Truly depressing article on men, women and work.

Amazotheamazing

I wish I'd married for money

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/relationships/i-wish-id- married-for-money-1418762.html

There's a lot to be said for having your bills paid, says a mum-of-two

'I have become jealous of my friends who rely on their husbands as the breadwinners'

Monday June 23 2008

When Bill and I got married his relaxed attitude towards money amused me. He's a teacher and enjoys his job. I work in medical sales: more stressful, but it pays well. I have, however, become secretly, overwhelmingly, envious of my friends, who can rely on their husbands as the breadwinners.

Our first home was a tiny flat in a lovely area, which was fine even when our first daughter was born.

Our second daughter's arrival two years later put a strain on space and finances, so we had to move - and I had to learn to bite my tongue so as not to seem ungrateful.

It was then that I noticed that my best friend Carol's standard of living was better than ours: her husband is a consultant surgeon and their first home was a five-bed, detached house.

We bought a three-bed ex council house in a nice street, but I couldn't help comparing it with friends' houses.

I've had promotions, but Bill has no plans to apply for anything beyond head of department, his current position; I think he should go for a deputy head post.

He's a brilliant dad, and with the girls now reaching their teens, I appreciate how well he gets on with them and puts so much effort into their homework and hobbies.

I'd never admit this to friends, but I believe that there's more to life than being good parents.

Carol is having a champagne party for her 40th, as well as a week in Paris with her husband and a weekend in New York with their 14-year-old daughter. I pretended to be thrilled, but was sick with envy.

I know many people can't take a holiday at all, but we mix with people who have no mortgages, work part time or not at all, can afford private education and have three or four holidays a year.

I feel resentful, especially as it's the men who bring in the money; and even if Bill were a head teacher, he wouldn't come close.

When out with the girls, I hear Susan moan about John's business trips and I have to pinch myself to keep from shouting that his €250,000 salary must make up for some of his absences.

Or Trisha: she inherited a house from her parents, which means that though her husband is on a normal salary, she needn't work, and spends her time at the gym.

Bill tells our girls that they can achieve anything and I agree, but when they start dating, I'll try to guide them (behind his back) towards men who can give them the sort of life I've never had.

Feminism's fine, but there's a lot to be said for having your bills paid.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

lol
two steps forward, four steps back.

Dragan

I lol'd.

flogen

What a moron.

kmick

This has to be a joke. If its real then it confirms what men have said about women since time began.

Dragan

kmick wrote: »

This has to be a joke. If its real then it confirms what men have said about women since time began.

Which is what? Personally i have always gone with the argument that women are sexier and more interesting than men.

Then again, i'm a guy.;)

Zulu

What a cunt.

kmick

Dragan wrote: »

Which is what? Personally i have always gone with the argument that women are sexier and more interesting than men.

Then again, i'm a guy.;)

That women dont know what they want and when they do get what they want they often decide they didnt want it in the first place (this is not my personal take on the situation by the way).

It ties in with a comment I heard from a friend on the dating scene. He went to wine dating and said all the women there were looking for a rich handsome man but were all 'out of shape' and in his words 'facially challenged'. Hes not rich by the way.

Kinetic^

God that cheered me up. Fùcking bag, hope the husband cops on and gets rid of the ungrateful cow.

MIN2511

Zulu wrote: »

What a cunt.

Why is she a ****? Because she wants more for her kids? Personally i want my kids to achieve more than i ever can.

Interesting story to say the least

Zulu

I'd suggest she's the cunt because she's not happy with a loving family; because she values money more than love.

Dragan

kmick wrote: »

That women dont know what they want and when they do get what they want they often decide they didnt want it in the first place (this is not my personal take on the situation by the way).

LoL, everyone does this. It's called being human.

GirlInterrupted

What a shallow materialistic cow. She needs a reality slap:D.

Amazotheamazing

I think it's depressing because she's honest.

How many mothers would disagree with her, how many push their daughters towards partners becuase of how well-off they may become? It's fine to be broke when you're dating, it's different when you've a whole lifetime of watching the pennies. It's depressing, but it's probably true for a lot more people than we care to admit.

Lil' Smiler

Jaysus... she'd be whinging if the husband had a higher paid job than his head of department one and wasn't there to be with the kids!! She should just make the most out of her life with what she has and appreciate it!!

Iago

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/relationships/i-wish-id-married-for-money-1418762.html

justsomebloke

eh, it's the usual grass is always greener article that helps sterotype women as being more interested in money and power that love

kmick

There is no author listed - wonder who wrote it.

the_syco

MIN2511 wrote: »

Why is she a ****? Because she wants more for her kids? Personally i want my kids to achieve more than i ever can.

Interesting story to say the least

She's a hairy-hole, cos she thinks that her nates cab't complain about the lack of a husband, as he brings in lots of cash. I doubt the husbands with the higher saleries have much time for their kids, tbh. This cow seems to think that once they bring back enough money that she can not work, and leave him to do all the work, she can live life like a queen, f**k everyone else (esp the guy she married).

Wibbs

There are quite a few women like that out there and the fact is the richer you are as a male, the more women you will get. The more shiny your lifestyle the more women you will attract.

I also know quite a few successful women that have forged good careers who when they hit their 30's want to find a more successful man than them and settle down with him have children and become a lady who lunches(maybe writes childrens books or somesuch).

From a purely practical point of view, as a guy I can fully understand them too. The fact is that women do the majority of the child rearing and facilities for them to continue working while doing so are often not practical or bloody expensive, so something has got to give.

IMHO This goes double for women who are higher on the looks dept. IE more choice of men at their fingertips. Same for rich guys too. They'll usually pull far better looking women than them. Similar reasons.

That's one set of women, but there are others that aren't like that. At all. I've known quite a few.

I do think this kinda thing is more obvious in a more affluent or at least, more upwardly mobile society, especially where the social services and general services availible to women are poor. A nervous society so to speak. America is the classic case. Women there are far more open about their aspirations to wealth. A good plan when you and your kids could be two paychecks away from living in your car if you're not wealthy enough to buffer the hard times.

I accept that there are women like that and equally there are women who are not. I would prefer the latter as they're likely to be more emotionally adaptable.

Sinfonia

Wibbs, I think you should have your own newspaper column. Well put.

pretty*monster

MIN2511 wrote: »

Why is she a ****? Because she wants more for her kids? Personally i want my kids to achieve more than i ever can.

Interesting story to say the least

Why doesn't she get a higher paying job if she wants more money then. It's an absolutly disgusting attitude to have, thinking thaty because her family doesn't have as high a standard of living as she likes that it must be her husband's fault.

kmick

Wibbs wrote: »

There are quite a few women like that out there and the fact is the richer you are as a male, the more women you will get. The more shiny your lifestyle the more women you will attract.

I also know quite a few successful women that have forged good careers who when they hit their 30's want to find a more successful man than them and settle down with him have children and become a lady who lunches(maybe writes childrens books or somesuch).

From a purely practical point of view, as a guy I can fully understand them too. The fact is that women do the majority of the child rearing and facilities for them to continue working while doing so are often not practical or bloody expensive, so something has got to give.

IMHO This goes double for women who are higher on the looks dept. IE more choice of men at their fingertips. Same for rich guys too. They'll usually pull far better looking women than them. Similar reasons.

That's one set of women, but there are others that aren't like that. At all. I've known quite a few.

I do think this kinda thing is more obvious in a more affluent or at least, more upwardly mobile society, especially where the social services and general services availible to women are poor. A nervous society so to speak. America is the classic case. Women there are far more open about their aspirations to wealth. A good plan when you and your kids could be two paychecks away from living in your car if you're not wealthy enough to buffer the hard times.

I accept that there are women like that and equally there are women who are not. I would prefer the latter as they're likely to be more emotionally adaptable.

Any man or women who chooses a partner solely due to wealth is a genetic throwback as far as Im concerned. If this is representative of Irish Women (and I certainly dont think it is) then equality as a concept is dead.

Ginny

Meh my parents gave me the life they never had by telling me I could achieve anything, supporting me in anyway they could without molly coddling me, nurturing my ambition and making damn sure I understood the value of money.
IN fantasy land it would be nice to win the Lotto and sit on my arse all day, but I take immense satisification in the fact I'm where I am financially down to myself, and not down to who I've married, unlike a couple of girls I know.

TBH the fact the author didn't have the balls to put their name on the article speaks volumes.

Wibbs

pretty*monster wrote: »

Why doesn't she get a higher paying job if she wants more money then.

And that's cool and the gang, but practically how much extra will she have to earn to put her kids in daycare. How many extra hours will she work and end up never seeing her kids grow in front of her.

It's an absolutly disgusting attitude to have, thinking thaty because her family doesn't have as high a standard of living as she likes that it must be her husband's fault.

I agree it's a dubious take on it and I think it's a common reason why a lot of women lose respect for their husbands too as they feel their aspirational lives have been stymied by the choice of man they married. Then you get the guy moaning she's never satisfied and the woman moaning that he's useless. rinse and repeat. Lives of mutual misery. I've seen that one. More than once.

I blame the aspirational lifestyle movement itself, more than men or women. People really plug into it. You can see that with cars in this country. Car sales here really took off when the number plates that showed the year came in. Really took off and many in the trade will tell you it was women driving that up. "Going up the numbers" to show the neighbours that their overdraft was bigger than the joneses.

We're being fed bullshít and being told it's caviar. Beyond what we really need(and people have problems figuring that out), there's what we're told we need, not want. Usually well packaged in bullshizzle too. One lot will tell you that cars are bad for the environment and the same lot will convince you to buy their new electroturbonutter heap as it's good for the penguins, when the "old" car has coughed up most of it's pollution when it was built.

Throw in all rampant consumerism and no wonder people, men and women are struggling to build this lifestyle and why so many men and women are unhappy, even with their new toys.

Word to the wise, a merc won't make you happy, neither will a holiday home surrounded by the same neighbours in some transplanted suburban ghetto in what used to be the Costa Del Arse, that new patagonian knobwood kitchen designed by someone with an incomprehensible name won't either. Working like a galley slave while you miss your own life flying by to pay for it really won't. No man on his deathbed ever blurted as his last words, "I wish I had put in more overtime in accounts".

Having a loving, healthy family, with happy well balanced kids,that know they're truly loved will. The rest is window dressing on a very pricey wendy house.

And we wonder why primitive tribes and such like show much more happiness with their lot?

When lassies like the above quoted in the OP figure that out and when the men do the same, then we may end up happier and more content.

PS I'm neither a commie, nor a luddite. I'm well tired of isms of any hue. Nor am I harking back to the "good old days". They usually weren't and I'm not.

Quality

I dont know, I read that girls article and see where she is coming from. I dont care if I sound shallow or materialistic.

Money does buy happiness.

I love my family and my kids very much. I make the most of my time out of work with my kids.

I would love to be in a position to stay at home full time. But we like all young families, have bills to pay and mouths to feed. We could live off my husbands wage, but would not have holidays or two cars or money for luxury items ...

I will be grooming my daughter towards rich men when she is older. Definitely!!

ntlbell

just looks like one of them random fictional peices must of been a slow news day.

Wibbs

kmick wrote: »

Any man or women who chooses a partner solely due to wealth is a genetic throwback as far as Im concerned.

It's not solely, but it is just one of the factors that people will look for. It's not a genetic throwback either. It's there. Deep down or at the surface, but it's there. Just because it's nature doesn't make it wrong. If you're a guy you find some women more attractive than others, why? That would be due in a large part to your nature and how the woman may enhance and show off that nature. It's not the only thing that floats your boat of course. If she's a swivel eyed rabbit boiler, then you'll shout "Next!". Being a successful male is similar. It adds to the attraction.

If this is representative of Irish Women (and I certainly dont think it is) then equality as a concept is dead.

Equality as a concept is alive. Equality as a living entity is all too often sitting the corner looking ashen and hacking up a lung, which is why nature or nurture it makes sense for a woman who wants to raise a family to look for a richer guy.

Dragan

Quality wrote: »

Money does buy happiness.

I would disagree. Money can be a factor in happiness, just like everything else is. I'm not an idealist….i've had times in my life where rent was due and unpayable and I went a couple of days without eating at times. Money trouble can be the worst kind.

What strikes me most about the woman who wrote the article is that things moved on a bit around her and she decided she wanted a bit of it. She doesn't mention that bills need paying, or that her kids want for anything…she is basically describing her own jealousy that her friends appear to have it better than she does. Maybe she doesn't see the other issues her friends may have and see's only their advantage over her in her mind.

I know plenty of "well to do" folk, couples aged 30 to 40, with a kid or two and one or both parents work well payed jobs. Not all of them are happy, some of them have drink issues, some of them have affairs, some of them separate.

Money brings a degree of comfort I think, not happiness. And personally trading off the kids I am tucking into bed again all on my own and the fact that I might have a wife who brings in the dough but I rarely see would not be compensated for by the 5 bedroom house or the X5 in the drive way.

The important thing to do is decide what you need from a partner. For me, putting money on that list is no more shallow than anything else. Personally I wouldn't go out with a stupid person. This makes me shallow in my own way. However, I wouldn't get married to one and then start moaning about it.

Nevyn

Sounds like she needs to cope on, count her blessings and cut her cloth accordingly.

ntlbell

here's the original

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/article4150061.ece

looks like someone was missing a deadline and just changed it for the irish market.....

irish indo....when star trek just isn't enough