HELP!. I'm so worried....

MJOR

My bottom line on this is you asked him.... He lied and put you at risk... Its a total lack of respect.

Get checked out ASAP and then reasses your relationship with this guy.

Requiem4adream

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get yourself tested and tested for as long at it takes to get yourself clear
as you can be.

He has endangered your health and your life and clearly has no respect for you, why on earth would you be talking to him ?

I just remembered why i dont post on this forum too often. It's threads exactly like this one that make it a minefield, it's tough to express a strong dissenting opinion with the strict modding but i'll give it a shot:

"HELP! I'm so worried...." - i'm sorry, you're clearly not worried enough, if you were you'd have arranged a test pronto. No excuses. If i'm seriously worried about anything, particularly my health, i get it sorted/investigated immediately. For me this is the case bottom line. I really cant comprehend the thought processes and mentality involved here: "i might have a serious STD, i know what i'll do i'll go home, log on the internet and see what people on Boards think". Take responsibilty immediately and arrange a test. I accept people take solace in the advice on these forums but the only true solace one can take here is in the result of an STD test.

In terms of the relationship itself, there is a massive difference between sheer naivety and reckless endangerment. If he's clueless about sexual health (as the OP appears to be also) are you guys telling me it's not within the bounds of reason that he felt there is/was nothing to worry about, hence the "lies"? Boy got warts, warts disappeared, boy thinks that's the end? The relationship is still in it's early stages, it's not something he would bring up if he really believed he was cured or posing zero risk. Whether you admit it or not, a chequered sexual past is hardly something someone would bring up in the early stages of a new relationship if he/she believed they were cured/all clear, which appears to be the case.

For example, suppose one of you got chlamydia and was cured, got the all clear 100%, then a new partner asks you have you ever had a sexual disease, how would a "no" answer sit with you all there? Personally, if someone has had a disease and been cured, with the all-clear, i'd rather not know. It serves no meaningful purpose to know, in fact it may serve only to muddle my opinion of the girl.

If the OP's boyfriend truly believed he was "all clear" then i dont view this as the treacherous behaviour the rest of you are depicting it as. Both of them sound completely naive and one as bad as the other. It shows poor judgement to sleep with someone without a condom without being sure of the situation. In this day and age it's not unreasonable to ensure a partner has a recent STD test before taking those steps.

Just to make this crystal clear - if he isn't naive and clueless, and did understand the ramifications of his actions, not only are they treacherous and deceitful, his actions are bordering on criminal in my opinion. In the true sense of the word criminal. If the disease was HIV and not warts, deliberately endangering/passing on the disease is (potentially) a criminal offence.

Wibbs

MJOR wrote:

My bottom line on this is you asked him.... He lied and put you at risk... Its a total lack of respect.

Get checked out ASAP and then reasses your relationship with this guy.

That summarises it right on the money for me.

SarahSassy wrote: »

Feelgood, did you read the original post at all??? If not, I am highlighting the above for you... He is no hero, he told he he had never had a STD. He lied and put her health at risk.

Yea I think tbh Feelgood missed that part. That's the kicker. Bad enough that he had the infection in the past and didn't tell her, he then compounds the problem by denying it with a woman who has made the point that she's gotten the all clear and is willing to trust him.

You are praising WIbbs for certain points cos he agreed with you that women can be irrational...

So it's not cos I is only deadly.. As far as "women's irrationality" goes, I was simply making the point that some women about some things can be like a dog with a bone, they can't just let it go. That goes for some men too in different ways and women will also take issue with that. In both those cases it's more a different rationality at play. I also made the point that in this case, man, woman, or hamster, all bets are off.

IMO you are backpeddling big time....

We all may have differing opinions and get the wrong end of the stick. Personally I all too often need written directions to the right end of the stick. That's the beauty about debate, opinions and learning. I prefer people who backpedal than those who peddle furiously forward regardless.

Wibbs

Good post from Requiem4adream there. The OP's ignorance of the risk with his health and the possible risk to his partners health is a big part of it. His idea that women "don't get it" makes this plain. I think the OP has a better idea of what's what if she's been tested before.

Beyond the immediate problem the larger issue of ignorance in sexual matters that one sees about the place is a worry. Even simple obvious stuff.

Feelgood

SarahSassy wrote: »

Feelgood, did you read the original post at all??? If not, I am highlighting the above for you... He is no hero, he told he he had never had a STD. He lied and put her health at risk.

You are praising WIbbs for certain points cos he agreed with you that women can be irrational...

IMO you are backpeddling big time....

I am not claiming that he is a hero at, I stated that yeah he was wrong and though that she shouldn't completely write off her relationship as he has been honest with her...

I praised Wibbs, for exactly the qualities that you seem to lack. Wibbs has taken my opinion into consideration, thought about it and furthered the debate using valid arguments.

Here is your class A, top notch and highly skilled arguments to my opinion..

"PS you are being sexist!!!"

"Your language is foul and your post particularily ignorant"

"I am no expert on sexual health but very obviously neither are you"

"IMO you are backpeddling big time...."

Fight the man.....

SarahSassy

Feelgood wrote: »

I am not claiming that he is a hero at, I stated that yeah he was wrong and though that she shouldn't completely write off her relationship as he has been honest with her...

I praised Wibbs, for exactly the qualities that you seem to lack. Wibbs has taken my opinion into consideration, thought about it and furthered the debate using valid arguments.

Here is your class A, top notch and highly skilled arguments to my opinion..

"PS you are being sexist!!!"

"Your language is foul and your post particularily ignorant"

"I am no expert on sexual health but very obviously neither are you"

"IMO you are backpeddling big time...."

Fight the man.....

He has NOT Been honest with her....

Those are my opinions of your posts and have annoyed me more than any other post in a long time....

Feelgood

SarahSassy wrote: »

He has NOT Been honest with her....

Those are my opinions of your posts and have annoyed me more than any other post in a long time....

If he wasn't being honest with her he wouldn't have even mentioned the fact that had anything at all!.

At the end of the day she could have used a condom, or refused any sort of sexual relations until she had complete and definite proof that he had no form of STD's. Is he entirely to blame, definitely not.

Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk...

Tell me in the first six months of a relationship have you ever specified this information to a guy?

Soss

"Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk..."

WTF!?!? Are you kidding? This has nothing to do with the OP's situation. Genital warts is a sexually transmitted disease, not just a result of poor hygeine, and I really can't understand what point you're trying to make with the above comment.

MJOR

Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk..."

Ah come here are you off your head? These are warts... get a bloody grip

Meathlass

OP Get tested, tell your boyfriend to get tested and ask to see the results, I wouldn't take his word for it. You may also have to reassess your attitude to condoms and wait until you're in a stable long term relationship where you're sure the other person is 100% clean and being faithful. Cervical cancer is no joke - take it from someone who's going through it. Even though I never had unprotected sex I still have the HPV virsus (same virsus that gives you coldsores). I'm just in the unlucky percentage of the population whose body won't fight it.

Rayven199

Aside from the fact that he should have told you before you slept together, is any one aware that genital warts have more serious implications for women?
Some types of genital warts actually play a big part in contracting cervical cancer, they have been identified as playing a major role in causing cervical cancer in about 70% of cases so I would get checked out as well as having regular smear tests to be sure.

Oh and warts; like cole sores (which are a strain of the herpes virus) remain in the system pretty much all our life and can flare up at any time, they dont go away but can be supressed with antibiotics.

WilmaRidesAgain

<<Here's the dilemma-he told last night that 3 years ago he contracted a type of genital warts that only shows up on guys. (and 'doesn't affect girls'). I'm so worried about this.>>

Oh my God :mad:

This is pure Bull$hit, he has lied outright and I for one could not live with a betrayal this large, get tested and then you have a big decision to make.

My heart goes out to you bigtime, I hope all will be ok.

Nevyn

Meathlass wrote: »

OP Get tested, tell your boyfriend to get tested and ask to see the results, I wouldn't take his word for it. You may also have to reassess your attitude to condoms and wait until you're in a stable long term relationship where you're sure the other person is 100% clean and being faithful. Cervical cancer is no joke - take it from someone who's going through it. Even though I never had unprotected sex I still have the HPV virsus (same virsus that gives you coldsores). I'm just in the unlucky percentage of the population whose body won't fight it.

HPV does not cause coldsores, the herpes virus does.

SarahSassy

Feelgood wrote: »

If he wasn't being honest with her he wouldn't have even mentioned the fact that had anything at all!.

At the end of the day she could have used a condom, or refused any sort of sexual relations until she had complete and definite proof that he had no form of STD's. Is he entirely to blame, definitely not.

Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk...

Tell me in the first six months of a relationship have you ever specified this information to a guy?

This doesnt warrant any kind of an adult response....

Over and out.

SS

Meathlass

Thaedydal wrote: »

HPV does not cause coldsores, the herpes virus does.

Sorry was acutally thinking of coldsores in relation to something else and meant to type that it's the same virsus that gives you the warts on your hands.

LegacyUser

I posted a few weeks back about a simular situation except its from the other perspective, I'm the one with the virus worried about how to break it to my current partner (whom I still have not yet slept with)

From the responses Ive recieved and research Ive looked up I learnt that you HAVE to tell the other person, regardless of if you are showing symptoms or not. I feel awful for you that this guy didnt tell you before you slept with him, its shocking that he continued to sleep with you without a condom and then decided to break the news to you.

Personally I would be very angry and pissed off that hes put you at risk this way. I understand how hard it might have been to tell you but he made it a hell of a lot worse by telling you after you had no choice, he seems like an incredibly selfish person.

My advice to you would be to get checked out IMMEDIATLY. This virus is no walk in the park I can tell you. Also I would advise that from now on you use condoms each and everytime you sleep with someone, because as the saying goes- if you play with fire you will get burnt.

Wibbs

Rayven199 wrote: »

Oh and warts; like cole sores (which are a strain of the herpes virus) remain in the system pretty much all our life and can flare up at any time, they dont go away but can be supressed with antibiotics.

As an aside and a very common misconception. Antibiotics have no effect on viral infections. They treat bacterial infections. Different thing entirely. The main reason I mention it is in case someone out there has a viral infection and thinks that just because they had a course of antibiotics a year ago, that means they're cured. Nothing could be further from the truth. Given the OP's partners ignorance of disease and treatments, stuff like this is useful to know.

Rayven199

Wibbs wrote: »

As an aside and a very common misconception. Antibiotics have no effect on viral infections. They treat bacterial infections. Different thing entirely. The main reason I mention it is in case someone out there has a viral infection and thinks that just because they had a course of antibiotics a year ago, that means they're cured. Nothing could be further from the truth. Given the OP's partners ignorance of disease and treatments, stuff like this is useful to know.

I didnt mean that they could be cured with antibiotics, but there are some medications out there that can help supress/sooth the symptons, such as creams etc. or so I have been told!
I am not a medical expert but have done some looking into this topic as my boyfriend had some similar symptoms when we started sleeping together and I was worried so I had a look about!
Turns out it wasnt warts or even an sti so its all good!

Wibbs

Rayven199 wrote: »

I didnt mean that they could be cured with antibiotics, but there are some medications out there that can help supress/sooth the symptons, such as creams etc. or so I have been told!!

Oh there are. Antivirals etc. Just that antibiotics are not one of the treatments for viral infections. Has absolutely no effect except where secondary bacterial infections may occur. As I say have to make that clear in case others think that gives them the all clear.

Rayven199

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh there are. Antivirals etc. Just that antibiotics are not one of the treatments for viral infections. Has absolutely no effect except where secondary bacterial infections may occur. As I say have to make that clear in case others think that gives them the all clear.

Sorry about that,I couldnt think of the word for them! Thats my mistake, apologies!
I meant antivirals, not anti biotics!

Feelgood

Soss wrote: »

"Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk..."

WTF!?!? Are you kidding? This has nothing to do with the OP's situation. Genital warts is a sexually transmitted disease, not just a result of poor hygeine, and I really can't understand what point you're trying to make with the above comment.

Apologies, yes I know it has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's situation. I've been listening to certain females of the species harping on about how the OP's boyfriend wasn't honest and put her health at risk.

While my above statement may seem very crude, its unfortunately very true. It's well known that the direction a female wipes carries germs from one area of the body to the other if you catch my meaning, which in turn leads to a whole host of infections. Particularly cystitis.

These infections can then be passed on by intercourse or oral sex, which obviously can have a detrimental effect on a guys / girls health.

Seen that every here is screaming about honesty and consideration for other peoples health, my question was that if all the females all so sexual health aware have they taken the time to assure their lovers of which way they wipe or have they spoken about it with them?.

MJOR

Feelgood wrote: »

Apologies, yes I know it has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's situation. I've been listening to certain females of the species harping on about how the OP's boyfriend wasn't honest and put her health at risk.

While my above statement may seem very crude, its unfortunately very true. It's well known that the direction a female wipes carries germs from one area of the body to the other if you catch my meaning, which in turn leads to a whole host of infections. Particularly cystitis.

These infections can then be passed on by intercourse or oral sex, which obviously can have a detrimental effect on a guys / girls health.

Seen that every here is screaming about honesty and consideration for other peoples health, my question was that if all the females all so sexual health aware have they taken the time to assure their lovers of which way they wipe or have they spoken about it with them?.

It's a total different scenario thinking that because of how you wipe your a$$ you might or could pass on germs.......

When you KNOW and your partner ASKS you should be honest plain and simple .......

humanji

People seem to be missing a very important part of the original post and condemning the OP's boyfriend because of it. Here is is in it's simplistic form:

Guy contracts genital warts.
Warts disappear, guy assumes that they're gone for good.
Guy meets OP
Guy tells OP that he's STD free and says that he's never had an STD.

Now with the last part, the guy thought he was STD free. He should of done his research, but 20/20 hindsight and all that, isn't going to change the past. You now have to think about why he lied to her. It's most likely the embarrasement of the genital warts and, since he assumed they were no longer an issue, he felt there was no need to humiliate himself in front of his girlfriend.

I'm 100% of the opinion that he's an idiot for not realising the gravity of his situation and for not telling her before hand, but too many people here seem to be condemning him as some sort of monster who went out to purposefully infect the OP. He f*cked up, plain and simple, but it's hardly a malicious act.

OP, as others have said, between the vitriolic spasms, get yourself tested ASAP and get your boyfriend tested, too. Then sit down and talk to your BF. Find out the full reason why he lied to you, and let him know how you feel about it (and how stupid it was). Once you do that, then it's time for you to decide if you want to forgive him and move on, or leave him.

SarahSassy

humanji wrote: »

Guy tells OP that he's STD free and says that he's never had an STD.

And above is the moral crux of the matter. I dont think anyone thinks he is a monster but stupidity is no excuse - for me anyway.

I think the lady posters are taking it more personally here because we feel it could be any one of us....

Feelgood

humanji wrote: »

People seem to be missing a very important part of the original post and condemning the OP's boyfriend because of it. Here is is in it's simplistic form:

Guy contracts genital warts.
Warts disappear, guy assumes that they're gone for good.
Guy meets OP
Guy tells OP that he's STD free and says that he's never had an STD.

Now with the last part, the guy thought he was STD free. He should of done his research, but 20/20 hindsight and all that, isn't going to change the past. You now have to think about why he lied to her. It's most likely the embarrasement of the genital warts and, since he assumed they were no longer an issue, he felt there was no need to humiliate himself in front of his girlfriend.

I'm 100% of the opinion that he's an idiot for not realising the gravity of his situation and for not telling her before hand, but too many people here seem to be condemning him as some sort of monster who went out to purposefully infect the OP. He f*cked up, plain and simple, but it's hardly a malicious act.

OP, as others have said, between the vitriolic spasms, get yourself tested ASAP and get your boyfriend tested, too. Then sit down and talk to your BF. Find out the full reason why he lied to you, and let him know how you feel about it (and how stupid it was). Once you do that, then it's time for you to decide if you want to forgive him and move on, or leave him.

Alleluia, some sense at long last...

MJOR

They never go the virus stays FOREVER, you may never get symtoms but its never gonna leave the system

humanji

SarahSassy wrote: »

And above is the moral crux of the matter. I dont think anyone thinks he is a monster but stupidity is no excuse - for me anyway.

I think the lady posters are taking it more personally here because we feel it could be any one of us....

But the thing is, he didn't know any better. He thought it wasn't an issue, so there was no need to mention it. I'm sure he also didn't tell her about every sickness he'd ever had, in case one of them could still be in his system. It's still sheer stupidity on his part, but that's still no reason for the lynch mob.

SarahSassy

humanji wrote: »

But the thing is, he didn't know any better. He thought it wasn't an issue, so there was no need to mention it. I'm sure he also didn't tell her about every sickness he'd ever had, in case one of them could still be in his system. It's still sheer stupidity on his part, but that's still no reason for the lynch mob.

He said he NEVER had a STD. What about this sensence do people not understand???????

Wibbs

Apparently not quite.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genital_wart

Viral load drops to such a point where it's not measurable. So after 3 years and a normal immune response he should be fine. Plus having the virus doesn't always mean you're infectious. You probably have the chicken pox virus(Herpes zoster) in your system, yet you're not spreading chicken pox. Indeed you'll never know you have unless you get an attack of shingles down the line.

Now he didn't know that so my issues with him not saying anything still stand.

Wibbs

SarahSassy wrote: »

He said he NEVER had a STD. What about this sensence do people not understand???????

Yep. Bingo. Now I do take Feelgood and humanji's points on board and actually agree with some of their angles, but this fact knocks it on the head. He clearly told her he never had one. I know, I know, embarrassment etc and he didn't have a clue about disease etc, but he should have got himself sorted at the time and he should have told her, or come up with some excuse and used a condom.