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How would your personal ad read?

  • 17-07-2008 8:31pm
    #1
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭


    For my 1000th post (there's so many people I wanna thank, Pighead for the inspiration, AbiGayle for the naughtiness, Bubbles for the PC virus) Im going with this:

    How you would describe yourself in a personal ad?

    Im going with:
    Former boy-scout, late 20's, has sex drive of a stallion. Looking for non-committed (must be sane) non-committely relationship with someone not related to me and not made out of rubber.

    Can pay for it with a combination of cash and butter vouchers


«13

Comments

  • #2
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Hot twenty something who likes walks in the park wearing matching tracksuits, eating ice cream and playing with lego


  • #3
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Wanted....ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!


  • #4
    Karl Hungus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,130 ✭✭✭✭Karl Hungus


    Beard with a git hanging off it seeks Japanese girlfriend.

    That sounds about right.


  • #5
    Rowley Birkin QC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,248 ✭✭✭Rowley Birkin QC


    Renault Espace seeks family of 7 for holidays and good times.


  • #6
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    IvaBigWun wrote: »
    How you would describe yourself in a personal ad?Im going with:

    I love how you mention you are looking for a *sane* woman, with this ad:
    wrote:
    Former boy-scout, late 20's, has sex drive of a stallion. Looking for non-committed (must be sane) non-committely relationship with someone not related to me and not made out of rubber.

    Can pay for it with a combination of cash and butter vouchers


    ;)


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  • #7
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    Man. Straight. 14".

    virgins wantd


  • #8
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    snyper wrote: »
    Man. Straight. 14".

    virgins wantd

    PM me ;)


  • #9
    stevelknievel
    Registered Users Posts: 170 ✭✭stevelknievel


    I'm fantastic. I'm sexy. I'm ridiculously good looking. I've a great sense if humour. I've a great personality. I'm the one you've been searching for all your life. AND. I've got a massive cock. If you think you're worthy (and I fookin doubt it) and are aged 15 or younger get in touch.


  • #10
    Phototoxin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭Phototoxin


    Male 22 YO model, unique, possesses geeky interests and random esoteric knowledge. Currently off market as is perfectly happy wiht equally geeky and hot girlfriend. Nertz to you all !:p


  • #11
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Just a few more

    Submissive male seeks dominant female with extensive knowledge of knots
    Young farmer with 100 acres would be pleased to hear from young lady with tractor. Please send photograph of tractor
    Rich man seeks big tits.
    Internationally recognised middle aged Austrian man seeks young woman. Must be indoorsy type and enjoys small confined spaces.


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  • #12
    FunkZ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,179 ✭✭✭FunkZ


    Absolute God (19) seeks someone better than you ;)


  • #13
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Passionate. About the things, and people I love. And single for far too long at this stage! :(

    Accepting PM's! :pac:


  • #14
    Lockstep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,031 ✭✭✭Lockstep


    Humanitarian misanthrope seeks unhinged female with sick sense of humour for meanderings and wacky adventures


    That's me done anyway.


  • #15
    LadyE
    Registered Users Posts: 9,021 ✭✭✭LadyE


    Psycopathic women seeks man to stalk. Must have a bunny rabbit.

    Must also teach me to spell :(


  • #16
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    LadyE wrote: »
    Psycopathic women seeks man to stalk. Must have a bunny rabbit

    Must also teach me to spell :(



    I have a bunny...but you gotta find it!! ;)


  • #17
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Turd Ferguson wrote: »
    I have a bunny...but you gotta find it!! ;)
    I have a spell, but you gotta bunny it.


  • #18
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Mirror wrote: »
    I have a spell, but you gotta bunny it.


    I have a it and you gotta bunny my spell....wait thats not right?


  • #19
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Turd Ferguson wrote: »
    I have a it and you gotta bunny my spell....wait thats not right?
    Isn't it? o.0


  • #20
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    28 yr old, blonde hair, blue eyes 5'5' can motorboat herself, has plenty more tricks to show.......

    ;)


  • #21
    Agonist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,329 ✭✭✭Agonist


    Straight, tight and nasty, I'm the woman your mother warned you about. PM me.


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  • #22
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Kiera wrote: »
    can motorboat herself, has plenty more tricks to show.......

    ;)



    Pics or its not real ;)


  • #23
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,945 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    Minimalist seeks.


  • #24
    The Master
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 14,320 CMod ✭✭✭✭The Master


    Have Viagra
    Seek Woman of any kind
    between 18 and 80


  • #25
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Kiera wrote: »
    28 yr old, blonde hair, blue eyes 5'5' can motorboat herself, has plenty more tricks to show.......

    ;)
    from the urban dictionary:


    1. motor boating 201 up, 16 down
    Sticking your face between a ladys fun bags and blowing hard allowing the boobies to wobble on your cheeks.


    2. motor boating 17 up, 99 down
    Unintentionally farting while walking. A short, but loud fart comes out with each step. So it sounds like a motor boat engine grumbling as you walk.

    3. motor boating 11 up, 102 down
    When a dog or cat sits and drags its rear end with its front legs to either scrape off feces or relieve their impacted anal glands. see also boot scoot


    which is it? :)


  • #26
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 16,720 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    September 2004 join date seeks pre-September 2004 join date female for lulz. GSOH and a desire to BYOB and MYOB essential.


  • #27
    Agonist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,329 ✭✭✭Agonist


    Agonist wrote: »
    Straight, tight and nasty, I'm the woman your mother warned you about. PM me.

    Heh, took me a full 22 minutes to get a pm. You guys are pussies :P


  • #28
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    lmfao, i plead the fifth!


  • #29
    Volvoboy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Volvoboy


    Man. 21. yes your arse does look big in that. can accomidate
    :)


  • #30
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Kiera wrote: »
    lmfao, i plead the fifth!

    :) Im old
    OKies

    Male 40s, yoga expert, can BJ himself. Not looking for anyone


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  • #31
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    Marksie wrote: »
    :) Im old


    Male 40s

    :eek: Yes you are! :)


  • #32
    greatgoal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 517 ✭✭✭greatgoal


    desperate middle aged man,looking fannies...PLEASE:D


  • #33
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Agonist wrote: »
    Heh, took me a full 22 minutes to get a pm. You guys are pussies :P
    I'm usually way quicker...


    :pac:


  • #34
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    greatgoal wrote: »
    desperate middle aged man,looking for/at/in/around/up fannies...PLEASE:D

    FYP :cool:


  • #35
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Kiera wrote: »
    :eek: Yes you are! :)

    LOL Old geezer, seeks life support machine


  • #36
    KnifeWRENCH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    I'm mysterious...........

    Please form an orderly queue.


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  • #37
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,129 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    Girl with wheelbarrow wanted - to carry huge balls.


  • #38
    greatgoal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 517 ✭✭✭greatgoal


    yes


  • #39
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    man seeking hot female twins........


  • #40
    LadyE
    Registered Users Posts: 9,021 ✭✭✭LadyE


    Turd Ferguson wrote: »
    I have a bunny...but you gotta find it!! ;)

    ;)

    Call me!

    Box number: 189064654654

    :D


  • #41
    Sherifu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,727 ✭✭✭✭Sherifu


    'Hole & heartbeat required...'


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  • #42
    Creamy Goodness
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,584 ✭✭✭✭Creamy Goodness


    you walk? let's talk.


  • #43
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Hopelessly unattractive male seeks a quote unquote roide. PM if feeling charitable.


  • #44
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Cremo wrote: »
    you walk? let's talk.
    You ride? Let's ride.


  • #45
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,129 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    Pole-dancer required (pole will be provided).


  • #46
    HansMoleman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭HansMoleman


    Fat, flatulent, over-40, cigar-smoking redneck seeks sexy woman with big hair to cook, clean and pick up unemployment checks.


  • #47
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    ejmaztec wrote: »
    Pole-dancer required (pole will be provided).
    you forgot the grease!!!


  • #48
    Red Hand
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    ejmaztec wrote:
    Pole-dancer required (pole will be provided).

    Vladislav Wrystejies is getting a bit old now, no?


    Male mid 20s seeks female shaped pyschiatric complex.


  • #49
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,129 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    you forgot the grease!!!


    The pole to which I refer needs no grease.:P


  • #50
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,129 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »
    Vladislav Wrystejies is getting a bit old now, no?

    When the eyesight is a bit dodgy, it wouldn't make much difference :pac:


  • #51
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    ejmaztec wrote: »
    The pole to which I refer needs no grease.:P
    my bad :rolleyes:


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