What are the worst things you can say on a first date?

IvaBigWun

"Im an accountant"

"All the voices in my head agree that you are the one for us"



"You remind me a lot of my old girlfriend. She's not around any more, but it doesn't bother me, no really I never think about her, well not that often, I miss her, she was gorgeous"



"Oooh your top is lovely, looks great with those shoes and that necklace just sets the whole outfit right off! Where do you shop?"



"I hear you like it up the arse?"



"Let me tell you all about this internet forum I post on it's really cool right, these guys, some of them are really funny right, sometimes I say funny stuff too one of them is called Lasers Pew Pew, mad, and this one time they got into trouble with a promotions company and it might be going to court and everything and sometimes they have to ban people off it for being too rude right but it's gas and I'm on it in work the whole time and theres always jokes on it and funny pictures but serious stuff too you should try it it's kinda cool"




over to you ...

Keano

Mention your username.

IvaBigWun

Keano A Legend wrote: »

Mention your username.

Im thinking bout subscribing just to change it.

Ostrom

Before we proceed I am obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender

Adam

You smell just like my sister.

Steve_o

"So you had the beef, thats €16.... sure i'll throw in the other 20"

Date / Fail....

funk-you

"Yeh, the test results are back soon"

"Is that smell of piss from me or you?"

"Chloroform smells weird doesn't it"

-Funk

ntlbell

"Sorry I'm late, got delayed at the STD clinic.."

thelordofcheese

IvaBigWun wrote: »

"I hear you like it up the arse?"

Oddly enough i know a girl for whom that's true. Excluding yore ma, of course.....

anyway the worst thing would probably be

"Get in the van"

c - 13

Her: So what do you do for a living ?
Me: Engineering

Usually kills it right there

Splinter

yeah i study in the snyper school of mating habits

IvaBigWun

Mirror wrote: »

You smell just like my sister.

Proper lol!

Adam

splinter wrote: »

yeah i study in the snyper school of mating habits

:pac:

stevecrow74

hello mum!!

Sherifu

I don't play games like that. I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent, I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. I've only been single four months; I had a long distance relationship for about a year, it's very tough to maintain it like that; there's nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact I'm one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I'm giving you the three o'clock deadline. If I don't hear from you by then, you lose my number — I'm erasing your number right now, so you won't be hearing back from me.

So that's it: three o'clock tomorrow, or you can just completely forget it.

Now I understand if you've got other issues, maybe you're not playing games, I don't know… maybe you were abused in childhood?…Maybe your mother has cancer, and you're going to chemo…maybe you're just a person who's extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe you're on some medication for that…I don't know, there could be another issue that I'm not aware of. But nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder. You let me know, if you've got issues, psychological issues, if you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested. But if you're psychologically normal, and you haven't called me because there's been some horrible thing that's happened in your life that's prevented you from returning my calls, that's fine. But otherwise? Don't call me. Okay, bye.

Pompey Magnus

"Do you want to go for a drive up the Wicklow Mountains in my van?"

My mate said this once, it didn't go down too well for some reason.

garrincha62

I'm from Meath.

Niamho!

c - 13 wrote: »

Her: So what do you do for a living ?
Me: Engineering

Usually kills it right there

thats coz i reckon its one of those jobs people just dont understand 100% ?? ...just me? lol. I always think "Engineering what?"

Larianne

Sherifu wrote: »

I don't play games like that. I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent, I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. I've only been single four months; I had a long distance relationship for about a year, it's very tough to maintain it like that; there's nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact I'm one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I'm giving you the three o'clock deadline. If I don't hear from you by then, you lose my number — I'm erasing your number right now, so you won't be hearing back from me.

So that's it: three o'clock tomorrow, or you can just completely forget it.

Now I understand if you've got other issues, maybe you're not playing games, I don't know… maybe you were abused in childhood?…Maybe your mother has cancer, and you're going to chemo…maybe you're just a person who's extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe you're on some medication for that…I don't know, there could be another issue that I'm not aware of. But nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder. You let me know, if you've got issues, psychological issues, if you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested. But if you're psychologically normal, and you haven't called me because there's been some horrible thing that's happened in your life that's prevented you from returning my calls, that's fine. But otherwise? Don't call me. Okay, bye.

I heard that guy on the radio as well. Freako!

BubbleWrap85

Well if the date isn't going to well women could always say:

"How many babies would you like?"
"These are the names I've already picked out: _________"
"No I can't come out Tuesday I've to help Daddy milk the cows"
"My last boyfriend never wanted to put it up there"
"What's a blowjob?"

That'd surely turn into a worst kind of date for yer man! :P

Claire121

"Don't you ever wear skirts? My ex used to wear these knee length floaty skirts, it looked really hot."

Still with him 18 months later :rolleyes:

Blitzkrieger

How about "My mam died on Tuesday" followed by "I'm kind of sad, but she was sick for a long time".

God help me that was a cringe-worthy night......

pwd

eh most girls would like being complimented about their clothes.
Dumbest things I've had said to me are "I'm engaged by the way", "I have a boyfriend but I think I'll dump him and go out with you", and that I look like ronan keating - Wow I'm so complimented you think I look like a smug closet case cheers. Oh and "one of your friends is gay" and refusing to tell me which one. Of course I guessed wrongly and spent ages trying to get one of my non-gay friends to come out to me before finding out who it actually was. The non-gay guy in question was inhibited and unsure of himself and me dropping loads of hints that I thought he was gay probably did nothing good for his confidence doh.
Haven't said too much dumb stuff myself (I'd be more likely to be just dumb in the literal sense) though I did get a dirty look one time for suggesting someone took their top off in the park when they said it was too hot. (It was a single piece top apparently but it looked like a jumper over a blouse).
And I did unsettle my gf a bit when I tried to take her for a walk down the pier in dun laoghaire in the dark on our second date . (No thanks mr possible serial killer lets stay away from the empty dark alleys for the moment huh)

LouOB

'I have a nick name called the clit crusher'

The Bollox

you: "would you like me to give you a motorboat?"

her: "what's a motorboat"

and the rest writes itself

BubbleWrap85

pwd wrote: »

eh most girls would like being complimented about their clothes.
Dumbest things I've had said to me are "I'm engaged by the way", "I have a boyfriend but I think I'll dump him and go out with you", and that I look like ronan keating - Wow I'm so complimented you think I look like a smug closet case cheers. Oh and "one of your friends is gay" and refusing to tell me which one. Of course I guessed wrongly and spent ages trying to get one of my non-gay friends to come out to me before finding out who it actually was. The non-gay guy in question was inhibited and unsure of himself and me dropping loads of hints that I thought he was gay probably did nothing good for his confidence doh.
Haven't said too much dumb stuff myself (I'd be more likely to be just dumb in the literal sense) though I did get a dirty look one time for suggesting someone took their top off in the park when they said it was too hot. (It was a single piece top apparently but it looked like a jumper over a blouse).
And I did unsettle my gf a bit when I tried to take her for a walk down the pier in dun laoghaire in the dark on our second date . (No thanks mr possible serial killer lets stay away from the empty dark alleys for the moment huh)

Lol I also think "I don't believe in sex before marriage" would be a pretty good one...........or "I don't believe in shaving my legs/underarms/bikini line. I like the natural look".

Toto Wolfcastle

I have a friend who, after a second date, is wondering if the guy will mind if she goes travelling next May. I told not to ask him!

So basically, making plans for 10 months in advance that early is a big no-no!

taidghbaby

dont you have a younger, better looking sister??

"You're a farmer right?"

"You remind me so much of my mother"

"You really hoovered that food into ya there"

"Just wait here a second I'm bursting for a ****e" (while walking on the beach)

IvaBigWun

"Are ye ridin' or wha?"

"Wanna go halfs on a b@stard?"

Adam

Sherifu wrote: »

I don't play games like that. I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent, I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. I've only been single four months; I had a long distance relationship for about a year, it's very tough to maintain it like that; there's nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact I'm one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I'm giving you the three o'clock deadline. If I don't hear from you by then, you lose my number — I'm erasing your number right now, so you won't be hearing back from me.

So that's it: three o'clock tomorrow, or you can just completely forget it.

Now I understand if you've got other issues, maybe you're not playing games, I don't know… maybe you were abused in childhood?…Maybe your mother has cancer, and you're going to chemo…maybe you're just a person who's extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe you're on some medication for that…I don't know, there could be another issue that I'm not aware of. But nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder. You let me know, if you've got issues, psychological issues, if you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested. But if you're psychologically normal, and you haven't called me because there's been some horrible thing that's happened in your life that's prevented you from returning my calls, that's fine. But otherwise? Don't call me. Okay, bye.

How wonderfully abnormal. Great work that guy.

IvaBigWun

Mirror wrote: »

How wonderfully abnormal. Great work that guy.

Heard this guy too. Stopped laughing after awhile though as he is genuinely scary crazy as opposed to haha crazy.

PeadarofAodh

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Heard this guy too. Stopped laughing after awhile though as he is genuinely scary crazy as opposed to haha crazy.

But scary crazy is the funniest type of haha crazy...once you're just watching from the sidelines!


"Jaysus you're pretty hard work. Got back from Africa there a couple of weeks back - it was f*ckin easy to get the ride over there!"

Furkin_Bastage

I like your dress...........can I borrow it?

javaboy

IvaBigWun wrote: »

"Oooh your top is lovely, looks great with those shoes and that necklace just sets the whole outfit right off! Where do you shop?"

Actually I'd say that would be a great one. A lot of wimmins I've seen have their heads in the sand when I guy is quite clearly of the ghey persuasion.

If a guy is into shopping, clothes, hair etc. they will try to convince themselves that they've just found the one straight guy who actually has fashion sense. I went to school with a guy who made Liberace look straight. He predictably got on well with all the girls and they went shopping and so on. Anyway he eventually comes out and admits what everyone already knew and the girls try and convince everybody it was all a joke and he wasn't gay. Hilarious.

Larianne

"So, Larianne, tell me a story...."

Worst date in my life! Ran to the niteline, RAN!

Keano

Larianne wrote: »

"So, Larianne, tell me a story...."

Worst date in my life! Ran to the niteline, RAN!

Please tell me you are kidding??

AnonoBoy

Larianne wrote: »

"So, Larianne, tell me a story...."

Worst date in my life! Ran to the niteline, RAN!

But.... but.....

I waited by the phone for weeks.

ejmaztec

Have you got any cream in your bag for genital scabs, cos I've run out........

chopperbyrne

Larianne wrote: »

"So, Larianne, tell me a story...."

Worst date in my life! Ran to the niteline, RAN!

Maybe you shouldn't have went out with Bosco so!

Degsy

You dont sweat much for a fat girl.

javaboy

Degsy wrote: »

You dont sweat much for a fat girl.

Wrong thread Degsy. Compliments belong in the similarly titled best things you can say on a first date thread.

AnonoBoy

"Hi I'm Dave McSavage!"

(That one's for you Degsy!)

stevoman

do you want to go halves on a bastard?

* it didnt work too well for me*

de5p0i1er

efla wrote: »

Before we proceed I am obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender

Thats gotta win.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

joejoem

Going to the bathroom, back in about fifteen minutes.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

dee8839

Got this one while on a first date with a guy 9 years older...

Him: I really like kids.
Me: Um, yeah, they're great. As long as you can give them back to their owner at the end of the day.
Him: I'd love to have kids some day.
Me: Yeah, I think I would too...
Him: I'm thinking of maybe next year or the year after.
Me: Awkward silence (I'm 20...)

Is that guy who left the voice mail about the 3pm deadline for real or is that a pre-rehearsed p*ss take? Seriously, I can't decide!

chickenhawk

Sorry that was my dealer on the phone. I'll be back in a minute, just going to pick up a score.

beautiation

I like your hair, can I have some?