Game Reviews by a Christian gamer

Zillah

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

That's hilarious, complete misinformation and scare-mongering. This is fundamentalism in its extreme. How can these narrow-minded cretins call themselves Christians? They're nutjobs!

These kind of people hold far more closely to the Bible than the watered down Christian-lites we have over here.

Pride Fighter

When the rapture comes Ill be shot dead for playing Age of Mythology. Sure Greek Paganism seems more plausible to me than Christianity, all hail King Zeus.

SolarNexus

funny how the bible teaches tolerance, but all the hardcore christians are so easy to judge everything 'other' people do as evil.

and by funny, i mean sickening.

this is why i chose to be agnostic... i hate religious zealotry.

uberpixie

SolarNexus wrote: »

funny how the bible teaches tolerance, but all the hardcore christians are so easy to judge everything 'other' people do as evil.

and by funny, i mean sickening.

this is why i chose to be agnostic... i hate religious zealotry.

Fanbois, die hard chritians/muslims/scientologists: really a sad reflection of how some people all part of the same "pack" like to feel they are better than everbody else and will go to heaven instead of the "unbelievers"/ people who have an xbox360/PS3 .

Why can't we all just get along *sob*.

fitz0

johnny_ultimate wrote: »

Reminds me of that hilarious film "review" site, CAP Alert (warning: tacky web design, plus general crazy people).
But at least pretty much everyone would disregard these reviews when they all open with "I haven't played this game..."

Religion, ey?

Sexual Immorality (S)

cartoon rear male nudity, repeatedly
suggestion of nudity
attention to posterior, repeatedly
suggestion of centerfold
"Did you see my [posterior]?"
pinching of banner staff between nude buttocks
"You're hot" from male character to and while drooling over female character
rubbing posteriors together
characters in underwear
partial rear nudity
suggestion of sadomasochism in transvestism

... all from Spongebob the movie.:eek: I never knew... I never knew spongebob was into sadomasochism in transvestitism.

Edit: Rofl @ Biblemans token henchman and his dance! AND they have lighsabers!

Jack Sheehan

This is funny but I don't buy it. I think it's a piss take. Note how he gets 'Niko' wrong but not the RAGE engine.

sprinkles

Has he actually played any of the games?

(Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.)

Zillah

SolarNexus wrote: »

funny how the bible teaches tolerance

Ahahaha.

Ahahaha.


Oh man. Sure it does.

SolarNexus

Zillah wrote: »

Ahahaha.

Ahahaha.


Oh man. Sure it does.

*opens up his mac osx bible*

oh crap your right, it actually says... "wear turtlenecks, and act superior to pc users in every way". my mistake

K.O.Kiki

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Science be with you Bibleman!!!

Biblegirl has a hawt rack BTW.

Christ, now I'm wondering if Rule 34 has been enacted on Biblegirl...

And by "wondering", I actually mean "debating looking into the matter".

Tar.Aldarion

pix of biblegirl.
Great read.

fitz0

Order: Token, Villain, Dunno, Biblegirl, Dunno

DarkJager

fitz0 wrote: »

Order: Token, Villain, Dunno, Biblegirl, Dunno

Awwww you can just see the absolute shame on their little christian faces!! The 2 bitchmen and the 2 girls (excluding "Token" because you can see he just does not want to be there) look like they're in serious need of a good hard ****...with a splintered broom handle of course!

madrab

Poor biblegirl, blessed with christian morals, cursed with an awesome wrack

Captain Ginger

As a "Christian gamer" myself here's my review of those 3 games mentioned in the first post.

MGS4:

A great game, encaptivating story sure it's a bit violent but hey, it's really good fun and it's a game. Not real life.


GTAIV: Not my favorite GTA but looks great and good fun to mess around with, sure it's not exactly what I go around doing in real life, but it's fun to mess around with

Bioshock: Really liked this one, had a creepy element, some really cool twists too.



I could go into more detail but what I'm trying to say is that guy is a nut job, it's people like him who give a bad name for the rest of us.

Tar.Aldarion

Feel my cross of truth biblegirl!

K.O.Kiki

Tara Le d'Arion wrote: »

Feel my cross of truth biblegirl!

Not before you're both married she won't! :pac:

CCCP^

Hey **** it! When the Rapture comes, all these assholes will be gone! Then we can do whatever the **** we want! Woo hoo! Partay!

mayordenis

rapture . . . . bioshock . . .get it??

i'll get my coat

Cunny-Funt

his spore review is up.

I actually get a little angry reading some of his stuff, the world would be such a better place without religion

Canis Lupus

It's a pisstake site right?

Cunny-Funt

I fckin hope it is, but I wouldn't be surprised either way. I've encountered religious people like that before.

TheDoc

That is jsut brilliant in fairness...cant be real can it

haha even better if it is

Mr E

Lets give credit where credit is due... he got something right with his Spore review....

lso, I've been hearing that Spore puts some sort of monitoring/tracking software called DRM on your computer. I think this might be one of the Marks of the Beast, but I'll have to ask Pastor Dr. Miller to be sure.

fitz0

Forgiveness (Breakthrough Gaming, PC) Forgiveness is an awesome turn-based RPG series (there are three games, or chapters) where you lead Jimmy, Esther, Clown, and Paul on a quest to change the world using the power of forgiveness. The graphics and gameplay are old school, like old Final Fantasy or Zelda games only without the occult or homosexual influences. Each chapter is inexpensive (only $9.95) and appropriate for all ages. †††††

Zoo Race (Cougar Interactive, PC) In Zoo Race, secular librarian Hannah, after mocking someone for believing in the Biblical truth of Noah's Ark, has a dream in which her friends are re-shaped into animals just disembarked after the Flood -- only with crazy hats! Noah races the animal friends with God acting as announcer. Noah's sons create obstacles on the racetrack to challenge the gamer, who can use rockets to accelerate their animal. Hannah wakes realizing her foolishness for doubting the Bible and dedicates her soul to Christ. A fast and fun racing game for up to 8 players! (Free 4-player demo available.) ††††

You're freaking kidding me right? Since when is Link a raging homosexual? I laughed quite much reading this.

The more I look at this site I cant help but think its a piss take. It can't possibly be genuine, nobody is that ridiculously idiotic are they?

GothPunk

Absolute genius, best laugh I've had in a while. Gotta love those crazies!

I don't really care if it's real or not, it's bloody brilliant. But I do think that there are people who are that insanely stupid and misguided.

Satire == Satan + Ire. iMac == Tool of Satan. lol

Scariest part? When I found out that there's a web content filter called 'Covenant Eyes'.... *shudder* Wouldn't want to learn something now, would you.

Branoic

The reviews section is part of a website called Objective Ministries, which is a parody site like Landover Baptist.

GothPunk

Branoic wrote: »

The reviews section is part of a website called Objective Ministries, which is a parody site like Landover Baptist.

Thanks, with that information I was able to find this.

ironictoaster

Best review ever.

8.31.2008: (Note: I have not played these games since they are rated "M" and aren't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) The Halo series is a very popular first person shooter game that first appeared on the original Xbox. The single-player campaign is set in space on a giant ring-planet (that is why it is misleadingly called "halo", it has nothing to do with angels or anyone holy) where human soldiers are battling aliens for possession of the halo. The player controls the Master Chef who in a surprise twist turns out to be more than just a military cook... he's also a super soldier (I think this was the plot of a Steven Seagal movie I saw before I was born again, only that was set on a Navy ship and he fought terrorists instead of aliens. But it's the same general idea.) It's a war game, so there's lots of violence, but it's against aliens (God hasn't said anything yet about aliens, so I guess that's morally acceptable for now). However, the alien forces are called "the Covenant" and are depicted as having strong religious values and a desire for Salvation, so they are undoubtedly a reference to Christians. The Halo planet itself is probably a reference to the rainbow God gave as a sign of His Covenant with us (Gen. 9:12-17), which means the game's objective of keeping Halo from the aliens is really about destroying God's relationship with His creation. Typical for the Secular media, the Christians are alien bad guys and must be either led away from God or killed. Also, there's a naked woman in the game, only she's a computer and translucent, but I'm told you can still totally see stuff. Where the Halo series gets really bad is in its online play, which allows teams of players to fight each other to capture the flag or other objectives. Unlike in single-player, here the players are trying to kill other humans (who are actual real people, not just AIs), desensitizing them to the murder of their friends and classmates (although the games are rated "M" most players are underage). Players swear and use blasphemies constantly in the voice chat, but that's not the worst part. When a player kills another player, he goes to the corpse and does something called "tea bagging". I'm not going to describe this since it's gross, but, according to Skeet, it's something that homosexuals do to each other. Why would they do this in a game!? (That's not the only homosexual content. The human soldiers are referred to as "Spartans" -- the real Spartans were notorious homosexuals. Come to think of it, homosexuals have also stolen the rainbow symbol from Christians and are using it to separate people from their God by leading them astray into the "Gay lifestyle". Maybe Bungie included "tea bagging" to further their anti-Covenant theme into the multiplayer campaigns.) For violence, nudity, swearing, promoting homosexual activities and promoting the destruction of the Covenant, the Halo series gets ZERO CROSSES.

Rowley Birkin QC

http://objectiveministries.org/gametheory/godlyflag.html

Bloody mentallists.