Black eye dilema - shiver me timbers!

faceman

Ok i cant bring myself to lie to my fellow boardsies. as much as I want to say i was rescuing a little old lady from 4 attackers which resulted in me getting a lovely shiner, i couldnt live with the guilt.

As much as try justify why i have a black eye today, a bad one too, you will still think i was in a fight or i was beaten up by a girlfriend or possibly someone elses girlfriend's other half.

but no, it was a simple gym accident.

So im in work with a huge one. (and a black eye too! )

I resisted the urge to don an eye patch but i need you boardies to help me with the excuses. Do hot wimmenz dig black eyes? Maybe they only do if i was rescuing their poodle from the russian mafia or something.

So come one people, give me good excuses!

tribulus

You were at a fightclub?
You had lubed your cock to bang one out but while masturbating furiously your hand slipped and you clocked yourself?

All perfectly valid excuses imo.

Adam

tribulus wrote: »

Your girlfriend overcooked your dinner?

So he clocked himself?

Incidentally, I had a dream last night that I was at a boards beers and you introduced yourself to me as "trib". Then I went and sat at a table, next to a female, who was also you, and introduced herself as "trib"...

tribulus

I should really read the question!

That's an odd dream, was I a hermaphrodite in it or something :pac:

sebastianlieken

Black eyes rock the boat...wear yours proudly!

Jus say you were playin rugby or somethin....instant win with the ladies.

OR, if you are the type for theatrics, say; Well, you see...I got it while doing a HALO jump from 45,000 feet in a training excercise with the SAS into North Korea, I was just about to pull the Rip cord, but then this mig-29 came outta nowhere!, so I did a john McCain on it and got onto its canope. I fired a bunch of shrapnel into the air intake...and BOOM....black eye. :cool:

Pighead

faceman wrote: »

Ok i cant bring myself to lie to my fellow boardsies. as much as I want to say i was rescuing a little old lady from 4 attackers which resulted in me getting a lovely shiner, i couldnt live with the guilt.

As much as try justify why i have a black eye today, a bad one too, you will still think i was in a fight or i was beaten up by a girlfriend or possibly someone elses girlfriend's other half.

but no, it was a simple gym accident.

So im in work with a huge one. (and a black eye too! )

I resisted the urge to don an eye patch but i need you boardies to help me with the excuses. Do hot wimmenz dig black eyes? Maybe they only do if i was rescuing their poodle from the russian mafia or something.

So come one people, give me good excuses!

Don't suppose you bumped into snyper yesterday?
If so, you could say you walked into a bore.

Adam

tribulus wrote: »

I should really read the question!

That's an odd dream, was I a hermaphrodite in it or something :pac:

I think you were just hoping it was his missus with the black eye! Standing up for bullied men everywhere and what not...

Not a hermaphrodite, just a female counterpart. Very odd...especially since we haven't really crossed paths much directly...

Sherifu

You can say your 5 year old nephew popped you one.

faceman wrote: »

but no, it was a simple gym accident.

How did you manage to do it? /curious

newname

just say you were out last night and were talking when you should have been listening and got slapped!! or is that the truth anyway

tribulus

Mirror wrote: »

Not a hermaphrodite, just a female counterpart. Very odd...especially since we haven't really crossed paths much directly...

Much? Have we crossed paths indirectly? My first stalker? I feel so loved

Defenestrate

faceman wrote: »

I resisted the urge to don an eye patch

Why?! You have here, an opportunity, a valid reason to wear an eye patch in public! Put on the eye patch, put a coat hanger hook up your sleeve and go 'Yarr!' at those saucy wenches!

sebastianlieken

how long will it take modern society before we can look at a man with an eye patch and not think to ourselves "YAAARRRR!

he may be wearing a suit and have a briefcase, "WHERS ME MEETING, HOLD ME CALLS....YAAARRR

dmitri martin.....lols

Steve_o

"Its the new fashion" then hit your collegue a box...

TeletextPear

tribulus wrote: »

You were at a fightclub?

best excuse - chicks dig black eyes, they'll look at you like some brad pitt type god from now on

Adam

TeletextPear wrote: »

best excuse - chicks dig black eyes, they'll look at you like some brad pitt type god from now on

Don't you mean travellers?

tobiesheba

sebastianlieken wrote: »

instant win with the ladies.

As a lady there are two possible reactions I have to guys with a black eye. Firstly I think ah a gurrier must have been fighting and on a Monday night. Result being that my opinion of you goes way down.

Or sometimes I'll see a guy with a black eye and I'll be like ah the poor guy he needs sympathy and somebody to take care of him.

I never said it was gonna be rational. But it does depend on how well I know someone too - if it's a friend I'd know if they were the type to get into fights/cause trouble or if they were the genuine kind.

Homer

Pighead wrote: »

Don't suppose you bumped into snyper yesterday?
If so, you could say you walked into a bore.

Actually happened to Snyper before.. If I remember correctly though he caught a thumb in the eye while raping a nun?

Steve_o

Homer wrote: »

Actually happened to Snyper before.. If I remember correctly though he caught a thumb in the eye while raping a nun?

Sounds about right!!! :D

Terry

Tell people it was a simple gym accident.
They'll believe that.

faceman

Nah, said incident didnt involve Synper, although my other eye is his for the taken!

Earthhorse

I arrived in work one Monday with two massive cuts above my right eye. I told people I'd been staying in a friends at the weekend, got up to go to the loo, tripped and hit the edge of a table.

The real story was that a friend had launched a block of ice through the air which collided with my face. Figured that would sound a little unprofessional, hence the cover story.

Terry wrote: »

Tell people it was a simple gym accident.
They'll believe that.

Yes, I don't see why you can't just level with them.

Phlann

At least it's a proper, manly black eye.

I got my eyebrow pierced a few years back and this weird bruise developed which slowly ran across the top of my eye and eyelid in a yellow-green colour.

It looked like I was wearing make-up for about a week.

Nevyn

Get some arnica cream from the chemist.
Apply it in work saying ' it puts the lotion on it's skin or self it gets the bat again'.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get some arnica cream from the chemist.
Apply it in work saying ' it puts the lotion on it's skin or self it gets the bat again'.

This, boys and girls, is why AH needs a thanks button.

ejmaztec

Half-man, half-panda - get some bamboo shoots. :P

AckwelFoley

Pighead wrote: »

Don't suppose you bumped into snyper yesterday?
If so, you could say you walked into a bore.

You sir are ear marked for anal bleeding.

Id carry a pack of tissues and a blood clotting agent at all times if i were you.

Mind you, if i were you.. id probably be used to it.

thefinalstage

snyper wrote: »

You sir are ear marked for anal bleeding.

Id carry a pack of tissues and a blood clotting agent at all times if i were you.

Mind you, if i were you.. id probably be used to it.

Your saying Pig Head isn't a virgin?

orestes

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get some arnica cream from the chemist.
Apply it in work saying ' it puts the lotion on it's skin or self it gets the bat again'.

Genius

Dord

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get some arnica cream from the chemist.
Apply it in work saying ' it puts the lotion on it's skin or self it gets the bat again'.

I was just going to recommend that actually. I had a black eye last year after an eye operation and used this stuff, it works great.

MagicMarker

Tell them you got pie in it. My doctor says i'm not supposed to get pie in my eye.

Either that or say a fair lady was sitting on your face while her lesbian lover was pounding her from behind with a big giant strap on and it accidentally slipped and caught you off guard.

LadyE

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tell them you got pie in it. My doctor says i'm not supposed to get pie in my eye.

Either that or say a fair lady was sitting on your face while her lesbian lover was pounding her from behind with a big giant strap on and it accidentally slipped and caught you off guard.

I'd go with this idea tbh.

Also, the arnica..its fricken brilliant

faceman

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tell them you got pie in it. My doctor says i'm not supposed to get pie in my eye.

Either that or say a fair lady was sitting on your face while her lesbian lover was pounding her from behind with a big giant strap on and it accidentally slipped and caught you off guard.

Genius!

incidentally my eye has gone yellow and purple. Im ridiculously handsome at the moment.

Defenestrate

faceman wrote: »

Genius!

incidentally my eye has gone yellow and purple. Im ridiculously handsome at the moment.

In that case, make up the other eye to be the same and tell everyone in work that it's 80's retro in honour of your hero, David Bowie.