....." - we're going to have even more sexual health problems in the future. The guys on here are unbelieveable and have scarily ignorant attitudes to STDs.

As for the point made about Chlamydia.... if you've had it once and you've been successfully cleared of it - that's it. It's gone. Bye Bye. The warts VIRUS is different. it can lie dormant in your body for the rest of your life, and even if you never have another flair up there are strains that can be passed on regardless of the warts being present at the time of intercourse or not. Also, it can lead to far more serious problems for women than a few unsightly bumps - like some strains of cervical cancer which, believe it or not, CAN kill - (that's in response to the "it's not gonna kill ya" comment).

I'd love to see the reaction of the guys here if the situation was reversed and the warts virus could potentially lead to willy rot. i'm sure they'd be up in arms about it. Or would the "hey, it was embarrassing honey! But I'm tellin you now at least!!!" excuse still cut it? I doubt it. And I really feel for the sexual partners of some people on here with their misgiuided sex myths. it's like sth from the 40s.

HELP!. I'm so worried....

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