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Afternoon Quickies

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  • 31-07-2008 2:41pm
    #1
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭


    A young minister prepares to go to bed with his bride on their wedding night.

    Upon entering the bedroom he sees her lying down on the bed.

    Ever conscious of his duties to the Lord, he exclaims,

    "Woman, don’t you know that you should be on your knees?"

    Her suprised reply:

    "Well, OK, if that’s what you want.

    But I always get hiccups when I do it that way."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    50 Things you don’t say while having sex:

    01. Is it in yet?

    02. Is that it?

    03. You have to be kidding me

    04. (phone rings) Hi? Oh, nothing special. You?

    05. Am I supposed to pay you for this?

    06. Should I call you tomorrow?

    07. Oh mama, mama!!!

    08. Oh daddy, daddy!!!

    09. You look better in the dark.

    10. Oh, this is much better than with my last boy/girlfriend.

    11. I thought it was supposed to go into the other hole

    12. Don’t tell my husband/wife

    13. You have the same bra as my mom.

    14. This sucks

    15. Could you hurry up a bit? I have to go to a meeting

    16. I hope you’re not expecting a raise

    17. I think this could help you get the job

    18. Damn, is that all you know?!

    19. Did I mention I have herpes?

    20. We have to get married now

    21. Hurry up, the game is on in a few!

    22. I’m hungry

    23. I’m thirsty

    24. zzzzzzzzzz

    25. Are you trying to be funny?

    26. Can you drop me off when you’re done?

    27. Are those real?

    28. Before I forget, I’m breaking up with you

    29. What is that smell? Is that you?

    30. You’ve never done this before?

    31. WOW! I’ve never seen boobs like that! (and then start grabbing them)

    32. Do you know what certain female spiders do after mating?

    33. You sure look like your sister

    34. Your mom’s pretty nice

    35. What did you say your name was?

    36. Do I really still have to be here in the morning?

    37. Again? I had trouble staying awake the first time!

    38. Owwww, and you had just started

    39. You’re almost as good as a 9-year-old -- and I can know!

    40. Don’t touch that!

    41. You wanna order a pizza?

    42. I think my dad is eavesdropping

    43. Smile, you’re on Naked Camera!

    44. Is there anything nice on TV?

    45. Get your hand away from there!

    46. I think the condom tore 10 mins ago

    47. I knew you had a stuffed bra!

    48. "Cover me guys, I’m going in!"

    49. TIMBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!

    50. The ceiling needs some white paint ;-)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said,

    "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."

    While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.

    The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said

    "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."

    This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis.

    With a death grip in place, she said,

    "You know, if you firmed this up,

    we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."


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