Quickies

rocky25

A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.

One day she decides to try some reverse psychology.

When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting for him in her best lingerie.

She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.

“It so getting late, big boy!” she says after a few minutes.

“Why don to we go upstairs to bed”?

“We might as well”, slurs the husband.

“I me going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot.

The parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like,

“He has a card up his sleeve” or “He has a dove in his pocket.”

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat.

For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other.

Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said,

“Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt.

Then they stop to rest.

Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.

“Buffalo come,” Tonto says.

“How do you know that?” asks the Lone Ranger.

“Ear sticky.”