Game Reviews by a Christian gamer

Canis Lupus

It's a pisstake site right?

Cunny-Funt

I fckin hope it is, but I wouldn't be surprised either way. I've encountered religious people like that before.

TheDoc

That is jsut brilliant in fairness...cant be real can it

haha even better if it is

Mr E

Lets give credit where credit is due... he got something right with his Spore review....

lso, I've been hearing that Spore puts some sort of monitoring/tracking software called DRM on your computer. I think this might be one of the Marks of the Beast, but I'll have to ask Pastor Dr. Miller to be sure.

fitz0

Forgiveness (Breakthrough Gaming, PC) Forgiveness is an awesome turn-based RPG series (there are three games, or chapters) where you lead Jimmy, Esther, Clown, and Paul on a quest to change the world using the power of forgiveness. The graphics and gameplay are old school, like old Final Fantasy or Zelda games only without the occult or homosexual influences. Each chapter is inexpensive (only $9.95) and appropriate for all ages. †††††

Zoo Race (Cougar Interactive, PC) In Zoo Race, secular librarian Hannah, after mocking someone for believing in the Biblical truth of Noah's Ark, has a dream in which her friends are re-shaped into animals just disembarked after the Flood -- only with crazy hats! Noah races the animal friends with God acting as announcer. Noah's sons create obstacles on the racetrack to challenge the gamer, who can use rockets to accelerate their animal. Hannah wakes realizing her foolishness for doubting the Bible and dedicates her soul to Christ. A fast and fun racing game for up to 8 players! (Free 4-player demo available.) ††††

You're freaking kidding me right? Since when is Link a raging homosexual? I laughed quite much reading this.

The more I look at this site I cant help but think its a piss take. It can't possibly be genuine, nobody is that ridiculously idiotic are they?

GothPunk

Absolute genius, best laugh I've had in a while. Gotta love those crazies!

I don't really care if it's real or not, it's bloody brilliant. But I do think that there are people who are that insanely stupid and misguided.

Satire == Satan + Ire. iMac == Tool of Satan. lol

Scariest part? When I found out that there's a web content filter called 'Covenant Eyes'.... *shudder* Wouldn't want to learn something now, would you.

Branoic

The reviews section is part of a website called Objective Ministries, which is a parody site like Landover Baptist.

GothPunk

Branoic wrote: »

The reviews section is part of a website called Objective Ministries, which is a parody site like Landover Baptist.

Thanks, with that information I was able to find this.

ironictoaster

Best review ever.

8.31.2008: (Note: I have not played these games since they are rated "M" and aren't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) The Halo series is a very popular first person shooter game that first appeared on the original Xbox. The single-player campaign is set in space on a giant ring-planet (that is why it is misleadingly called "halo", it has nothing to do with angels or anyone holy) where human soldiers are battling aliens for possession of the halo. The player controls the Master Chef who in a surprise twist turns out to be more than just a military cook... he's also a super soldier (I think this was the plot of a Steven Seagal movie I saw before I was born again, only that was set on a Navy ship and he fought terrorists instead of aliens. But it's the same general idea.) It's a war game, so there's lots of violence, but it's against aliens (God hasn't said anything yet about aliens, so I guess that's morally acceptable for now). However, the alien forces are called "the Covenant" and are depicted as having strong religious values and a desire for Salvation, so they are undoubtedly a reference to Christians. The Halo planet itself is probably a reference to the rainbow God gave as a sign of His Covenant with us (Gen. 9:12-17), which means the game's objective of keeping Halo from the aliens is really about destroying God's relationship with His creation. Typical for the Secular media, the Christians are alien bad guys and must be either led away from God or killed. Also, there's a naked woman in the game, only she's a computer and translucent, but I'm told you can still totally see stuff. Where the Halo series gets really bad is in its online play, which allows teams of players to fight each other to capture the flag or other objectives. Unlike in single-player, here the players are trying to kill other humans (who are actual real people, not just AIs), desensitizing them to the murder of their friends and classmates (although the games are rated "M" most players are underage). Players swear and use blasphemies constantly in the voice chat, but that's not the worst part. When a player kills another player, he goes to the corpse and does something called "tea bagging". I'm not going to describe this since it's gross, but, according to Skeet, it's something that homosexuals do to each other. Why would they do this in a game!? (That's not the only homosexual content. The human soldiers are referred to as "Spartans" -- the real Spartans were notorious homosexuals. Come to think of it, homosexuals have also stolen the rainbow symbol from Christians and are using it to separate people from their God by leading them astray into the "Gay lifestyle". Maybe Bungie included "tea bagging" to further their anti-Covenant theme into the multiplayer campaigns.) For violence, nudity, swearing, promoting homosexual activities and promoting the destruction of the Covenant, the Halo series gets ZERO CROSSES.

Rowley Birkin QC

http://objectiveministries.org/gametheory/godlyflag.html

Bloody mentallists.

wierdal

The player controls the Master Chef who in a surprise twist turns out to be more than just a military cook... he's also a super soldier (I think this was the plot of a Steven Seagal movie I saw before I was born again, only that was set on a Navy ship and he fought terrorists instead of aliens. But it's the same general idea.)

I dont really understand whats in bold. He is christian but he was born again so that would make him hindu ?? Or do christians believe in reincarnation or is this a different term that i completely misunderstood ?

Canis Lupus

As in he was probably a non believer. Ya know. Born again christian sorta thing.

ShadowHearth

awesome, makes me to whant becoma a cristian. NOT

Funny, check video game nerds bibble games review . And you will see what they actually play .