What do you say to

LegacyUser

a friend who has just come out to you?

A friend came out to me a few weeks ago, and said I was only the second person he told and wasn't planning on telling many more people. I didn't know what to say, or what he wanted me to say. I ended up going with a simple, "Wonderful, fancy another pint."

Is there a better response?

After a while he started expressing concerns. Partly about telling his parents they'd never be having grandkids, and partly about being alone forever, never finding someone. All I could say was that I'd be there for him no matter what happened.

Is there more I could say. Is there something you would have wanted me to say? I'd like to get on with things like nothing happened, because nothing did happen, really. But the guy has real concerns that are weighing him down and I don't know what more I can or should be doing.

Reflector

just be a good friend. Let him know that you don't mind at all and your friendship wont change.

Boston

Seriously that was a great response. I wouldn't go down the "nothings happened" or "nothing is going to change" road since something has happened and things will definitely change. Its important to roll with the changes and always remain a friend to him.

L1011

+1 with that being a good response, going in to histrionics or asking too many questions is probably the worst one...

As goes your friend, he might want to look at some of the resources as goes the coming out to parents, etc. Outhouse would be a good place to start if he's in Dublin/surrounding areas - www.outhouse.ie

Boston

MYOB wrote: »

+1 with that being a good response, going in to histrionics or asking too many questions is probably the worst one...

I remember being asked everything about my personal life by some people when "I" first came out. That grew to be very irritating.

unreggd

Unrogerstered wrote: »

telling his parents they'd never be having grandkids, and partly about being alone forever, never finding someone.

The only person who'll keep them from him is himself

As was said, just be there

rainbow kirby

Great response tbh

DubArk

Judging by your post and reaction he's lucky he has such a good mate!
You've in many ways answered your own questions by been there for him.

tin_can_ted

When I came out to my friend he said;


"Are you serious?!"

"Yup"

"Really?"

"Yup"

"Well, I'll still whip out my cock in front of you anyway" and gave me a hug.


Best. Response. Ever. :pac:

Weidii

Just don't respond as though you've got a problem, or they've got a problem and yer grand.

superboy

hehehe that could be the best response i've ever heard!!! :D Legend

tin_can_ted

superboy wrote: »

hehehe that could be the best response i've ever heard!!! :D Legend

What is? "Wonderful. Have another pint?"

superboy

yeah the one about the beer. its great! Sorry, sometimes i ain't so clear. I have heard a lot of terrible responses. its nice to hear of one like that.

david_the_great

Boston wrote: »

Seriously that was a great response. I wouldn't go down the "nothings happened" or "nothing is going to change" road since something has happened and things will definitely change. Its important to roll with the changes and always remain a friend to him.

yeah i agree its a great response- of course everything is going to change but you are going to help out and roll with them- the worst is when people are over the top because although you might be a little camp for a while which some of us are when we first come out- we change and go back to how we were (most of the time)

i actually hate when i get stopped on a night out and it turns into a gay discussion,

the only time i dont mind is when someone says have you ever been to the george etc then i am like yeah and we might discuss the one interest we have in common or donbt as the case usually is but at least they are acknowleging you as normal- and that is just the same as saying to a rocker (e.g) have you ever been to a rock bar haha

LegacyUser

Perfect response man!

Shows that you weren't overly taken aback by it and you don't want your friendship to change.

Yes he'll face difficulties that he mightn't have if he was straight but EVERYONE faces some difficulties in their lives and as for kids etc. he's worried about new options are opening up for adoption, surrogacy etc. ...he can look into it in the future...

And if he's worried about being alone for ever I'm sure you can sympathise there- who HASN'T at some point thought they'd never again meet someone they clicked with regardless of orientation?!

He's lucky to have a mate like you!