what happened when jesus ....

forbairt

What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive ?





Popeye kicked the sh!t out of him.



(friend dermot just sent me that and I couldn't stop laughing for some reason)

Cool_CM

What was the greatest moment in football history?

When Jesus went up for the high cross and was nailed by the defender.

Tar.Aldarion

forbairt wrote: »

What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive ?





Popeye kicked the sh!t out of him.



(friend dermot just sent me that and I couldn't stop laughing for some reason)

Hah, love it.

Rabies

Not enough spinach. Moved.

Xavi6

What's the first sign of travellers in the Bible?

Hosannah in the Hi-Ace!

forbairt

Rabies wrote: »

Not enough spinach. Moved.

The Bollox

And God said to Moses "come forth and you shall inherit the Earth"


Moses came fifth and won a toaster

rocky25

The Bollox wrote: »

And God said to Moses "come forth and you shall inherit the Earth"


Moses came fifth and won a toaster

Me thinks Lazarus was fourth

The Bollox

I love this one, I got it off Boards a while ago so whoever posted it then I salute you

how Moses got the 10 commandments:

God appeared to the arabs and declared "I have some commandments for you to live by". the leader of the Arabs asked "what are commandments?" and God said "they are guidelines for how to live your lives, for example 'Thou shall not kill'". "shall not kill?" said the Arab leader "we're not interested"

so next God appeared to the blacks "I have some commandments for you to live your lives by". the Black leader said "give us an example". and God said "thou shall honour thy mother and thy father". The Black leader said "we don't know who our fathers are, we're not interested"

next God appeared to the Mexicans and declared "I have some commandments for you to live your lives by". The Mexican leader said "give us an example" and god said "Thou shall not steal". "Shall not steal?" said the leader "we're not intersted".

getting a little despearate God then appeared to the French and declared "I have some commandments for you to live your lives by". the French leader said "give us an example" and god said "thou shall not commit adultery". the French man laughed and said "we're not interested".

so as a last resort God appeared to the Jews and declared "I have some commandments for you to live your lives by". Moses asked "how much are these commandments?". and God replied "they're free". "we'll take 10!".

true story

Homer

And Moses looked upon the Lord and said ... "We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off OUR WHAT!???"

Homer

One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50p to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"
The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said, "It's Sean Connery!"
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Esther. Come up here and I'll give you your 50p."

As the teacher was giving Esther her money, she said, "You know Esther, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Esther replied, "I know- in my heart it's Moses, but business is business."

ryoishin

why did God give you 4 cheeks?
Coz He made an arse of the first 2.


Did you hear about the blinde circumsizor?
He got the sac!