What am I???

sophiea

You hear this a million times but I need your opinions. Its taken a lot of guts for me to post this. Im a 23 year old female. I cant figure if im gay, straight or bi.

Its weird all my life Ive had stronger feelings for females but sexually men do it for me. As a child I was a tomboy and had many crushes on girls but pushed them in the back of my mind because the thought id be a lesbian scaried the crap outta me. With men for me its just sex whereas with girls it seems more then that. I feel like I dont know who I am. I suffer from panic attacks and rarely go out and I am only starting to realize these issues could be the reason. Its like I feel two different things with both sexes. With females its romantic and emotional feelings and with men its sexual feelings. I can distinguish if a guy is hot or not and you could put someone like brad pitt infront of me and yeah he is good looking but I would never get that butterflies/different feeling in my stomach.

Another thing that is strange to me. if a lesbian scene is on tv i get embaressed or something and have to look away.
But at the same time all the lesbians I have seen in town are butch and I find myself only attracted to girly girls but where are they?
I hope someone can help me please

Boston

You feel an emotional bond with women that just isn't there with men. I've encountered this in the past from bi women. Its perfectly natural. Most people have something similar, and you'll often hear people talk about being able to connect with certain people and not others.

Whether you're straight, bi or gay is a question which ultimately doesn't matter. Having a definite answer will not make you feel any less conflicted, this is life.

As for butch lesbian, there is an assumption that a 'butch' woman is a lesbian, and the only kind of lesbian that exists. People tend to keep their sexuality to themselves so you can't always tell at first glance. Ask yourself 'am I a typical bi/lesbian woman' the answer is probably not, so why would others be.

drunkmonkey

Good looking women are good looking women, works of art in my opinion..

I think it's ok for you to look and think she's hot or feel a little attracted...

Does it make you a lesbian, I don't think it does...

You sound like you do a lot of thinking about who you are, you'll never figure it out sitting on the couch....get out there meet people....get jiggy with a few guys and girls, maybe try 3 of each and then make up your mind....the great thing about being human is your always allowed to change your mind....

Were all monkeys and love to swing, at the end of the day it's what turns you on......

LegacyUser

sophiea wrote: »

You hear this a million times but I need your opinions. Its taken a lot of guts for me to post this. Im a 23 year old female. I cant figure if im gay, straight or bi.

Its weird all my life Ive had stronger feelings for females but sexually men do it for me. As a child I was a tomboy and had many crushes on girls but pushed them in the back of my mind because the thought id be a lesbian scaried the crap outta me. With men for me its just sex whereas with girls it seems more then that. I feel like I dont know who I am. I suffer from panic attacks and rarely go out and I am only starting to realize these issues could be the reason. Its like I feel two different things with both sexes. With females its romantic and emotional feelings and with men its sexual feelings. I can distinguish if a guy is hot or not and you could put someone like brad pitt infront of me and yeah he is good looking but I would never get that butterflies/different feeling in my stomach.

Another thing that is strange to me. if a lesbian scene is on tv i get embaressed or something and have to look away.
But at the same time all the lesbians I have seen in town are butch and I find myself only attracted to girly girls but where are they?
I hope someone can help me please

Hi, I don't know how much help it is but I wouldn't have considered myself gay at your age either but would feel exactly the same way as you do about relationships with both men and women. In fact all my relationships with my female friends were always much deeper and loving than any I could ever have with a man, though I would never ever have considered my female friends in a sexual way at all. I did spend plenty of time thinking about these things throughout my twenties and came to the conclusion that I just didn't associate love with sex, there's probably a multitude of reasons as to why I don't but that's how it is. I also found the older I get the more I can appreciate a woman in a physical way and sexuality becomes less scary...especially the feminine kind

(maybe you just don't notice the femmes because they don't look any less ordinary than you.)

Just remember, however you feel now maybe different in ten years..you might meet a man you can share emotional love with somewhere down the road who will change how you think about sexuality too so don't worry yourself too much about it, at 23 we're really only getting to grips with the idea of relationships.

amoeba_girl

Well... I have to say I relate to you there, in a sense, and at times feel very similarly to you, among my friends I'm known as a lesbian and I'm currently in a relationship with a girl, but the question always comes up, "Are you a lesbian or bi?" to which my response is always, "I don't know, what would you think I am?" of course I'm usually along with a friend or two who'll jump in and chant "Lesbian!". Thing is, the question of what you are is really only a question that deals with how you're perceived, as to what I am, I mean I'm me - a person?, and however else anyone is going to view me isn't really going to change anything about me, same goes for you.... Can you live without the labels? It really doesn't need to be so black and white.

And well, if you can't live without the labels, sure why not go with open-minded? Oh, and do get out there and experiment! There's much fun to be had, and you'll probably learn a few things about yourself on the way.

LegacyUser

bar a few details, you really could be talking about me. i've recently accepted within myself that no, i'm not 100% straight. currently i'm "self identifying" as bisexual (as in, haven't shouted to the whole world just yet )
i have always been petrified of being something other than straight, ever since the first person i fell in love with was a girl. but as one of my lovely friends said, there is a spectrum in a lot of things, and sexuality has a spectrum. and it's cool not to know where you sit.

i'm still scared about it to an extent, so i'm not one to talk really but you shouldn't feel the need to give yourself a concrete label.

some other people here have posted about experimenting...that may help you or it may not but jeeze, it'll be fun either way!

have some consolation in the fact that there are people out there feeling exactly the same way (including me!)...