Cancer feelings

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Recently been diagnosed with a cancer.
The doctors seem to reckon it's unlikely to be fatal,
so that's great news.

My question is about the emotional end of things.

Ever since the first indications that the reason I was
sick was cancer showed up I haven't really felt much
different.

I mean I wasn't overjoyed about it or anything
I just seemed to be like "Right, this is happening,
explain it to me, now what's next?"

Is this kind of attitude (Apathy, maybe. Possibly, matter-of-fact) normal,
or for that matter healthy?

Thanks guys

CathyMoran

There are no normal feelings after having a cancer diagnosis. I was diagnosed on 2nd October 2006 with oesophageal cancer. You just have to go with what feels right for you.

In my case my cancer was one which killed 92% of people who had it, so I knew that that I had a big fight ahead of me so I lived each day as if it was my last, but that was just the case with my cancer. I knew another friend who just kept on fighting it all the time. We are all different.

You may get different feelings when time goes on - I found the Irish Cancer Society helpline great.

When the battle is over you will wonder what all the fighting was for and will feel greatful for every day you have with the special people in your life (well at least that is what I learned).

limerick_woody

My father was diagnosed with cancer last year. Emotionally it has been difficult for him and we have all struggled to cope. The cancer came at a time in his life when things were really looking up for him, so the cancer came as a double-blow. I absolutely would echo what CathyMoran has said above, go with whatever seems right for you. My own thoughts are that you should try and grasp any positives you can, even the little things. In case you haven't seen it i would recommend Randy Pausch's take on life, he was diagnosed with a nasty form of cancer and he has a wonderful, inspiring outlook on life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Odysseus

CathyMoran wrote: »

There are no normal feelings after having a cancer diagnosis. I was diagnosed on 2nd October 2006 with oesophageal cancer. You just have to go with what feels right for you.

In my case my cancer was one which killed 92% of people who had it, so I knew that that I had a big fight ahead of me so I lived each day as if it was my last, but that was just the case with my cancer. I knew another friend who just kept on fighting it all the time. We are all different.

You may get different feelings when time goes on - I found the Irish Cancer Society helpline great.

When the battle is over you will wonder what all the fighting was for and will feel greatful for every day you have with the special people in your life (well at least that is what I learned).

+1 very well said. Whatever you are feeling is the way you are feeling at the moment. As said above there are no right or wrong feelings in situation like this. However, I would suggest that you find somwwhere/someone you can talk this out, there will be alot going through your mind and imo you will need somewhere to express this, the helpline Cathy mentioned sounds like a good starting place.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

I think I know now that it's different for each individual sick or
otherwise, and Cathy the realisation of the importance of the
special people around has been a quick one to set in.
And I'm very thankful for that.

The main feeling at the moment is just that of interest.
I'm just kind of removed/detached/interested in what's going on.

Maybe it will change as I progress through the treatment (not
something I'm terribly looking forward to I must admit).

It could be that the type I've got (still to be 100% confirmed) is
not supposed to have a really high fatality risk, so maybe it's just me
putting thing in perspective (esp. compared to Cathy's story, that must
have been some journey for you).

Thanks again for sharing your experiences and I'd love to hear
of more, similar to my experiences so far or completely different.

Thanks

CathyMoran

I remember when I was first diagnosed, I didn't shed a tear. Like you, I just wanted it sorted in a logical fashion. The thing that made me cry was when I found out that it might affect my fertility (it did not, but I did not know that at the time). I don't know what type of treatment you will have but I presume that it will include chemo - that is not that bad, sure, you feel sick and very tired but it passes. I found my surgery tough, but it was very bad surgery.

Do get the support groups going - I had here which was great and my friends and family. I also had a wedding to look forward to just after finishing chemo, while that was extreme it was a great way to get me through things. Spoil yourself and have treats to look forward to after you start to feel better after each chemo treatment, I found that massages were brilliant.

As I said before, I knew that I had to fight it, both for myself and my hubby but that realisation took time.

I still get upset over it occasionally, it was a really tough time and my surgery left me with eating problems but I am still here and I have my family.

Hugs.

ChewChew

Hey Cathy.

Great to see you have overcome this surgey. What a huge huge experience and life changing ordeal for you.

I work with an Oesophageal consultant here in Dublin so I see some (not all) of the effects of surgery. You're very brave, and well done to you for getting this far.

Getting back to the OP. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer of the spine in June 2004. His sypmtoms started in november 2003 with just a regular pain in the back. We pit it down to age, even though he was only 48. So we had gp visits, prescribed pain killers. over the counter jobs. more prescribes pain killers. to no avail.

We went to spinologists, everything. you name it. then eventually his gp referred him to a consultant where he was then seen and he did stress tests and lots of different test before finally receiving an MRI scan and getting his diagnosis.

So primary cancer of the spine and bones. What a shock. we were not expecting this. so it was a huge thing to comprehend. for a man who was so active and involved in every day activities to be left with contant hospital visits and appointments.

So we battled every day and took it like it was my dad's last day. it was hard but we had a happy outlook on life and we enjoyed every day with him.

then he was diagnosed with secondary cancer of the lung and kidney. His cancer was so advanced that there was no point in doing chemo. So myself, my 2 sisters, my mum and my dad all new that we were on the count down. Dad was going to die. In the june he was given 3 months. And what a wonderful 3 months we had. but the 3 months came and went. Dad was doing super (as such) even though his health was deteriorating.

He turned 50 in the September 2004 and was told he'd get to christmas. It was the best xmas I ever had. We had the best time ever. So after xmas it was just a matter of time and each day he got a little weaker, even though he was pain free. Then in March 2005 he lost his battle after developing a brain tumor.

So all in all we had the best year with him. I would'nt have changed anything we did. in that year he got to do lots of things too. He got to give the 1st of his 3 daughters away at her wedding. He to see his youngest (me) turn 21. and he got to go on a holiday of a lifetime with all his family. Heeven got to spend time with his first grandchild.

I believe that because we were so strong with him, and because he was a fighter aswell, that he lasted as long as he did.

OP, I hope you do not feel sadness from my post, but I hope that it helps you to feel positive and have a brighter outlook on your life and enjoy every day as you fight this battle, that I am sure you will win!!

LegacyUser

So thanks for the replies guy and apologies for my delay.
(I was busy getting diagnosed with Leukemia!)

So on one hand it's good to have a proper definite name on things.
Unfortunately, it's not the best of the possible outcomes I was expected.

Emotions have definitely changed in the last few days since the diagnosis
and the reality of the (proposed harshness) of the treatment has hit home.
As well as the disruptive nature of the illness to my life and those around me.

Just feels good to air these feelings. Anyone else gone through/going through
something similar?

CathyMoran

I am not going to lie to you, it will be hard for the next few months but you can get over it. We called my cancer Kremit (frog in throat, get it!) You just have to get yourself into the right frame of mind. I am so sorry that you are going through this but things will be fine. Ring the cancer support helpline tomorrow - they are great. Best wishes.

Please feel free to vent whenever you want on this board - I know that it helped me.

You will go through phases with your diagnosis and treatment but the main thing is to look forward and have nice things to look forward to after the bad bits - spoil yourself and let others spoil you - you deserve it!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the support Cathy.

I just think the reality of it all hit home and the amount of time
that it will take to get well (hopefully) is sort of hard to take in
one big chunk.

Not feeling too bad right now, so hopefully it won't get too rough.

You're right, it is nice to be able to vent things a litle here, thanks.

MJOR

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago at 34. She was unbelieveably shocked initailly and then she got angry and it really was a rollercoaster of emotions for her.

She had two kids and a husband and really stayed strong for them. It was trying for her and all of us really.
She has a full masectomy and all her glands removed.

She did a lot of private crying during her treatment but we all rallied round to keep her spirits up.
The treatment can almost be worse than the feeling when you get ill first, but she has come out the other end and is fighting fit at 40.

Keep positive xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx