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How would your personal ad read?

2

Comments

  • #52
    R0ot
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭R0ot


    Male, early twenties, has sex drive of a 1st year nursing student seeks female nymphomaniac for crazy nights of foamy fun, short people need not apply.


  • #53
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »
    Male mid 20s seeks female shaped pyschiatric complex.

    Funny:pac:


  • #54
    Red Hand
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    Funny:pac:

    The enigmatic Mr Pacman. Hard to tell whether he is being sarcastic or suffering from mirth related lockjaw.:D


  • #55
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,129 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    25 Year-old male seeks rich woman in her early 50s with a view to marriage. Must have weak heart and be easily scared.


  • #56
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    LadyE wrote: »
    Must also teach me to spell :(
    Fcek taht!
    Robster The Lobster wrote: »
    Have Viagra
    Seek Woman of any kind
    between 18 and 80
    Am somewhere in between and a bit less
    Marksie wrote: »
    :) Im old
    OKies

    Male 40s, yoga expert, can BJ himself. Not looking for anyone
    Great...i have a crap gag reflex
    taidghbaby wrote: »
    man seeking hot female twins........
    Cant help with this one..but have numerous personalities after a few vodkas will that do?
    Call Me Jimmy wrote: »
    Hopelessly unattractive male seeks a quote unquote roide. PM if feeling charitable.
    Dont give to charity unless you can take off your leg at traffic lights and stand for at least 8 hrs....well????


  • #57
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    anniehoo wrote: »

    Cant help with this one..but have numerous personalities after a few vodkas will that do?

    quote]

    hmmmmm....well since ya'r the best offer so far i'll except a hot friend ;)


  • #58
    Tha Gopher
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,799 ✭✭✭Tha Gopher


    Male, 20s, Limerick, seeks alibi for night of July 7th between 9pm and 11pm. Preferably with no criminal record (women native to Limerick need not apply)


    Male, 20s, eager for companionship following long incarceration. All yours all of the time (except Sunday mornings, when I have to sign on the register.) Enjoys music and travelling (please note: parole forbids travel to Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and anywhere else Gary Glitter recommended)

    meh....Im tired.


  • #59
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    taidghbaby wrote: »

    i'll except a hot friend ;)

    Thats sooo generous of ya...a hot "friend"..how does that work exactly?


  • #60
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    anniehoo wrote: »
    Thats sooo generous of ya...a hot "friend"..how does that work exactly?
    you, me and a hot female friend :cool:


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  • #61
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    you, me and a hot female friend :cool:

    You,me +hot female friend = a helluva lot of vodkas

    *call 1890 365 365*


  • #62
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    anniehoo wrote: »
    You,me +hot female friend = a helluva lot of vodkas

    *call 1890 365 365*
    ah ya wouldnt have to get me that drunk.......:p


  • #63
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    ah ya wouldnt have to get me that drunk.......:p

    Feck ...cant think of a quick enough reply


  • #64
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,129 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    ah ya wouldnt have to get me that drunk.......:p
    anniehoo wrote: »
    Feck ...cant think of a quick enough reply


    Motel room urgently required.


  • #65
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    ejmaztec wrote: »
    Motel room urgently required.

    Banking 365 is engaged.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


  • #66
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    anniehoo wrote: »
    Banking 365 is engaged.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
    :confused: i dont charge......


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  • #67
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    :confused: i dont charge......

    My pm "box" is free....loads of space actually:p


  • #68
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    anniehoo wrote: »
    My pm "box" is free....loads of space actually:p
    that some sort of euphemism you kids are using these days????


  • #69
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    that some sort of euphemism you kids are using these days????

    Yep!

    *figuring out how to type a chicken noise*


  • #70
    taidghbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,746 ✭✭✭taidghbaby


    anniehoo wrote: »
    Yep!

    *figuring out how to type a chicken noise*
    you certainly are a kinky little minx


  • #71
    anniehoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    taidghbaby wrote: »
    you certainly are a kinky little minx

    Okaaay...you win! :D


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  • #72
    AlanSparrowhawk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 485 ✭✭AlanSparrowhawk


    Unemployed animal lover prone to silent tantrums seeks older, wealthy woman in her 30s for large amounts of sex, middle amount of companionship and small amount of commitment. Must be mutual physical attraction. PM for pix.

    i won't disappoint :)


  • #73
    Ghost Train
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,397 ✭✭✭✭Ghost Train


    Underpaid computer tech guy mid 20's looking for outgoing woman on 8mbit broadband, with emotional firewall, no viruses

    and have plenty of RAM for girl looking for more perfomance


  • #74
    flanum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭flanum


    Angry, simple-minded, balding, partially blind ex-circus flipper boy with a passion for covering lovers in sour cream and gravy seeks exotic, heavily tattooed piercing fanatic, preferably hairy, either sex, for whippings, bizarre sex and fashion consulting.

    No freaks.

    uncomplicated!


  • #75
    minxie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,064 ✭✭✭minxie


    flanum wrote: »
    uncomplicated!

    +1 :D


  • #76
    Jigsaw
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭Jigsaw


    Few funny ones in an email I once received,

    Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in
    a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club
    and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

    Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time
    fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still
    exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

    Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty
    after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes,
    maybe more.

    Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in
    the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady,
    with a lovely chest.

    Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and
    dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering
    cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

    Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
    the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

    Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed
    supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open- minded twin
    sister.


  • #77
    hussey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,240 ✭✭✭hussey


    Irish nurse, seeks brummie male for casual sex and followup embarrassing stories on the Ray d'Arcy radio show


  • #78
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,508 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Patricidal playboy seeks homonymous older woman.


  • #79
    cance
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,562 ✭✭✭cance


    Kiera wrote: »
    28 yr old, blonde hair, blue eyes 5'5' can motorboat herself, has plenty more tricks to show.......

    ;)

    I'm in love...

    but what other tricks? can you play dead? roll over? shake hands?


  • #80
    LouOB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭LouOB


    Indimidating athletic smart brunette
    Who knows what she wants, it might be you ;)


  • #81
    Splinter
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Splinter


    juggler seeks woman for ball play

    yeah that should do it


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  • #82
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Dirty little pervert dictator of an evil fascist mind all wrapped up in warm fuzzy humanism seeks slow moving articulate attractive female for stringent bioligical couplings, alternatively will barter previous specimens collected via same which are currently languishing in my dungeon.


  • #83
    phasers
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,159 ✭✭✭✭phasers


    No fatties.


  • #84
    stevelknievel
    Registered Users Posts: 170 ✭✭stevelknievel


    hussey wrote: »
    Irish nurse, seeks brummie male for casual sex and followup embarrassing stories on the Ray d'Arcy radio show

    Haha! Love it!


  • #85
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    LadyE wrote: »
    ;)

    Call me!

    Box number: 189064654654

    :D

    I tried ringing that all night....WTF?



    Also....
    Perennial wingman seeks fat friend.


  • #86
    Steve_o
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,432 ✭✭✭Steve_o


    Irish Male seeks Lady, hole necessary, pulse optional...:eek:


  • #87
    Duggy747
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    Irish male seeking woman with 3 breasts (Total-Recallitis). Must be able to withstand a good punch and accept when she's wrong.


  • #88
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,104 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    Seeks Avril Lavigne.

    Sounds good.


  • #89
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Tara Le d'Arion wrote: »
    Seeks Avril Lavigne.

    Sounds good.
    yeye!

    :pac:


  • #90
    Anarking
    Closed Accounts Posts: 223 ✭✭Anarking


    Nihilist seeks nothing.


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  • #91
    yummum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 47 ✭yummum


    big chested. blonde, first year nurse, seeks nice man to help me find my way home, cause all the nice guys i met keep bringing me down dark lane ways... silly boys i dont live down there....................


  • #92
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    pm'd :D


  • #93
    Anarking
    Closed Accounts Posts: 223 ✭✭Anarking


    Austrian man seeks young women for close relationship.



    Must like tight spaces and the dark.


  • #94
    AlanSparrowhawk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 485 ✭✭AlanSparrowhawk


    LouOB wrote: »
    Indimidating athletic smart brunette
    Who knows what she wants, it might be you ;)

    I'm not so certain how I feel about this type of stereotype. High maintenance girl who thinks she is low maintenance is a term that springs to mind.


  • #95
    Eoin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,257 ✭✭✭✭Eoin


    snyper wrote: »
    Man. Straight. 14".

    virgins wantd

    Don't be so modest snyper, I am sure you are much taller than that.


  • #96
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    eoin_s wrote: »
    Don't be so modest snyper, I am sure you are much taller than that.
    .....


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  • #97
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Minimalist seeks.

    WIN!


  • #98
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    yummum wrote: »
    big chested. blonde,

    Bra size or gtfo.


  • #99
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    "Patriarch of up-and-coming religion seeks altar girl"


  • #100
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    "Male, skinny, Has a big one, wear glasses so you'll always be in soft focus to me, seeks horny woman with a little touch of crazy to satisfy the shrink in me."

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #101
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    "Have Life Will Share - Have hands, will hold. Have arms, will cuddle. Have ears, will listen. Have mind, will communicate. Have imagination, will share. Have heart, will give. Have big wan, require flesh hole"


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