Awkward Issue

Bonzodog

We have a 5 year old daughter of "Above average Intelligence", who is learning about the world at a pace that me or her mother can barely keep up with. She is extremely inquisitive about everything, and seems to understand everything that you tell her, without the need for simplification. She is also very forthright in her opinions, and will quite happily tell you her own mind in a very adult way.

Recently, she somehow realised that her mother had periods, and asked what it was, and why. Her mother sat her down, and gave her the basic "Facts of Life" talk( I was not there when this happened), and included things like how babies are made(basically), why girls bleed every month, etc.

A couple of nights ago, we caught her absent mindedly playing with herself at an inappropriate time. Her mother asked what she was doing and was told that she gets these "funny itches" down there and cant help herself. She has been doing this quite frequently and we are not sure if she is aware what she is doing, and do not know how to approach this subject with her. Our parental instinct tells us not to discourage it, but to help her learn what she is doing. How do we approach this?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Bonzodog wrote: »

We have a 5 year old daughter of "Above average Intelligence", who is learning about the world at a pace that me or her mother can barely keep up with. She is extremely inquisitive about everything, and seems to understand everything that you tell her, without the need for simplification. She is also very forthright in her opinions, and will quite happily tell you her own mind in a very adult way.

Recently, she somehow realised that her mother had periods, and asked what it was, and why. Her mother sat her down, and gave her the basic "Facts of Life" talk( I was not there when this happened), and included things like how babies are made(basically), why girls bleed every month, etc.

A couple of nights ago, we caught her absent mindedly playing with herself at an inappropriate time. Her mother asked what she was doing and was told that she gets these "funny itches" down there and cant help herself. She has been doing this quite frequently and we are not sure if she is aware what she is doing, and do not know how to approach this subject with her. Our parental instinct tells us not to discourage it, but to help her learn what she is doing. How do we approach this?

1) It's normal for kids to do this - probably not at your daugter's age, but you DID say she was advanced.

2) Tell her that doing it is one thing, doing it at inappropriate times (i.e. in company) is considered bad manners.

SarahMc

Totally, totally normal, just tell her this is private, and should be done in private.

lostinnappies

Bonzodog wrote: »

We have a 5 year old daughter of "Above average Intelligence", who is learning about the world at a pace that me or her mother can barely keep up with. She is extremely inquisitive about everything, and seems to understand everything that you tell her, without the need for simplification. She is also very forthright in her opinions, and will quite happily tell you her own mind in a very adult way.

Recently, she somehow realised that her mother had periods, and asked what it was, and why. Her mother sat her down, and gave her the basic "Facts of Life" talk( I was not there when this happened), and included things like how babies are made(basically), why girls bleed every month, etc.

A couple of nights ago, we caught her absent mindedly playing with herself at an inappropriate time. Her mother asked what she was doing and was told that she gets these "funny itches" down there and cant help herself. She has been doing this quite frequently and we are not sure if she is aware what she is doing, and do not know how to approach this subject with her. Our parental instinct tells us not to discourage it, but to help her learn what she is doing. How do we approach this?

Although it does sound like she is very intellegent she is still just a child and if you wish to stop her from doing this you must lead by her example and tell it like it is. At the age of five no matter how intelligent she will not have developed tact and this is why she is so forthright, you must be the same.

Have you considered the possability that maybe she actuallyis itchy, has she been on antibiotics recently this can lead to thrush. If she is continuing to do this perhaps youshould have her checked.

Nevyn

All kid touch themself it is a forum of self stimulation and you just have to encourage her not to do it in public and check that it is not habit foruming.

It could well be she does it with she is bored esp if she is as bright as you say.

smelltheglove

I have a 6year old girl again very intelligent, always has been. She has been through both of these stages. Firstly the playing was at about 4. I believe that even is she is intelligent I still speak to her about issues like this as a child of her age. There are some things she should and shouldnt know. I simply put it that she shouldnt be messing there, it wasnt nice. Before anyone jumps down my throat saying it will give her a complex, it will not, this was 2 years ago, now she is old enough to understand that anything related with that area is to be discussed privately and not to be touching there unless it was for cleaning. Children are becoming sexual all to early so I do believ this behaviour should be discouraged.

On the mammy side of things, my little girl was 5, only a few months ago, when this occured. Why do you use those mammy etc etc, she was just told it was something that happens to mammies, when asked why, I told her it just means there is no baby in my belly. Anything after that the subject is changed and not returned to simply by dicussing something she's really interested in.

I hope this helps, just a little bit from someone whos been there.

Carrigart Exile

Bonzodog wrote: »

We have a 5 year old daughter of "Above average Intelligence", who is learning about the world at a pace that me or her mother can barely keep up with. She is extremely inquisitive about everything, and seems to understand everything that you tell her, without the need for simplification. She is also very forthright in her opinions, and will quite happily tell you her own mind in a very adult way.

Recently, she somehow realised that her mother had periods, and asked what it was, and why. Her mother sat her down, and gave her the basic "Facts of Life" talk( I was not there when this happened), and included things like how babies are made(basically), why girls bleed every month, etc.

A couple of nights ago, we caught her absent mindedly playing with herself at an inappropriate time. Her mother asked what she was doing and was told that she gets these "funny itches" down there and cant help herself. She has been doing this quite frequently and we are not sure if she is aware what she is doing, and do not know how to approach this subject with her. Our parental instinct tells us not to discourage it, but to help her learn what she is doing. How do we approach this?

she could just be itchy, check what soap powder you are using, biologicals can cause itching

luckat

And maybe make sure she doesn't have thrush. Sugary diets can cause that.

Cokehead Mother

smelltheglove wrote: »

I have a 6year old girl again very intelligent, always has been. She has been through both of these stages. Firstly the playing was at about 4. I believe that even is she is intelligent I still speak to her about issues like this as a child of her age. There are some things she should and shouldnt know. I simply put it that she shouldnt be messing there, it wasnt nice. Before anyone jumps down my throat saying it will give her a complex, it will not, this was 2 years ago, now she is old enough to understand that anything related with that area is to be discussed privately and not to be touching there unless it was for cleaning. Children are becoming sexual all to early so I do believ this behaviour should be discouraged.

I don't understand what could possibly be wrong with a 6 year old "playing" with herself.

I mean it's not like sex which can carry emotional weight. It's just curiousity or stimulation for pleasure. It's completely innocent.

How can you know your behaviour won't give her a complex?

nesf

Bonzodog wrote: »

She has been doing this quite frequently and we are not sure if she is aware what she is doing, and do not know how to approach this subject with her.

She almost definitely doesn't understand the connotations it would have for you or your partner, it most likely is completely innocent. It might just pass and become a thing of the past, I'd not intervene unless she starts doing it in public or with company.

smelltheglove

My behaviour? I am not a child waiting to be told off, I am giving my advice here. I know my behaviour won't give her a complex as it has been 2 years since the issue, as stated in the post it happened when she was 4. She stopped doing it and now only touches down there when cleaning and if she is complaining of soreness. This is something I have also raised with the gp in the past, i.e. the soreness, which apparently is common with children.

As for a 6 year old playing with herself, the words themselves dont sound too great do they. Thankfully as I have dealt with the issue she is not a 6 year old playing with herself. She is a completely comfortable happy child who knows exactly how to behave and what is appropriate and inappropriate.

Again in my point I said "Before anyone jumps down my throat saying it will give her a complex, it will not, this was 2 years ago, " to clarify that it is an issue dealt with.

Completely the reason I tend to stay away from this section of boards.

OP I hope the information helped you as you seem to be in a similar situation with your daughter as I was with mine!

bored and tired

please dont take this the wrong way op but another possibility on top of thrush and washing powder is it could be down to hygiene,
your daughter may be advanced and intelligent, but at 5 she is still a child who may be in a hurry to finish in the bathroom and may not be wiping herself fully, if at all at times.
Even if she had a shower every day, in the summer heat, not wiping properly once during the day could cause her to be itchy down there. try reminding her of the importance of wiping yourself, and washing hands properly.
As i said at 5 she may just be in a hurry to go back to what she was doing and not take the time in the bathroom, i know i have to remind my girl to wash her hands with soap and not just a quick flash under running water every now and again!!

Bally8

I went through the exact same thing with my child when she was about the same age and it almost drove me to distraction with worry. It wasnt down to thrush or hygiene or anything to do with that- even though she would say she was a little itchy down there. I spent months wondering if she was at herself and giving out to her if I caught her. Then I decided to just ignore it, I told her if she had to touch that area that it should only be in private and then left it at that. Now a few years on it is just a distant memory. She grew out of it pretty quickly. Dont worry OP she is totally normal.