is this guy gay?

LegacyUser

A friend recently mentioned that her boyfriend told her he had sex with male strangers in a park some years ago when he was confused about his sexuality and that it made him feel guilty and filthy, but he had done it several times.

In the end the guy said he was only joking, but didn't really make it very clear. Do you think this guy is gay? would a straight guy make this type of jokes, specially with his girfriend? (apparently, this was not the first time he had made these kind of jokes).

Thanks.

Stark

He has an odd sense of humour if he was joking.

Hmm_Messiah

sometimes when people say things,
then say they were joking, and do it on a few occasions they can be either "testing the waters" or struggling with something.

but even if this were the case, or what he said why would that make him gay? and/or why would it concern you?


if it was true I'd presume it was " when he was concerned about his sexuality"

sex with another bloke doesn't make you gay.

LegacyUser

Hmm_Messiah wrote: »

sex with another bloke doesn't make you gay.

I think this is true - that sexual behaviour needn't necessarily define sexuality - but I've always considered it far more difficult/unlikely for an entirely straight man to 'accidentally' fall into having sex with another guy than it is for a gay man to 'accidentally' fall into have sex with a gal, given that the latter is the far more common behaviour.

A lot of gay people have straight experiences at one point or another because of societal norms, acts that aren't reflective of their actual sexuality, but whilst I agree this is two way traffic, I don't know if the same 'excuse' is as readily applicable with regard to straight people having gay sex, however.

Hmm_Messiah

I was talking about there being a difference between sexual behaviour and sexuality


but we've been there so often

shewasoctober

Anon2121 wrote: »

I think this is true - that sexual behaviour needn't necessarily define sexuality - but I've always considered it far more difficult/unlikely for an entirely straight man to 'accidentally' fall into having sex with another guy than it is for a gay man to 'accidentally' fall into have sex with a gal, given that the latter is the far more common behaviour.

A lot of gay people have straight experiences at one point or another because of societal norms, acts that aren't reflective of their actual sexuality, but whilst I agree this is two way traffic, I don't know if the same 'excuse' is as readily applicable with regard to straight people having gay sex, however.

Most people are curious about both sexes. I've also watched a video that talks about studies that have shown that the average person isn't one extreme or the other, and that while people to lean towards one side, they are closer the middle than the extreme. I think the reason it is more common for a gay man to have a straight experience than a straight man to have a gay experience is based on societal views that tend to make men more insecure about experimenting with other men. However, that is more the reason why fewer straight men experiment, though there are quite a few out there. I have quite a few straight male friends who don't think twice about kisses another guy and who have had other sexual experiences with men. I also have a lot of straight male friends who wouldn't even think of it, or so they say. In the end, it's natural to be curious, straight, gay , bi, or whatever.

Rev Hellfire

Hmm_Messiah wrote: »

sex with another bloke doesn't make you gay.

Over here at straightville news flash, bloke having sex with a bloke and "done it several times" makes most certainly make you gay or at the very least bisexual (imho etc etc).

Boston

bisexuality isn't equivalent to 'just a little bit gay' mate.

carlson

In my hetero (& humble) opinion if someone had sex in a park with a stranger of the same sex I would be inclined to say they were gay or bi. Speaking as someone who is (well thinks they are) openminded I would find it very hard to have sex with someone of the same sex and think anyone who can (does) must be gay....I don't think I am phrasing this very well

Rev Hellfire

Boston wrote: »

bisexuality isn't equivalent to 'just a little bit gay' mate.

Never said it was, but if we're honest here. Most straights really don't differentiate that much between gay and bisexuals, its just same sex, enough said...

Either way serial bloke on bloke is not straight behaviour, which leaves either they are gay or they're bisexual.

shewasoctober

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

Never said it was, but if we're honest here. Most straights really don't differentiate that much between gay and bisexuals, its just same sex, enough said...

Either way serial bloke on bloke is not straight behaviour, which leaves either they are gay or they're bisexual.

Why does society feel the need to place labels on everything and everyone? We are all guilty of it. Most of guilty of trying to break these labels down to nothing as well, but does anyone truly succeed? Can it ever really be done? Don't think so. It will just result in another label.

carlson

What???!

DJ_Spider

I think the OP's friend has some seriousl issues which should be discussed with his partner. If he is gay then come clean, (sorry no pun intended!) and chose what he wants. Either way he needs to sort it out.

tin_can_ted

Just out of curiosity here but what are people considering sex here? Penetration like or oral sex or something else?

Hmm_Messiah

I use to be surprised that threads still go this way, but now it seems inevitable

that people can't see the differences between behavior and orientation, or can't see sexuality as anything other than straight, gay or a bit of both is a bit depressing.

some man having sex with another man on several occasions could mean many things, including that he is gay or bi, but not exclusively so. Not to be able to see that is not far removed from prejudice.

To get back to the original post if the man is telling the truth then he has stuff he needs to sort through, for himself, and maybe his partner depending on the commitment. If he is just joking he probably could do with reading some Woody Allen and developing some real humour.

Straight , gay , bisexual are labels of limited use, and I've found of no use in the fullest of living the human experience.

Over here at straightville news flash, bloke having sex with a bloke and "done it several times" makes most certainly make you gay or at the very least bisexual (imho etc etc).

I couldn't agree with you less, but frankly I'm glad I fail mostly to agree with your posts. People often proffering the "straight view" are most often offering only their own view-which is fine I guess.

shewasoctober

Hmm_Messiah wrote: »

I use to be surprised that threads still go this way, but now it seems inevitable

that people can't see the differences between behavior and orientation, or can't see sexuality as anything other than straight, gay or a bit of both is a bit depressing.

some man having sex with another man on several occasions could mean many things, including that he is gay or bi, but not exclusively so. Not to be able to see that is not far removed from prejudice.

To get back to the original post if the man is telling the truth then he has stuff he needs to sort through, for himself, and maybe his partner depending on the commitment. If he is just joking he probably could do with reading some Woody Allen and developing some real humour.

Straight , gay , bisexual are labels of limited use, and I've found of no use in the fullest of living the human experience.



I couldn't agree with you less, but frankly I'm glad I fail mostly to agree with your posts. People often proffering the "straight view" are most often offering only their own view-which is fine I guess.

+1

Well said.

Boston

DJ_Spider wrote: »

I think the OP's friend has some seriousl issues which should be discussed with his partner. If he is gay then come clean, (sorry no pun intended!) and chose what he wants. Either way he needs to sort it out.

How is that a pun? You post awful drivel on this forum (sorry no pun intended!).

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

Never said it was, but if we're honest here. Most straights really don't differentiate that much between gay and bisexuals, its just same sex, enough said...

Either way serial bloke on bloke is not straight behaviour, which leaves either they are gay or they're bisexual.

straight male: "I don't understand how you can like two different things at the same time, its beyond me mental capacity". Maybe that explains why women seem more open to the idea, what with their multi tasking abilities...

An inability to differentiate between two things is quiet a short coming. Bi-sexuality is distinct from homosexuality. You can't just talk about it as if one is the natural progression to the other.

carlson wrote: »

In my hetero (& humble) opinion if someone had sex in a park with a stranger of the same sex I would be inclined to say they were gay or bi. Speaking as someone who is (well thinks they are) openminded I would find it very hard to have sex with someone of the same sex and think anyone who can (does) must be gay....I don't think I am phrasing this very well

Keep in mind the guy made a joke. If every joke I made was taken out of context and picked over, people would have an even odder impression of moi.

Hmm_Messiah wrote: »

Straight , gay , bisexual are labels of limited use, and I've found of no use in the fullest of living the human experience.

Very true. Labels are to help other people relate to you somehow, often they are a necessity as such. But as something to whole onto at your core and say "I'm am this" they're at best useless and at worse extremely limiting.

Rev Hellfire

Boston wrote: »

An inability to differentiate between two things is quiet a short coming. Bi-sexuality is distinct from homosexuality. You can't just talk about it as if one is the natural progression to the other.

I fully accept that bi-sexuality is distinct as from homosexuality as it is from heterosexuality. Nor did I imply one was bridge to the other.

tbh I don't understand this rejection of 'labels', they're a function of language.
Referring to people as either straight, bi or gay is no different than using short, medium and tall when referring to people when talking about height.

If labels are such a big deal perhaps this forum should be called 'The People' forum.

shewasoctober

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

I fully accept that bi-sexuality is distinct as from homosexuality as it is from heterosexuality. Nor did I imply one was bridge to the other.

tbh I don't understand this rejection of 'labels', they're a function of language.
Referring to people as either straight, bi or gay is no different than using short, medium and tall when referring to people when talking about height.

If labels are such a big deal perhaps this forum should be called 'The People' forum.

In general, there is nothing wrong with labels. It's the stereotype and the things that come along with those labels because of society. It's more than simply sorting 'things,' it's sorting people and placing certain ideas according to society on those people. However, I'm going to stop here. I could really go deep into this since I love picking things like this apart and having philosophical conversations, but this isn't the place.

carlson

We all get labelled get over it!

From a straight point of view same sex is not straight and 'joking' to your girlfriend about picking up strangers in parks for gay sex is not funny!

If I were this guy's girlfriend I would think he had a few things to work out - and she needs to decide if she can deal with at best a bi boyfriend....and one who picks up strangers in parks for sex.

Boston

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

I fully accept that bi-sexuality is distinct as from homosexuality as it is from heterosexuality. Nor did I imply one was bridge to the other.

tbh I don't understand this rejection of 'labels', they're a function of language.
Referring to people as either straight, bi or gay is no different than using short, medium and tall when referring to people when talking about height.

If labels are such a big deal perhaps this forum should be called 'The People' forum.

The problems comes when people start to use them as a measure of a person. That is to say when people state things along the lines of "just gay" or "at least a bisexual". I have many labels including brother, son, lover, friend, bastard, Irish, engineer, ex, Dublin'er... ect. If you took them all together they will still only paint a very small picture of me. So yes I dislike the way bisexual is often used to describe me, as if that one word could convey everything about me rather then just some trivial truth. Labels are fine once you don't attach too much meaning to them since they tell you almost nothing about a person.

Fatloss08

ive a mate who i know al my life and me being 27

over the years he's told me some of the dirtiest things he's done with women , ie what he likes a woman to be into

now out with the lads he's the one who pulls women alot , he's always been a chatter so i suppose thats how anyway

recently he told me he's watched a few transexual dvds and whacked off to them a few times , at first i was like :O but then again nothing would surprise me , he said he's love to bang a transexual all be it a very femine one and not a butch one , but wouldnt let the transexual do him as it doesnt do it for him , just wants to do it once to see what its like

now take into account this guys always been a dirty bloke , a try anything once guy , what would u think he sexual preference is ???

he's not bothered about it , as he's said he's 100 % comfortable with his sexuality ie straight and isnt attracted to men in the slightest , but a transexual to him is like a women with somthing extra ( excuse the pun )

so ???????????

rainbow kirby

He's clearly trysexual, he'll try anything!

Fatloss08

thats what i thought as he's the most hethro man ud meet , all women women women , dirty sex etc

DubArk

mrl wrote: »

A friend recently mentioned that her boyfriend told her he had sex with male strangers in a park some years ago when he was confused about his sexuality and that it made him feel guilty and filthy, but he had done it several times.

In the end the guy said he was only joking, but didn't really make it very clear. Do you think this guy is gay? would a straight guy make this type of jokes, specially with his girfriend? (apparently, this was not the first time he had made these kind of jokes).

Thanks.

How the hell would we know!!?? Maybe he was only joking... and if he was'nt it's between him and his girlfriend!