How would you handle this....

littlebitdull

There is only one other child on my road for my DD to play with. I dont like her ... or her parents or their parenting style.

My DD of course loves this kid. And to be fair they never seem to fall out or argue as you can sometime have with kids.

My problem is that now they are a wee bit older this kid is allowed to call down to us on her own. And does on a very frequent basis.

I would be able to tollerate her down the odd day, and my DD up to theirs the odd day too.

But .... this kid is down to me every day. And at odd hours. We have been home from our holidays a week now and this child has called down every day. We had been on a driving holiday, and arrived home at 1.30 and this kid arrived (with her mother) at 2. They knew we were only in the door, yet still called.

She calls down at 7.45pm, 6pm (our meal time), 9am.

How can I tell the family to give us more space, without falling out with neighbours which I really dont want to do. I am almost at the stage of hiding now!!

snellers

mmmm not easy!

why not have a word with the neighbour and explain your DD is only allowed out between 'x and y' - maybe have a word with the child as well.

As for the daily knock at the door that is what children do .....you just need to take control and not feel pressured

The other thing to do is quiet simply tell the child that turns up at '9am / 7.45pm' that DD is not allowed out until a certain time, or not allowed out that day at all....will only take a couple of times being told for them to give up visiting at all hours

I'm not sure if you would allow it but maybe an easy solution would be for them to ring each other and see if allowed out? ...just a thought!

Question to ask yourself: If your DD is at home and 'free' then why couldn;t she play with her friend? So what if it's every day?

I know I was out every day (well most of the time for a couple of hours) and I'm sure there are many many out there who were the same. In particular with school holidays coming.

bottom line you gotta be the boss here...take control and say no if it doesn't suit

(No Hiding!!!!)

I hope you find a happy medium!

Quality

What age are we talking about here?

I can understand that the other child is lonely, probably just looking for company.

BUt 9am in the morning is ridiculous!!

Saying that Kids arent great at the whole time telling thing.

I konw girl who used to put a sign on her door... No knocking.. ( she used to use this for dinner time, homework time etc.)

It might have looked a bit crazy but it worked for her!

Khannie

Quality wrote: »

BUt 9am in the morning is ridiculous!!

I disagree. I'd be grand with kids calling to our door at any of those times listed tbh. Depends on your circumstances. We have an 18 month old so haven't been in bed past 9am in the last, well, 18 months.

littlebitdull

Thanks for the input.

To answer some of the questions....

My DD is gone 9 & this kid will be 9 later this year. So its not that she is too young to be calling on her own, that on its own is not the problem. For what its worth we dont live in a housing estate, so while they are one of our near neighbours its still about 300meters up to their house.

Why not every day ? Well I guess for a start because I like to have time with my children without having to share them. My DD will do "arty" stuff with me, and while I have tried to simply include this other child she if pure disruptive and its impossible.

And as for calling at 9am.... well two of my kids would still be abed (teenagers) and I would probably still be there myself, with me cuppa and me book!! DD would either be watching some cartoons or 9 times out of ten sitting beside me reading too...

I think I will have to just say it out straight, or get the child to phone first - she has her own mobile (!)

Khannie

littlebitdull wrote: »

And as for calling at 9am.... well two of my kids would still be abed (teenagers) and I would probably still be there myself, with me cuppa and me book!! DD would either be watching some cartoons or 9 times out of ten sitting beside me reading too...

Getting dragged out of bed = funk that! Definitely just say not to call before X or after Y time. A 9 year old's definitely old enough to check the time before calling.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

noby

Phoning first is probably the best option. Plus some ground rules for 'off limit' times. A quick discussion with the other parents might sort it out.

As for the 9am thing, it's not just about being asleep/still in bed. I remember when we were young, growing up in an estate, the rule was no-one was allowed knock on anyone's door at weekend/holiday mornings. If the other kids are ready to come out to play, they'll come out. It's about giving other families space.

Oryx

Would it work if, when she knocks on your door too early, you come to the door and say sorry, x cant come out right now, call back at 11? Start setting boundaries that way without laying it down with a shovel.:) Likewise for the late evening calls, just say, Im sorry, its too late to play now, see you tomorrow? When I was young we had great freedom to come and go in each others houses, but you knew the ground rules in each one, like dont go in that house when the babys asleep... or the other one in the afternoon when dads asleep.... we just knew where we stood and it was never an issue. Each parent let us know what was acceptable, and I was never concious of any hassle between the adults over it.

MuPpItJoCkEy

I feel just getting some rules in place should do the job. You could also say to your DD that you like your art time (quality time) together just as you and her and see how she feels about it.

You DD is no on her summer holidays and so is the other child so this usually happens quiet easily with regards to the times.

You could also have a word with the other childs parents to say something to their child to highlight that knocking to other peoples houses at 9AM might not be everybodies cuppa tea because it's to early and get them to explain to the child that maybe the other siblings are in bed etc so the child at least understands that it's not a case that they are not wanted there.

It is good that you do try and involve the other child with the things you do with yours because at least that way you are still involved. Kids together will be kids so your DD may not be as attentive as they would be usually when it's just you and your DD but at least you can spend time with them and still see whats happening with your DD.

The fact that they spend time in your house too is also a way of knowing whats going on in your DDs life so things aren't so bad. Just takes some getting use ta. As I said earlier, just try and set some calling around times and explain why these times are in place.

Quality

Do the kids play outside together??...
Or are you babysitting (so to speak) meaning the kids are in doors all the time.

Kildrought

I agree with the lighter approach - she is 9 years old after all.

If she calls too early in the morning then it's quite easy to say (with a nice smile) "Good morning, Mary - nice to see you, we're not really up yet, would you like to call back at 11"; and when she does come back - have milk & biscuits (or similar) ready so that she knows she is welcome.

Same goes for the evening/meal times: " We're just having dinner now - why don't you come back at...." or "Jane will call for you when we're finished"

Bear in mind that, one way or another children find a way to get what they need - and it could well be that she finds it in your house when she (possibly) doesn't get it in her own.

littlebitdull

Thanks again guys.....

See its not like the kids go out to play on the road - we are not talking about a housing estate situation here, we are a very rural set up. The girls play together in either my house or the house up the road, either in the house itself or the garden.

I personally like a bit of my own space, hense the not living in a houseing estate in the first place, whereas obivously my neighbours dont feel the same way. At the end of the day I simply dont want company every day, I like for our family time to be our family time, not shared time.

To be totally fair to my neighbours they are more than happy to have my child with them - if the kids go up there I dont see my wee one for hours and hours, and they would allways give her dinner, as would I with whichever child happens to be in my house at dinner time ... (this kid only eats chicken nuggets and chips wont eat my cooking - but thats another story!!)

I think after another event today that I am going to have to say it out straight to her folks, ....they just dont get hints!! I will take all the advice on board, and just quietly let them know that sometimes we need a little "us" time in this house.