Lets have a real discussion on Bisexuality

Boston

Weidii wrote: »

It was a small article in this years May or June edition of Focus magazine.

What makes you think they can't prove it?

Because its impossible to prove an absolute like that in any science. you can only present a theory and supporting evidence

Hivemind187

Read the title.

Read the original post.

Chuckled.

It is amazing that this is the line you hear most often for self-described "all-gay-males". I find it a little odd that I have never once heard this particular line of thought from a hetero-sexual male/female or lesbian.

Frankly, a century from now there wont be any more gay/straight/lesbian/bi whatever, there will only be people having it off with whomever they so choose. It's not the filthy liberal in me saying this either, there is a gradual relaxation with regard to the issue of sexual congress in western and eastern culture (certain regime's are excluded of course) and it will not be long before this question of whether "bisexuality" exists or not will become moot.

I would point out to the OP that the Victorians didn't believe, as a rule that lesbians really existed because of a perceived absence of penetration and that as recently as the 1960's homosexuality was believed to be a mental disorder treatable through EST ... in other words, it wasn't real, you were just nuts (forgive the pun).

watna

Meh, what's with all the labels? You're in to what you're in to... why define it for someone else.

A friend of my OH is gay and has been for years. He was out and with guys and was quite involved in the gay scene. He now has a girlfriend.. who is bisexual and whose last partner was a girl. At first my head hurt with taking allthis on board but it really taught me that what other people do doesn't really make a difference to me and as long as they're happy they can do what they like. I think my OH's friend doesn't know how to define himself to others now, he was gay for so long and that was a major part of his identidy but why should he have to have a term for other, he knows what he's in to.

Guess, it opened up my eyes a lot. OP, rather than choosing not to accept bisexuality as a real sexual preference why not stop thinking in labels altogether and just think people are in to different things and that's personal to that person.

Aurora Borealis

watna wrote: »

Meh, what's with all the labels? You're in to what you're in to... why define it for someone else.

OP, rather than choosing not to accept bisexuality as a real sexual preference why not stop thinking in labels altogether and just think people are in to different things and that's personal to that person.

+100

elekid

A few years ago I told a girl I worked with that I'm gay and she was fine, had no problem with it, all was great. Later on the conversation turned to bisexuality and suddenly she wasn't having any of it, saying she didn't believe in it and that people who "claimed" to be bisexuals were just being "greedy"! :eek:

I was shocked at her attitude, to be so tolerant of homosexuality and still feel that way about bisexuality, it really made me realise how tough it could be to come out to people as bi. There's something about it that so many people can't seem to get their heads around because it's not a nice, neat, easy to understand label like "gay" or "straight".

I'm not as old as the OP, and definitely not as widely travelled, but from my limited experience of the gay scene in Dublin I have already met several people who were unquestionaby bisexual, no doubt in my mind about that at all.

Boston

I've met people that describe their sexuality exactly as I do, yet call themselves gay or lesbian. There is no clear demarcation line .

Aurora Borealis

I don’t tend to go into details about my sexuality really. I don’t see it’s anyone’s business unless I want it to be and as I said before I think it’s something much more fluid than labels allow.

My sexual preference is guys generally but I do fancy girls too. This can really piss all camps off.

Gay guys, they want you to be their little straight fag hag, gay girls, they think you’re a tease or are just experimenting and will ultimately run off with some lad, straight girls same, except for the running off with a lad bit and straight guys think it’s purely for their sexual fantasies.

I’ve been known to say I’m straight just for easiness sake when asked at parties or whatever but really I’m just me and thankfully I’ve met people from all walks you take me as just that.

DubArk

I have stated earlier that I am a gay man. That’s it I am gay!

I choose to label myself but never others. I feel comfortable by saying I’m gay if asked, cause that my sexuality. I don’t have girl friends that I would ever in a million years call Fag Hags; it’s probable one of the most insulting terms to both them and me. I have lots of male friends too what do I call them??

I personally think it’s up to each individual to handle there own sexuality themselves. I’m NOT bisexual or straight I have never been sexually attracted to women but I can certainly admire the beauty of women.

But as has been said by many other posters here; I’m me and as unique as anyone else on this planet. No two people are alike.

I respect others for who they are and if they wish to label themselves that’s their business and must be respected as much as anyone who does not want to be pigeon holed.

Rock on exceptionality!

Aurora Borealis

Yeah as i said these can be the reactions and have been but aren't always by any means. To me it's on a individual basis and yes rock on exceptionality!

Reflector

hello,
I'm a gay man and have to say that I haven't met many bisexuals in my time. Now I know they exist but I'd say it would be a lot more prevalent if societal pressures to conform were broken down. But I also believe that labelling ourselves is a bad idea. I don't believe that anyones sexuality is the same and that we are all unique.

I like to imagine a big gel like sphere with everyones sexuality beginning at the centre of the sphere as a small marble and moving out through the gel during their life until it reaches some fixed point where it remains. The direction of the marble is governed by experience, genetics, peers and no two can occupy or would occupy the same space. So it's my theory of the sphere of sexuality. Lord I'm half mad!?!

DubArk

Reflector wrote: »

hello,
I'm a gay man and have to say that I haven't met many bisexuals in my time. Now I know they exist but I'd say it would be a lot more prevalent if societal pressures to conform were broken down. But I also believe that labelling ourselves is a bad idea. I don't believe that anyones sexuality is the same and that we are all unique.

I like to imagine a big gel like sphere with everyones sexuality beginning at the centre of the sphere as a small marble and moving out through the gel during their life until it reaches some fixed point where it remains. The direction of the marble is governed by experience, genetics, peers and no two can occupy or would occupy the same space. So it's my theory of the sphere of sexuality. Lord I'm half mad!?!

Give up smoking that stuff

LegacyUser

im 17 and would consider myself to be "bi" ive had girlfriends in my time but we didnt get upto much, went all the way with one lad but he considers himself straight now, which is fair enough he went through a phase or whatever(i dont really know the science of these things)

now i can go through phases where i like just lads or just girls or both, id still call myself bi

personally,i dont like calling myself bi or gay or straight or whatever its just like me being me,
a few of my close friends know and respect it which im happy about,

marie_85

Curious2see wrote: »

This is all my own personal experience and I would love some feedback from people about this and indeed a honest discussion about it. Cheers

'kay, feedback...

I'm 23 and bi. I've known for sure since I was about 18 or 19. I spent the previous four or five years extremely confused. You know how you probably felt when you were first attracted to your own gender? Well, I had all those doubts and guilt and a small measure of self-loathing thrown in for good measure. What made it worse however is that I was still attracted to the opposite gender.

Because the only sexualities I'd ever really heard about were 'gay' and 'straight', I couldn't figure out where I fit in. When I finally left school and accepted I was bisexual, feeling inadequate on the scene because of attitudes like yours (no offence!) led me to go back 'in' for a couple of years and pretend to be straight. Until I realised I would never be happy that way.

Bisexuality exists. It's not a half measure to anything. I struggled with my sexuality for years and coming out as bi is not something I did lightly or just to be 'in fashion'. It was a bloody difficult time of my life. And yet, I can still go on the scene to be greeted by people eye-rolling when I say I'm bi or dismissing my sexuality and telling me I'm greedy etc. Maybe if attitudes like that weren't so prevalent, more people would feel comfortable admitting they're bi.

tin_can_ted

marie_85 wrote: »

and telling me I'm greedy etc.

Seriously?

Do people actually say that with a straight face? I've said it a few times and I was only messing when I say it - I hope they knew I was aswell. Does it annoy you when people say it?

marie_85

tin_can_ted wrote: »

Seriously?

Do people actually say that with a straight face? I've said it a few times and I was only messing when I say it - I hope they knew I was aswell. Does it annoy you when people say it?

It depends on the context... my friends can joke about it and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I actually like that they feel comfortable enough with me to make jokes about it.

TBH, nobody has ever turned around to me and said 'You're not bi - you're just greedy' but the assumption is there that I'm more promiscuous than I actually am, and that because gender doesn't necessarily factor into attraction, that somehow the rest of my standards are lowered. One friend, before he knew about me, made some comment along the lines of 'all the bisexuals I know are tramps' and it definitely seems to be the common perception among gay and straight people.

Boston

Generally people who call other people tramps wish they themselves where tramps.

Dinxminx

I'm "bisexual" but I really don't like the word. It has so many negative connotations. When I tell people I'm bi a lot of them immediately think of girls who score other girls on nights out for attention, or (as above) tramps.

Usually I avoid the word altogether. I wish there weren't so many preconceptions attached to it.

superboy

Well this is a heavy topic and people obviously feel strongly on all sides. I'm on no ones side but my own.
I love people. Simple as that. I fancy both guys and girls. I haven't told anyone i am gay, straight, transgendered, bisexual or whatever. I don't feel the need to. I don't see my sexuality as the defining characteristic of my personality. In my perfect world we would all be free to be with whomever we wished, regardless and no-one would care one way or the other.
That said, i have real trouble approaching anyone i fancy, be they man or woman. (Kinda shy) Thats why i havent had a proper relationship with anyone.... yet!
Labels are sh1t, but i guess thats just the way the world works at the moment.
Hope I don't sound full of carp or preachy, its just my point of view.

LegacyUser

Me too i'm a woman and I fancy girls as well as the boys ! Sometimes i feel like why can't i just fancy the one sex it really has done my head in for over 20 years, but i hate to box myself in !

Monkey61

I think people have been a bit heavy handed with the OP. I don't think it's in the least bit insulting to anyone for him to say that he's leaning towards the "it's a myth" camp. After all, how can one be expected to believe in an abstract concept if you have never seen proof.

Everyone has at least seen pictures of polar bears so that's a stupid comparison in fairness.

I personally went through many years of not believing in bisexuality. Purely because I had been f*cked around by loads of girls who claimed to be bi but inevitably, when it came down to it turned out not to be. I also went through my teenage years in a time when it suddenly became very trendy for girls to claim that they were to get attention from the opposite sex.

Obviously I now know that bisexuality exists, having met many people who actually are - though bizarrely I have never yet personally encountered an openly bisexual man - which sadly I think goes to show that society seems far more indulgent towards women of such persuasion. Why is that??

shay_562

Monkey61 wrote:

Obviously I now know that bisexuality exists, having met many people who actually are - though bizarrely I have never yet personally encountered an openly bisexual man - which sadly I think goes to show that society seems far more indulgent towards women of such persuasion. Why is that??

At a guess? There's a lot more bisexual female characters in pop culture - look at Grey's Anatomy, House, The O.C., One Tree Hill and even 24, all of which were/are hugely popular shows that have featured bisexual women prominently and in "serious" ways (and that's before getting into tripe like A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila). By comparison, there's very few bisexual male characters aside from the ones played for laughs (The Todd on Scrubs) or on niche shows (Torchwood, and even there it's a mix of men and women). Then there's that wench Katy Perry singing "I Kissed A Girl" and getting a massive hit out of it, albeit talking more about fake lesbianism for attention as opposed to true bisexuality.

The end result is that people are a lot more familiar with, and therefore more willing to embrace, bisexual women. Which isn't to say that they have it easy by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd agree that bisexual men seem to have it harder, which means that fewer of them openly identify as bi.

Dwn Wth Vwls

I would have to say the source of all my confusion was that I didn't know bisexuality was real. I knew from reasonably early on that I had feelings for both genders, but all the books etc. just say that it's a phase. So there I was, waiting for one set of feelings to disappear. I even remember thinking one time, "Oh, maybe I'm bisexual.", and then laughing to myself at how convenient that would be in an "as if" kind of way.

In the meantime I essentially became asexual because I felt like I had to make this big choice between the only two sexualities that existed (straight or gay) and I didn't know how to do that. I was afraid of choosing the wrong one and then being miserable. (Obviously you could never ever change :rolleyes:)

Eventually I copped on that not only was bisexuality real, but I was bisexual. Cue tremendous 'doh' moment. Suddenly everything I had ever felt made complete sense and it all fell into place. I never really felt I needed role models for anything, but I can see now how even one bisexual male in the public eye could have helped me cop on sooner.

So yeah, after all those years of repression and doubt and confusion, it's amusing when people don't believe bisexuality exists because they don't understand it. I'm not sure why it's such a stretch of the imagination.

As for why there don't seem to be more bisexual people hanging around the place... I would guess they feel a lot of pressure from society to "pick a side". There can be a lot of stigma and mistrust about bisexuals as mentioned, and so it's probably easier to not tell people. Personally I think I would tell anyone if they asked, but nobody has ever asked me.

I've seen countless people who refuse to talk to us because they've had one or two bad experiences with bisexual people in the past. I've also had people tell me that while I'm interacting with gay people, I should just lie and say I'm gay instead of bi. After all of those years of confusion, nothing could ever make me want to go back into even half a closet.

MicraBoy

I agree strongly with what Dwn_Wth_Vwls says. I came out as bi to my parents and friends. I got a fairly negative reaction in the sense that most weren't satisfied with this and just wanted me to admit I was gay. I even got in a number of verbal altercations with gay people over this. So for a time I stopped describing myself as bi.

One of the biggest suprises to me was discovering that this felt like just a big a lie as saying I was straight when I felt I was bi. So now I make a point of saying I'm bi if I get into a labelling discussion and let's face it humans love labels.

On the picking sides issue. Bisexuals are in a lose lose situation. If you believe in monogamous relationships you are going to be perceived as gay if you have a monogamous relationship with a person of the same sex, and straight if you have a monogamous relationship with a person of the opposite sex. That's other people's problem not the bisexual's.

fvsmm

i do understand why people assume bisexuality isn't really, it seems selfish and unnatural, it should be one or the other, but in fairness when is anything so black and white,

since i was about 5 years old i knew i liked girls, and ive always been very into guys, when i was younger i thought there was something wrong with me, i didnt understand why i liked both sexes, but clearly as i got older i learned what it is, a year or two ago i told my close friends, they all said they kinda already knew, which was fine, and they totally supported me and never put me down about it, but i wont be telling my parents anytime soon. currently im in a long term relationship with a guy, so until/if the day comes that i find myself going out with a girl, i woudlnt see the point in freaking out my parents, they'll just be werid about my having my friends stay......

LegacyUser

Before this summer, I was (or thought I was) straight. Attracted to men, never gave women a thought. I always appreciated women, but only in what I thought was an observant way ("hmm, she has a beautiful body", not "oh I'd love to get her to bed"). Men were the focus of my attention.

This summer, however, I fell madly in love with an amazing girl and it is so real and so right but it comes with a side of guilt. Is it worth the trouble with my family since I know that I am attracted to guys too? Its not really pretending if I just ignored my attraction to women (a bit like ignoring blue eyed men perhaps?), but it would be denying the best thing that has ever happened to me and that, I couldn't do. I did not fall in love with a girl, I fell in love with a person. The concept of labelling it scares the sh1t out of me but unfortunately, that is what society is going to do. I don't think it is as black and white for some people. It doesn't always come down to penis vs boobs. Cliché and all as it sounds, its whats inside that counts! We are a long way off from society accepting fluid sexuality but hopefully we are headed in the right direction.

Dwn Wth Vwls

Some interesting articles about and personal accounts from bisexuals:

http://www.nerve.com/specialissues/bisexuality/

and don't miss this one mentioned in the introduction:

http://www.nerve.com/personalessays/medlyn/comeasyouare/